So, I’ve been procrastinating on this post since December 2018.
I’ve analyzed why and have come up short. It’s likely that I don’t care much for self-promotion. Indeed, in the last 6+ years I can count on one hand how many times I’ve asked folks to share about my Everyday Aspergers Facebook page. (And that counts the mention here!) If you haven’t checked it out, please do.
I could blame my procrastination on the countdown to menopause, which I hope and pray arrives tomorrow, as I’ve been dealing with the complexity of endometriosis for years, including the 2018 road traveled of chocolate cysts. Don’t let the name fool you; it’s all about the blood. And now that I’ve over-shared, I will switch gears.
Recently, I’ve had a profound peace — could be hormones shifting and my lady parts semi-retiring — could not. (Oops, focus Sam!) I’d like to think it’s something to do with my faith and spirit. It’s likely a combination of coffee, getting older, and finally getting fed up with not speaking up for myself and finally understanding boundaries! That, and I do feel the presence of an angelic spirit. But that’s another story.
Not much has changed in the past years, since I started writing Everyday Aspergers. Which now has over 1.4 million hits! Well, yes, some of the reason behind the high ‘hit’ number is because there are over 500 posts! Omgosh — write much?
My point being, I still digress to a close-to-annoying degree.
That’s likely why I typically get called to interview for a job, based on my awesome resume, skills, and experience, but don’t seem to ever get the job! (In fact, I don’t even get a rejection letter — just GHOSTED.) Picture me bungee jumping off a high cliff of ‘tell us a bit about yourself,’ and swirling in rapid circles, giggling like I’m twelve, raising my voice in high pitch, fidgeting about, announcing how proud I am to have ASPERGERS, and then correcting myself: “I mean to be on the autism spectrum.”
I leave an interview feeling like I either nailed it and they absolutely LOVED me, and want to be my best friend, or convinced I terrified the living daylights out of them. It’s likely the latter. As I mentioned: I don’t ever hear back. Thank the lord for my job at ultratesting.us, where being neurodivergent is the norm! Thank my lucky stars. (< Madonna video)
Ironically, I have studied 1000s of hours of best hiring practices for my vocation, and can’t seem to keep my Aspie-ness in a bag when under distress at an interview. There must be a pill I can take. (Now picturing Violet in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and now must Google to find an image.) “. . . because Charlie she’s a nitwit.” Not to say I’m a nitwit.
Okay, alas the REAL point of this post is to tell you THE SECOND EDITION OF EVERYDAY ASPERGERS IS HERE! And it’s now available in paperback in many countries. Check out Amazon or ask your local library to see if they can order it. Look at the PRETTY cover by an autistic artist (and my friend and colleague)!
Okay … done! Although, I don’t think this is what my publisher had in mind.
On a side note, I will speak to you as if you and I are in a cafe and I’m catching you up. Sorry for the monologue and the white-haired man sitting kitty-corner to us that is blushing because I am talking too loud.
This here ^^ … that’s an image of a chocolate cyst. Funny story … after an ultrasound in early-2018, when I found out I had at least one chocolate cyst, (and had gone to ER in excruciating pain, and was curled up on couch most days for weeks) in typical Sammy-fashion, I researched with hyper-focus about the chocolate cysts and implemented some home treatments — including essential oil, strict dietary change, etc. When I returned months later for a follow up ultrasound, the technician confirmed indeed they presented (3 of them) exactly like chocolate cysts, and she explained to me in her techie-talk way. Immediately following, (literally a few steps down the hall), my OBGYN doc informs me, “The cysts are shrinking, and that doesn’t happen with chocolate cysts, so we can’t call them that anymore. They don’t shrink.” I was dumbfounded.
Surely, in some cases they can? And I’d done so much, including talking to my body, to ensure healing. Certainly, my scrunched up face demonstrated I was confused as I asked, in a high-pitched voice, that no longer suits my age: “Well, what would we call them if they weren’t shrinking?”
She responded, “Oh, definitely chocolate cysts.”
I then got that familiar feeling in my gut that means ‘NO ONE on this planet is truly an expert in anything and most of the time professionals are talking out their donkey.’ (“vulgar slang To say foolish things; to talk of nonsense. Don’t pay Jonathan any mind, Mary, he’s just talking out his ass again.”)
The next time I went back in for a check up, with said doc, she informs that my chocolate cysts are shrinking or stabilized. So I guess we are back to calling them that?
Anyhow, it reminds me of the time I head a dead front tooth when I was in my early-20s and I went to a dentist a colleague had suggested I see. It was 1992, a sunny day. The dentist’s recommendation for my dead tooth discoloring was to darken all my teeth to match!!! Yes, that’s right. And, no, I did not!
I have trouble believing this actually transpired, especially after I told my dental hygienist the story yesterday, and she said that’s the worst telling she has heard to date. Also, because decades have past with my pretty veneer tooth. (The other dentist I saw bleached all my teeth to match the new veneer. Yin and Yang. Dark and Light. Theme of my life.)
(On another side note, I found out this week I have no cavities and an unusually small mouth. And I warned the dental hygienist not to say she has a small mouth despite what her husband says, because that can be interpreted in different ways. She was appreciated and said, “We’re going to get along just fine.” I always find it to be an interesting phenomenon when I give out unsolicited advice to non-autistics about social graces.)
Needless to say, I never went back to that dentist! But the young, inexperienced (terrified) me did shake hysterically in her car afterward. The same way I shook after seeing a ‘specialist’ a few years back. That time a doctor would diagnose me with ‘a close cousin to POTS syndrome,’ (as my blood pressure acted a bit different than typical POTS but the tilt table test confirmed.)
This was after 5 ER visits wherein my pulse would go to 160 upon standing, wherein the IV would add sodium to my blood, and remedy the POTS like reaction, making me better, only to be sent home and it to come back at 160 upon standing, only for me to return and be told I must be inventing it for attention. Yes, ‘hysteria’ is still widely falsely the diagnosis for women! No wonder I have white-coat syndrome. (No one believed me about POTS as ‘it’s too rare for you to have it.’) Gosh, I despise arrogance. Okay . . . onward.
Fortunately, my then-husband Bob (now-good friend) was in the patient room with the ‘specialist’ (notice the quotes) and me, when the doc told me my diagnosis and prescribed an exact treatment plan, e.g, constricting stockings, raise bed, exercise regime, salt intake, etc.
A year later, I came back, feeling super pleased I’d followed her directions and was able to sit up for long periods of time, and return to life as normal (well atypical normal). BUT THEN she scolded me, accusing me of making it up, and saying I didn’t have POTS and didn’t have to do all that. That I wasted my money on salt pills and where did I get the idea I had POTS?
I had to phone my ex-hubby from the car to avoid a nervous breakdown; literally thought I was losing my mind, until I realized the doctor was … (Scan down for book reviews.)
So . . . I likely should write another post soon that is more about the book. I will. I think. Can’t wait to see what pops out of LV’s mouth then! Sir Brain is shaking his head in shame. (He doesn’t have ovaries.)