Recently there has been talk of people on the autistic spectrum lacking a form of empathy: Cognitive Empathy. Before that there was talk of people with Autism or Aspergers lacking empathy in general.
Lacking in cognitive empathy implies a person cannot read between the lines of communication. While this might be a true experience with some people on the spectrum, and this theory might help some in their journey to self-discovery and understanding, and even in connecting to others, I do not believe I lack any type of empathy of any sort.
I am not lacking. I am not lacking in anything. In my world the word lacking does not exist. In my world lack is a manifestation of judgment, for I cannot lack without being compared to a norm or a standard. I cannot lack anything without being diminished in my worth and character.
I adamantly claim I do not lack anything, and neither do you.
This world longs to classify and compartmentalize. Yet, I know I am mystery beyond classification. In this knowing I have seen what divides us, the one from the other.
At the base of all division is fear.
I recognize that in claiming my true self and having no secrets that my own actions diminish fear.
It is not as if I have a choice whether or not to be me or not to be me. Because I do not understand how to be anyone other than my whole self. I do not understand how to hide.
As hard as I try to play games, I cannot. I do not judge others for the games they play, but they judge me for not understanding their games.
Perhaps if I am lacking it is in the ability to partake in imaginary games based and founded on fear.
I want to be. I want to just be. But there is something about most of the world that always fears I am hiding something and speaking something that is not real.
They mistake me for a pawn in their own game, while at the same time claiming I know not how to play. I am both singled out and blamed without even stepping foot inside this imaginary arena.
I am simply an observer. I observe the rules and social customs of this world, most, if not all, seemingly built to hide a part of self. I observe the whispers that speak: If you are you in completion then you shall be hurt.
I am an observer that knows the risks. And despite the claims of experts, I have learned to read between the lines. I have learned to read between the lines of pretending and falsehoods and lies and manipulations. I have learned that one word is replaced for another based on fear of judgment or fear of hurting or fear of exposing. I have learned that we are sometimes so afraid of being hurt or hurting another that human communication circulates around the core of fear.
It is not that I cannot read between the lines, it is the fact that the lines are so complex and endless and twisted in a way that makes no feasible sense. It is that I get lost in the invisible lines drawn for invisible reasons.
For I speak truth. Or at least I try my best to speak from my place of truth. And if I do not, I examine in detail why I have not. There is some part of me that seems the opposite of many, wherein where others are trying desperately to hide, I am trying desperately to be seen.
For there is a falseness to this world, wherein we are taught that to show all of our cards is to be exposed and made vulnerable to the vultures. And, yes, to a degree this is true, if one believes the vultures exist. But I, as one who has stood in front of thousands naked, know that beyond the vultures circling, are the masses of bright lights that recognize their own self in truth; and that when the vultures come, even as they pluck and pierce and tear apart, they are only my own fears manifesting, teaching, and then vanishing.
With these vultures I am taught self-refinement and further returned to wholeness. With these vultures I am giving opportunity to be more of whom I was born to be.
But if one does not stand in wholeness and in truth, the vultures will not come, at least not as frequently. And if the vultures do not come then how is one refined? And if one’s soul purpose is not for that of refinement, then why are they here? These are the thoughts that circle about me.
Not that I judge the others’ way of being, only that I am filled with wonderment and awe of how one lives without striving for betterment.
I have discovered that the only way to conquer the fear inside of me is to face the fear inside of me.
As an observer, I have found many a contradiction in the ways of communication.
I have found that the more I am myself that the more I am attacked for being so. Yet it is society itself that teaches me to embrace myself. Only there exists this underlying message: Be yourself, so to speak, but don’t make me uncomfortable in your being. Be yourself, but make yourself squeeze into my guidelines.
These are the readings I find in between the lines: Be, but not in totality.
It is not that I cannot read between the lines, it is that I do not understand these lines that have been drawn, and why they have been drawn. I do not understand why there are so many rules. I do not understand why others do not speak from their deepest self, but instead choose to remain hidden and only share with a select chosen few. I do not understand what everyone is hiding from?
As observer I see that many try to cover up intention, but it is always there. And I see that many try to garb things in half-truths. They cover up their own self in false disguise. But I see truth, for I am an observer of truth.
I see through the masks and self-imposed walls. I see straight through.
Perhaps in my lacking, or inability, to partake in games, I have gained the perspective of seeing behind the illusions. Perhaps because I see beyond the illusion, I cannot partake in a game of nonexistence. Perhaps the very lines others claim to exist, the very lines they claim I cannot see, are not really there at all. Perhaps others are lacking the ability to see the illusion.
I do not understand whom or what so many are seeking protection from, other than self.
The masses make the standards for this world, proclaim the norm, and proclaim what is right. The masses proclaim I am wrong, or at minimum somehow not entirely right.
But I proclaim I am the light and the truth. I am myself in completeness.
And still this fear of my raw nakedness.
I am honest.
I carry no manipulation.
I have no want to take.
I have no intention to harm.
I continually release anger and judgment.
I mean no ill-will.
I have no need to prove my worth.
I have no need to be right.
I recognize my humanness.
I recognize my frailties.
I denounce weakness in spirit.
I pray for humility.
I pray to recognize self in others.
I state my own need for love and connection.
I forgive.
And I forgive again.
I cry on the outside.
And I love unconditionally.
In this way there is nothing I have to hide.
So I question when one is hiding. I question what is it he or she is afraid I might see?
Perhaps it is the very essence of me being real that spurs fear in another and makes him scream lacking.
For what am I lacking beyond my incapacity to be none other than self?
What if words were lost? What if we only heard thoughts? What then would we hide? Perhaps some of us are the link from here to there, from a place of hidden fear to place of unspoken truth.
Perhaps we lack nothing at all but instead carry an unyielding desire to connect. Perhaps, we, the observers of the game, are the ones sent to stop the game.
What if my way is the way of not lacking?
What if others are lacking to see me?
Perhaps I am lacking the coat of visibility, because I stand so real. Perhaps I am lacking in form and shape, because I appear so unknown.
Perhaps in accepting me in completion, others can accept a part of self. Perhaps some of us are merely mirrors to the awakening soul, sent here with our message of pureness. Sent here to remind others that in truth there exists no lacking and exists no fear.
Everyday Asperger's 
If you can propel another person to probe a standing concept, or to question a norm- then you have achieved a high purpose. It is the job of the seeker (Those who choose to seek) to break down the walls of division, to get to the core of all humanity and the sameness oh all, the human’ness of all. I think the gentle people understand you very well, and silently stand with you and feel your pain and longing to be seen for the reality that exists within. Good friend!!
Hello Alyce 🙂 Such a wonderful thought. And the image of the gentle people… these words resonate well with me. Blessings lovely artist, you!
I am not able to comment much as I admire your complexity. Not the first time when I read your words in tears & lump in my throat. Even many years between you & my daugther, so many similarities touches me deeply. You give me hope. Thank you for your extraordinary power to capture in words the “much” of living (sorry if I don’t find the right words in English). Amazing.
Your daughter is blessed to have you; I am certain your awareness and kind heart will lead her well in life. Your words are perfect and appreciated. Blessings and love and special hugs for your daughter. ❤
So many questions, one ‘Sam’. “To thine own self be true, and it follows as the night the day thou canst not then be false to any man.” And that is what you are.
Do you have a jar full of wise comments? You are like a fortune cookie of sorts. 🙂 Love, love, love that quote. Yes, indeed, to thine own self be true. I don’t think I ever understood that until recently. Blessings and light
Thank you:) I like using words to spread light, so yes, I keep a store of those that have touched me. That one’s Shakespeare, I think. Blessings and light back, Sam. I haven’t read a false word from you since I ‘found’ you.
Well that makes sense… 🙂 About the record of comments you keep. By the way… Kept hearing the word “found” you all morning.. at least I know why now. Thanks again, as always.
They float up from wherever, Sam, and usually seem to hit the mark. I don’t actually have a physical record… unless you count Twitter – that’s an invaluable resource for the apt quote:) You are so tuned in, so sensitive to all that’s going on. Your intuition radar is always on beam, even if the mind has no idea what’s going on:)
Others dont recognise thruth therefore they dont recognise you. I only ever wish for people to see how much love there is in truth. To many tiring rules and for what? They make it so damn hard dont they?
I love that you write there is so much love in truth. That is a lovely way to express truth, really lovely. Thank you
I wish I had your fearlessness, Sam. This world makes my heart very sad. The “game” can be so discouraging. Too often, I find myself hiding because I’m simply tired of playing. How do you keep your light burning so brightly?
I think you have great fearlessness. Your fearlessness presents itself differently than others; each of us is divinely gifted with our own way of being in the world, none less and none more. I do not feel fearless, I feel very much afraid and alone, but I have no choice but to trust in my higher power and my calling, for without that I do not feel life is worth living. I let go and let God, over and over and over; it is a constant struggle. I do not mean to make it look easy, by no means is it easy. If you see my light is bright, that is only because yours is to, for you would not see it if you did not have the same light. 🙂 much love.
Your reply truly brightened my day. Thank you! 😀
WOW! Absolutely love this beautiful piece of art here! There is so much truth in it, it made me clap in my hands and shout “YESSSSS! There is someone else out there who sees it too!” I would very much like to connect with you and share my own perspective of Aspergers coming from a dominantly left-brain-Asperger-perspective. I think after many years of studying myself and the world around me I finally got a model that works and your post here beautifully confirmed it more so than any other blog/video I’ve seen posted anywhere before (because you are so very honest and open)! If you are interested in that just contact me at heinrich_soeren@web.de
If you’re not interested in a longer conversation all I can say is this: Stay just as self-confident in your opinions as in this post here! Because you’re on the right path to total enlightenment!
Thank you for your wonderful comment. I don’t exchange emails at the moment; but I do welcome people to friend Samantha Craft on Facebook and we can have conversations there. Great to read such a positive note. Thanks. 🙂
I know- I get so annoyed by that consistent insistence from professionals that Aspies lack empathy…maybe some do- but all in all I feel that you expressed exactly how it is in most cases- we don’t play the games of industrial, social status america and thus are excused of no empathy…yet most of the Aspies I know have hearts of gold. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your comment. 🙂
This is a beautiful post Sam… it resonates a lot with me.
I’ve been reading through your blog. I know some people who have aspergers so I was curious to read about it. I’m finding that your descriptions describe my reality strangely well though… either I’m bordering on the spectrum, or some of the stuff you are talking about here is more normal than you think. I seem to have no problem functioning in normal life, but maybe internally I see the world in a very different way than everyone else.
You may be sensitive, gifted, spiritually-aware, etc. and perhaps see a connection in that way. 🙂 Deep-soul, etc. Thank you for your kind comment. It is much appreciated.
I have never been able to share my truth in written words of my own, now thanks to you I can share my truth trough your words.
Thank you
Thank you for your words; comments like yours encourage me to continue speaking my truth. Much light and love to you. Sam
Empathy and love are subjects I have given a lot of thought to since finding out about my ASD. I have always been very invested in the idea of unconditional love. It seems to me that to love in a conditional way, you have to be wired to pass judgment on others. You would have to be capable of manipulation and game playing. You’d have to make statements like “I would love you more, if…” and I can’t do that. It is much more black and white, all or nothing for me. If I love you, it won’t, it can’t be conditional. It is all accepting, no judgment on behavior, no trying to manipulate you to be what I want you to be. It is accepting someone exactly as they are. I don’t know that there can be greater empathy than unconditional love.
You speak of cognitive empathy and while I know what it is, I also see that it is blind spot where I’m concerned and for the reasons above. I’m pretty straight up and I don’t see games that others play. With some care, I can avoid getting caught up in the games of others and that mostly involves keeping to myself and choosing my few friends with a great deal of care. That said, I’m actually quite pleased to have this blind spot. What a waste of time it is to play games!! I have more important things to see to, like my obsessions and interests.
wonderful comment, thank you :)))
I am so happy I found you. You speak universally for those with ASD such as my brother and those without like myself. I have always been his advocate and all around big sister all his life, even around my own family since having is “disorder” in my family’s culture is shameful and something to be hidden. I try to communicate with my brother and for the most part we understand each other but he had a level of wisdom like you do and so many times I couldn’t understand. Through you I can understand more of how his mind works as he’s not so much as wordsmith like you (or talker lol) but an artist and genius in his own right.
I’m going to print this for my 9 year old daughter who is going through a process of fitting in and trying to “people please” like her mother. Also will send one to my beloved brother:)
Thank You (these words are said with all my spirit)
lovely to wake up and read your words. What a blessing you are to your loved ones. Much love and light. ❤
maybe im aspergers and never knew it.i wud be refrd to as nuerootypical yet the words u write r so honest and real,poetic,masterful,incisive,pure genius-for they describe the inner world of anyone awake,no mattter what label.the human desire to be seen,acknowledged-loved unconditionally and to love unconditionally.thank u for ur brilliance.
beautiful and thank you :))))
Bless you Sam x
you, too ❤
spot on.
It speaks to your level of growth and maturity that you’re able to love and speak to your truth so completely, AspergersGirls. I can learn much from you.
many thanks