Last week when I paused a movie, it was paused on accident at 11.11.11

11:11:11 means total recall, creative expression of who you are, and kindness/positive outlook. I just found out. Makes sense to me now. Statistically I wonder what those odds are at stopping a movie randomly at that precise number? That has been happening to me a lot with numbers. Many 3:33, 2:22, 1:11 patterns.

Last night I painted in attempt to process emotions. I was frustrated, sad, and in a (hormonal) angry state.
A figure kept popping up in the center that felt like my mother-in-law’s spirit. She recently passed. I focused on trying to release more and more energy as I painted, but was feeling a lot of energy blockage.

Here is the painting last night:

Here is the painting today. Called ‘Beyond Dreaming’

Like my writing, in the last few months, I have to paint. I don’t have a choice. So much energy is surging through me. A fire and burning passion. I cannot remove it as hard as I try. On my new blog: Belly of a Star, I have been writing some of the words I hear during my times of reflection.

When I woke up this morning, I had to change the original painting I did last night, and express what was in me. The challenge is I don’t see things like the typical person. I can’t hold the shape of faces in my mind, nor the ways bodies change as they move. For instant, how a nose looks sideways, or how a neckline appears. I often paint and paint, and all I see are flaws; until I see something I like, and then after a bit, I don’t like it. So, I paint. I erase. I paint. I become one with the process. And eventually the canvas starts to speak to me.

It is an excruciating process. I seem to go through much confidence, then fear, then doubt, then anger, then sadness and grief, and then after all the emotions, I am able to break free and create. This last piece took six hours. I am exhausted, yet, very much cleansed. I am also happy that this painting reflects the inner state of my being, currently.

I was told months ago, in prayer, before I ever started painting, that I would paint healing works, and that in taking photographs I would see energetic/spiritual images. I see one in the bottom of the canvas, for certain. And I find much healing in staring at this painting.

In looking back at the progression of my paintings, I notice a definite transition of spirit. From shapeless forms, to almost formed bodies, to people with no faces, to people with simple drawn lines for faces, to simple faces, to more complex faces. It’s as if my paintings followed my spiritual journey. Lately, I see that most of my paintings, beginning with the bear and the girl, are two people connected. Their body language usually conveys my spiritual state as well.

This series of works in chronological order shows a bit of the transition of my spirit reflected in art.

I think art therapy would benefit many people with Aspergers. It is more therapeutic than anything I have tried thus far.