How I would free my daughter with Aspergers
1. I would learn everything I could about the spectrum conditions through reputable, well-honored sources; and then readily forget everything I knew and recognize my daughter is a unique individual with exact perfection and a glorious light.
2. I would acknowledge each and every way my daughter’s actions reflect a behavior that in some way makes me believe that I am affected. What is it that she is doing that is causing discomfort to me, would be a question I would demolish, and whole-heartedly embrace the conclusion that I am the only one choosing to be in a state of discomfort based on someone else’s reactions and actions. And in truth my reactions have a direct effect on everyone about me. My ‘job’ as a parent, if I were to assign an exact ‘role’ and ‘duty,’ would be to reflect back to my daughter her beauty and nothing more.
3. I would concentrate on the definitions of imperfection, flawed, wrong, and normal. I’d understand all words are manmade and invented, that even the deepest of spiritual beliefs and psychology have been spoon-fed from man to man, and thusly infected and created into something man-based. With man comes fear. I would readily announce the fear in me, and the fear related to my daughter’s ‘condition.’ I would see that all my discomfort is based primarily on two things: Fear and not living in the present.
4. In seeing I am nothing but the present moment, and that my daughter is thusly only in the present, I would establish a way in which I could practice moment-by-moment being there in a state of grace for my daughter and the rest of family, friends, and society. I would grow, as a role model for my daughter, a person of inner-security, unconditional love and acceptance. I would discard robes of non-authenticity, fear-based projection of self onto others, the selfish feeding that society dictates from mass media, big business, politics, and dogma-based religion. I would embrace the light of my child as my divine teacher and establisher of the breaking of norms to set my own soul free.
5. I would ask her to teach me what she knows, and try to experience the world through her eyes and senses, while recognizing her way is not right or wrong, and just is. I would understand she needs no fixing or alterations, and that in healing my own spirit and aches and longings, and by being in a state of centeredness and balance, she, as I to her, can grow into a reflection of me.
6. I would stop taking her to professionals who are not heart-mind centered and well-established in their own inner-awareness, growth, love and beauty. I would expose her to people that resonate at a high-vibration of acceptance. I would break up with all relations that fed off of her energy, ‘goodness,’ innocence and purity. Recognizing, she, like me, is born in beauty in perfection, I would establish an environment in which she could be the best of who she is: authentic in all ways and degrees.
7. If I ever felt embarrassed or ashamed, I would recognize I have bought into the illusion of normalcy and the ‘right’ way to be. I would declare there is no ‘right’ way to myself and to my child, and celebrate not what is good in her—for to do so would be to automatically judge and establish bad. Instead I would celebrate her in completion, for the gift of her in my life, for the way she has helped me to transition and grow as a person.
8. I would immerse her in her pleasures and passions; knowing her interest are the only means of escaping the chaos of a delusional world that breeds off of profit, greed, lies, and game-playing. I would understand that she sees through the veil of illusion, and is entirely awoken to the process transpiring before her. That to her the world is scary because the people are scary in their attempts to be loved through fear and imaginings. I would recognize until I see the world as safe, she will perceive the world as danger. In order to heal my own wounds, I would dive deep within and embrace my authentic being, risking like I never have and dying a thousand upon a thousand deaths. And through my own dark night of the soul, reestablished in my own profound light and knowing of All, I would return the light upon my daughter. Her established and well-pruned light of goodness. I would return not what was taken, but smothered by my own misjudgment and yearnings. I would thank her repeatedly for her gift of self.
9. I would expose her to life. I would teach her all is okay. But I would not take her where she chose not to go. If she was demolished in spirit in a social environment, I would not expose her over and over again. She is not lacking in her ability to associate with others and be in ‘public’ places. She knows the rules, she knows the game. What she is ‘lacking’ is the blindfold to pretend she is someone she is not in order to be falsely accepted by others pretending to be someone they are not. She recognizes the soul-eyes of the ones weeping and the bleeding pierced hearts. The sorrow is everywhere, and the heart-songs are locked away in over-burdened spirits, so lost upon self their suffering seizes the very encasement of my seeing daughter. And here she is rocked in so much confusion and pain, she longs for escape and safety. Returning her again and again to a place of non-awareness and imaginary games does nothing to lift her or gather her from one skill-level to another; it only reminds her, the over-exposure to the ways of the world, how very different, lost and alone she feels.
10. I would connect her to all awakened souls, so deemed awakened by her, more so than me. Whether this be the towering trees, the preacher on the street, the homeless man, the priest, or the Buddhist on the corner, or the birds in the garden, I would take her there. I would take her into the deep philosophical teachings of ancient scriptures of all denominations and let her find the interwoven connections. I would teach her through example to love all unconditionally, to accept all unconditionally, to erase dogma and the illusion of how things have to be. I would teach her through my very being that she is such a joy and gift to the world and that to let her fly through the removal of my own blinders is to me my own greatest gift to all. I would recognize I can never accept my daughter until I accept the completeness of my self, and in turn, accept the completion in her. Once accepted, my own perception of the world shall grant my daughter the freedom she brought upon me. The release of the self-afflicted self to the service of all. Here I would teach her, through my own being, that her gift shall serve the world, and in so serving the world, she shall be eternally free.
24 thoughts on “416: How I would free my spectrum daughter”
From where you have so incredible power of analysis and synthesis?
I would hang with tapestry on my walls your articles, knowing that in any of my moods I can return to one of them, for me to find myself and gather my strength for life again.
Indeed these are the efforts, the approaches, the spiritual movements that I do every moment of my life for Vera & for myself… Thank you!
You have a gift with flowing your heart through profound and healing words. Many blessings dear friend ❤ your daughter is in good hands.
That’s beautiful, Sam, and exactly how I feel and what I want for my own daughter. Thanks for putting it so eloquently.
Wonderful. and thank you ❤
This is what I try ( and fail sometimes) for my daughter and why I took her out of school. What a beautiful reminder. She fills my life with light- I am so glad to have her home with me. Beautiful! xox
Yes, I understand. Oh, how precious to be filled with light. Much love to you. xo
I want that Mama!!
Okay…next life time.. if I decide to come back… oh, you aren’t coming back you are living to be ancient! right? you are going to be a saggy-skinned guru! We can create a theater production in the after-place and I shall be your mama. hehe xo
Eloquent and true, so very intuitive, Namaste xoxo
many thanks 🙂
Oh thank you so much for writing this profound and beautiful article. Oh that I could be this mother to my darling daughter. These words resonate so deeply in my weary (for the moment) heart. I do wonder if this battle I am having with the ‘professionals’ is doing any of us any good. I have always refused to see my daughter as anything other than the beautiful, creative, intuitive and completely unique person that she is and I long for her to be able to see that her having Asperger’s is not something which is going to blight her life but which will brighten her life as she reenters the world around her 🙂 She is my joy and my light, she is my heart.
thank you for taking the time to write a comment. I do appreciate hearing from the readers, very much. You are most welcome. “She is my heart.”….sigh… so lovely
Beautiful post as always Sam! The only thing to add to that is to replace daughter with child, because it’s not just girls on the spectrum who feel that way… boys just have to hide even more 😥
Yes, indeed. In full agreement. 🙂
Sherri (above) said the words better than I could..These words resonate so deeply in my weary (for the moment) heart. I do wonder if this battle I am having is doing any of us any good. I have always refused to see my daughter as anything other than the beautiful, creative, intuitive and completely unique person that she is and I long for her to be able to see that her having Asperger’s is not something which is going to blight her life but which will brighten her life as she reenters the world around her 🙂 She is my joy and my light, she is my heart.
I am so happy to find your blog and your words. I too am an Aspie – recently diagnosed. Much of my life now makes sense. I find it depressing that many people want to ‘cure’ this as a whole. Sure, I understand on some level I guess, as part of wanting the best for your child – but I don’t need curing.
I’m lucky and blessed to have a mother who instinctively acted in many ways as you describe in this blog. Truly blessed. I wish the same love for everyone else.
Thank you for your inspiring writing.
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Also a good way to free oneself. I love the aspergersgirls blog!
SO beautiful, Sam. I am so immensely grateful you shared this with us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
thank you for taking the time to comment. You are most welcome
I read this and the comments with tears of joy because I sometimes feel so alone in my belief of the beauty and grace of my aspie girl. Family and friends so often try to “fix” my girl and she is not broken. Thank you Sam!! I’m so glad you share your beauty and light.
many thanks 🙂 and blessings to the two of you x
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