414: Beyond Dreaming

Last week when I paused a movie, it was paused on accident at 11.11.11

11:11:11 means total recall, creative expression of who you are, and kindness/positive outlook. I just found out. Makes sense to me now. Statistically I wonder what those odds are at stopping a movie randomly at that precise number? That has been happening to me a lot with numbers. Many 3:33, 2:22, 1:11 patterns.

Last night I painted in attempt to process emotions. I was frustrated, sad, and in a (hormonal) angry state.
A figure kept popping up in the center that felt like my mother-in-law’s spirit. She recently passed. I focused on trying to release more and more energy as I painted, but was feeling a lot of energy blockage.

Here is the painting last night:


Here is the painting today. Called ‘Beyond Dreaming’




Like my writing, in the last few months, I have to paint. I don’t have a choice. So much energy is surging through me. A fire and burning passion. I cannot remove it as hard as I try. On my new blog: Belly of a Star, I have been writing some of the words I hear during my times of reflection.

When I woke up this morning, I had to change the original painting I did last night, and express what was in me. The challenge is I don’t see things like the typical person. I can’t hold the shape of faces in my mind, nor the ways bodies change as they move. For instant, how a nose looks sideways, or how a neckline appears. I often paint and paint, and all I see are flaws; until I see something I like, and then after a bit, I don’t like it. So, I paint. I erase. I paint. I become one with the process. And eventually the canvas starts to speak to me.

It is an excruciating process. I seem to go through much confidence, then fear, then doubt, then anger, then sadness and grief, and then after all the emotions, I am able to break free and create. This last piece took six hours. I am exhausted, yet, very much cleansed. I am also happy that this painting reflects the inner state of my being, currently.

I was told months ago, in prayer, before I ever started painting, that I would paint healing works, and that in taking photographs I would see energetic/spiritual images. I see one in the bottom of the canvas, for certain. And I find much healing in staring at this painting.

In looking back at the progression of my paintings, I notice a definite transition of spirit. From shapeless forms, to almost formed bodies, to people with no faces, to people with simple drawn lines for faces, to simple faces, to more complex faces. It’s as if my paintings followed my spiritual journey. Lately, I see that most of my paintings, beginning with the bear and the girl, are two people connected. Their body language usually conveys my spiritual state as well.

This series of works in chronological order shows a bit of the transition of my spirit reflected in art.




The Shift

I think art therapy would benefit many people with Aspergers. It is more therapeutic than anything I have tried thus far.

17 thoughts on “414: Beyond Dreaming

  1. I’ve been coincidentally (or not:) following your blog after my daughters therapist sent me a link to your site. I’ve found so much relief and peace in reading your thoughts and paintings. First reading for compassion and a new perspective on understanding what my daughter is going through… and then realizing that so much of this sounds like my own thoughts… Blog 388 completely found a home in my psyche.
    And this post blew my mind today… for about a month, I’ve been looking at the clock just as it’s on 11:11 or 1:11, then started going to all numbers like 10:10, 3:33… I’ve brought this up to my closest people and they’ve looked at me askew. Thanks for sharing… makes me feel like I’m not alone and there are kindreds outside of the dark.
    I appreciate ~ šŸ™‚

    1. Oh, I could use a few more comments like yours above today; really touched my heart, and I went and reread post 388— good reminder for me! and I re-shared that post on Facebook. So thank you. Lots of kindreds out here.:) What a blessing you are to your daughter, as I am certain she is for you, as well. I am touched your therapist thought to send you the link and we found one another. Much love. Askew looks… just giggle at the looks— they know not what they do. Hugs šŸ™‚

  2. Beautiful process. Such vital energy. 11:11:11 and the like seem to be the Universe playing, talking to itself. Many have noticed this, Sam:)

      1. Hey, I’ve been knighted by an alien messenger! One of the galactic aristocracy now:)

  3. wow interesting stuff. I see the 11:11 also all the time, it amazes me! I feel like people with aspergers are more spiritually tuned..

  4. What a beautiful and touching painting! I wish I could do that. I also notice the synchronicities that occur with numbers, I frequently end up at the grocery checkout with an even dollar amount ($11, $29, etc…) and even the cashiers remark on it sometimes. I think we aspies just think more deeply about the signs from the universe. Keep on doing your beautiful and therapeutic art! You will probably be a famous artist someday!

  5. I hope someday to attend a showing of all of your paintings, at a beautiful art gallery, that would be so wonderful!

    1. Oh, thank you for that glimpse of union. Wouldn’t that be fun… your art on the wall with my art…and we can paint a giant canvas together… of course I’d want to only let ‘certain’ people in…lol… my soul is on the canvas and all….. xo

  6. Okay, you can stand on a chair and have the upper portion of our canvas, I’ll take the lower part, (bad shoulder and neck!) Never say never, right!! woot woot!! šŸ™‚

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