437: Things the world has tried to teach me

Things the world has tried to teach me.

1. I am odd.
2. I am not perfect.
3. I am not normal.
4. I am not enough.
5. I talk too much.
6. I don’t listen well.
7. I over-share.
8. I don’t fit in.
9. I must pretend in order to fit in.
10. I must conform to receive attention.
11. Attention is love.
12. Acceptance is love.
13. Sex is love.
14. Love is conditional.
15. Beauty on the outside is what is important.
16. Aging is to be avoided.
17. People can’t be trusted.
18. I can’t be trusted.
19. I fixate.
20. I obsess.
21. If I search hard enough, I will find a remedy for myself.
22. If I pay enough money, I will find solutions for my pain.
23. Someone who has a title is important.
24. Someone who has money is important.
25. It’s not enough to be ordinary.
26. If I am not outstanding, I shall be forgotten.
27. If I manipulate, I can have what I want.
28. If I lie, I can get what I want.
29. Material goods, money, and things are what matter.
30. Love things, more than people.
31. I don’t know what I want, but other people can show me.
32. I am flawed and in need of fixing.
33. There is a right way and a wrong way.
34. Rules are real.
35. Laws are real.
36. Time is real.
37. Follow the leader.
38. Don’t question authority.
39. Don’t ask why.
40. Follow blindly.
41. Change my thoughts.
42. Change my outlook.
43. Change my state of being.
44. Change.
45. Be something I am not.

Luckily, I flunked.

pin stepping out

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8 thoughts on “437: Things the world has tried to teach me

  1. This is the great thing about being a female aspie….we don’t follow what the world teaches us. We learn by teaching ourselves…and have great insight into cutting through the crap! Pain can come from being in a minority but what a great gift it is also! 🙂

  2. The ‘list’ that is handed to each of us upon birth…ick…so true, so exact-SO FAKE! Seriously! Who made the rules!!!! People get upset and scream, “Stop asking WHY!! Just DO it!” I can’t. I MUST know WHY! The existence of my existence, asking why. I wont do it, I wont follow the rules. Excellent lassoing of the list!

  3. Reblogged this on A Voice from the Spectrum and commented:
    This post was written by a dear friend of mine, Samantha Craft. A fellow aspie. You will find this and many other wonderful writings in her blog https://aspergersgirls.wordpress.com. I am saddened that many of us have endured the same as is written in her post. Such an uncomfortable state it is to feel forced to be anything other than your true self just to satisfy those who know almost nothing about themselves. Thank you for our beautiful writings Sam.

  4. Hi Sam, I am recently grappling with having aspergers. I am feeling alot, I too have experienced people criticizing my “oddities” wich I never even realized. Like I guess I chew gum excessively and loudly. I speak loudly in public. But I speak softly and mumble otherwise. I talk to myself. I use my hands excessively when I talk. I tell everyone everything. Everything is in my head. I need to see a doctor. “Only you” would say or do that. I am too friendly. I blow up easily. The sounds I hear as too loud are not too loud. How can I see with no light in the house. ( I hate bright lights so I use xmas lights mostly.) And repeatedly, “Are you ok?” like I am crazy. Oh and I put my finger in my mouth when I am nervous or thinking. I am too trusting with strangers. I basically felt I was an embarassment to be with. Now I don’t go anywhere with this person,( and when I decide to I will do my best to be me and stand up for myself). and I stay home even more than before which was most the time already. I am angry!! I am hopeful after finding your blog. Oh and I forget things all the time. This makes me want to be alone even more. I felt like I had to be someone else to please this person. And I literally made myself sick trying so hard to be the person this person wanted. Whats funny, is this person fell in love with my oddness when first seeing me. I was told later I looked like I was wearing my pajamas, my hair was a mess like I just got out of bed. I remember that day particularily well because I was enjoying myself, in my element. I was by myself just meandering on the street of a Farmers market, I was taking in the sunshine, the live beautiful music, all the flowers for sale and plants, art, and all the interesting people, I like to people watch.
    So I am back to being just who I am! At that time in my life I remember I decided to be myself, and if people didn’t like me that was ok, and I was hoping I’d one day meet someone who would fall in love with me just as I was. Now all I care is to find my way back to myself. I wandered so far I feel I am in a daze , a dizzy spell, a dream that I can’t wake up from. I turn round and round trying to figure out what to do next and I am just in jumbled up confusion. This is where God is my comfort because I am so lost and hurt. He comforts me. Relationships are tricky. They engulf me, but if I stay completely alone I long for people. I have alot of animosity here. I want but I don’t want. Lately my thoughts are like a whirlwind flying in my head at constant speed, continually. Thank God I sleep at night. Maybe this new information about myself is just going to be messy for a while. I am used to that, hahah, It’s always about me. I am even hard to live with to me. But I am always hopeful because I believe God loves me and cares for me and is my help and will do something good with all my chaos.

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