Thirty-Seven: 10 Myths About Females With Asperger’s Syndrome

Hello All.

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Everyday Aspergers is an unusual and powerful exploration of one woman’s marvelously lived life. Reminiscent of the best of Anne Lamott, Everyday Aspergers jumps back and forth in time through a series of interlocking vignettes that give insight and context to her lived experience as an autistic woman. The humor and light touch is disarming, because underneath light observations and quirky moments are buried deep truths about the human experience and about her own work as an autistic woman discerning how to live her best life. From learning how to make eye contact to finding ways to communicate her needs to being a dyslexic cheerleader and a fraught mother of also-autistic son, Samantha Craft gives us a marvelous spectrum of experiences. Highly recommended for everyone to read — especially those who love people who are just a little different.”~ Ned Hayes, bestselling author of The Eagle Tree

10 Myths About Females With Aspergers

1. Aspergers is Easy to Spot

Females with Aspergers are often superb actresses. They’ve either trained themselves how to behave in hopes of fitting in with others and/or they avoid social situations. Many grown women with Aspergers are able to blend into a group without notice.

2. Professionals Understand Aspergers

No two people are alike. Professionals have limited experience, if any experience, with females with Aspergers. Professionals have limited resources, limited prior instruction and education, and little support regarding the subject of Aspergers. Comorbid conditions with Aspergers are complex. Females seeking professional help are often overlooked, and sometimes belittled or misdiagnosed.

3. An Effective Diagnosis Tool Exists for Females with Aspergers

There is no blood or DNA test for Aspergers. No one knows what causes Aspergers or if Aspergers is actually a condition, and not just a way of looking at the world differently. The diagnostic tools, such as surveys, are based on male-dominant Aspergers’ traits that do not take into account how the female’s brain and the female’s role in society differs from the male experience. Diagnosis is largely based on relatives’ observations and individual case history, and is determined by professionals who often do not understand the female traits of the syndrome.

4. People with Aspergers Lack Empathy

Females with Aspergers usually have a great deal of empathy for animals, nature, and people.  A female’s (with Aspergers) specific facial features, body language, tone of voice, laughter, and word choice might result in an observer misjudging a female’s (with Aspergers) thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Women and girls with Aspergers are often deep philosophical thinkers, poets, and writers—all traits that require a sense of empathy. Females with Aspergers usually try very hard to relate another’s experience to their own experience, in hopes of gaining understanding.

5. People with Aspergers are Like a Television Character

Many individuals have learned not to compare an ethnic minority group to a character on television, because such comparison is a form of stereotyping and racism. However, people are comparing male fictional characters on television to females with Aspergers. This happens usually without intention to harm, but out of a desire to understand. People with Aspergers aren’t living in a sitcom. There is a need for a greater degree of understanding beyond observing an entertainer.

6. Aspergers is No Big Deal

People with Aspergers often face daily challenges. There is no magic pill to make an Aspergers brain think differently. People with Aspergers see the world in another way than the majority. Females with Aspergers are not different in a way that needs to be improved. They are different in a way that requires support, empathy, and understanding from the mainstream. Aspergers is a big deal. The diagnosis can bring varying degrees of grief, acceptance, depression, confusion, closure, and epiphany. Here are just a few of the conditions a female with Aspergers might experience: sensory difficulties, OCD, phobias, anxiety, fixations, intense fear, rapid-thinking, isolation, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, chronic fatigue, IBS, shame, confusion, trauma, abuse, bullying, and/or loss of relationships.

7. Aspergers Doesn’t Exist

Aspergers does exist. There is a subgroup of females all exhibiting and experiencing almost the exact same traits. If there is no Aspergers then something dynamic is happening to hundreds upon hundreds of women; this something, whatever one chooses to label the collection of traits, requires immediate evaluation, understanding, support, educational resources, and coping mechanisms.

8. There are More Males than Females with Aspergers

In regards to comparing females and males with Aspergers, just like our history textbooks, more males are in the spotlight than females. Males are typically the doctors, professionals, and researches of Aspergers—males that do not have Aspergers and who obviously aren’t females. Thousands of females with Aspergers remain undiagnosed. Hundreds of women are searching social networks and the Internet daily for answers, connection, and understanding about themselves and/or their daughters.

9. Females with Aspergers Don’t Make Good Friends

Females with Aspergers are all different. Just like everyone else, they have their quirks and idiosyncrasies.  Many females with Aspergers are known for their loyalty, honesty, hard work ethics, compassion, kindness, intelligence, empathy, creativity, and varied interests and knowledge base. Females with Aspergers, like anyone, have the capacity to make fantastic friends, coworkers, and spouses, if, and when, they are treated with respect, love, understanding, and compassion.

10. Aspergers isn’t Something that Affects My Life

More and more children are being diagnosed with Aspergers. Adult males and females are realizing they have the traits of Aspergers Syndrome. The rise in Aspergers is a financial strain on the educational system and medical system. There isn’t adequate information, support, and resources available to assist people with Aspergers and their families. There is probably someone in your local community who has Aspergers Syndrome. You can make a difference. Just share your knowledge and understanding. Pass on this list of myths or other resources.

Ten Traits of Females with Aspergers link

Taken by Sam Craft


148 thoughts on “Thirty-Seven: 10 Myths About Females With Asperger’s Syndrome

      1. I read your ten tips today and wanted to cry because you were describing me. My daughter has superheroes. Do you have a discussion site or accept contact from ordinary people like me?

    1. Oh, My. Goodness! Your blog is AWESOME! Reading this and the (non-official) checklist made my month. I can really relate. (was diagnosed two years ago) High five my sister aspie!

      1. You are very welcome. Thank you for your kind comment. 🙂 I ask if you are going to reblog the article that you do so in portion. For example 1- 5 and then link the rest to my blog. Thank you for respecting this request. Sam

    2. My son (14) just got diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome after reading your checklist for female with Asperger syndrome i can relate to it. Thanks for longest i knew i was different but did’nt quite understand why? now i do thanks

  1. I like it and will share wildly!

    You made the post very clear and easy to understand. I can hit google translate and share this with my relatives in Russia. Yes!


  2. I didn’t know some of these were misconceptions like the professionals one! Some people think that just because someone is a professional, that person would understand Asperger’s? That’s odd to me.

    I think this is a wonderful post and well done. The only thing I would question is number 3 about a diagnostic tool for Asperger’s. My son has autism. Asperger’s is about to become a “spot” on the autism spectrum and lose the separate DSM status (What do you think of that, btw?) As part of the autism spectrum, I would imagine Asperger’s to be close to my son’s high functioning autism. (in fact – I’ve been told by some health care providers that he may qualify as “Asperger’s” by the time he is 8 years old – I have no idea why this is the “magic age” and, of course, that was before the DSM revision) He actually has some physiological things that, while co-morbid, are often found in ASD, including seizures, ADHD, and physically a larger head size. I also wonder what you think of the “pruning of the neurons” theory that ASD could be a failure of the body to trim down all these brain connections as happens with NT children. Sorry to go on and on. I got a bit stuck on the diagnostic tool thing. Perhaps, it is simply not viable, cost wise, to have an MRI for an adult who is diagnosed when a psychological test could reveal the same result. Do you find Asperger’s to be simply a different way of thinking or do you believe you have physiological differences that separate you from NTs? Sorry, if that is too personal to share. I just find your writing so interesting and valuable in reference to my own child. If you don’t ask, you can’t learn. 🙂

    Btw, I added you to my blogroll. Your writing is very thought provoking!


      I found this link, that talks about studies done for brain imaging. I can’t find anything that says if Aspergers is determined by brain scans, just ASD. I guess it would be if that country/doctor/hospital considered Aspergers a form of autism. Seems to mostly be in the testing stage. There is still controversy over whether Aspergers is autism. There is so much that is still unknown. I wonder who could afford scans. How available it will be. And how many more people will be diagnosed. It frightens me a bit when scientists start scanning brains. I don’t know if that answered the questions. I think, where I’m coming from, is it’s hard to have a diagnosis tool for a condition that they’re not even sure is related to autism or not, or the cause. With the DSM status change, I don’t know how that will affect many families who count on support and aide. I’ve read that many with Aspergers would fall under a social disability, which doesn’t cover the complete syndrome. I’m not well read on the subject, just a few articles here and there. What are your thoughts? ~ 🙂 Oh, thanks for adding me to the blogroll. That’s kind of you.

  3. thank you. this was very informative. I never realized that every person presented to me with aspbergers was male until i read this. Every spokesperson. Every person i knew personally.

    I never really thought about women and how their take on this abnormality would be different.

    1. Glad that you read this and made a comment. As a female with Aspergers and the parent of 2 on the spectrum, I have been under the radar, covert, and misunderstood most of my life. I have become a great actress because I’ve studied people and copied their behaviors. I’ve studied fashion and learned how to dress and have always had a number of “go to” outfits that are conservative, classic and acceptable anywhere.I find people exhausting. I am often confused. As a result of my journey through life and trying to fit in, understand, accommodate , i’ve developed anxiety, depression, PTSD and have been the victim of abuse..
      Just because we are not standing up and yelling, doesn’t mean we’re not here and not challanged.

      1. Thank you for sharing a part of your story. I am certain there are many people who can relate to your words. Yes, our silence doesn’t make us invisible or our lives any easier. Thanks again. Sam

  4. Hi Samantha, I have been following your blog. I am a massage therapist and have worked with people in the healthcare profession for over 30 years. I really never understood much about aspergers except for how they have been portrayed on TV as usually loud and without self control. And I always had gotten the impression that they really didn’t care what people think of them hence doing and soying things that might not be considered socially acceptable. Wow was I ever surprised to find just the opposite. That it takes alot of courage to have to feel like they are so different and yet continue on in this world with such pressure to fit in. Thx for sharing. You truly are amazing!

    1. Hi Ms. Sue Short ~ Thank you. Yes, the media presents a very different picture than the experience of a typical female with Aspergers. Thanks for that super sweet comment. I’m glad you were able to gain some insights. Look forward to hearing more from you. Love Sam 🙂

  5. I have an 8 yr old daughter that is going in to see our family doctor to start the process of a Development Evaluation. I suspected a functioning PDD based on our observations, but had never heard of Aspergers until a few weeks ago. I have since read everything I can get my hands on and think it’s possible. She certainly doesn’t have a fixation that makes her sound like a little professor, but she memorizes movies word for word and has said for years that she is going to build a rocket and fly to the moon. When we ask her a question she usually answers with a line that she heard on a movie. She’s so awesome. 🙂
    Before we start this journey, do you have any advise for us? Thank you for sharing. I’m so glad that I have been able to find people like you that are shining a light and helping to make peoples lives brighter.
    Tracey 🙂

    1. 🙂 Hi Tracey ~ Wise woman to research and prepare. I’m so happy to hear you use the word “awesome” in regards to your daughter. I’m sure she is! Advice today would be it depends more on the professional than anything else. You might have to shop around until you find one that know’s his or her stuff. Many parents get the wrong diagnosis at first. Stay strong.

      Thanks for your comment. I needed your words today. The blog I posted for day 44 was very hard to do. Your mention of “shining light” helps much. Wishing you the best ~ Sam 🙂

      1. You are very welcome, Sam. I’m on overload, as I’m not good at writing for 10 1/2 hours. LOL! But I can’t seem to remember all the important information unless I make notes, and I have lots of them now. I have since had my own question answered as I read through a lot of your blog. The links have been very helpful. Thank you again for being a great advocate of Autism Spectrum Disorders! 🙂
        Tracey 🙂
        Ps. I notice that almost every time you type your name at the end of your reply that you put a happy face. Very cool. That is one of my favorite things to do. 🙂

  6. thanks for the post,any good information is welcome right now,my daughter was just diagnosed a few weeks ago and I’m looking for good sources, what better than someone loke yourself, I hope your well and thanks once again.

    1. I hope you find this blog resourceful. Ask questions anytime. It’s quirky, but it’s truthful and (I think) intelligible enough. lol.

      Feel free to join our Facebook support group, as well. It’s small right now, and filled with kind people. Good luck on your journey. I’ve been there, a decade ago, when searching out info. for my son. Thanks for the well wishes. ~ Sam 🙂

  7. Sam,
    Mahalo (thank you) for writing this. I love it!!!

    I found you through FB. I will be sharing it and adding you to my blog roll. I hope this post goes viral. It deserves to do so!

    I have a sixteen year old daughter with Asperger’s and she was not diagnosed until age ten despite having multiple sensory sensitivities, years of being misunderstood and asking me why she was different, and two parents in the medical profession.

    She saw her first psychologist at age six and endeared multiple misdiagnoses before I took her for a three day evalution process with a female neuropsychologist who finally diagnosed her. She also experienced severe bullying a year after the diagnosis and this created more problems.

    She was doing better and then last spring an intolerant English teacher failed to understand why she could not do a writing assignment from a “typical” teenager’s point of view, and this created more problems for her. She convinced the teacher to let her write about the bullying instead, but this became too much for her because a girl related to the bullying was in one of her other classes and kept talking about how wonderful the other bullies are. This girl had also started hanging out with my daughter’s friends during free periods.

    My daughter is now doing virtual schooling and continues to have contact with her three closest friends who have supported her through all of this. She blogged about her experiences for months last summer at From Inside the Heart, but she has decided that she has said enough about it and is no longer blogging. I am continuing to try to change our world to a more accepting place with more understanding of the long-term effects of bullying, especially as it relates to special needs.

    1. LOL – At first I thought you were a spammer selling google add ons, because the first two comments I opened said the same thing. Now I find the meat of the info. lol 🙂 Thanks for the positive comment. Glad you found your way here. My son had multiple misdiagnoses as well. Sorry it took the professionals so long to figure it out. Glad you stuck with it. You sound like a fantastic and supportive Mom! Wow. Your daughter sounds amazing, as well. My son does much better having most of his schooling at home. Thank you so much for commenting and leaving a piece of your story here. Hope to hear from you again. Wonderful aspirations you have. I’m sure you are already making a difference for the better. Keep in touch. ~ 🙂 Sam

      1. Yes, I can see where I sounded that way. lol. I meant every word.
        Gladly will post link and only share short part of post. Thanks again and thanks for your kind comments too!

  8. Just saw your copyright comment. Is it okay to share this post? If not let me know! Also, you can remove the share feature on your blog if you do not want your posts shared. It is not full proof, but it might help.

    1. How do I add Goggle plus? What is the share button? Oh no, confusion. 🙂 Seriously, I don’t know. I’ll try to look into it.

      Yes. You may share. Just please put in quotes and add my name and a link. Thanks. I’ll go read your other comment and write more there. ~ Sam

  9. YES, Women can have Aspergers!!! One of my longest, dearest, and most cherished girlfriends has Aspergers! My hope is that when people are given/come across something they don’t understand-they seek information to deepen their own learnings. Your posts are a wonderful and insightful source of information, comfort, and insight!
    We all have choices -ignorance should not be one of them…. I prefer to be part of a solution-not part of a problem & Knowledge is power!
    Thanks for sharing-your words are your gift!

    1. Love your words: “We all have choices -ignorance should not be one of them…. I prefer to be part of a solution-not part of a problem & Knowledge is power!” Thank you. What a beautiful comment about your friend. Thanks you for your sweet words. Luv, Sam 🙂

  10. THIS. I especially liked point 8, although it did bring back bad memories of my visit to an incompetent neuropsychologist. I am building up an arsenal of quotes and sites to show my family (who have been skeptical about me having AS ever since the neuropsych incident), and I have added this page to my collection. Thanks!!!!!

  11. As a mother to a girl with ASD, it didn’t occur to me that I might have Aspergers until I was doing research for my daughter. I’m 27 years old and only just started to understand myself under Aspergers, though I still carry a diagnosis of “Bipolar Disorder with psychotic features”. My mom tells me that my daughter and I have a lot in common regarding behavior at a young age. I am one of those women who scours the internet looking for answers. Was Aspergers and ASD really that hard to diagnosis 30 years ago, or was it because we were poor and we rarely went to the doctors at all? it’s hard to say, but I want to thank you for this. You are not only giving a voice to those with a diagnosis but to those who still search for an answer to why they are always the “odd man out” in social situations.

    1. Me, too, not until I researched about my son’s condition. And then, I didn’t make the connection until years later, as boys manifest the syndrome a bit differently than girls. That’s nice that your mom can validate your past for you. Your daughter is lucky in the sense you can understand her and her view of the world. I think many of us score the Internet for answers. People did understand Aspergers 30 years ago; many professionals still do not. Thank you for your kind words. ~ Sam 🙂

  12. Thank You So much for this. As I have been researching for my son I have been wondering about myself, I was ruling it out because of my ability to adapt. I will get myself evaluated now. Very helpful Thank You.

  13. This is really interesting. My 20 yr old daughter has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. While some Aspy characteristics struck a chord many did not. The therapist is said to be an expert on girls with autism spectrum conditions so I guess she knows her stuff. The biggest difficulty for me in believing it is that my daughter never had any signs in early childhood. No developmental or emotional flags as far as I can remember. Is it possible to have Aspergers and not show any signs in the first years of life?

    1. Some experts have said that Aspergers presents itself much more after puberty, which was the case with me. Females tend to not show the traits until teenage year, as there intense imagination and introspection is seen as a common childhood trait. 🙂 So yes, very possible.

  14. This blog means so much to me. All my life I have felt like an alien, have done my best but can only really relate to a very few people. Except when I am working with others on a joint project, then I feel closer to them. As a child I annoyed everyone with the repetitive rituals I had which somehow made me feel safe. My IQ tested very high, but I didn’t pick up how to behave with people. I was slow and clumsy, people thought I was lazy and couldn’t be bothered to put any effort into practical things. Adults and other children mocked, criticised, bullied and made fun of me. A few years ago, one of my friends who works with children with learning disabilities pointed out that I have obvious dyspraxia so should not blame myself for clumsiness. I mentioned this to another friend, and she said “OMG you mean you didn’t know?” After discussing things with both these friends I have concluded that I tick all the boxes for Aspergers. I certainly score very high on all the tests. I don’t know whether it is liberating or not to learn this so far on in life – I am 68. Perhaps it is. I just wish that people had known about Aspergers when I was in my teens and 20s. I had alarming mood swings and was constantly overwhelmed by everything around me. No point in going to my doctor now and saying I think I have Aspergers. My life functions reasonably well, so it would be a waste of everyone’s time. I’m fairly ok provided I can spend most of my time alone except for my lovely dog. I do care about others, I help people where I can and do voluntary work, but I need so much personal space just to survive. I won’t ramble on any further, but thanks for reading, and do you know of anyone else who reached this age and self-diagnosed?

    1. Oh…I am so happy you have found some answers. I have heard from women in their 50s finding out, but not at your age. What a challenge you have gone through. We have a wonderful support group on facebook, link atop blog, if you are interested. I soooo understand about what you mean….all these behaviors and actions, and not knowing why. I just figured out the dyspraxia piece for myself this year. Always thought I was clumsy! Dyslexia, too, and a lot of other comorbid conditions. THANK YOU so much for sharing a part of your story. My heart is so very happy when other truly like-minded souls connect. And I have not met one person with Aspergers whom I did not adore….the attributes we share of truth, love and intelligence are truly a gift. Much love to you and hope to hear from you again. Sam 🙂

  15. I love this post, I’ve read it before and I remember sharing it on my fb page. I can’t believe I forgot to comment on it. What a wally I am! 😉
    You KNOW I relate!!!
    Gonna share it again, it’s so worth sharing.
    Love you loads. xxx 🙂 ❤

  16. I’m working on putting together a binder about Asperger’s for my church and, since I am a female with AS, am including information about females with AS. Would you mind if I included this and you list of ten traits of females with AS?

    1. Would it be okay if I modified the first sentence to ‘This is for use by members and clergy of (church name here) only.’?

  17. Your blog is absolutely wonderful. Thanks. It is as if you are writing about me. I can also relate to that particular sitcom character though 🙂

    I am 44, and have spent most of my life (until now at least) on trying to fit in and be like the others. I’ve always had the sense of being a bit out of tune. Now, having realised that I will never be in tune, I feel liberated but also very scared. Liberated because I can spend my resources in a more productive way. And scared because there may be extreme isolation down the road.

    I am very happy I found your blog, in my own country most stuff about Aspergers is about being diagnosed and (not) getting help from the municipality. I may be different, but I am not a victim!

    1. Very glad you found your way here. And thank you so much for sharing. At times I can relate to sitcom characters as well. We are all different, all unique, and all special. I wish you much luck on your journey. 🙂

    2. Ok… I gotta know… I’m kinda out of the sitcom loop, which character are we talking about here? X-) I would like to check out this particular character for myself. 🙂

      Although I have found a fictional character that, if I was paranoid, I would think that the show’s writers had been following me around, taking extensive notes, and writing every detail of my personality… the good, the bad, and the ugly… directly into the character. The reason I started watching the show to begin with was that people were comparing me to this character. X-) Unfortunately, it’s a male character, but it’s so accurate that it’s freaky… the character is Daniel Jackson from Stargate SG-1 as portrayed by Michael Shanks. I’ve tried to do a little online research and see if I could find who or what this character was based on, and I can’t seem to come up with anything, but I swear he was written directly after a female Aspie. But honestly, I find it to be a very positive example of Asperger’s and I’m totally cool with being associated with him. 🙂

  18. your list: “Here are just a few of the conditions a female with Aspergers might experience: sensory difficulties, OCD, phobias, anxiety, fixations, intense fear, rapid-thinking, isolation, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, chronic fatigue, IBS, shame, confusion, trauma, abuse, bullying, and/or loss of relationships.” basically defined me. i was also glad to here its controversial to define aspergers as an autistic specrum disorder. thank you for your well written posts, i feel less alone and worthless!

  19. Wow so glad I dont feel so alone now too. Can anyone answer me – do Aspies women become obsessional about the new start of a relationship, or when it isnt going right, or they fancy some one they cant have etc. Iam going through these emotions just now & its simply awful.

  20. I am a 21 year old female with Asperger’s, I often feel that if I was to say or express my thoughts more people would judge me. I wonder if I should let my parents sign me up for therapy since I will start looking for an internship/job soon since I am a junior in college. I also have a whole host of other medical issues.

  21. Thank you for writing this.I’m a 17 year old girl with aspergers and so many people think they can figure me out.

  22. I have a daughter who will be 4 in a few months, and she is on the wait list to be assessed here in Canada. In the last 36 hours I have suddenly realized through researching that I most likely have it too. A lot of the symptoms you describe are me, and I have never understood. It gives me a sort of comfort to know there are others out there.. I didn’t know these things were symptoms, I just thought I was weird. Thank you for your blog, I am over 30 and you have given me some insight into myself.

  23. Fantastic! I’d seen your blog before and always wanted to come back to it. You are so articulate and have such amazing energy – thank you for what you are doing here!

  24. Thanks for all your posts. They are extremely insightful and well written. As a mother of 2 small children, my son was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism at just under 3 yrs old. 2 weeks later, I gave birth to my daughter and 2 months after that I, with shock, suddenly saw myself in all the information I was reading about women on the spectrum after all my adult life trying to get to grips with my anxiety and friendship difficulties. However, 2 years on and still fighting to be taken seriously (I am peer recognised and was believed by an OT who gave me insight into mine and my son’s sensory difficulties), I find myself withdrawing from everyone around me. I was upfront from the beginning as I was so sure I’d be believed but one expert later and his view is I’m ‘sometimes autistic’ and amongst the mums I have associated with and the parents of autistic children I now feel like I’m viewed as having Munchausens and the disinterest and lack of support is overwhelming. So very tired of fighting.

      1. I’d love to if that’s ok. I’d also like to print off some of your information if I can too in order to approach another GP.

  25. Thank you for the information provided .
    I have 2 boys 22 aspergers a 9 yr old with Asd diagnosis. ( hf) he is the light of my life and keeps me going .
    All of what u have wrote explains me !!! I also have a daughter who is 27 with major emotional / behaviour problem .
    I have experienced what I’d call a breakdown since Xmas and about to see a psychologist / physiatrist .
    I feel much relief reading what I’ve wrote and would like to take it toy doctors to help explain me .

    1. I am so, so joy-filled that you have found something to provide relief. I do understand that, when you finally make the connection to the why of your life. Keep me posted, if you want; I would love to know how you are doing. Take care. 🙂 Sam

  26. So glad I saw this. I’ve been struggling with myself and came to a spiritual understanding—-obviously finding this, religious references aside, was not a coincidence.

    My doctor thinks he’s Jesus Christ. I’m ready to crucify him in court if he’s not willing to reevaluate me.

  27. I really can’t believe this! Here I am, a young teenage girl, a social nonconformist and analyzer, and I am sitting here with tears just rolling down my cheeks! I can relate to every one of your posts and I thought that there was something wrong with me. They bring back horrid memories of starting secondary school, and ones to this day. It has brought such personal understanding, closure and validation for me! It just feels so lovely not feel alone in my personal battles anymore knowing there are other women who think just like me ❤ I really can't thank you enough.

  28. By the way, I like the Eagle picture. I also enjoy nature photography and wild landscape.

  29. Thank you for your blog, my daughter has always struggled and we didn’t know why. When my grandson started exhibiting signs of Aspergers I kept noticing subtile similarities, but where he was aggressive, she was passive. Where he acted out, she became secluded. It all fits now. She is 28 and suffers greatly, I have sent her your blog in hopes that it helps her. Thank you.

      1. You are very welcome and Thank you. I love my children/grandchildren no matter the challenges. Actually saw a bit of myself in some of this. Explains a lot!

  30. Great article. I’m 30 and was just recently diagnosed with AS. I do think the reason it took so long to know what I had is because both the doctors and I didn’t think much of the possibility of me having AS because I am a female and I am not your “typical” male Aspie. The only reason I came to think I may have AS is because I read a book about a girl with the condition and the whole time I was reading it I kept thinking “wow, she’s just like me!”. That led me to research female AS and find that I fit the descriptions almost to a T.

  31. Hi
    I was diagnosed with Asperger’s only in January 2013, so I am still only finding out more about my condition. I am glad of this as I always knew that I thought differently to the rest of society, but I did not know why. I find your writing far more helpful than any text i have read in helping me to understand Asperger’s;, but still feel very alone in the world, as I feel I am like an outside observer analysing others and adjusting my responses appropriately.. I would appreciate feedback on this as sometimes I just feel so alone in this world, looking on and it would help me if I know that this is normal for someone with Asperger’s to feel like this.or if i need to seek some kind of help for this, Thank you 🙂

    1. If you haven’t already, please friend me on facebook. Easier to talk there. Look under author information listed on left of the blog. Your concern is a common one. And a hard one, too. Thank you for commenting and I wish you the best. 🙂 I often feel isolated and alone, even when surrounded by people who love me. hugs

  32. my girlfriend has AS and I’m her first boyfriend ever. this helped me a tremendous amount and i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. my girlfriend is the sweetest and most beautiful person i have ever met and she deserves my empathy and patience. thank you

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  34. Such a fantastic summary – I feel so invisible sometimes. I hope more and more people read this and understand that people around them might be struggling with this.

  35. Wow, this is great! I see myself reflected in this and in some of the comments. I’ve always felt misunderstood…now I know why, after many years.

    Two parts resonated with me in particular…the part about how Asperger’s can affect a person’s self-esteem/being bullied, and how sometimes female Aspies or those of us on the spectrum learn coping skills to fit in and how we avoid social situations.

    I grew up in an environment where verbal/emotional abuse happened often. My feelings were belittled and invalidated, my needs were sometimes dismissed as unimportant. I believe that my sense of being alone and misunderstood was worsened by AS. Sometimes it seems like NTs have more aggressive coping skills, but I don’t want to generalize.

    Sorry if this was mentioned already, but what about grooming/hygiene/beauty? I know that it varies from woman to woman but I’ve heard quite a few other ladies with AS say that they had issues with looking “unkempt” growing up. That was true in my case. I was and still am very feminine, but I struggle a lot with things like making my hair look nice and making sure I look presentable. I bathe often and wear makeup but I’m aware that certain other women (most of whom are neurotypical) seem to judge me for not doing it “right”. I was frequently scolded growing up for having my hair out of place and saying/doing the “wrong” things and wearing clothes that weren’t stylish.

    Also, what about dyscalculia? I was diagnosed with it a few years ago and I’ve been told that sometimes it affects people with AS and those on the spectrum at a fairly high rate. I’ve always loved to read and I enjoy art, science, etc…but numbers/math is a severe problem.

    1. 🙂 yes, hygiene issues are very very common. I didn’t realize about ‘normal’ things until I was a teenager and kids made fun of me– my hair, my teeth, my clothes, etc. Now i blend in but definitely don’t keep up with fashion and such. dyscalculia.. I am uncertain about that. best wishes

    1. Oh, that is a serious myth. I’ve come across a group of people with Aspergers who feel empathy so intensely that it physically hurts (we named ourselves “Squishy Aspies” because we can be emotionally delicate. Genuine empathy for specific issues is learned – I don’t know what it feels like to lose a parent, so I can’t truly understand what that specifically feels like, but when I am around someone who is sad I feel their sadness and almost take it on myself. There are many with AS who do struggle with empathy, but there is a group on the other end of the extreme and AS is, if nothing else, a condition of extremes.

      1. I am an adult female with AS, and I can both empathize & sympathize with what you are saying.

    2. Unless you can provide accurate, timely information, all you have is an opinion. Do you have such information? If so, please provide links. Maybe there is some inaccurate junk passing for truth that needs attention, like Google & the algorithm issue regarding searches for Asperger’s and apathy among others.

  36. Another very good article on your blog (I re-read it). There is a mistaken view that anyone with Asperger’s must be less affected than those with other forms of autism (i.e. “classic” autism). I can tell you that as a woman with AS that I am quite severely affected by certain everyday sounds. I cannot work due to this (but could if work only was available from the quiet and predictability of my bedroom). The distinguishing line is intellectual capability, not severity of sensory or communication difficulties.

  37. I have a question, there is the guy that I know that works with a female co-worker, who is very loud, talkative, blurts out inappropriate words example shouting “I want to have a baby” and fixates on a friend of mine. She scares him, and he does have AS. He told me he is thinking of quitting (he has another job that pays more money) and she likes to shout his name. Like she fixates on him, used to be a whole lot, now it is kind of sporadic. Josh, Josh, There’s Josh (Josh is like 35 feet away from her) One day she totally ignores him the other day she talks to him or does inappropriate things like hold her head on his shoulder. He says she was crying over doing household chores like twice (breakdown, maybe?) The big problem is he has to work with her. She is so obsessive with texting on her phone. Me and Josh have no idea who she is texting. She is sometimes alone, or with a group of two. She always looks at him when he is nearby and doesn’t say anything.

    At times she tries to be the life of the party. Can’t seem to be quiet.

    He also says she is missing some back teeth, he took a glance once at her talking and made that observation.

    My question to you is does she have Aspergers? Because I can draw some parallels to the traits, but not all of them. Or is it a Personality Disorder, or Bi Polar?

    What can he do? He feels sorry for her, but at the same time doesn’t want to look like an idiot by saying or doing the wrong thing.

    Should he calmly approach her when she has another meltdown, ignore her (that would mean he would have to quit). I am about to slap him because he gave her his number, good thing is she hasn’t called, yet.

    What should he do in this situation?
    How can he help this person, without wrecking his life in the process?

    1. I have no idea. I don’t know the person, and even if I did, I wouldn’t diagnosis her. If this was happening to me I would do what I try to do with everyone and be gentle, kind and honest. I would set boundaries with the person and tell her that I am upset. I would try not to gossip or complain, but go directly to the source. If that didn’t work I would go to management, if it felt like harassment. It comes down to how it makes him feel and how it affects his workplace. Sometimes the best approach is speaking your truth and being kind. I hope he finds some answers. Best wishes.

  38. Well one number is that reason that why we don’t hear about females often.
    I guess they learn social skills quickly.

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