Some early mornings I sit in my van in the driveway and weep deeply. Today was one of those mornings. I listened to a song over and over and let the tears fall.
I’m learning to let my emotions come. And I’m learning to take care of myself. Really take care of me. Because I am precious and lovely.
I took a Dead Sea Salt bath this morning. And I let myself be. This rebalanced me.
I experience extreme emotions, daily. Sometimes they are mine; sometimes I find out that I am experiencing something akin to what a close friend or relative is experiencing.
I’m beginning to understand, to distinguish, the difference between my own emotions and others’. I’m beginning to understand how deeply affected I am by others’ core energy and thoughts—what is their essence, their fears, their joys, their belief and experience….and then beyond that to what is their spirit, the beautiful divine.
My “feelings” take me on great adventures. Often, daily, I spend hours upon hours, as if floating on air. I feel connected to the world, and a profound inner peace. I know without doubt I am surrounded by a fleet of angels, protected, watched and bathed in unyielding love.
There has been a great shift in me the last few weeks; where in I used to be carried away with my extreme emotions, now I am a bystander. I have the ability and capacity to step outside of the experience and become the silent observer offering my inner transitioning self my unconditional support. This other me, this “higher” me, she is constantly content, at peace, and in love with herself, others and life. She isn’t weeping or flying on the air. She just is.
I’ve been “practicing” visualizing what I want in my life. It’s been fun, in that giddy-little-girl way. I keep hearing behind me somewhere, or perhaps from deep within me, to be careful what you wish for, as the universe usually unfolds to give me what my deepest desires are.
I’ve had to reel in some of my own thoughts and needs, and continually pray for the higher good of my self and others, as I have a few fanciful ideas of my own that are only for my pure pleasure.
The other day, actually last week, I wanted to see how this visualizing worked. I wanted something fun and easy. I wanted something light-hearted—something my girlfriends would giggle at.
And so I asked, jokingly, for my angels to make husky (handsome) men in flannel shirts appear all day long. For then I could imagine laughing with my friends at the sudden rugged appearance of flannel-wearing hunks. I carried my friends with me throughout the day. And wouldn’t you know it, at every turn, in the stores shopping, on the streets wheeling out garbage, in cars and trucks and busses, were men in flannels. I wondered what would have happened if I had added the word naked to my list.
The next day I asked for a butterfly, that’s all I wanted. I wanted confirmation from my angels that they hear my prayers. And so, in the dark of winter, I visualized seeing a butterfly in flight. A real butterfly. I was specific. An image wouldn’t do.
I felt inside they would produce this for me. I felt in a few days time I would see a butterfly. And I would know.
Yesterday, we took a trip to a museum. I had no idea or forethought about the exhibits presented there. Turns out there was a huge butterfly exhibit. One where you walk inside, through the humid air and greenery and flowers in bloom, and get to dance within the sweeping butterflies. So many in flight, so many colors, so beautiful. And oh so confirming. I’d like to go back and just sit in the butterfly world for hours upon hours and do nothing but watch them be.
What shall I visualize now?
I visualize your smile, your inner peace, your love, your beauty. And I so wish for you to see how gorgeously lovely you are in every feasible way, in all ways imaginable, the beauty in your richest dearest dreams, and I wish more for you to be lathered in the love of the universe, to be dipped and re-dipped in the goodness that is both you and me. To be overwhelmed with a sense of peace and a knowing you are exactly where you need to be. Bless you and the butterflies. May we all honor our season, whether in cocoon, or nearly set to flight, may we see how divinely brilliant we shine.
May you feel the sunshine on your shoulders, Dearest You!
Even in the smallest events there’s no such thing as coincidence. – Haruki Murakami