Day 226: Said Sadly, Sam

I cannot blog for you tonight, said sadly, Sam, as she sat upright

To avoid the mucus inside her chest, that was springing forward like a pest

Again the sound from hacking host, dislodging phlegm from coast to coast

As far as spit and spew can fall, she’s come up first in fame of hall

Coughing trophy at thy feet, blue ribbon prize for winner to tweet

Perhaps YouTube the latest sounds, the whooping bird that left the grounds

I cannot blog for you at all, said sadly, Sam, curled into ball

Tummy hurts from all the pills, low-grade fever has trumped the chills

And everywhere I turn to see, I spy a mess staring back at me

Laundry piles and dust bunnies dance, and cobwebs laugh at circumstance

I’m forced to sit, and sit and be, to soak up liquids and drown in me

Who shall pull the plug and drain, the constant woes and annoying pain

Especially the voice inside the head, that cries and barks: Go back to BED!

~ Sam Craft, 2012

Day 225: Merry Go Round Girl

A MERRY GO ROUND GIRL

A merry-go-round girl am I

On animals all shape and size

I ride them fast, and swift, and strong

To see if all my rights make wrong

I can’t do this or that, or fail

And if I fall, I’m sure to sail

Straight to the end, where line starts true

Where I am made to stand in blue

Of misery and broken dream

And power engines’ streaming wings

That flutter by and carry fast

Joy’s images in bubble vast

A place within the nectar sweet

Where clouds were naught but candy treat

Before removed with cherished youth

And hope beguiled with jagged truths

Of monsters real and panics proud

Of ivory boards that scourged and gouged

How staggered they, in daring ways

That preach to hide and never play

To tempt while striking joust of fear

And tell thee when I bleed in tear

I’m weak and blind, forgiven not

I’m injury unpardoned, fought

How dare they mold me into this

Some partner for their wretched dish

For I am rider, wild and free

With legs spread straight and hair in breeze

Upon a spirit painted old

Chipped and powdered with jester’s gold

So ride I will, with song, with rein

And laugh and laugh at silly games

*

By Samantha Craft, September 2012

Break From Blogging

Dear Readers,

Due to an acute health condition and the start of the children’s school year, I will be taking a small break from posting. I will check back in soon. Feel free to look through past posts and contact me through Facebook (link atop blog).

Best Wishes,

Sam

Day 222: The Belly of A Star

Things That Made Me Smile Today:

1. I Am the Belly of A Star

I found the original person’s name who wrote the following quote that has been circulating around social media pages; and then found the person’s promotional Facebook page. And I liked what I found. By the way, by the author’s account, NASA plagiarized his words below; that makes me feel like a kindred spirit. Not that NASA has stolen any of my work, yet. But they do do research on alien life, right? (hehe: I wrote do-do.)

“Consider that you can see less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum and hear less than 1% of the acoustic spectrum. As you read this, you are traveling at 220 km/sec across the galaxy. 90% of the cells in your body carry their own microbial DNA and are not “you.” The atoms in your body are 99.9999999999999999% empty space and none of them are the ones you were born with, but they all originated in the belly of a star. Human beings have 46 chromosomes, 2 less than the common potato. The existence of the rainbow depends on the conical photoreceptors in your eyes; to animals without cones, the rainbow does not exist. So you don’t just look at a rainbow, you create it. This is pretty amazing, especially considering that all the beautiful colors you see represent less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum.” –Sergio Toporek

File:Starsinthesky.jpg
image from Wikipedia

2. Superb Self-Awareness

I admitted to myself that my fixation to blog has turned into a fixation to prepare my son’s homeschool curriculum; and laughing at the fact, that beyond eating and sleeping, all I did today was research. I can plan a month’s worth of curriculum and lesson plans in two days. Yes, I am that good…or quirky…or driven…or crazed. You pick. I don’t care.

Excellent Source: www.learner.org

3. Happy Babies

In the little time I stopped obsessing over homeschool, I found this twin baby video someone had shared on Facebook…..oh….this is joy.  I could feasibly be one of the first 20,000 people to see what is soon to have a million plus views! I’m always the last to know! Not this time.

4. Appreciating What Happens In Between

I took two long hot showers today: one before my massage and one after. Yes!

5. Accepting my Circumstances with Grace and Gratitude

I ate out and had a not so fun reaction body-wise (yes, body is wise to not want chemicals in food). And was on the couch (researching) most of the day. But I didn’t put myself down about my lack of vigor, my fatigue and lingering pain. Instead, I rolled with the flow, and reminded myself of the source: food. And reminded myself how lucky I am to have a husband who never complains when I am on the couch, and who even cleaned the whole of the kitchen. And no, I don’t fake my fatigue to get the kitchen cleaned, but the thought has crossed my mind.

6. Knowing I AM…the ant that moves the  rubber tree plant!

I read (and cried over) a comment a reader left for me under this link on Female Traits which reminded me of why I continue to post. Why despite my fatigue, mood swings, sometimes lack of confidence, and various distractions (euphemism for fixations), I will continue to share with authenticity and high-hopes.

7. No Longer Driven to Take Photos of ME

After several months, I do not have the need to post a photo of myself! I finally figured out what I look like. Yes, I still see myself in parts, but I’ve put the parts together into a makeshift puzzle, glued the pieces together onto cardboard, and hanged a copy in my mind. I’m fairly certain I’m a bendy doll with over-sized alien eyes, elven ears, hair with its own intelligence and stubbornness, and a smile that is still searching for a home, but will always keep knocking.  Yep, that sounds about right.

8. I Have Lost the Angst

Since May I’ve had an ache in my…oh, I better delete this number, as to not depress my husband. Those of you who need to know, see  My Aching Loins.

9. Texting my Son

I pretended to be my teenage son’s girlfriend (obviously he knew I wasn’t) and sent him a text reminding him that his mom (that’s me) wanted him to get off the Xbox game system he was playing downstairs. I am upstairs, and like I mentioned, couch-bound. He texted back “??????What???????” I texted: “Poor Guy.” Then he texted, or at least I thought he texted: “Um, I’m not even close to ten.” And I thought, wow, he really is a Leo, with that witty bite. He thinks I am immature. That I act like a ten-year-old. I felt a tinge of guilt for being so quirky and odd, and was thinking of how to apologize, when I reread his text. It read: “Um, its not even close to ten.” So I’d misread the clock and his text. But my son didn’t make fun of me! At least not like when I told him I purposely got this temporary second brain tattoo just to embarrass him on our son and mother outing.

10. Rediscovering Galileo

There is some language in this one. I think my thirteen year old would like to be homeschooled at this speed and with this language. This is my competition. Oh, boy!

Remembering Galileo. Remembering my favorite song Galileo by my favorite band (in the 90’s) The Indigo Girls. Remembering I dragged my boyfriend to an Indigo Girls’ concert on a hot August day. Remembering that we squeezed our way through a sweaty thick crowd to get a better view of the band. Remembering I started to look around. Remembering there were only women. Remembering all the women were kissing super close. Remembering that my boyfriend looked at me and said, “You do know that the band members are lesbian? Right?” And me, with my eyes growing wide, asking, “Really?”

Did I mention, I’m usually the last to know?

I now bring you awesomeness….

Oh, look; it’s post 222….

Okay…so I just posted this post: Day 222: The Belly of a Star. We call it “publishing” in blog world. Right after I posted WordPress (who gives me this blog) sends me a notice, like they always do, if someone has commented on my blog or linked my post to their blog. A little orange light goes off in the upper right hand corner of my blog to notify me.

Well, I’m looking at this light and reading, and I see it’s someone named The Belly of a Star, and I’m thinking: Wow, that’s a really cool name. I wonder what their blog is like?

The truth is, I do this each and everytime that I link back to an older post of mine. Everytime I think someone else has linked to my blog. I forget it’s me!

This time, I even thought: Wow, what a coincidence that she was looking at the exact same post I was at the exact same time; and she linked to her blog, just like I did.

And then L.V. (The little voice in my head); she says that person is you CRAZY LADY. You wrote The Belly of a Star. Remember it was like two fricken seconds ago, brainless!

And I think: Wow, that’s a cool name, Belly of a Star.

I know…I know…you don’t have to tell me. I know I say Wow way too much. 🙂

Day 221: Smile

Smile.

Smile for as long as you can.

Smile like you have a little secret.

Smile with your eyes.

Smile with your lips.

Let your whole body smile an I-just-baked-you-a-cake smile.

Puff up your cheeks and curl your nose.

Add some sparkle and sunshine.

Smile through the weather and circumstance.

When another approaches, think: You are beautiful.

And hear: You are love. You are love. You are love.

Let the outside fade away.

See only light.

See a light that lives the best way light can live.

Smile.

Smile because inside you are peace and knowing.

Smile because you have released.

Smile because you are truth.

Smile at the miracles.

Smile for opportunity.

Smile and smile again.

Imagine the smile the lungs of the collective souls.

Smile so we can breathe.

~ Sam Craft, August 2012

I can now smile a full hour straight while walking in public! Can you?