Aspergers

Day 85: You’ve Got a Friend in Me!

| Aspergers Girls
Photo found at http://endeavortodiscover.com/scienceportal.html

My friend that I have known for almost twenty years visited me this weekend from out-of-town. Here is a list of some of the things I learned about proper etiquette during our weekend together.

You’ve Got a Friend in Me

1. Don’t take your vegan friend to dinner at a seafood and steakhouse restaurant, even if the place has a very nice water view.

2. Don’t forget to put a hand towel in the guest bathroom for hand drying.

3. Don’t forget to buy a box of Kleenex, so you don’t have to hand your friend a roll of toilet paper when she is crying.

4. Don’t give your friend unsolicited advice about her relationship with her siblings, especially if you are an only child.

5. Don’t interrupt your friend in the middle of her serious talk by leaning across the dinner table, tugging gently on her long blonde hair, and saying, “You have such pretty hair! You look like Rapunzel.”

6. Don’t accept a wrapped present from your friend, examine the shape of the gift, and before unwrapping, proudly ask, “Is this a framed photo?”

7. Don’t interrupt your friend in the middle of a joke with the punch line, even if you are super excited that you figured out the end.

8. Don’t tell your friend that the guest bedroom gives you the creeps a little bit; she might have trouble sleeping in there.

9. Don’t tell your friend that the previous owner of the house you live in filled the guest bedroom with wall-to-wall china dolls, because your friend might insist you sleep in the guest room with her.

10. Don’t tell your friend you’ll sleep in the same bedroom as her to make her feel safe and then quietly tiptoe out when she falls asleep.

11. Don’t tell your friend your son sees the ghost of your dog in the guest bedroom and that you think it might be a portal to another universe; because your friend will opt to sleep on the couch, despite the new pillow and new sheets you bought for the guest bed.

12. Don’t lean in real close and ask your friend if she can see the small zit you feel growing on the tip of your nose.

13. Don’t read ten posts of your blog in a row at midnight to your friend, even if she is laughing hysterically.

14. Don’t ask your friend if she could please listen to one more blog post, after she has yawned and said she is falling asleep.

15. Don’t show videos that you posted on your blog as an alternative to reading more posts, your friend will become more tired and her eyes will begin to shut.

~ Love you “L.” You’ve got a friend in me!

 

 

Artist:Randy Newman & Lyle Lovett
Movie:Toy story

You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
When the road looks rough ahead
And you’re miles and miles
From your nice warm bed
Just remember what your old pal said
Boy, you’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got troubles, well I’ve got ’em too
There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you
We stick together and we see it through

You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me

Some other folks might be
A little bit smarter than I am
Bigger and stronger too
Maybe
But none of them will ever love you the way I do
It’s me and you
And as the years go by
Boys, our friendship will never die
You’re gonna see
It’s our destiny
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me
You’ve got a friend in me

Day 84: The Best Mirror

| Aspergers Girls

My good buddy is visiting for the weekend. She gave me a photograph of her and I in her swimming pool over the summer in California. In the photo, we are close together with our arms supporting one another. The caption reads:

The Best Mirror is an Old Friend.

Her gift reminded me of the true gift of friendship, beyond the giggles and tears, and pure joy of spending time together, I am learning about myself and my journey through my friend—a reflection of me.

I was also reminded of my favorite poem by Dale Wimbrow.

THE MAN IN THE GLASS

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself
And see what THAT man has to say
For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass
Some people might think you’re a straight-shootin’ chum
And call you a wonderful guy
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye
He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest
For he’s with you clear to the end
And you’ve passed you most dangerous test
If the guy in the glass is your friend
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

Written by Dale Wimbrow 1895-1954

Day 83: Blister Sister (Part Two)

| Aspergers Girls

 

Blister Sister (Part Two)

Ben stood up straight, his ears crimson, his voice hoarse. “Damn it! How dare you say that in front of a child! What are you thinking?  Are you an idiot? What the hell is wrong with you?”

Now, although I was completely mortified and feeling the strong urge, despite my stomach cramping, to crawl under the hospital bed and never come out, I have to say, Ben impressed me.  Not in the way a parent impresses you by throwing you a birthday party and inviting all of your friends over to stay the night, nor in the way a child feels proud when a parent attends the school’s career day and knocks the socks or your classmates.  No, it wasn’t the type of impressive behavior that summons thoughts of coolness and grandiosity.  Ben’s behavior more so brought images of a fearsome bear standing on her hind legs with claws erected to protect her cub.  It was a scary image, quite terrifying actually—though none could deny that somewhere deep inside the man who was set upon a blind-rampage, huffing and puffing away at every hospital staff member within his path, that there was at least somewhere hidden a jewel of compassion.

It didn’t take long for Ben to pack up my things, usher Mother and me out of the building, and drive thirty miles across the state to another hospital.  Sadly for Ben, by then hospital visiting hours had past and the nurses insisted Ben and Mother leave.  And thus I was made to stay in a strange place, miles from home, without a soul I knew, replaying in my head all the horrific ways my death might play out…

This story can be found in the book Everyday Aspergers

 

© Everyday Aspergers, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. https://aspergersgirls.wordpress.com

Day 82: Blister Sister (Part One)

| Aspergers Girls

Blister Sister: Part One

On a Monday just past four in the afternoon, Mother, dressed in her secondhand dress and faux-leather heels, drove a little faster than normal—which was still relatively slow.  I was seated in the front seat of Ben’s battered sedan.  Every few minutes a piercing pain drove up my left side causing me to let out a muffled moan, which gave Mother a reason to pat her hand on my shoulder and offer out a sympathetic smile.

This was an unusual ride, given the fact I was headed for the hospital, and Mother’s live in lover, Ben, who was habitually attached to the front seat, was dutifully sulking in the back.  I was so accustomed to seeing Ben’s broad back hunched over in the front that upon spotting him there, behind me, sprawled out in excess of half the seat with his socked feet propped up on Mother’s weather-beaten briefcase, I swore to myself I was dreaming.  But if I was dreaming I thought, then surely when I had shut my eyes and then peered out again, Ben would have vanished…

This story can be found in the book Everyday Aspergers

 

© Everyday Aspergers, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. https://aspergersgirls.wordpress.com

20 Things Not to Say to a Person on the Autism Spectrum

| Aspergers Girls
Image found at takealeftatthemoon.blogspot.com

 

This is tailored to adults who were diagnosed with Aspergers, but the list can apply to many ages and many conditions other than Aspergers Syndrome.

20 Things Not to Say to a Person on the Autism Spectrum

1. Everyone feels like that sometimes.

2. Everything happens for a reason.

3. You’re fine. They have too many labels nowadays.

4. That reminds me of me. I wonder if I have that too.

5. Things could always be worse.

6. At least you don’t have autism.

7. Don’t worry. Be happy. Think Positive.

8. That’s no big deal.

9. You’re too serious. Get out of your head and help others.

10. Everyone has problems. Stop analyzing yours.

11. I never would have guessed. You seem so normal.

12. Are you sure? Maybe you need a second opinion.

13. Why do you think that?

14. That’s weird. Good luck.

15.  Aren’t you glad you found out?

16. That’s so trendy. Everyone thinks they have that.

17. Did you get an “official” diagnosis?

18. I’m uncomfortable with people classifying themselves by a diagnosis.

19. My cousin’s neighbor has Aspergers.

20. Well, now that you know, stop focusing on it, and get on with your life.

 

 

 

15 Beneficial Approaches 

1. Offer a warm smile and nod. Listen and comprehend.

2. I’m on your side. I’m here for you. You are not alone. I am here to stay.

3. Where can I find more information?

4. You are a strong person. I love you for being you.

5. Make a friendly call or send a friendly text or email.

6. What can I do? Tell me specifically. I want to help anyway I can.

7. Ask the person on a long walk, a picnic, or other excursion.

8. Hold a space for processing what that means to the person.

9. Do you need my support? How can I support you specifically?

10. Go to a matinee or rent a movie about autism or Aspergers.

11. Sincerely compliment the person.

12. Validate. This is a big deal!

13. Read personal accounts about living on the autism spectrum.

14. Thank you for confiding in me and trusting me. I am honored to know you.

15. If you are comfortable, can you tell me more about your experience?

© Everyday Aspergers, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. https://aspergersgirls.wordpress.com Original title was 20 Things Not To Say to A Person with Aspergers.

Sam’s new book can be found at myspectrumsuite.com and on Amazon internationally.

Search for Everyday Aspergers.