Yesterday I wore this fabulous red sweater.
I was feeling very confident, as I was having a good hair day, and my husband had saturated me with compliments, at least twenty since I awoke.
And after a hot sauna meditation and hot soak in dead sea salts, I was literally glowing.
With my cheeks rosy and love of self content, I set out to do errands. Time to redeem a gift certificate, a rebate check, and buy some food staples.
At my third stop, at the grocery store, as I was pushing my half-full cart down the snack aisle, I felt an itchy sensation at the nape of my neck. I reached down, and found the sweater tag. My cheeks blossomed into a full crimson then.
And all at once a rush of fear came over me, as I realized my sweater was on backwards!
I, quickly, without calling too much attention to myself, turned my cart around and made my way to the back of the store. Retreating into the bathroom, I had a good look at my sweater in the mirror. I gasped, while trying to laugh. But no laughter came.
The way the sweater was set, the back stitching in the front of me, I looked like I had two torpedoes jetting out.
Before, while dressing at home, I’d merely thought the way the sweater set against my chest was just the way the sweater was made, and that I ought not to have fretted about the design. I needed to get over my fears, and wear clothes without insecurity. Who cares if the cut of the sweater accented what was naturally a part of me? I had thought to myself.
But now that I could tell for certain the sweater was on backwards, I thought for sure, people would have noticed, and been laughing, not only at my backwardsness, but at my pointy boobs.
Inside the store bathroom, still contemplating my silliness, I twisted the sweater around; only to find, that my under blouse, a little sleeveless black thing, was on inside out!
At this point I looked down at my boots, convinced I’d probably placed them on the wrong feet.
I know it doesn’t matter in the end. People at the crowded Big-Box Store probably didn’t notice, and if they did they got a good laugh. And I’m all right with giving others a good laugh. But I can’t help but think about those two older men who stopped me in my tracks in the grocery store, prior to my discovery; how they played dodge with my shopping cart, like we were two familiars partaking in a friendly game: “Try to get passed me with your cart!” Can’t help but think how ridiculous I must have looked with my front side all pointy and pronounced and all, as they tried to engage me in conversation and keep me from moving: me and my signature red chest.
It’s just plain crazy-making, the way I cannot dress my own body. Likely an after shock of having never liked or played with Barbie Dolls. I should have taken note, or at least practiced.
I still haven’t learned to stop praying for humility and release of pride. Seems I cannot go anywhere without being reminded of my unyielding humanness.
Here’s to red torpedo ladies, and all things fashionable.
May you, if and when you wear your clothes backwards, accentuate the positive.
It’s on backwards in this photo…heheheh Before I knew
You are a flower that I cannot release
You stretch and root, your scent carried into the vein of me
I am your vase, your soil, your moisture, your sky
But you do not know me
I hold you day upon day, carry you where I go, smile at your beauty
I watch in admiration, as you unfold, as bud becomes bloom
You move where I move, bend where I bend, all the time unaware
Because you do not see me
Your vessel completes me, the fullness of you saturates
Your sweetness carries my every step closer to the heart of you
I reach to touch frail softness, nature’s perfection
But you cannot feel me
I turn to you in the darkness, cradling you at my side
I blanket you in the coldness, devouring the fire for your warmth
I comfort you in the rain, soothe to extinguish my own wants
But you cannot detect me
You scream in silence, and I am beckoned
I scream aloud, and you are lost
Together we collide, without ever joining
But you do not understand
I am your gardener, your life-giver, your equal, your maiden
You are my knight, my king, my answer, my calling
We are one in the meadow, rising together
But you do not recognize me
You sleep as if I am silence
You wake as if I am phantom
You speak as if I am death
And I remain flower wilted at your door
~ Samantha Craft 2012