poetry

Day 227: Independent Thought

| Aspergers Girls
Happy Me….before I got super sick!!! Two weeks ago. Seems like months ago. Still recovering. Hope to be back to self super soon.

Independent Thought

There are too many rules inside this head, of what to love and what to dread,

Of whom to trust, and whom to fear, of when to speak and when to steer,

Away from one and towards another, and follow instead the words of a brother,

Where rests this inner truth that’s real, within spoon-fed morsels of how to feel,

In mountains high of indoctrinated texts and rivers wide of created sects,

Of where to stand, for what, and why, of when to grin and when to cry,

To find the answers, when none exist, to hear their echoes, when all just twists,

This tattered net, transitioning mesh, idealization of living flesh,

Curses at unwanted things, traps illusion in greed’s spindly strings,

Dark and nettled, bent to shape, the landscaped thoughts, thusly raped,

Of truth that breathes within the self, of passion, of love, of grace and stealth,

What kinship have thee, what ancestors whole, where is character bred, in life’s foothold,

Must I reap what others sow, and follow through where they too go,

Oh what of  this seared misplaced soul, unraveled at seams from tellings told,

Draped and ripened in merriment, branded with steamed discontent,

Belly full,  treasures vast,  spirit bled for youthful gifts,

A charade, half-finished, that never ends, and claims the light of one again,

A painted canvas of needy spades, digging up foundation that was never made.

~ Samantha Craft, September 2012

Day 225: Merry Go Round Girl

| Aspergers Girls

A MERRY GO ROUND GIRL

A merry-go-round girl am I

On animals all shape and size

I ride them fast, and swift, and strong

To see if all my rights make wrong

I can’t do this or that, or fail

And if I fall, I’m sure to sail

Straight to the end, where line starts true

Where I am made to stand in blue

Of misery and broken dream

And power engines’ streaming wings

That flutter by and carry fast

Joy’s images in bubble vast

A place within the nectar sweet

Where clouds were naught but candy treat

Before removed with cherished youth

And hope beguiled with jagged truths

Of monsters real and panics proud

Of ivory boards that scourged and gouged

How staggered they, in daring ways

That preach to hide and never play

To tempt while striking joust of fear

And tell thee when I bleed in tear

I’m weak and blind, forgiven not

I’m injury unpardoned, fought

How dare they mold me into this

Some partner for their wretched dish

For I am rider, wild and free

With legs spread straight and hair in breeze

Upon a spirit painted old

Chipped and powdered with jester’s gold

So ride I will, with song, with rein

And laugh and laugh at silly games

*

By Samantha Craft, September 2012

Day 223: Harbored Ghosts

| Aspergers Girls

Goodnight sweet one, she thought

Her lips chapped from late night pillow kisses

Where animals were made from clouds

And dolls set out for tea with biscuits plenty

Her imagination a filter for her dreams

Of where he rides, his mane dark and tangled

A harvest moon in view

Come home, back to this tattered princess

She speaks within, her heart a megaphone

Her eyes the window to the falling sky

Lonely weeps the silence

Where ruptured hope intermingles

With dispersed confusion

Mistress she be, to wallowing shadows of wants

Mistress she be, to the armor that sheds and reforms

Sticking to shape like skin to snake

Until the echo of stifled screams burst out from inside

And harbored ghosts with metallic breath

Set sail as residential spirits

‘Cross the oceans of another

And she is made to float naked in solitude

As baptized infant reborn to innocence

~ Sam Craft, August. 2012

Day 218: To Be Happy

| Aspergers Girls

To Be Happy

Sometimes people remind others to tone down their joy more often than they remind others to boost up their sadness.

Sometimes people enjoy gossiping about others’ plights, misfortune, and perceived failures more than their successes.

Sometimes people analyze, judge, and label the glee-filled person.

Sometimes people make fun of smiles.

Sometimes there are more words spoken about sadness than of joy.

Sometimes people remind others to act more serious, but rarely do they caution to act more goofy.

Sometimes people think to get anything accomplished fun must be set aside.

Sometimes people hush the laughing child.

Sometimes people reflect upon the sad person’s dilemma more than the happy person’s celebration.

Sometimes fear and loss pulls people closer, while good news and abundance pulls people apart.

Sometimes more energy is spent on trying to relieve someone’s pain than on how to increase someone’s happiness.

Sometimes giddiness is perceived as immature.

Sometimes people don’t trust the funny person.

Sometimes a comic, joker and jester are made the bad guy.

Sometimes people run from circus clowns and punish the class clown.

Sometimes people mock someone’s laugh but never make fun of their cry.

Sometimes the sad news tops the happy news.

Sometimes brightly colored garb and shiny attire scare people.

Sometimes when passing a stranger, a frown feels safer than a grin.

Sometimes people gravitate towards the sad and are suspicious of the happy.

Sometimes people believe happiness is lost and to be found.

Sometimes to be happy we must smile through all the sometimes.

© Everyday Aspergers, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. https://aspergersgirls.wordpress.com

Day 214: Because I Am

| Aspergers Girls

I know who I am.

I have self-awareness. I see myself clearly. I accept myself.

I understand myself, as wild as I might be.

I know I am “good.”

I know I am light.

I know I have a purpose and a drive. I have a calling. I know my calling. And I follow my calling.

I know the difference between authenticity and pretending.

I know genuineness and pureness of heart.

I know suffering, deep suffering; and because I know deep suffering, I know your deep suffering.

I understand your pain because I have been in pain. I understand your joy, because I have known grand joy.

I do not feel separate from you or different; I feel as you; both of us souls on a journey of discovery.

I am light and can only love what is inherent beauty.

I see the light in everyone. I see it everywhere. And this adds to my sadness as it adds to my joy.

I see people walking in spirit. I see past the flesh and past the games that are invented by the lonely, lost man. I see past the visions that others paint in front of them in an attempt to hide. I see beyond their fears and happenstance, their intentions, motivations, and at times intended and unintended manipulation.

I see into the heart of man; and if I have to suffer to see so, then I suffer.

My mind is a miracle, a glorious miracle, and my heart even grander.

I love who I am in every aspect.

I have faced my shadows. I have faced the demons, the voices, the hauntings of mind and ghosts.

I have dreamed of the future and watched it unfold, and in so doing, stood in awe of the universe.

I have experienced life in the deepest capacity, at the deepest levels. I have lived.

I have watched my wishes come true. I have treaded through the darkest of days and come out stronger and self-sufficient. I am supported by myself. I have a companion in my own being. And I am supported by the angels, or spirits, or whatever is beyond our capacity to sense.

I feel energy around me from everything and everyone. I understand others in a way many do not yet understand.

I am humble. I recognize the pride in me and face this pride and gently release. I am insecure and recognize this too, embracing my beauty further, so insecurity may have a place to rest.

I am not ashamed of any part of me. I can speak my mind fully, my thoughts fully, and not wonder if I am being true to me. I am always true to me.

I can openly say when I am scared or frightened.

I am in totality. I am me.

I will be the first to say sorry and have no regret in doing so. I will be the first to say I love you with no intention but to say the words.

I don’t follow a guidebook to feel real. I follow my own book. And I get to write the present each moment.

I am genuine in my intentions. I constantly seek to be truth, to speak truth, to resonate truth.

I do not hunger for fame or attention. I do not hunger for success or material gain. I only hunger for peace and serenity.

I am truly gifted. I am gifted in my ability to live each moment as if it were my very testimony of being. I am gifted in my continual thoughts to be the most beneficial being on this plane of existence that I can be. I am gifted because I have no curtain. There is nothing to pull back and see. Nothing I hide. Nothing to take, expose, or corrupt.

I am hiding no secrets. And without secrets, there is no weapon anyone can use against me.

I embrace love, peace and serenity, and nearby is the continual quest for growth. I am growing.

I am worthy simply because I am.