I invite you to take a look inside of my book Everyday Aspergers.
Take a look here.
(I just deleted an entire paragraph explaining why I am uncomfortable with self-promotion. I’ll spare you the details!)
Hello All.
I hope you are well during these challenging times.
I am writing to provide a few updates (2020) for anyone who happens upon this page.
My third blog is a bit hard to find, since I changed the domain name. Here is the direct link to Everyday Autistic. My artist’s blog is Belly of a Star.
Here is the Autistic Trait’s List.
Here is my company website Spectrum Suite LLC, which includes 100s of resources and our services page.
Here is a link to one of my Linkedin Articles that will bring you to my profile and some articles there!
My new works include much advocacy for Universal Design in the Workplace, which equates to true inclusivity, where all employees are given opportunity to the same support measures and community engagement, such as the same best-practices interviews, job coaches, support team; not just one marginalized minority, e.g., autistic individuals.
I am working on a book on empowerment on the autism spectrum.
I am my waving from afar, and wishing you so very well! I cannot believe it’s been 8 YEARS!
Feel free to connect on twitter or Facebook.
I’m on the bottom right, in the photo below, speaking at the Stanford Neurodiversity Summit. You can find out what we’ve been up to on the website. Here is a 10 hr.+ video of Day 2 at the Summit!
My book is now available around the world in paperback! Check out Barnes and Noble or Amazon.
Everyday Aspergers is an unusual and powerful exploration of one woman’s marvelously lived life. Reminiscent of the best of Anne Lamott, Everyday Aspergers jumps back and forth in time through a series of interlocking vignettes that give insight and context to her lived experience as an autistic woman. The humor and light touch is disarming, because underneath light observations and quirky moments are buried deep truths about the human experience and about her own work as an autistic woman discerning how to live her best life. From learning how to make eye contact to finding ways to communicate her needs to being a dyslexic cheerleader and a fraught mother of also-autistic son, Samantha Craft gives us a marvelous spectrum of experiences. Highly recommended for everyone to read — especially those who love people who are just a little different.”~ Ned Hayes, bestselling author of The Eagle Tree
https://www.book2look.com/book/KRksrIxTxr
Females with Aspergers Non-Official Checklist
By Samantha Craft of Everyday Asperger’s, March 2012
This is a non-official checklist created by an adult female with Asperger’s Syndrome who has a son with Asperger’s Syndrome. Samantha Craft holds a Masters Degree in Education. Samantha Craft does not hold a doctorate in Psychiatry or Psychology. She has a life-credential as a result of being a female with Asperger’s Syndrome and being a parent of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. She has created this list in an effort to assist mental health professionals in recognizing Asperger’s Syndrome in females.
Suggested Use: Check off all areas that strongly apply to the person. If each area has 75%-80% of the statements checked, or more, then you may want to consider that the female may have Asperger’s Syndrome.
Section A: Deep Thinkers
1. A deep thinker
2. A prolific writer drawn to poetry
3. Highly intelligent
4. Sees things at multiple levels including thinking processes.
5. Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything continually.
6. Serious and matter-of-fact in nature.
7. Doesn’t take things for granted.
8. Doesn’t simplify.
9. Everything is complex.
10. Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out.” (blank stare)
Section B: Innocent
1. Naïve
2. Honest
3. Experiences trouble with lying.
4. Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty.
5. Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation.
6. Easily fooled and conned.
7. Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed
8. Feelings of being misplaced and/or from another planet
9. Feelings of isolation
10. Abused or taken advantage of as a child but didn’t think to tell anyone.
Section C: Escape and Friendship
1. Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action.
2. Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects.
3. Escapes routinely through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming.
4. Escapes through mental processing.
5. Escapes through the rhythm of words.
6. Philosophizes continually.
7. Had imaginary friends in youth.
8. Imitates people on television or in movies.
9. Treated friends as “pawns” in youth, e.g., friends were “students,” “consumers,” “soldiers.”
10. Makes friends with older or younger females.
11. Imitates friends or peers in style, dress, and manner.
12. Obsessively collects and organizes objects.
13. Mastered imitation.
14. Escapes by playing the same music over and over.
15. Escapes through a relationship (imagined or real).
16. Numbers bring ease.
17. Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging.
18. Escapes into other rooms at parties.
19. Cannot relax or rest without many thoughts.
20. Everything has a purpose.
Section D: Comorbid Attributes
1. OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
2. Sensory Issues (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste)
3. Generalized Anxiety
4. Sense of pending danger or doom
5. Feelings of polar extremes (depressed/over-joyed; inconsiderate/over-sensitive)
6. Poor muscle tone, double-jointed, and/or lack in coordination
7. Eating disorders, food obsessions, and/or worry about what is eaten.
8. Irritable bowel and/or intestinal issues
9. Chronic fatigue and/or immune challenges
10. Misdiagnosed or diagnosed with other mental illness and/or labeled hypochondriac.
11. Questions place in the world.
12. Often drops small objects
13. Wonders who she is and what is expected of her.
14. Searches for right and wrong.
15. Since puberty, has had bouts of depression.
16. Flicks/rubs fingernails, flaps hands, rubs hands together, tucks hands under or between legs, keeps closed fists, and/or clears throat often.
Section E: Social Interaction
1. Friends have ended friendship suddenly and without person understanding why.
2. Tendency to over-share.
3. Spills intimate details to strangers.
4. Raised hand too much in class or didn’t participate in class.
5. Little impulse control with speaking when younger.
6. Monopolizes conversation at times.
7. Bring subject back to self.
8. Comes across at times as narcissistic and controlling. (Is not narcissistic.)
9. Shares in order to reach out.
10. Sounds eager and over-zealous at times.
11. Holds a lot of thoughts, ideas, and feelings inside.
12. Feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly.”
13. Obsesses about the potentiality of a relationship with someone, particularly a love interest.
14. Confused by the rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, stance, and posture in conversation.
15. Conversation can be exhausting.
16. Questions the actions and behaviors of self and others, continually.
17. Feels as if missing a conversation “gene” or thought-“filter”
18. Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people.
19. Visualizes and practices how she will act around others.
20. Practices in mind what she will say to another before entering the room.
21. Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others.
22. Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situations.
23. Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, or different from others.
24. As a child, it was hard to know when it was her turn to talk.
25. She finds norms of conversation confusing.
Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone
1. Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house.
2. One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat.
3. Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, doesn’t relieve the anxiety.
4. Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar.
5. Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up.
6. All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about.
7. She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments.
8. Question next steps and movements continually.
9. Telling self the “right” words and/or positive self-talk doesn’t often alleviate anxiety.
10. Knowing she is staying home all day brings great peace of mind.
11. Requires a large amount of down time or alone time.
12. Feels guilty after spending a lot of time on a special interest.
13. Uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, and/or dressing rooms.
14. Dislikes being in a crowded mall, crowded gym, or crowded theater.
Section G: Sensitive
1. Sensitive to sounds, textures, temperature, and/or smells when trying to sleep.
2. Adjusts bedclothes, bedding, and/or environment in an attempt to find comfort.
3. Dreams are anxiety-ridden, vivid, complex, and/or precognitive in nature.
4. Highly intuitive to others’ feelings.
5. Takes criticism to heart.
6. Longs to be seen, heard, and understood.
7. Questions if she is a “normal” person.
8. Highly susceptible to outsiders’ viewpoints and opinions.
9. At times adapts her view of life or actions based on others’ opinions or words.
10. Recognizes own limitations in many areas daily.
11. Becomes hurt when others question or doubt her work.
12. Views many things as an extension of self.
13. Fears others opinions, criticism, and judgment.
14. Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people.
15. Collects or rescues animals. (often in childhood)
16. Huge compassion for suffering.
17. Sensitive to substances. (environmental toxins, foods, alcohol, etc.)
18. Tries to help, offers unsolicited advice, or formalizes plans of action.
19. Questions life purpose and how to be a “better” person.
20. Seeks to understand abilities, skills, and/or gifts.
Section H: Sense of Self
1. Feels trapped between wanting to be herself and wanting to fit in.
2. Imitates others without realizing.
3. Suppresses true wishes.
4. Exhibits codependent behaviors.
5. Adapts self in order to avoid ridicule.
6. Rejects social norms and/or questions social norms.
7. Feelings of extreme isolation.
8. Feeling good about self takes a lot of effort and work.
9. Switches preferences based on environment and other people.
10. Switches behavior based on environment and other people.
11. Didn’t care about her hygiene, clothes, and appearance before teenage years and/or before someone else pointed these out to her.
12. “Freaks out” but doesn’t know why until later.
13. Young sounding voice
14. Trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has occurrences of slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces).
Section I: Confusion
1. Had a hard time learning others are not always honest.
2. Feelings seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable. (self’s and others’)
3. Confuses appointment times, numbers, or dates.
4. Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest.
5. Spoke frankly and literally in youth.
6. Jokes go over the head.
7. Confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray.
8. Trouble identifying feelings unless they are extreme.
9. Trouble with emotions of hate and dislike.
10. Feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her.
11. Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of joy, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity.
12. Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white.
13. The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood. (All or nothing mentality)
14. A small fight might signal the end of a relationship or collapse of world.
15. A small compliment might boost her into a state of bliss.
Section J: Words and Patterns
1. Likes to know word origins.
2. Confused when there is more than one meaning to a word.
3. High interest in songs and song lyrics.
4. Notices patterns frequently.
5. Remembers things in visual pictures.
6. Remembers exact details about someone’s life.
7. Has a remarkable memory for certain details.
8. Writes or creates to relieve anxiety.
9. Has certain “feelings” or emotions towards words.
10. Words bring a sense of comfort and peace, akin to a friendship.
(Optional) Executive Functioning This area isn’t always as evident as other areas
1. Simple tasks can cause extreme hardship.
2. Learning to drive a car or rounding the corner in a hallway can be troublesome.
3. New places offer their own set of challenges.
4. Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic.
5. The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety.
6. Mundane tasks are avoided.
7. Cleaning may seem insurmountable at times.
8. Many questions come to mind when setting about to do a task.
9. Might leave the house with mismatched socks, shirt buttoned incorrectly, and/or have dyslexia.
10. A trip to the grocery store can be overwhelming.
11. Trouble copying dance steps, aerobic moves, or direction in a sports gym class.
12. Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house, but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are.
This list was compiled after nine years of readings, research, and experience associated with Asperger’s Syndrome. More information can be found at https://aspergersgirls.wordpress.com © Everyday Aspergers, 2012 This non-official checklist can be printed for therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, professors, teachers, and relatives, if Samantha Craft’s name and contact information remain on the print out.
Other Useful Links by Sam Craft:
116 Reasons I Know I have Aspergers
Another Important List of Traits
1o Myths About Females With Aspergers
Everyday Asperger's 
To all my readers who don’t have Asperger’s and read my blog for other reasons than Aspergers, thanks for all of your support! 🙂 🙂 🙂
It’s me: as a child, as a girl, as a young woman, as I am now. So much of this applies. Thanks.
You are so very welcome! 🙂 Much joy to you!
Yes, i see myself in it.
Thank you so much for writing this blog, i don’t feel like a stranger on an alien planet thanks to you. I’d also like very much to join the facebook group that you shared, it looks like it’s invite only though.
thankyou for writing this blog,it describes me to a tee,Im mum to five and most of my kids show signs of aspergers but Ive never been able to get a diagnosis from doctors as they dont think they have it,Im hoping now with new doctors they will take me serious,once again thankyou for posting this blog as it has explained so much 🙂 🙂 🙂
This is pretty depressing, and it does seem strange that many people with AS share quite a few characteristics. I feel like there is more than meets the eye with this syndrome, and it is sad how this seems to supersede one’s unique personality. I feel that many people with AS have the gift of intelligence and can’t express because of the communication difficulties associated with AS. Its almost like saran wrap over the person…very much a part of life, but not the person.
I think I matched more than 95% of the items in the list… I am now just too confused about what job should I persue. I am 31, and have worked in offices for more than 10 years, but I think I am not really happy. I regret I have not studied Engineering or technology. I am much better in relationships now than when I was child, but I still have a tendency to stay alone, mainly during the weekends. What is really hard for me in my workplace now is that there is no much communication and I always have lunch by myself, it actually has been like that most part of my life.
best wishes to you 🙂 I hope your heart leads you to a vocation that fills you 🙂
Elen, I am in a very similar situation as you. I could say most everything that is in your comment, about myself. I use the ellipsis keyboard character when I type too… I like you. I, like you, desperately wish that I would have studied engineering or technology. I hope that you find what makes you happy (and someone to have lunch with when you want company)!
I reccomend pursuing further study in engineering/technology or another topic you are interested in. These issues/symptoms become more tolerable in everyday life when you’re doing something that you enjoy. Keep trying your best with social engagement and communication and I wish you luck for the future xx
I strongly agreed with almost all of these… Aaaah???
I do too! I am not diagnosed. I am 21 and am trying to start my journey.. I really do feel like this is the answer to all of my misdiagnosis in my earlier years…
Thank you. I feel less alone now, and that means a lot. My life is and was almost exactly as you described.
best to you
Hello,
thanks for this amazing blog! I’ve got a question/don’t know what to do about: I think the list above describes me really well, but during my teens I’ve made quiet bad experiences with psychiatrists, etc., therefore I’m anxious to go to another one for diagnosing. (I had so many problems – many of the ones described here – and even asked one psychiatrist if I have Asperger, but he told me I could look people in their faces and behave in social situation normal and didn’t believe me as I told him that I just learned a lot about interactions and I’m often wondering, why my strategies work out that well) But I think you can just call yourself “Asperger” when you’re diagnosed by a professional? Or is it okay to say “I think I belong to the autism spectrum”? I’m 26 years old, female but feeling rather androgynous. On the one hand I changed the settings of my life, on the other hand I worked a lot, so I won’t get that stressed out in social situations anymore so I can get along quite well, therefore I think I don’t need professional help and don’t need a “diagnosis”. But I often feel very lonely and think I can’t connect with other people. (Somehow people like me as long as I behave “normal” but I seldom have a deeper relationship and that makes me really sad) Thinking that this is because of Asperger and there are other people with those feelings and problems (and gifts) would help, I guess … I’m a bit confused right now and I’m not sure whether it’s okay to ask this questions here … And I hope you could understand everything, because English is not my mother tongue.
join us on facebook if you’d like for more input. I can speak of my experience with others… Many choose to self-diagnose and call themselves autistic or Aspie, others seek out psychologist for confirmation, some say they self-diagnosed, some don’t. It’s completely up to you. Best wishes with your journey. I’d suggest reading some books on the topic and interacting with others on the spectrum to get a better idea. And androgynous is common in the autistic community. There are many on Twitter. If you go to @aspergersgirls you can take a look at people I follow. Best to you.
Thanks for your answer! (I couldn’t find a reply button at your comment.) Could you recommend me any books, please? Do you mean a group at facebook or the “fanpage” of your blog?
it’s not really a fan page, it’s where I post recent articles, books and links to my blog and others’ blogs. It’s the icon on this blog Everyday Aspergers. We also have questions and answers sometimes. Yes, on books. Try to go to the facebook page. I just posted 4 yesterday. If not I can look for the link for you. Best
Same here. This “being able to look people at the face and talking to them” is the only thing that doesn’t apply to me on the traits. It’s simply because when I look at them, I look at their mouth: the source of the words. It’s that to me. Or if I look at their eyes, it’s either the shape of their eyebrows or eyes or the colour, or anything around that. This makes it much easier to look at people. As for the interaction, I’m just good at dealing with being uncomfortable..
So yah, you’re not alone in this. And I was diagnosed by my brother, whose a psychiatrist, and his wife, who has an MA in autism ✌🏻.
Can you make this into a quiz?
Not at this time.
How can this be to look at symptoms of Aspergers and see all of me in detail. I just read a list all about me. I’ll ask my psychologist about any disabilities associated with this as I am a chronic homeless and non -employed often
Yes. I am a 49 yr old mother with aspergers and have a 19 yr old son and 15 yr old daughter all of us high functioning w many traits. I do believe that the generics are from both sides of our families as I see them all now. Many many years later. Very thankful.
Thanks for the thought provoking list. I could check off practically everything! 🙂
Bruce ~ I appreciate that feedback. Thanks very much. 🙂
This list is so helpful! Now I know that I’m not alone with my quirks.
Thanks Nicky. You are not alone! 🙂
Is there medication that helps women with AS?
some have found some relief, but many of us are extra sensitive to substances of any type
Thanks so much Samantha. I’m printing this off right now. You are so sweet for doing this. I’m going to share on fb and twitter too:-)
You are welcome 🙂
Thank you! In many ways you describe meto a “t”
🙂 🙂 🙂
Saving this for the future. While it’s true no two Aspies are alike, I can certainly say yes to a number of these. Really enjoyed it.
Yes, no two aspies are alike. You are right! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the comment. 🙂
Actually, we’re all more alike than we are unalike: if this were not so, we could never get a diagnosis. That’s how diagnostic instruments and criteria work.
I have some issues with this list. It is a very interesting list of things, but there is a problem with it. This is because we need to know that any inferences we make on the basis of results from this instrument are correct: this would be a validation study. This needs knowledge that it is reliable: this warrants a reliability study. It would also need a serious cross-matching between the items on this list and those on existing checklists and also a check against (at least) Gillberg’s criteria and possibly Tantam’s adult-dx criteria as well.
I’m not bashing this: we’re in serious need of some sort of instrument that will enable us to redress the balance of diagnosis of AS between sexes. but I think you’re a bit premature in doing what you’re doing now. You HAVE, absoutely, given something that is potentially useful, but it needs much more work on its psychometric properties.
Is there a university anywhere near you? One with a psychology or education department? If so, you could approach them with this as a possible project for later-stage undergrads or post-grads that need a project for their theses. We can’t just put out even ‘unofficial’ checklists, for the reasons I’ve mentioned. But your list, if validity and reliability studies could be done on it, has the potential to ease the diagnostic process significantly for females of any age on the spectrum. For this reason, I’m urging you to do this.
My basis for saying this stuff:
I’m a psychologist by training and work as a psycho-educational consultant on a freelance basis. I am on the spectrum myself, as is my daughter – and so is her mother. Much of my work is done via an autism-specialist consultancy here in Finland where I live.
Psychological/Educational diagnosis forms part of my training, and I have been particularly interested in this aspect of diagnosis, namely: the imbalance in diagnostic rates between males and females. I am of the opinion that, if an instrument could be developed that was sensitive to the differences in how Asperger syndrome is apparent in females compared to males, we’d be going a long way to ending serious misery for a lot of spectrum females who have no explanation for why they are who they are.
I am also an international associate editor for a peer-reviewed journal, which is a great place to get this work into the eyeline of many professionals in the autism field. A good quality study on the matters I’ve mentioned earlier would go some way to getting your work where you want it to be.
Thanks for sharing this great check list! I do love a good check list! Reading list like this help diminish my doubts about having Apergers. I am most definitely an aspergirl! I am going to share this on my FB for Autism Awareness month! I think more people need to be informed about females with Aspergers!!
Super, Amanda. I love check lists, too. Great idea to share for Autism Awareness. Please remember I’m not a professional. (I’m sure you figured that out, but just making sure.) In my opinion, these traits fit a lot of aspie people I know. Hugs to you aspergirl! Thanks for the great comment. 😉 Sam
oh my, what happened to my comment?
What comment? lol. It’s been zapped into the Twilight Zone. I’m sure it was a great comment. 😉
Great list ,excellent work my friend 🙂
🙂 Thanks. Loved your Nature pictures. You are very talented. 🙂
Well, I have changed a lot since my stroke. There used to be a great deal of those I could have checked off for myself, though I don’t think 75% in each category. I feel certain that we all have some of those traits.
I had a great student who has asperger’s. He had most of the above. I liked him a lot and I believe I understood him the best. He has grown, is in high school, and, from what I can tell, is doing very well adjusting. It makes me proud to have known him.
The world is made up of such a conglomeration of people. We must learn to accept and understand others, especially those unlike ourselves. They have so much to teach us.
“The world is made up of such a conglomeration of people. We must learn to accept and understand others, especially those unlike ourselves. They have so much to teach us.” That’s beautiful. 🙂
Wow. I think you just described me 100%. I’m no expert, but I’d say you captured very precisely women with Asperger’s. Either that, or we’re twins separated at birth. We aren’t, right? Twins separated at birth???
Perhaps. I am an only child! 🙂 Thanks for the feedback, and the great humor. ~ Sam
As an adult female who self-diagnosed, this checklist helped me ID myself…done a lot of research and this list summarizes all that I’ve read. Thank you, for this checklist, Sam 🙂 You don’t know how much you’ve helped me since I first met you…I gained soooo much knowledge/insight about Asperger’s and knowing that I’m not alone gives me courage to deal with whatever happens after this discovery. You’re a godsend…I know now that I’m not a mental case…lol…
More power and wisdom to you, Sam, for what you do…wishing you all the best 🙂 hugs 🙂
🙂 There is your comment! It appeared. You are welcome, Sweet Lady. We are all in this thing called “life” together — my pleasure. Great getting to know you.
Thank you for this. I’m 27 and still carry a diagnosis of “bipolar disorder with psychotic features”. The problems got worse after my daughter was born and I was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis. I know what happened now. My daughter has ASD, and in doing research to help her, I’ve discovered I’m not crazy, I’m an aspie! Too bad, no one else sees it that way. When my son was born, I was able to get through the pregnancy and birth without any depression at all because I knew what to realistically expect since I’d done it once before. I’ve had a lot of issues because I based knowledge on movies and what little we were told in health class. I actually hid my first period from my mom for three days because I thought there was something wrong with me (in movies it’s red, duh). That’s way too much TMI, isn’t it? Any way, thanks for speaking up and giving a voice to those who otherwise don’t have one.
No such a thing as TMI with me! lol I love learning about other people’s stories. I am so happy that you are finding answers. When I realized I had Asperger’s, so much of my life made sense. I’ve had my share of diagnoses that didn’t fit. Asperger’s does. Yes, a life based on what actors do in movies. I can relate to that. I think I waited three months to tell my mom. I still remember. Nice to hear from you. 🙂 Sam
Thank you for your kind words. Movies are what ruined my experience after my daughter was born too. Everybody tells you “you fall in love instantly”, “It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt, the love is instantaneous and magic”… I felt nothing. I tried so hard and burned myself into a psych ward twice because I wasn’t feeling anything. I wouldn’t let anyone help me because I was trying to “bond” with my baby. I missed a lot being stuck in that brain. With my son, I had no issues at all because I knew I just wasn’t the kind of “love at first sight” mom EVERY other mom seems to be. I have to get to know my kids. It makes sense when you think about it logically. Does it matter that they came from your body and share your DNA? They are still a stranger. You’re getting to know them just as much as they are getting to know you. You learn to love each other. I love my kids now, no doubt about it. I know it in my heart even if I don’t feel it in my brain. We’re changing every day and getting to know each other more every day. That’s what love is. Maybe if more movies, books and other people told things how it really is, more women like us wouldn’t be so confused. Stop making things “magical” and keep it real!
Wow! That’s a comprehensive list. I ticked off a few things, but I think we all have some characteristics in common.
I hope people find their way to your blog; I’m sure this would help.
Thanks, Tilly. Yes, long list. It’s been simmering in my brain for a long time. 🙂
Awesome list Sam. I will have to check back and reread this more than once. Does the fact I listen to the same songs over and over mean anything? Dianne
🙂 Depends on the music! hee hee
I listen to the same song over and over all the time.
Thanks for commenting and stopping by. 🙂
“YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL ”
THIS IS FOR SURE ………
WELL DONE SAMANTHA .
🙂
WHAT AN INCREDIBLY WELL PUT TOGETHER LIST THAT EDUCATES
AND ELEVATES ………
THE WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE WHEN WE SEE THE SIMILARITIES AND THE UNIQUENESS IN EVERY ONE 🙂
I CHECKED OFF A FEW THERE ON THE LIST ………
!!!!!!!
MORE THAN A FEW !
“3. High interest in songs and song lyrics.”
“2. Sensory Issues (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste)”
“4. Highly intuitive to others’ feelings.”
WOW ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
THIS IS FOR YOU ………..
KEEP BEING YOU A ZILLION PERCENT
BEAUTIFUL YOU XO
CAT XO
Listening to the song, now. Very nice surprise to wake up to. “THE WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE WHEN WE SEE THE SIMILARITIES AND THE UNIQUENESS IN EVERY ONE.” ~ perfect quote!
Perfect video. I’ve heard the song but hadn’t seen the video. Thank you for sharing a few traits that you related to on the list. I figured #3! Appreciate all the positive up lifting words and, again, the song. Have a super week. 🙂 You are beautiful! Sam
NOT A QUOTE – 🙂 JUST AN EARLY MORNING RAMBLE 🙂 LOL !!!!!!!!
I DO MY BEST THINKING IN THE MORNING – WHO KNOWS WHY > MAYBE THE BRAIN IS MORE THAN AWAKE ……
MAYBE IT’S HAD TOO MUCH TIME TO BE QUIET ? 🙂
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL ………..
NEVER FORGET IT XOXOXOXO
XXX
MUCH LOVE
AND CONGRATS ON WHAT YOU DO …..
IT’S ENLIGHTENING AND REFRESHING ……..
IT’S A BEAUTIFUL WORLD WHEN NOBODY HIDES XOXOXO CAT
DING! DING! DING!
That was my you are sooo right bell!
I loved the checklist. I appreciate the time it took you to compile! 🙂
Lori
Ding! Ding! Ding! That’s my thank you bell. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by. Hugs.
I love your lists! 🙂
That’s a good thing. Because I think my brain is one giant list. hee hee
Happy Belated Birthday. I liked seeing a photo of you. 🙂
Oh my….it amazes me to identify with so many traits that I have.. and others, not…but the detailed accuracy is stunning…for example .. . bed linens and uncomfortability. I waited for my ex to fall asleep before getting to bed. .and wondered why those darn sheets couldn’t behave. Lol
Thanks for sharing your experience. 🙂 lol about the bed sheets.
That one had me LOL, too. I once swore to my husband that I would never get any sleep as long as I couldn’t get that wrinkle in the sheet to stay gone. Turns out it was a wrinkle UNDER the mattress. He calls me Princess and the Pea to this day over that one.
Don’t even ask what it takes for me to get settled before I can sleep. If you wrote it all down, it would fill a few dozen pages!
🙂 I am like the princess and the pea, too.
Like a few other commenters, I could check off nearly everything on this list as well, and probably my best friend could too. I also see my son in this list. Last year, while dealing with a stressful situation at school (I’m in grad school), my therapist asked if I wanted to undergo analysis to see if I should be diagnosed for Asperger’s, or if I wanted to do the same for my son. I said no, mostly because I have long suspected I either have Asperger’s or am very similar to one who has it, and I’ve mostly coped ok other than a few bumps along the way. I’ve read almost everything in our local library and book shop on it, and did the same when I suspected that my son and I both were suffering from food allergies when he was a baby. When it came to the food allergy stuff, our doctor finally said, “You’ve researched this so thoroughly that I should be coming to you for advice!” The therapist kind of said the same about Asperger’s.
This is a great post, and I am forwarding it to some friends.
Thank you!
My message for you just erased. Still learning how to navigate this laptop. Thank you for sharing your story. You remind me of my research journey. I smiled at the part about the therapist and doctor. Know that well. Take care, and thanks so much for stopping by. ~ Sam
Just now seeing the numbering was off! Oh, how I love dyslexia. Fixed it, I think.
Lol, this was the story inside my head- “The numbering in section E is wrong. Should I say something? Would that be weird? Should I say that I liked the list before or after mentioning the numbering? Or should I not say anything about it? Ha I’m over-thinking what I should say, just like in the list. Maybe I should describe this in my comment. Or would that be OTT & over-sharing? Heh heh that’s in the list too. Oh god now I’m over-thinking my over-thinking about what to say in my comment…. oh look the numbers are fixed….” 😛
Thanks for the great list, it was enlightening, to say the least!
lol 🙂 That would be so me! I Figured a lot of people probably had that same thought process. Felt so bad for the hundreds that saw it. Then had to let it go! Thanks for the comment, it made me smile. ~ Sam
(80.1% with a deviation of 10% depending on the section.. *ahem* )
What’s the ahem for. Clearing your throat? I’m not so good at social cues? lol 🙂 Sam Thanks for sharing
Thanks! I checked off almost everything on this.
You are welcome. Thank you for your feedback. It is helpful. 🙂
This is so much more realistic than the ‘official’ diagnosis list of questions. Nicely done and thank you! I think I got to 147 ticks – and 8 extreme opposite. Very interesting!
Thanks for your feedback. Cool that you kept track. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Love this! Both my daughter and I fit much of this list. (me much more than her). Thank you.
🙂 Thank you, Liz! Wonderful to meet you.
Thanks for putting together this extensive list. I have a feeling I’ll be coming back to it. I know someone with Aspergers and this is very helpful.
You are very welcome. 🙂 Sam
Thank you so much, this feels like someone just opened a window for me. Best wishes.
Thank you for commenting. I like that image of an open window. :))) Best wishes to you. Hugs, Sam
If diamonds were perfect then there would be nothing to trap and reflect the light. It is the imperfections which allow them to sparkle. Everyone is a diamond.
Very true. 🙂
Hi again! I wrote an very long comment on your other list, but I wanted to pop in here too. I translated my results into per cents and while several were lower than I expected some were higher. They are as follows:
100 per dent on Section A
60 per dent on Section B
65 per cent on Section C
62 per cent on Section D
68 per cent on Section E
50 per cent on Section F
90 per cent on Section G
71 per cent on Section H
80 per cent on Section I
80 per cent on Section J
83 per cent on Executive Functioning
I suspect some of the lower numbers are due either to my vision impairment, i.e. I can’t copy people because I can’t see what they are doing in a certain situation–, or my stubborn streak which makes conforming, especially to standards with which I disagree–contemperary fashion I’m looking at you–particularly difficult.
I don’t like social situations, but I’ve learned to deal with them, but it doesn’t feel like conscious effort–it seems more like I finally don’t care–while at the same time I do…I just confused myself and you all, sorry.-sheepish sad face-
While I want acceptance, I want it for my personality/interests, likes, dislikes, work, etc., not my appearance needless to say, the heigine one really hit home–that’s better now, I promise!! And there I go, over sharing, sharing intimate details and over thinking the over sharing. -head desk in frustration-
Yet at the same time that I want acceptance, there’s a part of my brain that says, I don’t care what anyone thinks. Needless to say, the over analytical hypercritical side of my brain and the hippie free spirit flower child side of my brain din’t get along and it becomes the Civil War inside my skull.
Usually, the hippie side wins -grins-
-resists urge to go into tangent about the reference being to the Irish not American Civil War-as Irish history is my special interest- because I don’t want to offend anyone-
Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Thanks for reading if you did. 🙂
Peace out,
Blackbird
That should be a very long not an, and I think per cent is one word. Oops.
Peace,
Blackbird the absent-minded
Well, I checked off everything except one. I am glad you mentioned Executive Functioning as most books and sites do not cover that area and it is the one that messes with my life the most and is understood for not trying or laziness and makes me feel aweful because no matter how hard I try it does not change. This post was excellent and I sent a link to a few close friends. Thank you:)
Hi Audrey. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate the information and the time you took. Glad you found the words helpful. Take care and best wishes to you. Sam 🙂
I have ADHD and have just being doing a hidden disabilities course and felt more strongly about the Aspie issue and your list is so me. I have to contend with something though how can these issues suddenly appear I understand overlap but the aspie issues were never there, I was social and I mean actually life of the party type, invited out even when broke because people wanted me around, now I have to say I feel like a pariah. My conversational skills are nothing to how they used to be, and people are always misunderstanding what I said now. I am losing the will, no matter how hard I try I feel battered.
but once again thanks for the female perspective.
I could be the life of the party, too. If I was in a glee-state, hyper from the newness, surrounded by a trusted friend, or just plain goofy. I think you can be the life of the party one time and then feel inadequate another. Each experience for each individual is unique. It depends on your level of confidence, the environment, who you are with, etc. Thank you for sharing and commenting and I wish you the best. ~ Sam 🙂
you have been lurking outside the window of my entire life.
😀
Ohhhh…..I love your comment….so profound and awesome. 🙂 Hugs. Sam
According to my trusty interweb calculator:
Section A: Deep Thinkers (90%)
Section B: Innocent (80%)
Section C: Escape and Friendship (85%)
Section D: Comorbid Attributes (75%)
Section E: Social Interaction (95%)
Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone (100%)
Section G: Sensitive (100%)
Section H: Sense of Self (75%)
Section I: Confusion (86%)
Section J: Words and Patterns (90%)
(Optional) Executive Functioning (91%)
So… yeah. :3 I feel as though my knowledge of my traits will increase as I get older and I’ll probably be able to use this more accurately. Thank you so much! c:
… And I was right. I told you that it would change!!!
A: 9/10 (90%)
B: 9/10 (90%)
C: 17/20 (85%)
D: 14/16 (87%)
E: 24/25 (96%)
F: 14/14 (100%)
G: 19/20 (95%)
H: 14/14- 13.5/14 (90-100%)
I: 15/15 (100%)
J: 10/10 (100%)
Optional: 11/12 (91%)
Thanks for sharing lovely Raven. 🙂
This was very interesting! This very much describes my daughter, with the exception that she stilll likes to go to the mall/shopping, etc, she likes to “go”…. & maybe a few other things, but overall, it really describes her to quite an extent. (she has NVLD) Thank you =)
Thank you for your comment. There have been times in my life when I like to go. Sometimes I am much happier out of the house as I’m out of my thoughts more. 🙂 I was going to write “out of my mind” more…but then chuckled, as that isn’t true. lol.
🙂 Sam
This sounds exactly like me ! I found this blog while searching for info on aspergers as my daughter has been red flagged with it but at the moment only been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder in seeking. I am just as different as her and sometimes I feel invisible or people don’t get me.. I have had OCD and anxiety in the past , but these days I’m doing ok.. This has opened my eyes and got me pondering ! Thanks 🙂
So glad you found this writing and that the words helped you to connect to your own experience in some way. Glad to “meet” you and the best of luck to you and your family. 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Hi, this is fascinating. I also felt a bit shocked when reading this because I could relate to a bit too much!
I haven’t had a good impression as to what Aspergers is because I have dated a male high-functioning “Aspie” but he only spoke to one doctor and for all we know he could just be an ass!
He was the opposite of me in some ways, vindictive, obsessive, had an emotional affair, really good with numbers, very neat, organized, introverted, socially awkward, selfish, very vain, inflated ego…
He did have many “aspie” traits, but so do many non-Aspie, so it’s hard to draw the line, as many of the traits people relate to “Aspie” are male traits in general, as males are matter-of-fact and very logical most of the time.
Some guys that are nassicist, or just jerks or even sociopaths will lie and say they have “Aspergers” so people will not suspect them.
They give real Aspies a bad name.
Personally I’m a creative individual that relate to this as I’m imaginative, and have anxiety traits. (Like most artists…) Many artistic people have characteristics mentioned here.
I am very honest, and could find many things I could agree to here, and it would be easier to list the things that really don’t apply.
It is interesting as what I have read about female Aspies is actually interesting, and they sound very different to the males…I was wondering why are they so different?
Why the males are so bad at reading facial cues, but the females are really VERY good with empathy and reading others???
It also sounds like they could be an overlap here of other conditions this could apply to:
BDP males–problems with reading facial expressions in extreme cases,
ADHD-dyslexia can occur in many conditions such as ADHD, or a stand-alone trait.
Agoraphobia-people with this condition would avoid crowded places and answering phones etc
Anxiety
Depression
There are so many labels a person can have, or that overlap… What were some of the labels you were misdiagnosed with?
I was curious way you mentions CFS here, as that’s a medical condition, all different personality types could have.
I really hope the first part wasn’t offensive, it is a description of an indivual male with Aspergers, and I’m not saying the whole group is like that. That’s most likely obvious, but the last thing I’d want to do is hurt feelings, especially seeing most people here would be sensitive.
Thanks for the interesting article. 🙂
Thank you for sharing a part of your journey, and I hope you find the answers you are searching for. Females present differently because of our genetic make-up, our socialization skills, expectations from others, and the way females communicate and interact. Males and females on the spectrum have much in common; however, there are definite differences between the male and female in communication style. Best wishes to you, and thanks for taking the time to comment. 🙂
I have a 3year old boy in a wait list for autism diagnosis. I have been beefing up and researching autism for about a year now. I decided I was curious to know the traits of an adult with aspergers because I have wondered if perhaps he inherited it from me. This list rang so true for me and feels like it described a lot of my quirks. My question is what does a diagnosis do for a person with aspergers? Is it worth the trouble? It may have helped me growing up and going to school. I suppose I could
… ask a doctor but I am afraid of being shirked off. I would hate to be perceived as an over reacting parent ( sorry for the fractured post my phone was being cheeky)
Thank you for your comment and sharing a part of your story. Your question is a great one. I might encourage you to join our support group on facebook to ask that question. Link atop blog. Seeking a diagnosis can be a painful experience or rewarding, depending on the professionals your encounter and your state of mind, emotions, etc. regarding the issue. Best wishes to you. 🙂
Thank you thank you thank you. You have described my personality and I’m blown away and relieved all at the same time. Never knew there were others like me…. and I’m 37.
You are very, very welcome. Thank you so much for letting me know this reached you on some level. Best wishes. 🙂 Sam
I just kept nodding. I teared up. I have felt so out of place my whole life. Could this be me? Thank you so much – really.
You are very welcome. Thank you for taking the time to share. Hugs to you.
Same here!
I so relate. Read the list and felt like i had found myself …
Some of these, I’m not 80%, but most of them, I’m 100%. I probably need to take this list to my doctor, and get the diagnosis, huh?
I don’t know if your doctor would take the list seriously, but it couldn’t hurt, as long as you are prepared for him/her to possibly dismiss it. Unfortunately a lot of professionals know little to nothing about females with Aspergers. Best wishes to you, and thank you for taking the time to comment. 🙂
Thank you so much for all the great info you post here, and particularly this checklist! I can’t even count the number of “a-ha” and “sigh of relief” moments I’ve had.
Just wanted to point out that some males may present with some of the stuff on this list, just like some females present more like the “typical” male-oriented checklists. I think it would be great to have *both* types of checklists acknowledged by the so-called experts.
For those asking why girls/women would present differently, particularly in the areas of empathy/intution, I think it could be partly physiological or hormonal. But mostly I think it is due to socialization and culture. Girls and woman are more often placed in situations where they are required to communicate, to interact, to consider people’s emotions, to be polite. Female social groups are also more frequently centered around intense communication, sharing of emotions, and elaborate interactions. Men are not expected to do these things, and in fact are often severely discouraged from doing so. Male friendships often focus on activities or shared interests, whereas female friendships center on similarities and shared experiences or shared emotions. Certainly there is overlap, but those are recognized general trends. This means that girls and women with Asperger’s or other high-functioning autism conditions are under even more social pressure to learn how to share emotions, how to recognize others’ emotions, and how to communicate and be polite. Because of this, we learn how to adapt more quickly than males. This is my theory, anyway.
Interesting thoughts. Thank you for sharing them with me and for making contact. Best wishes to you. 🙂
Thank you for this checklist. Here were my results:
Percentage: 91.4 % out of 100%
Section A – 10/10
Section B – 9/10
Section C – 14/20
Section D – 25/25
Section E – 25/25
Section F – 14/14
Section G – 20/20
Section H – 11/14
Section I – 13/15
Section J – 9/10
Executive functioning – 10/12
I really enjoy your blog and appreciate all you’ve shared!
You are most welcome. Thanks for letting me know! 🙂
your blog resembles much what i was like when i was younger. i didnt get diagnosed till i was like 14 1/2 and the only reason i got diagnosed was because my mum had been lookin at my history on my laptop and saw i was on suicide sites. it had actually got that bad, and i couldnt tell her how i felt. i kept so much inside and it was killing me every day but now im diagnosed i have improved so much and life is good. but in order to improve you need to find peace within urself…how can i explain…its not something other people can help u with really, not even pshciatrists, its something u need to do within urself, but people have varying degrees of aspergers and so this can be very hard for some people. im now 15 and i am already so much better, i actually feel normal, i have friends and a good real life, i get out, work hard and have fun, but the state i was in those years in didnt know i had aspergers i was not well…i cannot even explain…i was in a very dark evil cold place in my head. i was suffering from EXTEME social anxiety. i genuinly believe had i not been diagnosed i wud hav eventually just snapped and turned in2 some kinda pshcopath or sumthing. girls express the symptoms of aspergers much more differently than boys, schools and such need to know this. none of my teachers picked up on any of my symptoms, i just appeared painfully shy, weird, loner, stupid (my grades suffered a lot too because of my intense anxiety and such). i hear a lot about aspie girls not following fashion or keeping good hygeine or using makeup/deoderants/grooming hair etc…this was not the case for me. i tried really hard to keep up with all this, quite often more than other teenagers in general. i actually started to get body dysmorphic tendancies. (i still do, im still working on that) but until my teenage years it was the other way round. i guess i was just desperate to fit in and i had this idea that people judged an awfull lot by appearance (an aspie trait, i was too focused on labels and diagnostics lol, probably the reason why i used to be a hardcore feminist too, i really hated bein judged by sexism, plus i was always more of a tomboy and did well at guy sports) i got the idea that if i looked weird/ugly eg they would see me as having a weird/ugly personality. i recognised all the popular people looked good/cool, and then i saw the less popular people…who didnt. i didnt want to be judged by being one of those people i guess. what im tryna say here is there are some girls with aspergers who actually do take care of appearance/follow fashion and such. i just dont want teachers thinking that socially awkward loner girl sitting in there class hasnt got aspergers because she follows fashion/does hygeine/groom hair or whatever cuz this is not always the case. There are so many girls out there suffering with undiagnosed aspergers, not just that, girls go undiagnosed for a lot of other mental ilnesses too. i just want them to get help. if u have any symptoms of aspergers at all please go to a doctor an get it checked. its usually the more high functioning autistics (like me) who dont have as many of the symptoms as others who come to realise theyre different and who can spiral into a dark place where they begin to think why theyre not fitting in, whats wrong with them, why am i so different from other people, and begin to hate themselves. ASD is the fastest growing mental illness of today.go get help, please dont be scared, phsciatrists only want to help you, they wont judge. LIFE DOES GET BETTER. be happy with who you are ❤
thank you for sharing your story. I hope your words can help other readers. Life does get better. You are right. I appreciated all you shared and your heart. Blessings and light to you.
“ASD is the fastest growing mental illness” This was confusing to me as I didn’t think it was a mental illness.
What Jessica describes sounds more like BPD with the intense desire to fit in and be accepted.
ASD is not a mental illness but is confused as so because it is in the manual used to determine mental illness. 🙂
Not necessarily, Zenni. Many females on the spectrum also have an intense desire to fit in and be accepted. I know that I did. Of course, I have not been officially diagnosed, but I AM fairly sure that I am on the spectrum myself. I spent years trying to fit in before I gave up.
As I’ve dated a man with Aspergers, I feel that the condition is not something to jump to conclusions about.
A young woman experiencing depression, anxiety, body image issues and strong desire to fit in sounds like a typical teenager going through severe depression.
It’s a bit of a jump to say Autism or Aspergers as unlike a mental illness such as BPD, depression, anxiety etc it can not be “cured” nor is it something to “cure”
I don’t feel Aspergers is a “mental illness” it’s a different perspective of life, and in extreme cases a disability..
If you put yourself in the Aspergers category, that’s a huge jump as you will accept this way of thinking is for life, in some ways can be a gift–and is not some mental illness that could be treated away.
It’s a life commitment, so you better make sure you want a label for life, as society has cruel stigmas.
In the case that it causes you pain, another label (I can’t stand labels, why can’t people just be considered human beings?) might be better because it gives you hope of cure.
If you feel that aspergers is a gift, a part of your personality, but not illness, then it might feel correct.
I understand people just don’t want to be invisible anymore.
What’s my diagnosis? I don’t know. I’m here for various reasons. I have an interest in Aspergers, and also things it could be misdiagnosed for such as BPD and ADD..very interesting topics.
All that matters is this is a great community for support, whatever the case may be.
If read aloud, the tone was kind and heartfelt ^^^
I agree with much of what you said. 🙂 Thanks for the input. After loving my son (still do of course) with ASD it is so easy for me to see Aspergers as a gift, despite the challenges, so I am very thankful for my outlook. You voiced concerns of many. blessings, Sam
I’m a 30 year old female in the UK and after a life time of crippling anxiety, IBS, sensory overload, excessive structure, obessions , ‘quirkiness’ and a general sense of ‘otherness’ I’ve asked to be referred for an assessment for Aspergers whilst being treated for another episode of generalized anxiety and panic.
I do a great job of blending in a lot of the time, but find so much of society’s daily activities and expectations completely overwhelming.
Although friends and family are loathe to agree that I may be on the spectrum, that just proves to me what an amazing mask I’ve worn for so long and how well I’ve kept people at arms length incase they see the ‘real me’.
I just want to thank you so much for your invaluable insight and honesty. Reading your blog has made something “click” at long last, and I hope I’m on the start of developing a happier, more accepting me.
you are most welcome. I’m so glad something clicked for you. I hope you are on that start, too. Thanks much for sharing. I can relate to what you said, especially the “amazing mask” part. Cheers and much light and love heading your way. 🙂 Sam
Thanks Sam, I am glad you liked my other comments. I have decided to write about myself below, and if you want, you could offer your interpritation. (took some courage to decide this)
Firstly my results: -)
High Scores in sections A,B, F, G, H & J
Low scores in- C,D,E,I and the optional section
Seems I either highly agreed or did not apply at all.
An honest self description of me & what others have said:
When I was a child I was very honest and trustworthy. I learnt to read quickly and was a creative, popular kid.
I had no issues with social interaction, and what quite an extrovert. I had a lot of confidence, played sports and did well at school.
I was not in the gifted classes, but doing well enough. However, I was very advanced with words, and vocubularly for my age. I read adult novels (always fiction) and in that way I was advanced.
I did have big issues with maths, learning the time, spatial reasoning. This did not improve with age. So in those technical/numerical areas I am a dunce.
I told people everything, and can relate to over-sharing. I learnt to stop that as felt hurt no one did in return. It also gets used against you.
Teenage years I had heavy depression and withdrew into introversion. I changed dramatically and really did not like the company of others. I quickly noticed the stupidity of society, commercialism and started to feel life was pointless and that people were shallow.
I have always been considered attractive, but at times dressed VERY oddly either for comfort or for shock value as I like art and alternative cultures.
I was very naive for a long time and like a child. I moved out early, but in other areas I was behind. I feel I need to be looked after sometimes. I can easily care for myself, but the house will be a mess, but I can survive. It’s just stressful, mundane things like paying bills etc.
I was top of the class for most things except the tecnical/numbers. I already had big signs of getting lost a lot, forgetting my timetable, late nearly daily, messy writing, brought the wrong books, unorganized and poor with practical subjects.
e.g. In science class, I’d panic when we had to do experiments, because that meant following steps, OUTSIDE OF A BOOK and I waited to copy how others set it up.
I have to learn things with my hands, so just being told by the teacher was mostly useless. I generally can’t follow diagrams, or maps.
I am not clumsy, and I appear “normal” and not some kind of inept person, but in many ways I am dumb.
As an adult I still have that trouble of being “smart” but when it came to actual work, never keeping a job, and losing esteem as outside of highschool the world considered me an idiot.
I do the blank stare, and get lost in thought. People can’t decide if I’m a genius or a fool. I’ve been called both often.
I went through a period of time where I unplugged my phone and turned my mobile off. I have also had anxiety and always messy house, or very neat house. I often have trouble with going outside. I now love the company of others and leave my phone on, and encourage interaction. I am an extrovert again.
I’ve always been popular and good with jokes, and considered attractive. I don’t lie so in relationships, I never cheated, and have been a great friend or partner.
I am also considered very weird. As in one situation I will talk to everybody in the room, and in another something triggers me and I am pissed off by others being in my space and walk away from everybody. This is confusing to others as how can I be both gregacious and a recluse/human-hater.
(Often alternating beteen social butterfly, to humans are terrible, I prefer animals)
I know EVERYTHING about the people I am really close to, and my romantic partner will become what you call a “special interest” as I gather facts about him.
I’m very, very romantic and thoughtful.
Why I suffer is I can never really be happy, I get very lonely, I make friends easily—but can’t seem to keep more than 2-3 friends…..and yes many have stopped talking to me for no reason. I have many acquanitences, but because i can’t keep a job, I am always broke so can’t go out or do things. Money troubles isolate me as I feel ashamed and don’t want to mooch off others.
In this area I lie significantly, to retain dignity. It feels bad though.
I feel like a child, I can’t self-teach (I need to be shown everything) and appointments etc obsess my whole day.
I want to be independent and keep a job, but I’m not.
I could say more/answer questions, but this is already huge, but maybe it would help someone.
I’ve written a lot then backspaced the things that I felt were too much.
I have seen most of this can apply to creative people with anxiety. But I’ll leave it to you to decide.
Please ask, if you’d like to clarify anything.
Thanks for letting me share here. 🙂
I knew it would be long, but not that long…so sorry!!!!
P.S. How did you manage teaching? Going to uni? With all that anxiety and need to be organized, wasn’t it really hard? Well done!
I’ll try to get back to you shortly on this; feel free to friend me on facebook, and let me know if you want me to delete any of your information after I’m done reading. 🙂 I don’t mind the length and thank you for sharing. 🙂 Sam
Ah, Zenni. You sound a lot like I do.
Of course, I’m just now realizing that I was more obnoxious than I was social, and I had a very abrupt approach to the entire ordeal. I seemed social enough, but only around adults. Around my peers, I was absolutely atrocious.
Even now, I *seem* social. I have much difficulty with the reading of facial expressions and body language, but I’m always very kind and friendly with people, and I’ve never been described as quiet. In fact, people often tease me for being hyperactive. In reality, I’m only being hyperactive as a way of releasing nervous energy, but no one understands.
Whenever I tell someone that I have difficulty interacting, they’re very surprised and usually don’t believe me. I have definitely become more subdued with age, but I consider myself to be an extroverted introvert.
I have found that from my description above, and personality test in past—INFP are VERY similar to this, and aren’t Aspies…just very different and only form about 2% of society so they feel different too.
I am an ambivert these days. Too extroverted to be a real introvert, not hyper enough to keep up with the true extroverts.
I can relate to this unofficial list, but what I’m really not realting to—is some key Aspie traits…
I have really good read of body language and facial expressions. I am considered “perceptive”
I also couldn’t relate to the motor skills part.
I found one of the good tests online (used in actual testing) and this was the result:
Your Aspie score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 135 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical
So I have more in common with Aspies than most, but still aren’t one.
I’m most likely an eccentric person. I can find some understanding here, and on other forums for various things.
Thanks for the reply.
Very interesting. I am INFJ I have heard that a large majority of Aspie are INSJ (I think)… not sure though. INFJ is a small percent of population, as well. Thanks for commenting. Enjoyed your insight. As a side note, after decades I did “learn” how to read body language, and many female aspies become experts in reading body language for survival. Also I trained myself to make eye contact in my late thirties. I’m introvert unless I’m around people who make me feel safe, or I get a type of hyper-nervous where I babble… and then regret everything I said. I am a natural leader, that pushes me out of my shell often; so I might give a speech but be shaking in my boots the whole time. Cheers and best wishes to you. :))
I can see the biggest factor here, is that being a social natural in early childhood, (having many friends, playing sports, perceptive at young age) and later developing some social awkwardness as a result of teenage depression.
I can see now how people with Aspergers would get unfairly misdiagnosed. This conversation revealed the critical factor–“What were they like as kids?”
If I had these traits from a young age, I would certainly consider the possibility of Aspergers.
Aspergers isn’t something you can “learn” later in life.
There we go! Some kind of insight! 🙂 “What were you like as a child?” That tells us who we really are.
Actually…. some experts say Aspergers hits females at puberty… with onset depression and the realization they no longer fit in. …..
Oh, really, Sam? Wow, that makes so much sense… I always knew that I was different, but it really hit me from the ages of 11-13. That was when I started trying to fit in and adapt to social norms…
I’ve given up at this point, but still… it makes sense.
Oh that’s interesting- then how come it’s considered developmental?
I didn’t have trouble fitting in. I had depression because a family member died, and I no longer felt joyous or like interacting for a while. Some other things happened too.
After overcoming the majority of that grief, I was right back into it. But I’ll always miss them.
i cried and cried and cried. i am 40. i have been disconnected all my life trying so hard and failing to be something acceptable despite my outward intelligence and confidence. almost everything on that list bar two items i can relate to and my 4 year old daughter is also different.i cry for her too because she is like me.
huge hugs of support to you. 🙂 thank you for sharing
May be too late to make this comment, but go to the Lord Jesus. He will help you.
WOW! again i say THANK YOU! BLESS YOU! I am 39 F in the USAand about to be officially diagnosed with Aspergers AKA Autism.per DSM 5. I have pushed and researched and argued to get my diagnosis and I am not backing down because for once I am listening to my intuition. I always knew, but until found your blog today couldn’t fully express myself to doctors. One neuropsych in 2011 even accused me of being too detailed and diligent and over sharing. grrrrrr!
My top three deepest aspie female traits is the the naivete, the executive function issues, and the young/little side that female aspies sometimes have. I have racked up multiple death threats on the naiveness issue alone. I really really wish I had known this stuff in childhood! I am so glad i survived. I am also glad that younger aspie girls may not have to go where I and others like me have been. i am glad that because of you and women like you they may receive support and have self understanding.
Thank you for the introduction. Good for you! That takes a lot of energy and strength. Sigh about the neuropsych in 2011…. Sounds like my three top traits, too. death threat? eeek, that doesn’t sound good. I am glad for the same things. Blessings, Sam
thank you Sam 🙂 yes eeek is right. I was friendly, innocent and when i went into homes to do family preservation everyday in the “ghetto” hard core drug dealers thought i was a narc. They were not nice and not happy 😦 I QUIT. only last 3 months. . . Quitting however didn’t mean I actually gained any common sense yet…. that took years and lots more “adventures” to start to learn the ways of the world.
🙂 I used to work in the “ghetto” too, when I was in college without a thought to my own danger…… just trying to help people. Now I look back and see what a risk I was taking. But I think I was watched over, as many with kind hearts are. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
I relate somewhat to that list. My children have autism/asperger’s and my psychiatrist says that I likely have some autistic traits. Some of my early bad experiences were due to innocence and lack of street smarts. Counseling did help change my way of thinking about others. It gave me insight.
I think my autistic traits helped me to understand my children, though.
thank you for sharing; I am able to understand my son in many aspects because of my ASD and his ASD. 🙂
Your list is a revelation! I recognise so much of the list. I have known a number of male aspies and never for a moment associated myself with them, until I recently found out how much different the female symptoms and traits are. I have lived with this semi-alien sensation all my life. I’m now 61, just retired and finding life somewhat easier to cope with; however this thing doesn’t get any better, it just appears to change as you go through the different stages of life. I’m not sure if even the word Aspergers existed when I was a child, so at least children now are far more likely to be spotted and helped.
Thank you so much for this, also thank you to all these ladies for also replying, to know that there are so many of us is something of a comfort!
Having only recently self-diagnosed, my plan is to get a formal diagnosis – it may seem a little late to be bothering with such a thing, but there is one specific person in my life (a sibling, can’t be avoided!) who constantly criticises my every move and every word – makes me feel dreadful after every meeting with her – I am hoping that putting a name to this ‘condition’ might just make her hold her tongue occasionally!
Thank you again Samantha, I wish you well.
You are most welcome. I wish you well, too. Thank you for sharing :)))
Thank you…I ticked off nearly everything. My parents aren’t really supportive of this situation (I’m 18, still live at home) so I decided to take therapy …They don’t realise that it’s not just therapy for myself, but also for them. I love you for making this list.. I just read trough the comments, and I’m happy knowing that I’m not the only one!
-Mariya
Thank you for taking the time to comment; I wish you the very best.
I am a 32 year old female going through a horrendous divorce. I was recently told by a counselor that I may have aspergers. I’ve been back and forth about it for months. When forced by the court system to be evaluated for custody by my husband who was trying to prove I was unfit I met with a Psychologist. He saw that my counselor suggested I may have aspergers and he immediately discredited it due to my ability to maintain eye contact and be social, he said I have traits of aspergers but may not have it. After reading this list…there is no doubt. This describes me to a T with emphasis on confusion and sensitivity. I have a very difficult time understanding dishonesty and manipulation. Which explains why my husband was able to manipulate and control me so easily throughout our marriage… I see the good in everyone, to the point of being naive. My husband cleared out our bank accounts and kidnapped our young child, and I was completely blindsided. I am still in shock. I never saw it coming…and the funny thing is I don’t hate him for it… I feel bad for him. Everything he is doing is destructive to himself and he is completely unaware. He has literally created a hell on earth for me, and I don’t hate him. Everyone tells me I am so strong and they couldn’t be so forgiving under such horrible circumstances, but what they don’t understand is that my thought process is so complex that I look at it from every angle… like I am removed from the situation. This is common for me and is why I’ve always felt like an outsider looking in on this world. It is extremely lonely, which has led to sever depression. It is like, I want to be involved but then I feel like I don’t fit in, and can’t understand, but then I understand everything on so many levels… and I think it is my understanding everything at so many levels, that I feel odd or out of place that others don’t see all the levels too. I hate the feeling of being detached from the majority… not being able to relate… and I need lots of time alone to reflect before I come to an understanding, if I ever do, of how I feel about even minuet things. A professor I dated once told me that I over intellectualize everything and I guess I do. I guess the question to be analyzed here is how do I use it to my advantage? I hate not being understood, perhaps because I don’t always understand myself. And feeling distant from ones self is perhaps the loneliest feeling there is.
please see our support group under about author page to left. I am so sorry for your heartache and struggles. Take care. I understand.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/261412237267413/
I checked off at least 95 percent of these traits. I see these traits are much different from the text book traits. As I believe its very misunderstood. I have never been diagnosed with aspergers but I am in the processed of being diagnosed and have a appointment in a few weeks. From what I gathered it seems vital to go to someone who has alot of experience in adult aspergers. I am a male and this list very well describes my personality. I wish they used this in the diagnosis! lol I am on disability right now for panic disorder and I have gained so much clarity since I started learning about aspergers just recently and looking forward to getting help.
I am so glad you are gaining clarity. Thank you for sharing. And best, best wishes to you in this journey.
I have to say that reading your checklist has shocked, disturbed, and relieved me all at the same time. I can identify with about 90% of the things on your list. Growing up, I always felt awkward and out of place, but I excelled academically. I was very quiet and shy, and felt like I just couldn’t find the words to say in order to carry a conversation. People would ask me why I was so quiet and I never really had an answer for them. I was told I was beautiful but never really saw what others saw. I was a prolific writer and could write poems that blew people away.
As I got older, the shyness was an issue with getting a job and/or keeping one. I would recite in my head what I needed to say in a meeting and would clam up when caught off guard with a question that I didn’t have a rehearsed answer for.
I had friends though, but just a few really close ones who seemed to bring the best out in me. But when I wasn’t with them, I reverted back to my shy self.
I begged and pleaded with God to help me to overcome, what I thought at the time were, insecurities. That was from age 13 to 33. I’m now 37 and feel that I’ve outgrown some of the traits you listed, but I still have many of them. I just don’t struggle with them. I feel like I forced myself to fit in better and to not be as shy. I still tend to feel like I’m not from this planet (lol), obsess over song lyrics/poetry/philosophy, can be very naive, get lost in relationships (real & imagined), obsess over the potentiality of love, am sensitive to florescent lighting, and the list goes on to match many of yours. I always thought I was the only person that felt this way and it’s such an incredible discovery to find that I’m not. However, rhetorically, I wonder what is really wrong with any of this? Why is any of this considered bad or something that calls for special attention and/or treatment? I mean, they’re just personality traits, right? I’ve learned to embrace my differences and have become more confident in doing so.
Thank you so much for sharing all of this. You’ve definitely had an impact on so many people, including me. 🙂
thank you for sharing. It helps others to read your experience and others’ experiences. I am so glad you are gaining understanding. I get the begging to God part…..so very well. Much love and light to you. And you are most welcome.
I haven’t stopped crying since I stumbled on your blog. I joke constantly about having a high functioning form of autism, because I’ve always felt like an alien in a strange world. I keep reading your words and keep muttering “it’s ME!! Somebody understands ME!!”
Thank you for putting into words what I’ve never been able to communicate to others. I’m not lazy and thin skinned, I’m scared/overwhelmed/hurt/confused and this is how I cope in my obsessing/organizing/categorizing/hermiting/analyzing/fantasizing.
Again, thank you.
Yes, I understand you! Thank you for your comment. Best wishes to you. :)))
Thank you for this checklist! I was diagnosed fairly recently, and this checklist reaffirmed my diagnosis. In case anyone was interested in seeing the results of a female diagnosed with AS, here are mine:
Section A: 90%
Section B: 90%
Section C: 60%
Section D: 69%
Section E: 76%
Section F: 100%
Section G: 90%
Section H: 71%
Section I: 93%
Section J: 90%
Executive Functioning: 100%
Interesting numbers. Thanks for sharing. I love numbers. Wow on 100% on F. Actually I am 100 in each category…fricken scary!!! eekkkkk. Best wishes to you. 🙂
My daughter has possible Aspergers, I don’t know yet. I am not diagnosed but can take comfort from reading the list, I don’t feel as alone. Thanks.
You are not alone. Yes, please take comfort. Much love to you.
Hi Aspergers Girl,
I am wondering how old you were when you were diagnosed and what prompted you to get a diagnosis.
I was homeschooled abroad always getting at least straight A’s but floundered upon entering public school in Canada. I developed an eating disorder since the numbers associated with food facts gave me a concrete place of safety in the unpredictable environment I was plunged into.
I now am homeschooling my two children and was deeply affected when my son showed signs of ASD. He was assessed and had a lot of deficits that struck close to home with me. He was diagnosed with NLD and Asperger’s overlapping.
It wasn’t until that point that I recognized that his disabilities were so kindred to mine.
I wound up having a nervous breakdown. I thought that I would be diagnosed with something significant since I was cutting and showing eating disordered behaviour. It was simply said that I was highly intelligent and really stressed out.
When I looked at your list (I had already known I was “different”) that I saw that I could see a yes on every item on your list. I remember a guy giving me a dozen roses on valentines day and I didn’t realize that it meant he liked me. I just thought if was a kind gesture. I left them in the bottom of my locker to rot and didn’t get why he was hurt by my actions.
Is it common for girls with ED’s and executive function issues along with anxiety and unfulfilled learning aptitudes to be aspires? Oh, and the NLD factor. I think that is a strange one to swallow. I have heard that it is just an alternative neuro-psychological version of an aspie diagnosis.
My grandma graduated high school when she was fifteen but was known to loose her tea while it was in her hand. My mom was at the top of her mensa class but can’t enjoy reading novels. She and I both just memorize facts. It is overwhelming.
I would appreciate hearing any thoughts you have to offer about this.
Lisa
Wow, you write well. 🙂 Yes, comorbid conditions of ASD are anxiety, executive functioning challenges, etc. I drop things all the time and have a hard time reading non-fiction. I would say since your son has Aspergers and you have so many traits that you recognized on this list that there is a possibility you have Aspergers, but I am not a psychologist, and of course haven’t seen or spoken to you in depth. Would you like to join our online facebook support group? Or you can friend me on facebook. See the about author page listed on the left of the blog. Sounds like you have high intelligence in your family that is for certain! I am glad you shared about your self and life and contacted me. I truly enjoyed reading your comment. 🙂 Wishing you abundance and love ~ Sam
I am 50 years old,and finally have found this.This describes me,my entire life.I guess my question now is,what do I do about this? Is there help for it? Thanks for writing this.
have you seen our support group. Look under about author on the left of this blog. :)))
I’m 32 year old woman and found your blog a month ago, and as many others here made me realize that I might have an Aspergers. Almost every single point in the checklist applies to me. For all this time I’ve wondered why I do feel as I don’t belong anywhere, and felt overwhelmed by these characteristics in me I thought no one else have. It’s really hard for me to not imitate the accents people use when talking with me, and I’m clumsy and slow, and sometimes I’m the only one who takes the wrong turn in the aerobics class or cannot keep up with the program. I’ve been psychotherapy but I was diagnosed as depressed, highly sensitive, intelligent and stressing too much about what others think of me. I’ve always had something of a vanishing self, I see most things relative, and cannot really make strong opinions. I tend to feel better when I’m abroad. I feel alien in my own country (not US, I live in Europe), and also when I live abroad. But I prefer the latter, as then feeling or acting strangely in social situations in more socially acceptable and even expected. I wonder if there are other aspies who’ve noticed they dwell better when outside their own culture. Also, when I’ve live abroad I’ve been able to create a stronger identity to myself, and I mean not pretending to have one, but actually feel that way.
Thank you so much for writing this blog, I enjoy reading it now every day, and it brings so much comfort to realize I’m not alone 🙂
thank you so much for sharing. 🙂 I love to read about other’s journey and insight. You are most welcome. :))) You are not alone…I have to remind myself of that often, still…
OH thank you so much for this list. It’s like opening a window into my head and seeing what goes where! I absolutely recognize myself in this list. I am a bit of an Internet hypochondriac, but I love that you mentioned the apparent narcissism! – I have been wondering if that’s what it really was. I know, I should get a professional to run tests, etc. but there’s something so satisfying about doing it myself!
wonderful and welcome 🙂
Pardon if this posts twice
This list is extremely well thought out and accurate in regards to me and those I know/ have known. May I post a link to this on my website?
links are always fine. 🙂 thank you. and you are pardoned…hehe
In the middle of categorizing all my coins I have saved in the past 4 years from my part-time restaurant job, I FOUND this amazing list!!!! 🙂 Nothing else could have shifted my zoned-out attention (which is soooo relaxing) from my coins, than such an accurate and comprehensive list of attributes, from which I checked off at least 90% for myself! I am self-diagnosed for 2 years now, and considering to get a diagnosis soon. Bad timing though, since the updated DSM-IV might be less sensitive to mild ends of the spectrum. Anyhow, just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU for taking your time and effort to create this list! Also I am glad I discovered your blog, there is a good chance that I will catch myself reading your archive posts for 1 or 2 hours, driven by my eagerness to feel connected to others. 🙂 And by the way this is officially my very first comment I have ever left on a blog.
Keep it up!!
Have a wonderful evening!!!
I am honored. And love your energy. Coins are cool– Look forward to the connection. And tickled that you took the time to write. 🙂 blessings.
Yes!!! This is it…thank you…thank you…thank you Sam! 🙂
You are MOST welcome. :)))))
This list is like a breath of fresh air. I ticked over 90% of it and for only the second time in my life (the first time was reading Aspiegirls Oct 2012) I felt understood. I have spent the last 42 years feeling lost in a world of people I couldn’t understand or connect to then my partner read a book that had an Aspergers character and said ‘that’s you!’ I’m still not sure what to do with this discovery but at least now I know I’m not crazy. Thank you.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. All the best to you. Thank you for your kind words. 🙂
This blog post blew my mind. I’ve been looking for a good explanation of what aspergers looks like in girls ever since my husband was diagnosed aspergers and my son has many aspie traits. The more I learn about aspergers, the more I unravel my own story, but I have never been able to completely identify with asperger traits because I am able to be sociable and function typically. I keep feeling like there is an untold story of women with aspergers. Where are they? Why aren’t they visible to more people? Why are men so easy to diagnose and women like myself struggle for years, but are never recognized? I think it is because we don’t know what aspergers looks like with women because women mask it easier. We have different ways of showing our aspergers then men do, so we get overlooked.
This was wonderful. So insightful. Thank you so much!
You are most welcome. Lovely comment. I agree.
I want to thank you for this. People have questioned my diagnoses because it doesn’t really present in us quite the same way it does men and because it is less common in us sometimes I think people think we just can’t have it.
I saw a few things in your list that I haven’t seen before (at least not that I recall) that made me feel better about myself. I often get accused of being manipulative and people like to yell at me about turning conversations back to myself assuming that I think of no one but myself. It is hard to anticipate the needs of others and it is hard for me to understand what others are feeling but that doesn’t mean that I don’t think of them or don’t care or love them.
Very interesting page ! I’m not a girl, but I’d say that I fit to about 90% of the checklist, thanks for sharing ! 🙂
i cried. i feel i am she and she is me. we people,aspies,are made for a better world. we are better. we are deep and honest. the world is not.
Much love to you 🙂
Yes tsahpina… we are deep and honest and the world is not. aspies are made for a better world – thank you for saying that which I have deeply felt but could not say …. aspie love to you x
❤
Oh man. This is over the top on-point. Thank you. It also was comforting in a way to read about friends being pawns. I used to write plays and didn’t realize that I was forcing my younger friends into doing what I wanted. Also a trait of being an INFJ, but many other signs put to Aspergers.
I am INFJ as well. 🙂
May I ask what is ‘INFJ’ please ? thanks….
Look up myers briggs test. Common personality test done by business and psychology departments. 🙂
Not bad. Excuse me for my bad english. Very interesting, as a male with asperger i’m interested also in female asperger. What I’m looking for is the similarities between the sexes. And what my hypothesis is, is these differences:
Feature NeuroTypical Aspergian
Gluten / Casein sensitivity None Sensitive; Opioid-like effects
Social prowess in typical settings Excellent Poor
Social prowess in “geeky” settings Poor Excellent
Number of friends Many poorly known Few, but very close acquaintances
Desire for social power Large Small
Voice inflection / tonal variance Widely varied, even from childhood Monotone, pedantic (early in life, sometimes continuing later on)
Suceptibility to being taken Low High
advantage of
Gullibility Low High
Literal interpretation, Uses and Very literal and pedantic
Semantics understands metaphor and pragmatics
with ease
Honesty Tactful, Deceptive Brutally honest
Childhood / Workplace bullying Is a bully Is often bullied
Political interests Very political Apolitical
Logical reasoning abilities Poor Excellent
Verbal communication Indirect, deceptive, Direct, honest,
more interested in more interested in information
social contact transfer
Answering questions Often answers “why” Answers with a semantically
questions with “what” literal and true response
or “how”, etc
Charm Extremely charming Lacks panache
Body Type Ectomorph Mesomorph
Relative Body Temperature Warmer Cooler
Preference
Dwelling preference Urban Rural
Metaphor use Frequent, with ease Rare (especially during youth), and often convoluted
Engineering skills Poor Excellent
Physical Laziness Lazy Industrious
Selfishness Selfish Selfless
Eyes Slitty, closed Open wide
partway
Feeling about socially adapt people Strongly like them Strong aversion, find them to and respect them be untrustworthy
Written communication Poor grammar Impeccable grammar and spelling and spelling
Nonverbal communication Has immediate Has trouble with nonverbal,
nonverbal instincts, eye contact,
knows how to and frequently misses
“read between the unspoken social norms
lines”
Social Tendencies Instinctively Antisocial Instinctively Social
Value system Instinctive feeling of instinctive feeling of fairness of
how words affect the action
emotional states of other people
Here is a table easier than my first reaction
Overall I agree, my comments:
Deep Thinkers?
not per se, but it’s possible to be more philosophical than neurotypicals, for many reasons, one is the different social way of communication and that’s why they try to fit in by using logic. Highly intelligent is also a huge generalisation, some people with aspergers are not per se very intelligent but have different skills, see the table.
Engineering is for example a male asperger trait but also a lot of females with asperger tend to have good engineering skills. Logical reasoning abilities is a trait which is shared by female and male asperger population. Let’s face it, neurotypicals can really fail in logics (and notice that logic is a branch of philosophy, which many aspergers are I think interested in).
Innocent? (again, in general I agree I’m skeptical for some statements)
Something interesting I want to share with you (extreme autistic/neurotypical stereotypes):
Neurotypical
The first is an upstanding businessman, always well dressed and very keenly versed in etiquette. This person exhibits traits of selfishness, greed, jealousy, and an unhealthy need for pride, all with serious repercussions for those around him. He is basically a con artist, a thief, a liar, yet he is very charming and people seem to like and trust him instantly. He doesn’t care about other people beyond what they can offer him and he would seriously consider robbing his own mother if she had something he really wanted. He is the perfect salesman. This is an example of a neurotypical psychopath.
Asperger
The second stereotype doesn’t fit in to society quite as well. He is a strange man who wanders around wearing colours that clash and clothes that look like they are from the 50’s. He has strange mannerisms and speaks in monotone most of the time. He acts friendly enough and graciously raises his porkpie hat to every passer by, saying “Good day to you fine sir”. Most people find him far too creepy and weird to even respond to his pleasantries. He may have genuine goodwill towards others, yet few would invite him over for dinner. Most people don’t trust him and wouldn’t even buy a newspaper from him. If you got to know him, however, you’d realize that he is so generous that he would give you the shirt off his back if he thought it would help you, even to his own detriment. He is willing to sacrifice immediate pain and suffering, his own and others, for what he views as the greater good. This is a problem because not everyone agrees on what is the greater good. Another big problem with him, is that he often says things which, while true and accurate, are hurtful to the feelings of others. He fails to see how white lies are any better than blatant ones. He has no recognition of the reality of how his words affect the emotional suffering of others, and quite possibly doesn’t even care. He is tactless and impolite. He is an autistic psychopath.
Escape and Friendship? (more coping mechanisms, not really asperger trait but a trait in general, we cope by copying peoples behavior, for example; a neurotypical can also cope by copying
apspergers behavior in a area with the majority being asperger)
For the rest I do’nt have time and energy, but it’s very interesting!
Thanks!!
Thank you so much for your website – it gives me a reason to live when I feel all is lost ! …. Leone
thank you for telling me. That keeps me going, too. Blessings and love.
Thank you again – I sure hope you do keep going…. we need you. (PS I hope this doesn’t sound silly, but your reply made me feel so good about myself – I can’t remember the last time that happened) ❤ ❤ ❤
Excellent list. The vast majority of these apply to me. I was diagnosed with OCD as a teen when female Asperger symptoms were still largely unknown. I was always the model student in school, but predictably nerdy and awkward with many aspects of social relations. Employment has been far more difficult because it’s not as predictable as schooling, and so I’ve experienced great frustration over the years trying to find a job that fits (I’m almost 29 now). I look forward to the day when brain and genetic differences are far better understood so we can all find a “place.”
Yes….to all find a place. How wonderful the world would be. Thank you for sharing. I had trouble with a few jobs…retail store, Gap, hostessing…all got too stressful for me. Teaching was the best, nanny, and daycare at private church. Those I excel in. Much love and best wishes.
Glad you found some where you excel! Those other jobs you listed sound like things I would be terrible at, too. I’ve been a receptionist (lasted two weeks – AWFUL), paralegal (fine until I had to do more than just summarize depositions – fired after five months), substitute teacher (good, but not something one can make a regular living at when you have an autoimmune disease that requires medical insurance), and direct support professional. I tried teaching full-time – I got two partial Master’s degrees in it, one at the community college level and one at the middle and high school levels – but all I could stand was substitute teaching. Lately, I have been finding I like some aspects of being a direct support professional (assisting people with developmental disabilities), especially overnight shifts where I can work at a slower pace and not have to interact with people much or deal with too many changes. So far, I like my current employer, co-workers, and boss better than my last ones, so hopefully this one will stick.
I would like that too, working with disabled. I taught elementary and middle school, so different levels…I adored those ages. High school would have been really tough for me.
Hmm, interesting. The shenanigans of some HSers could be annoying for sure, but they can think at a more abstract level at that age, which made it easier for me to handle. If there weren’t parents and 40 million regulations and expectations to juggle and deal with, or subbing provided benefits, I could have stuck with it. I really respect those who can work with elementary kids; I was terrible with them. You have to organize them every second. I was just too absent-minded and impersonal to keep up with those little ones.
Thank you for this article, it was very well thought out and as I was reading it a lot of the time I was nodding my head and saying, “yep, that’s me!”
as a 16 year old female diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome I feel this list has helped me to understand myself better. A lot of it is very true to me, especially that part about copying. As a kid I always used to copy classmates at school and my older brother was my idol. I looked up to him and still do because he is the most practical and intelligent people I know. He is also really funny. I play the same songs over and again. I like to memorise the words (to sing) and I like the melodies. Music makes me think, and imagine, a scene within my mind, it helps me to escape. I don’t really listen to mainstream music because it’s always about relationships and hearing about sexual relationships in music, media or even in conversation makes me extremely frustrated.
I have mixed feelings regarding relationships and sex in general. I don’t know why our society has exploited it so much and turned it into something “dirty” and “sinful”, when it is supposed to be a mutual bond between two people and for creating a new life, which is beautiful. Not that I ever want to have children as I cannot simply imagine what it would be like to go through the birthing process, and I can be sensitive to pain. But I dislike talking about the topic or hearing about it because of how society has conditioned us to think of it as “shameful” and so when someone talks about it I say I hate it or am indifferent, because it’s easier to abhor it completely.
I have never had a boyfriend and don’t understand why people my age just want to go out with different people every week and then get as upset as if they died. Not that I have trouble forming bonds or empathizing. Contrary to popular belief I don’t like to be alone and the thought of being alone scares me. The only section that was the opposite was the part about going out of the house. I am home schooled so we don’t go out as much. I wouldn’t ever go back to school again, because I am happy not to go there thanks very much,(I’ll tell you more about that later), but sometimes it gets a bit boring because I end up doing the same things each day and I want to go on new adventures. I get very disappointed when a friend has cancelled on us or we don’t get to go out somewhere when promised.
I am also a very intellectual and deep-thinker and am always thinking about the meaning of life and making up philosophies to help me understand the world we live in. The problem is I tend to over-analyse things which can lead to mixed emotions regarding the subject.
I too also have special interests and always have done since childhood. I guess I’m just trying to find my place in life. It provides a sense of comfort and escapism from the harsh realities of the world we live in. The world we live in is a cruel one, every day you hear on the news someone has been murdered and it is depressing. My interests or obsessions also give me a purpose in life, something to live for. At the moment my main obsessions/interests are music, parrots and Japan. Let me talk about them.
my favourite music is classical music as it can envisualise(is that a real word?) different emotions and scenes in my mind rather than just love over a relationship or sadness over a breakup. Classical music can make you feel happy, sad, excited, suspenseful, tense, scared, rather than pop which is all “love love love” or screamo which is all “die, die, die”. Or hip hop which is the worst “sex drugs guns b*****”. However I do like some metal especially Sonata Arctica, which are my favourite band. I also like Michael Jackson, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, The Who, and Elvis Presley as well as others. People say I have old-fashioned taste in music but all music nowadays is the same. Listen to Katy Perry’s “California Girls” next to “Teenage Dream” to see what I mean. Or Justin Bieber’s infamous “Baby” next to Rebecca Black’s “Friday”. Both have the same tune.
Sonata Arctica is also melodic and has awesome guitar and keytar solos. A lot of their songs have important messages and I find a lot of it relates to me, and I like music that I can relate to. My favourite Sonata song at the moment is “Misplaced”. I do often feel misplaced like it said in the article, so the song is relevant to my feelings. Here are some of the lyrics:
“Sometimes I feel so out of time and place,
lost in a maze, as if I was lost in someone else’s life,
the values I should keep in high regard don’t mean a thing to me,
do you ever feel a need to go back in time, a dream of mine,
to travel far away, and one day steal back my life,
In the end all I can do is learn I live in a dreamland,
this life was not made for me,
I have nowhere to land, no place to rest
like a bird without a nest,
I’m gliding under the clouds forever more.
I’ll never have a chance,
I can’t understand,
I’m a misplaced man. How could this backward land,
learn to understand my dance,
what it’s like when every single moment pains me.”
This very much explains how I feel misplaced, especially in my home country. Which brings me to my next obsession, Japan.
I live in England. South-East England to be precise. My mum wants to move to Cornwall and we may be moving to Cornwall. As an Aspie, this is a major change for me, as I have lived here my whole life in my house, and can’t remember living anywhere else though I did when I was very young. All of my childhood memories are instilled in this house, but I know that they will be with me in my heart and that home is where the heart is. If I have learnt one thing, it is that it doesn’t matter where you are or who you are with, if you are happy and have happy memories in your heart, you have found your place in the world. Cornwall is a beautiful place and I am willing to move there as long as I don’t have to throw away my old memories.
Anyway, where was I? (I do tend to get distracted easily, which is one of my few faults) oh yes. Japan. Now let me bring us back to the subject of my fixation with Japan.
As I was saying, I feel misplaced in my home country. Everybody here seems so close-minded and rude, and to make a generalisation (although I HATE generalisations!) most people here are all obsessed with football. And the guys are the worst. All they are interesting is scoring girls and scoring goals, and they think that the macho tough guy will impress everyone, but I hate arrogant guys who want attention.
I prefer Japan’s culture. Not that I resent my own country’s culture, but most people are rude now. But everybody in Japan seems to be very polite and friendly and eager to help people. They all work together as a community which is good. I feel as if I would fit in better in Japan because they are also a unique country and quirky. I like the word quirky. It explains me. Again I think the guys are cuter in Japan, and I like the culture more. Here guys are macho and tough to impress girls. In Japan they are not. They are more shy and reserved, modest, and polite. But that’s Japanese people as a whole. I prefer that. It is very hard to find humble guys in England. Not that that’s of much importance. That is only a tiny fraction of my love for Japan.
It all started with anime. I started watching anime because it was cute. And anime has more genres and often seem to have better art and better storylines in my opinion than most American cartoons, although I appreciate American cartoons for themselves. But anime are a different style of animation, cuter, and they have more episodes in order (we all know people with AS love order) that keep you intrigued for the whole show. And then after anime I started learning Japanese. I’m still learning it and am now learning the alphabet systems, hiragana and katakana. I do it alone and no one helps me, I have taught myself. After that I started to appreciate Japan’s culture and history and read up on it. My biggest goal in life is to one day go to Japan. The only problem is I don’t know where to start other than learning the language. I don’t even know what a Visa is or any of these fancy things you do! The problem is that although I a very deep thinker and I like to think I am intelligent, I am also naive about some certain things. But that is just because no one has taught me and I am afraid that I may not understand and the person who is teaching me will get frustrated, impatient or annoyed and call me “stupid” or “Retarded”.
My next big obsession is parrots. I have grown up with animals my whole life. You name it, we have had it at some point: dogs, cats, fish, snakes, iguanas, chickens, ducks, rats, ferrets, rabbits, parrots, etc. My mum used to be a vet nurse and brought home all sorts of injured or orphaned animals. We had a pigeon that would follow my brother to school everyday which got him famous and a crow called Karuthers, who was very intelligent. At the moment we have: a GSD x Collie, a kitten, a rabbit (her sister died yesterday from Myxamatosis, sadly), fish, 2 terrapins, a senegal parrot and a budgie (mine). So it’s not surprising that my strong passion for animals began at a very young age. I have always got on better with animals than people it seems. Animals never talk back or laugh in your face when you share problems with them. Animals won’t judge you on whether you are black, white, rich or poor, disabled or able. An animal judges you by the love you give him and the care you provide him with.
I have had obsessions with animals before: penguins, horses, chipmunks to name a few. But none to this level of intensity that I have for parrots. It started with Kawaii….
We got a lineolated parakeet two years ago. And as I’d never really been able to handle birds before because they are timid creatures, I was thrilled with this little bird. She(he?) had the cutest little face, which was why we named her Kawaii, which means “cute” in Japanese. She had feathers of olive green, like the forest. She made melodic sounds, and she was the most affectionate little bird we have ever had come into our house. She loved head scratches, kisses, she would let us hold her in the palms of our hands, she loved to sit on your head or shoulder and preen your hair. If you went out of the room she would fly after you and if you came back in the room she would fly to you immediately to greet you. Linnies are well-known for not flying as much, but Kawaii was an exception, she loved to fly. We have never clipped any of our birds’ wings. But anyway, Kawaii inspired my passion for parrots. My sister who was 4 at the time (she is now 6) started being very rough with the bird. She would hold her too tightly, tease her and taunt her with a toy that she was scared of on purpose, and was all out spiteful towards the bird. She wouldn’t let little Kawaii go to anybody else, especially me. She would hold Kawaii and whirl her around in the air as if she was a toy aeroplane. But Kawaii was so loyal, that she never bit her once, even when she was hurting her. Kawaii was such a gentle and loving little bird.
One day, she was out and my mum had an ear infection that was very bad so she couldn’t put her away. So she asked me to put her away, but my sister had grabbed hold of Kawaii’s perch and was hitting at her with it. I don’t know what she thought she was doing, but she kept hitting the perch at Kawaii where it narrowly missed as she dodged out of the way. I tried to prise the perch off my sis, but she attempted to hit me instead, and then it was too late. She landed another blow to Kawaii, and this time she didn’t miss. She had hit little Kawaii in the head. She arched her little wings up, confused. There was blood seeping out of one of her nares. I had to take her upstairs to calm her down. I just sat up there with her and talked to her, caressed her, prayed for her, and even in her dying moments, she still managed to turn her head round for scritches. I took her downstairs where she tried to fly but ended up fluttering to the floor. We wrapped her up in kitchen towel so that she wouldn’t harm herself further, and placed her in her happy hut.
Kawaii died that day. Although Kawaii was only with us a short time, 3 months at the most, I still cry thinking about her. When someone mentions her name or starts talking about her I can’t talk without getting choked up. She was as much a part of me as if she were a human. Although I am still sad about Kawaii’s death, I’ll always remember her for the fun times we had, the happy memories we shared. She will always be in my heart. Although Kawaii herself is gone, no one can take away my memories of her. I’ll never forget her cute face, her trusting eyes. She lives on in our hearts. And I’m sure that her spirit lives on in heaven, where she can fly again, and she is still singing that happy song of hers.
I have since forgiven my sister for that, but I still cry remembering Kawaii. She didn’t deserve the fate she got.
After that we got a mealy amazon called Frank who died after 3 weeks most likely due to food poisoning. The previous owners fed him chocolate cake and kept him in a tiny cage, the same size cage we had for Kawaii. He was £150. We bought him a bigger cage and he died soon after. We’ll never know for sure why he died. But although he wasn’t as affectionate as Kawaii, as he had never been handled, he was intelligent, and I believe he wanted our friendship, but was scared. Once he came down from his perch and my mother put her arm out and he bit it and left a nasty bruise, so she didn’t talk to him all day. But he climbed down the cage and leaned out to her, as if asking for forgiveness, and she put her arm out again and said “come on then. I forgive you.” and he flew onto her arm.
After that we got our senegal parrot, Merry, which we still have. He has bonded to me and doesn’t like anyone else. He bites often, though not as often as he used to. But although it hurts, like someone pinching you very hard with a pair of pliers, I don’t react, and I would take his biting over losing him any day, it is worth it having him around. He is funny, and mimics everything we say and do. “Hello”, “woof woof”, “Merry”, “hi Merry”, “hey merry”, “pretty boy”, “cuchiee cuchiee” (I don’t know what this means), and “choo choo” are among the words in his vocabulary. He can also imitate the door handle squeaking and my sister’s very loud, very irritating recorder. Everybody else in the house finds him annoying, but I think he is a loveable character, and I find his “quirks” endearing. I used the word quirky again! He also learned some of his vocabulary from >my< budgie, Moshi.
first I had another budgie as a birthday present who was a yellow pied called Pichu. She was lovely but after a couple of months, she flew out of an open window and was never seen again. So a few days after she disappeared I got another budgie, a green one called Moshi, and he is lovely. He kisses, says "pretty boy", "achoo choo" when he sneezes, "hello", "hey Merry", "big kiss", "pretty bird/baby bird", and "scooby doo,", and "hey Moshi". He just lights up my life so much and is a joy to have around. He always listens and is always there. He is my BFF (that stands for best feathered friend) although he won't let me cuddle him or stroke him like Kawaii he will sit on my finger or head or shoulder giving kisses or preening my face and is very friendly and faithful to the end. I have had him more than a year now.
I have always had good experience with parrots so it's not surprising that I am fixated on them. On my sixteenth birthday we went to Tropical Birdland in Leicestershire which was quite a drive but it was well worth it! Dreams came true that day. I even got to hold macaws, a harlequin macaw and a military macaw and when I was holding the military on my arm, I was stroking his neck feathers and he loved it so much he did what Kawaii used to do and puffed up his feathers and turned his head around, and closed his eyes in bliss. I also held an african grey called Rosie who was a feather plucker before she came to Tropical Birdland, and she let me stroke her on her fully feathered head as well. She had a lovely temperament. My mother and my sister both fell in love with certain parrots too. My mum fell for a mischievous corella cockatoo Sidney who took such a shine to her, he followed her into the gift shop. He bit my dad and went for my sister but loved my mother, she told me she could have just taken him home, and she was very sad to leave him there. My sister just adored a little Maximillian pionus parrot called Billy who was so calm and serene and quiet, which these birds are notorious for being. He never bit anyone, except Sidney kept biting Billy's tail feathers which was irritating him.
I believe my sister has ADHD. That's Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder to all you psychiatry people. She fits all the criteria. She is violent, has the attention span of a flea and is obsessed with video games. She also overreacts to everything. Jim Carrey has ADHD. Jim Carrey also believes in cosmic ordering, where if you think about something a lot, it will come to you. And I believe in that because last winter, we had some very odd goings-on that seemed a bit too odd to be coincidental….
I loved parrots last winter as well. And of course I thought about them most of the time. Well one day I was playing in the garden when I heard a bird noise, and I thought, "what kind of bird is making that noise?" and I looked up to see a flock of Indian Ringneck parrots flying in my garden! Indian Ringneck parakeets are common pet parrots, we used to have one before I got into parrots, and they are now on the official list of British Birds. This is from people releasing them from captivity and then they breed and then before you know it, there’s loads of em and they are now a real British bird. Anyway, these parakeets, this flock of wild parakeets I saw all the time over the next few weeks, maybe months, and they would come into our garden and get the nuts off the bird feeder, really it was amazing. Incredible. It was as though it was a sign from God. The parrots would always come to our garden, they loved our garden the most. Sometimes I got so close to them, they almost trusted us. I got a really good video of one right up close, and when I was in my brother’s room looking out of the window, there was a branch right there, and one flew onto the branch and it was really close up to the window, it was amazing. Those parrots stayed for a few weeks, and then for some reason whizzed off. We haven’t seen them since. But that was very very coincidental. I believe it was meant to be that I love parrots so much.
I was taken out of school in year 8 because of severe bullying. I was punched in the back, the chest and the face by the same boy, and it was only the time he punched me in the face that someone witnessed it happen. It was a coloured boy called Obi and it started because another boy told him that I had called him the N word when I hadn't. I am not racist at all, and I find it awful to judge someone on the colour of their skin. But Obi believed him, and started beating me up. The teachers all believed the boy and put me on a racist register and gave me a detention for it, all for nothing. They said I brought it upon myself. I never even said anything to Obi. Another older boy threatened to set me alight and was suspended. Anyway, I am happy being home schooled and I still have a friend from my school called Charlotte who is probably the best friend I've ever had. the most loyal at least. I've had a close friend ditch me for no reason when we started in secondary school which left me feeling confused and hurt. Charlotte and I see each other every few weeks and we bring out the best in each other because she is introverted and shy and I am bubbly and outgoing most of the time, and I can always reassure her when she needs a shoulder to cry on, and she is also creative like me. We are actually quite similar.
We tried to get me into a college course for animal care but since I don't go to school they couldn't get funding for me to attend. So we went to a meeting with our local MP and wrote a letter to Michael Gove who never replied. Then we went to a meeting at the college and suddenly we had funding and I was able to attend the course! I love it. They have all sorts of animals there: farm animals, dogs, cats, rodents, horses, reptiles, exotics and of course parrots! Namely, budgies, cockatiels and red rumped parakeets. I know a lot of parrot species. I am currently applying to level 2 diploma in animal care to continue to further my education.
Anyway, away from all that, I'm sorry this has been such a long post, but I really am appreciative that you've read the whole thing, so thank you very much for taking five minutes to step into my life. As I said before, this was a great article and it really helped me to look inside myself. To search for answers. Seriously we need more AS people in the world. We are awesome people with Brilliant minds and eccentric ways. I was inspired by the book Freaks, Geeks and Asperger's syndrome. It's a great book. In fact I am writing a book about Asperger's myself, and one about parrots, perhaps one day both will get published and people will see me on the back of the book as the author. I hope that my parrot book gets turned into a film as it is a very original idea for a story and very imaginative, because I am very creative and imaginative and love writing stories especially when other people can read them. I do hate when people stereotype people with Asperger's and say that we don't have feelings or we aren't as sensitive or, the worst one of all, we are stupid/retarded. Us Aspies do have feelings, we just prefer to keep them inside, and we are just as sensitive, if not more sensitive than others. Especially sensory sensitivity. I don't have major sensory sensitivity like a lot of people with AS but I don't like being touched very much although I do accept hugs or kisses from people I know and am close to. And sometimes I feel claustrophobic if my sister is sitting too close to me and I can't move my arms out. I especially hate feet touching me. But nothing so bad that I can't deal with it. No, we Aspies are NOT retarded! I think the word retarded is an awful way to say that somebody has special needs as it has turned into a way of insulting someone. If anything, Aspies are more creative and intelligent than you give us credit for. Especially when it comes to our special interests! We are just like "other" people really. Good at some things and not so good in other areas. Besides, "retardation" is not the same thing as Asperger's! Asperger's is a syndrome on the Autistic spectrum, but people with Asperger's are high-functioning. On the whole, it really bugs me when people say I am "different" or "special". It is stupid, really, because everybody is different. I feel like the black sheep of the flock when people say that, as if I am an extraterrestrial. I really hate it when people say I'm disabled. I'm as able as anybody else, I don't see why I am labelled as disabled just because I'm smart and I have an obsessive personality. Another one is that all Aspies talk in monotone and are fascinated by trains and Star Trek. Yes, some are, but that doesn't mean all. I try not to talk in monotone and I'm not obsessed with trains, animals are more my thing. Life is more interesting to me than man-made machinery. And although Star Trek is good, I'd rather watch sit coms or anime than sci fi. So please, don't stereotype us. We are individuals, just like everyone else. All Asperger's people are not the same. I used to hate it when my mum said I had Asperger's. I was in denial that there was anything wrong with me, I didn't like being labelled as Autistic with a list of traits. Before I thought I was just me and I was happy with that. Then I had to be labelled and they said there were others just like me. But I know it's not me that there's something wrong with. It's all the judgemental people who pile together comments and stereotypes and try to label us like we are jars of jam. Maybe they are happy being jam, but I'm happy being peanut butter. That's just who I am. Me. I'm not Asperger's syndrome, I'm just myself. I don't represent the whole population with AS, they represent themselves. We are not robots. We are human beings, just like everyone else, we have feelings, thoughts, emotions like everybody else. Asperger's is not a disability, it's a way of life. A gift. Einstein had it. Isaac Newton had it. They were both geniuses. And hey, brilliant minds think alike.
I just got back from vacation to find your lovely message. I will read this more, soon, when I have some time to give it my full attention. I love what you wrote so far, and really enjoy hearing about your life. I have a friend with Aspergers with a daughter with Aspergers (age 14) in England. If you want to friend me on Facebook, look under author’s information page. I can get you in touch with the mom and her daughter. The mother is my close friend. Hope to write to you more soon, but easier in Facebook format. Will read more soon, too. much love, you sound very lovely. 🙂 ~ Sam
Oh, yah. Me all over….scary but reassuring. I are one, yes I are! {sic}
Thanks, I think…
Karen
lol YOU are welcome, I think. lol Great comment.
I am a 49 year old female who has never been diagnosed as Asperger or ASD. I have struggled a lot over the years though.
I went over your traits and scored the following:
58% – (Optional) Executive Functioning
80% – Section A: Deep Thinkers
100% – Section B: Innocent
55% – Section C: Escape and Friendship
94% – Section D: Comorbid Attributes
88% – Section E: Social Interaction
36% – Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone
95% – Section G: Sensitive
71% – Section H: Sense of Self
80% – Section I: Confusion
80% – Section J: Words and Patterns
77% – Grand Total
On the Apserger’s quiz at http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-
quiz.php, I scored:
Your Aspie score: 95 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 121 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
I took another Asperger’s test at http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html
I scored a 28 here when the cutoff for Asperger’s is 32 and above.
The last two tests may be a little more male centric?
Well, I’m not sure what to make of things. I think over time, some things have mellowed for me and I can deal with my social anxiety better now than in the past.
It was a revelation to read your list of traits though, because it definite captures some key things about me (Deep Thinking, Innocence, Sensitivity) that have led me to feel very alienated.
I have liked some of the Asperger’s Facebook groups and will start following posts to see if things resonate with me.
Thank you for taking the time to make the list.
Interesting, as all the tests seem to have you with both traits of NT and aspie. Thanks so much for sharing. 🙂
Well, I went to this site…
http://taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-asperwomen-adult-women-with-asperger-syndrome/
I went over her list of traits and identified with quite a few:
72% – 152/212
So, not quite sure what it means, but after trying to figure out why things have often gone badly for me in life, I do believe some of my issues are similar to what Asperger’s/High Functioning Autism folks experience.
I had a pretty traumatic childhood, so I’m thinking some of my issues that look like Asperger’s were related to childhood traumas and just being shy and having social anxiety.
I have a sister with schizophrenia, a mother who committed suicide and may have been manic-depressive/BPD (she had a masters degree in counseling psychology), and a father (he worked as a mechanical engineer) who was extremely shy and a hoarder (I don’t think he had Asperger’s, but maybe so).
So, I’m still exploring…
Interesting. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
Thanks for this great post. My boy is a 16 year old Aspie, with mood d.o. and thought d.o.; diagnosed about five years ago. My wife was appreciative of your post, because she has been more effective in helping my son. I have struggled w- relationship (son & I) the whole time. I’m very disrupted by the idea that I might have diagnosible aspergers. But if I am, then it does explain some things. Hey, we appreciate you, your story, your post, and your blog. I’m trying to activate the following process, but there seems to be difficulty … I will try later. Peace.
thank you for touching base and sharing a bit of where you are at. My 14 year old middle son is on the spectrum. 🙂 I understand. Keep in touch. Best wishes.
These lists–I’ve been reading lists of Asperger’s Characteristics for a couple of years now, but most of them did not apply to me. Now, after reading yours, I understand. Only a female Aspie with the intellect, the observational skills, and the ability to think on multiple levels could come up with a truly accurate list. Most people creating the lists are working from the outside in, and truly failing to understand. Bless you for all your hard work. This has made a HUGE difference in my life.
One more thing…my partner and I came to the conclusion after going through all these things that perhaps the syndrome is really about being the ones who truly belong on this earth and becoming anxious and feeling unsafe because the majority do not. I mean, look at your list: “Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty.” Why doesn’t everybody find it difficult? or “worrying about what is eaten.” Again, why doesn’t everybody have a problem with that? With the state of our food and the incidence of catastrophic disease, why are the ones who worry and protest it the odd ones out? That’s why we feel like angels or creatures from another planet — we’ve been dropped into this one and see so much, and it appalls us that so few can see or understand it.
I get a 90-95% coincidence with that list. You put all that together, add a little social paranoia, and the resulting person is me. The only diferent thing is that I like fixing things and doing things that require a lot of steps, as long it’s something in the computer.
yes, I like steps to if it’s my special interest. 🙂 thanks for sharing.
Totally me all the way!
🙂
A lot of this doesn’t apply to me but then I came to the anxiety section… me.. me.. me again. I have not been diagnosed but always known I’m different. My son is in the process of being diagnosed.
A- 50%
B- 40%
C- 70%
D- 56%
E- 68%
F- 85%
G- 75%
H- 85%
I- 66%
J- 100%
K- 75%
What do you think??
Look at the other things on the blog, perhaps. This is just survey I put together… so I think within, you have the answers. If you have a lot of the traits you could be gifted, empathic, INFJ personality, or sensitive, could be many factors. Best wishes to you. :))))
“If you have a lot of the traits you could be gifted, empathic, INFJ personality, or sensitive, could be many factors.”
Or all of the above. 🙂 I’m beginning to think these traits are simply another way of being. My son and I both took this quiz: http://aspergersquiz.com, and the only reason we didn’t max it out was because we’ve learned to cope with certain aspects over the years. Finding all this information allowed me the realization for the first time in my life that there are neurotypical thinkers and there are others. I no longer either exult in or feel shame at being one of the others.
After completing the quiz, it generates a 15 page report, taking you over your responses versus a neurotypical’s response. It was somewhat of an “Aha” experience for me–reading the results helped me understand better how it is that Neurotypicals experience the world. Sometimes I can choose to think more neurotypically, if there is need, but only on a case by case basis, and it’s exhausting to do so. More often I have learned to adjust my circumstances, which can sometimes be quite isolating. I design my world as much as possible so that I am comfortable in it. I’m lucky, in that I’m old, have lived with it all my life, and have had to let go of many, many things in order to be where I am comfortable. It’s only of late that I have done so *willingly.* The more understanding the Aspie has of the way both sides think, the easier it becomes to just say, “Oh.” However, it rarely works the other way around. 😉
It was A- 80%, sorry.
The total is 72%
Thank you for the answer 🙂
enjoyed reading your comment. 😉
I’m an INTJ XD
made me smile… ‘all of the above’ best wishes :)))
I return to this list again and again. When I’m proud of me and when I’m sad.
Oh, much love to you.
:)))
I shared this test in the facebook group “You might be an Aspie if…”
The reaction was gratitude and approval, even enthusiasm. They just wondered if autists with a lower IQ were not considered… My answer was that especially high function female autists are underestimated even more than those whose handicap is obvious. True?
IQ tests…. are honed in for specifics. Often genius is in one area. :))) Yes, underestimated because they might have dyslexia, dysgraphia, emotional difficultly with focus, etc. :))) thanks for sharing.
I came across your checklist by chance but am so shocked by it. I might be an Aspie? My son is and I thought it was from his Dads side, I never considered it to be me until now. Ive been depressed on and off for years, Ive never felt like I belonged anywhere, not even with family and friends always seem too hard to deal with, so I have none now. I have an extremely high IQ, (so do my children and they all seem to have Autistic tendencies) yet I feel stupid quite a lot of the time. I’m in shock, it all seems to fit, I felt like there was nobody like me in the world, but the list above shows me there is. I dont know whether I am happy or sad about it.
Thank you for all the time it must have taken to compile that list.
thank you for sharing. I wish you the best. and you are welcome 🙂
I’m just popping in to say hello from one self diagnosed Aspie to another! I love your list, almost all of it rang true for me. I was ostracised as a child and didn’t know why, since then I have tried to “act normal”. Along the way I learned the 4 second eye contact rule even though I felt like I was staring into their NAKED SOUL because I knew how important it was for others, to stay away from topics of a sexual nature, to read awkward laughter or sudden silence to which I reply “just kidding”, I warn people I meet that I may say things which will shock and offend. Then I took 2 Aspie quizzes, both results came back as Aspie, it was the last piece of the puzzle coming together with a satisfying “click”!. I stumble upon one of your pages while doing research and I find your blogs with lists (my favourite!) for WOMEN with AS and the wonderful community you have brought together and I no longer feel alone or out of the loop! You are wonderful AG, keep posting, I wish you well!
thanks so very much :)))))
Hi, thank you so much for this checklist. Ever since I graduated high school and left the comfort of a daily schedule my life got worst. For awhile I thought I had bipolar disorder and was diagnosed with such. But it never felt right. My friends have always teased me about having a dash of autism in me, and one calls me Adam because of the movie and all the similarities. In fact the exact quote of “I can see your upset right now, but I don’t know what to do.” I have said on many occasions, anyways maybe this is me and maybe it’s not. But I do appreciate the list quite a bit 🙂
oh, I also meant to mention that I got 75-95% on all the categories.
🙂
thank you for sharing
I hated my childhood. I always wanted to know what was my problem. I prayed to God & He told me through a nurse.. This is a great analysation.
Thank you. 🙂 and thank you for sharing.
Would it be considered a symptom in itself that I answered all the questions for myself, added it all up, including those I’d say a 1/2 yes to, and came up with an average of 81.67% yesses to the whole thing?
🙂 fabulous 🙂
I was suggested this website by my cousin.
I’m not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such
detailed about my trouble. You are wonderful!
Thanks!
thank you 🙂
I am a man in his fifties. So many of the list you have made are me that I probably tick almost all and of course I am not a woman. I have found life very difficult because of my alien innocence a,d misplaced trust. I look back on my chaotic life and now see myself for what I am, and that has not been easy. There is a sense of anger over being abandoned but never knowing why. I am grateful to you for making this list. I am attempting to come to terms with my difference with a new tool to work on myself. Thank you.
I’m going to expound on this list in my blog…thank you for taking the time to put this together. It’s much different to have a list from a person WITH Asperger’s than from a person OBSERVING Asperger’s. Right now, these lists of traits are really helping me process through all the information, helping my brain stay a bit more focused.
Thank you for this list. All my life I was an outcast and put through the Learning Disability ringer. Because I’m female no one ever thought about Aspergers to explain what was going on with me. Even, later in life, I didn’t think about it because all the official symptoms are for children and males, which generally don’t fit me.
It was only this year (at 27 years old) that I found your list and started putting the missing pieces into place. Currently I am self diagnosed, but I saw a quote some where in my research, “if you think you have Aspergers Syndrome, you very likely do. ” I’m working on getting an official diagnosis, but it might be a little while.
Thank you for helping me on my journey and helping me find answers.
I love this and identify without about 80% of the traits although I have yet to receive a diagnosis. Thank you for this.
Ever since I was a child I have had like that shadow, of a very silent, introvert girl who didn’t want to make friends with other children, who just wanted to live in her own imaginary world. I’ve spent most of my years trying to erase her from me, trying to fit and be what others wanted of me so that i could “connect” and not feel isolated and unplugged because I was convinced it was bad, I was bad, I needed to be fixed by others, by what they thought and believed. Until recently i didn’t identify Aspergers with this, I just thought it was me being that antisocial little girl who needed to be pushed by others into being an acceptable talkative girl and please others. I’ve been fighting for too long against those periods of my time where my mind just disconnects from the outside world into my own inner world. I was not allowed to just stare blankly or to stand aside from social conversations or gatherings, from not wanting to leave my home or avoid any circumstance with a lot of people because I was hunted by my grandmother who was always keen for everyone to be sociable and open. Right now I don’t know if I’m trully an asperger or just an introvert forced to be an extrovert… But things like this list gets me into thinking what I thought was ‘wrong’ with me is not exactly that ‘wrong’ and there is some explanation and care and not just the bullying I received when being a child.
Leaning you are an Aspie is a huge relief and explains so much.
I think we were meant to be relational, and not isolated. Therefore those bondages that keep us from healthy relationships need to go. This can be true for all people. When you become a Christian, a lot of bondage is removed just by default, but we still have a fight on our hands in this world. I believe that if we go to God and pray, He will make things better and heal the parts of us that keep us in bondage. Some weaknesses are good in life because they bring humility and character building; however, other problems create bondages. Differentiating between the two is important. We don’t want the bondage, but some weakness is okay.
yes 🙂
Thank-you for that… it felt odd at times that a complete stranger could describe me in such detail… felt like you had been peeping over my shoulder all my life! The only thing you missed out was the hoarding…
I am diagnosed with ADHD, but I think I might print this off and take it to my GP and ask for a referral back to the local ADHD and Asperger’s team.. and ask to be tested for Asperger’s this time. 😉
Wow, after reading this I feel like I understand myself better now
I’m not diagnosed with Aspergers but when i got to university i got tested for dyslexia and it was suggested as a possibility but never taken forwards. I guess they were happy enough with me being dyslexic and dyspraxic. Quite honestly those two explain quite a lot of things in themselves but not my extreme moods, over thinking and analysis of things and how much i struggle with conversing with others. Here was my scores.
Section A: 90%
Section B: 90%
Section C: 75%
Section D: 75%
Section E: 80%
Section F: 43% (I actually don’t deal with being alone for prolonged periods of time very well =S Being with other people may be hard and sometimes tiring but being left with myself can often be worse)
Section G: 90%
Section H: 80%
Section I: 80%
Section J: 70%
Executive Functioning: 75%
I don’t know what to think =/
Actually you can add another 5% to section G sensitive. I can’t sleep a wink when i’m too hot. It means i don’t sleep much in summer. =S So Section G: 95% =S
🙂
🙂
Reblogged this on wonderlandsgate and commented:
It was suggested before that i might have aspergers but i was never tested. The number of these that apply to me is actually quite high (All except Section F:finds refuge when alone). I don’t know what to think. I think i’ll just stick with saying i’m on the autistic spectrum.
42 here. Most of this is me.
Yea this is the Aspie place…. It took me 25 minutes to scroll to the bottom so I could comment! This list is amazing … I can or (after much work because I identify my weakness well) previously would have been able to,directly relate to every point… That scares me….
thank you for commenting 🙂
Wow, this list is total crap. I can’t believe so many people are believing this. It looks like just about every person in the comments are like, “hey, this is me! I checked off 95% of the symptoms!” Let me tell you a piece of truth: There’s a HUGE difference between autism and introversion. Autism and Aspergers is classified by an “extreme male brain,” my cousin is a girl and actually has Aspergers. She has a really high IQ (it’s phenomenal… and she’s 10!)- but she has the monotone voice, the inability to read social cues, the (sometimes violent) meltdowns when something doesnt go her way, the stubbornness, the abnormal obsessions, the lack of empathy, the not understanding sarcasm/jokes, the rambling about 1 topic, and whatnot.
Well then, you wanna know why you all checked so many symptoms? It’s because most of these symptoms apply to a REGULAR HUMAN BEING! Being smart but socially awkward, eccentric, the fact that you were picked on in school doesnt guarantee you have autism or Aspergers. It probably means you are/were a shy, dorky nerd like many of us. We don’t need a darn label for it. You are a normal human being and not “so unique that you need a diagnosis.” Get over it. Once you understand introversion, you’ll realize that most of these traits here actually describe introverts. Just live your life, be happy and try not to worry about this stuff!
I don’t understand why you feel anger towards other commenters. I don’t know how to communicate or respond to your comment, but it bothers me. I find the overall tone to be adversarial and mean. If I was a normal human being, would I have spent so much time crying my eyes out, wondering why I wasn’t normal? As I am learning more about ASD, I feel soooooo much relief to know that I am not isolated, but part of a community of people who understand and can help each other cope. I also feel fear of telling people about my ASD because I would crumble inside if confronted by someone displaying the dismissive and hostile response that I am seeing in your post. “Get over it” ? “Just live your life, be happy and try not to worry?”
Really???
I’ve been trying to do that my whole life. I have become a master of coping techniques.
Your reply is disheartening and does not help those seeking to understand themselves. You offer no real jewels of wisdom, just disdain and contempt for us who are seeking a pathway to happiness.
I am grateful for the people who reach out and connect to other people with ASD in an effort to assist them in learning to understand this disorder and learn coping techniques.
Much love to you Erica. For every person who doesn’t support there are a thousand that do. 🙂 I am grateful, too. 🙂
Maybe its because she is 10…? We are all older and many have probably learned coping and how to mimic or chameleon really well, so that we didn’t get made fun of or teased, etc. Also this is a “spectrum” that means some people show more severe symptoms and others not so much…
This is an amazing website. There is so much valuable information. I
am impressed and glad I found it.
thank you
Amazing blog! This list is spot on. Thanks for sharing this and helping others.
Ok, so i have not been diagnosed yet, but i truly think i may have Aspergers. The 200 questions test on another website, i had 136/200 aspie. All the different tests i’ve tried all pretty much said i may very probably have aspergers.
70% – Section A: Deep Thinkers
100% – Section B: Innocent
78% – Section C: Escape and Friendship
66% – Section D: Comorbid Attributes
90% – Section E: Social Interaction
86% – Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone
85% – Section G: Sensitive
79% – Section H: Sense of Self
83% – Section I: Confusion
100% – Section J: Words and Patterns
79% – (Optional) Executive Functioning
—————————
83% – Grand Total
I took this test in the french version for me to be easier and be sure of my answers but on the english version, On the Apserger’s quiz at http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php, (in french), I scored:
Your Aspie score: 136 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 86 of 200
You may very well have aspergers (i took it in french so i’m doing literal translation)
I took another Asperger’s test at http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html
I scored 33 here when the cutoff for Asperger’s is 32 and above.
(sorry i copied the texts and links from the comments since i did the same thing, was faster that way)
So, in your opinion, would you think i have aspergers based on the results?
I wouldn’t know without talking with you for awhile. I think you are the best judge of your own self. Sometimes other traits overlap with Aspergers, such as Post traumatic stress, gifted/talented, bipolar, etc. Each person is so unique. But based on your results, and your obvious interest, it seems worth looking into further.
i actually tried later that night the version 3 of the aspie quiz noted on 200, in v2 i had 136/200, on the v3 it went up to 186/200 aspie with 32 neurotypical
Wow … this is so me. I just went through and Bolded the ones I could relate to and nearly all of them were. I figured everyone thought this way. What do people without Aspergers think like? It could explain a lot, I have never been diagnosed it has come up a few times today it did on the phone with someone. Like this makes a lot of sense to me I didn’t realize life could be any different. People say I am intelligent but just now been able to someone accept that. I have a bunch of diagnosis, Borderline ( which I never really totally thought fit though I do fit the criteria I have researched it quit a bit) PTSD ( also researched that a lot and seem to fit pretty well with that), social anxiety ( though if I had aspergers that would make sense), depression , eating disorder, addiction issues, yet a lot of people are surprised how I can have a slip up and get back on track easily if I have something to motivate me, if I have goals and ability to do my art work or what ever I am obsessed with at the time it changes then I forget about everything else but if I do something like hurt my finger and can’t draw all hell breaks lose and I end up using substances , yet get back on track when I am motivated to do something. idk.
thank you for sharing. I am glad this helped.
Well I love how everyone is doing percentages so I thought I would too. I love numbers 🙂
Section A: Deep Thinkers 10/10 = 100%
Section B: Innocent 10/10 = 100%
Section C: Escape and Friendship 17/ 20 = 85 %
Section D: Co- Morbid attributes 14/16 = 87.5 %
Section E: Social Interaction 23/25 = 92%
Section F: Finds refuge when alone 10/14 = 71.4 %
* I notice patterns and I noticed that section F starts with a word that starts with F probably accidental but I think it is cool.
* Also noticed that this one is lower yet I am sitting here doing this at one am because my favourite time of the day is after everyone else goes to bed. That and once I’ve started this I have to finish. I can’t go to bed with this incomplete or I won’t be able to sleep.
Section G: Sensitive 18/20 = 90%
Section H: Sense of Self 14/14 = 100%
Section I: Confusion 15/15 =100%
Section J: Words and Patterns 10/10= 100%
(Optional) Executive Functioning 10/10 = 100%
Total 151/ 164 = 92 %
* I added them up in my head and then doubled checked with a calculator so hope I counted right t’s just annoying me that it’s out of 164 and I think that is should be out of 165 and kind of hate that the score is 151 and not 150. I’ve always had a thing with numbers I like number that end in 5 or 0. I would get really upset in school if I got a 78% instead of an 80%. In highschool 80% was this magically cut off in my mind anything below it meant failure anything above it meant good. I got my BA in university and remember beating myself up afterwards even though it took me 8 years , though I dropped out twice for a year each time so more like 6 though I took some summer courses so that would be 6 years and 1/3 years. I got a 77% Average overall instead of an 80% and I felt like I was stupid. By the way in Canada 80% is an A not a B like it is in the USA. Thought I would clarify because the school systems are different between the two. Well time to go to bed, I haven’t been diagnosed but been doing a lot of research about aspergers and I feel like it fits. Other people have noticed too it’s just frustrating to go your whole life up to age 27 and think you are just weird and stupid and messed up but in reality there may be a perfectly rational explanation for what is going on, and that gives me some relief and I can use the positive stuff and work on my limitations and move forward instead of beating myself up for my poor social skills and coordination ( I spill at least one thing a day on me, and drop at least one thing a day)
thank you for sharing I enjoyed your thinking 🙂
I find this list so amazing because I almost checked off every single thing lol I am 18 and I do realize that I have been misdiagnosed my whole life mentally and physically. I also have PCOS, and been diagnosed with ADHD, ADD, Depression and other crap that I didn’t agree with or take the meds. My social anxiety was so bad first day of high school, as soon as I walked in and saw people I threw up and had to go home. It’s like I am locked in a cage sometimes, I escape through music, and peculiar interests that most females, especially my age are not into. I am addicted to smoking weed, I find myself consumed with one obsession for weeks, months, maybe even years along with others or maybe just that one obsession…& also two more things I would like to mention, I have always been an over thinker, and I daze into space so much that sometimes you can yell my name 20x in a row and I won’t even acknowledge you, It’s like I’m in space….
thank you for sharing… I understand! best wishes to you. Feel free to join our aspie community. See facebook link to the left
Thank you for this blog! I had a 100% for each section except one. I haven’t been diagnosed with Asperger’s, but for a while I’ve asking myself what is wrong with me?! And lately I’ve been feeling as if I’m going insane. I read about this disorder in one of my psych classes. So lately I’ve been researching this disorder. The comment you stated about being misdiagnosed and called a hypochondriac was dead on. I’ve never been to a psychologist or psychiatrist, but throughout my life people continually tell me I have an anxiety disorder (I seriously doubt it). My twin sister has been telling me I’m a hypochondriac since I was 15, when I started trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Also, she says I’m too philosophical, I always zone out and she loves to just tell me I’m weird. She knows me very well and recently she told me I’m too old to still be like this. So I’ve been really depressed about the way I am. I just don’t fit in anywhere and I feel like the people in this world are so different from me. I care so much about others, but it seems people just have horrible behavior or want to talk about meaningless things. And for some reason I still care and treat them with respect! Although, I’m usually the person being called rude, selfish, anti-social, self-absorbed or so many things that are not true..soo many things. Plus, the most common opinion is that I’m weird. It’s kind of why I’ve been so down (there was a person I liked who judged me too soon), I just wish people would get past their initial thoughts and get to know me. It’s like I have to conform to this world and make others comfortable, why is it impossible for them to do the same for me? I don’t fit in with in anyone at school, work and definitely not with my family, unless I behave like them! It’s exhausting! I can only make friends if I behave semi “normal”. Eventually, people stop talking to me because I just get tired of pretending. Or they’re upset if I refuse to go out somewhere every weekend, after I just spent a whole week working and going to school with a bunch of people! If only they knew what that did to me.
This past thanksgiving I realized how different I was from my family. Everyone was talking about football games, cars, school, relationships and other “normal” stuff. And I wanted to talk about a poem I read involving the American dream by Langston Hughes. I think American society has a lot of issues and there are a lot of people in need. I want to help them. No one wanted to entertain my conversation. This was the one of the first times that I didn’t stop myself from sharing my ideas (most of the time I only do this with my twin or mom). I’m not sure if they cared or what. I just got the weirdest looks. One of my sisters said, I like your ideas, but none of us think like you.
I’m 24 and thought maybe I would change as I get older. I’m starting to realize I’ll always be like this and that’s a horrible feeling. I’ve always just wanted to be normal, but I’m in a world maybe I was meant to be in.
Maybe, I’m just introverted, but I don’t feel as if that word explains who I really am. Sorry for such a long comment, but this is one of the few things I read that explains who I am so well. I didn’t know I could have so much in common with other people.
your comment is fine 🙂
wonderful comment, and you sound like many I speak to. Feel free to join our facebook family See link to the left and all the best to you. 🙂
It was easier for me to just subtract the few symptoms which didn’t apply to me -which may well do as it’s hard to have an objective perspective on oneself. I scored 93%. I WANT a diagnosis so that I can be entitled to protection under discrimintion laws. My life is a terrible mess and a failure. i am very isolated and have not had a job or any of the independence and ability to do things that employment brings for many years. If I had a diagnosis, I believe I would be much more likely to get the understanding and protection I need, but have not had and do not currrently have, having only the symptoms of AS. Many AS symptoms are unique to female sufferers and I’m extremely anxious about being (mis)judged according to the more traditional ‘male’ trait list.
agreed. best wishes to you.
Well, my goodness. I related to 98% of the statements. I’m SO glad I found this Blog. Thank you Samantha!
you are most welcome
Thank you so much for this Blogg- I relate very much to everything here ❤ Now I know so much more about myself- I am not alone.
🙂
Reblogged this on The Life of Decci.
Reblogged this on Autistic Plant and commented:
Fantastic summary!
I would like to suggest a modification to the abuse one: “abused or taken advantage of as a child, teen or adult, but either did not think to tell anyone, or experienced disbelief so often that they came to feel that reporting was pointless or counter-productive.”
^ Cuz I reported a lot, at first. And was never believed. And never believed. And never believed. And eventually I stopped reporting cuz I wanted to stop getting punished for reporting abuse. And ever since then, I don’t even entertain reporting – because I know from experience that my difficulties in social communication will lead to others assuming I’m lying, or exaggerating, or being over-sensitive, and why report when it won’t do anything?
And a lot of autistic women I have met are in the exact same boat as me.
so sorry to hear this, and thank you for sharing
Wow! Reading this and 116 Reasons were absolutely mind-blowing. Check, check, check, check. I’ve known that I’m autistic for a while, but I still find this wonderful sense of awe when I stumble upon something like this that describes me so very well. Super cool.
Hi there I work with Aspies in NZ and would like Samantha Craft to email me to discuss the use of your list
You can use my list for professional use 🙂 you can find me by liking the facebook page and private messaging me there
Reblogged this on petitepoisson15 and commented:
Some of it resonates with me a lot.
Reblogged this on essentialsofexistence and commented:
And there we have it.
After years of fucked up social anxiety, offending people without meaning to, feeling like I don’t belong to this world and often at war between head and heart … I may be an Aspie!
This is hopefully because the other two options were schitzophrenia or bi-polar disorder. Autism is a super power I can learn with. ❤ S
best wishes!
This list is almost all me, and after finally receiving a proper diagnosis at 27, I had never felt such relief in my life as I had at that moment. Some of these made me laugh, while others made me tear up. Thanks so much for a list I can share with friends & family!!!
🙂
I want to say so much about this website, and yet I am internally worrying about what to type, so I am deleting and rephrasing everything, and then deleting it again because my thoughts and opinions are probably irrelevant. it’s safe to say however, that this list is probably one of the most accurate and detailed lists I have come across. I relate to 95 % of it, which is uncanny, since the majority of lists mostly depict the male traits that have nothing to do with the difficulties I experience as an Aspie woman. I am currently undiagnosed with Aspergers, yet have countless diagnosis’s of many other things that, in hindsight, sound bloody ridiculous now. I am attending a formal diagnosis appointment next month, and frankly I am worried because experience tells me that most psychologists really have no understanding of what its like to be a woman with autism let alone understand the condition in its full, unadulterated capacity. Would I change it if I could? Sure, it would be nice to cross off all of the difficulties associated with this condition, however I am not entirely sure I’d enjoy being ‘like everyone else’ either. While it has been difficult to accustom myself with having this condition, it has produced something wonderful for my two autistic teenagers. I am able to relate and explain social expectancy to them, and due to my inside knowledge, I have watched them flourish over the course of a few years while being more able to fight on their behalf because it really is a special educational needs jungle out there. To all who have autism, it is not a hindrance, while difficult to cope with, it is truly a gift because, we have an insight that few will ever be exposed to. After all, evolution exists because of people like us. ❤
thank you for sharing 🙂
Jesus, reading this as a guy with klinefelters who has self diagnosed himself with aspergers I am extremely confused and relieved at the same time. I plan on getting an official diagnosis because as a 32 year old man I am struggling in life. I seem to have both spectrums of male and female symptoms. My mind is in shambles and I think i’ll never be able to overcome my difficulties due to the wide range of emotions.
A lot of the things in that video are vague and/or could apply to anyone who is simply intelligent, also.
The aspects described are often contradictory too, for example at one point it says “has a hard time understanding manipulation”, but then later “sees friends as ‘pawns'”
Also, “raised hand too much in class or didn’t participate in class”, that applies to more people than not because most people think they do one or the other.
this video just reeks of bullshit, sorry to say.
also, what is this about oversharing, monopolizing conversation…aren’t asperger’s people supposed to be shy and awkward?
“holds a lot of thoughts, ideas, and feelings inside” who does NOT do this?
i wouldn’t use this video as a gauge for anything.
there are some things which could be used for an asperger’s checklist, but this video is definitely more concerned with quantity with quality and i’m not sure why.
I would agree when you don’t have ASD it’s hard to see the fine line between typical and autism/AS. I think that’s what makes it such an invisible syndrome for many women. Many of us have been officially diagnosed with AS after finding this list, and this list fits. And everything on this list is me…and I have an official diagnosis, and wrote this to help other females. This has also been published in peer reviewed journals and accepted by professionals in the field as a resource to help determine AS. Is it perfect… of course not, but it is meant as a tool. With any ‘label’ there is the risk of people clinging or making themselves fit to feel more part of a whole. And the video wasn’t made by me. I don’t even know the person. There are over 600 other pages here that go into more depth of this list.
Brilliant. This was one of the lists that lead to me finally pursuing an aspergers diagnosis at age 24, after years of thinking “maybe I am” but then being discouraged by all the male focused lists of symptoms. It was such an immense relief to relate to female aspies after years of thinking I was just weird. It’s great the awareness of women on the spectrum is increasing. Thankyou!
I read this article –
I think it very much is about herself and her daughter -how they have experienced the spectrum .
She identifies issues with difficulties from lack of understanding social communication, lack of TOM -or not interested in using TOM. She identifies the increased use of fantasy imagination which arises when you become social excluded
Also ‘confusion’ -which comes from lack of intuitive thought to understand social behaviour.
But the rest of it is not universal -the deep thinker, interest in words and patterns, co-morbids – a medical word that is not used any more by the social theorist explanation for ASD.
The sensual sensitivity can either be over or under responsive and is unique to every individual.
The sense of self again is very specific to her own environment- it does not have to be experienced as feeling trapped or having prosopagnosia.
Those women who identify so much with it -do they come from all different types of back ground or are they white middle class? so many of my learners from Bangladesh would get less than40% on several of these scales.
Worth reading -but it is superficial list -not dealing with how these thing arise and lacks cros cultural comparison.
Bigmum-Postgraduate certificate in Autism 2015.
At first your comment triggered me, as I took it personal. But I am better now.
To set the facts straight:
I was raised by a low-income single mom
My grandmother was born and raised in Egypt
I was never socially isolated and was exposed to many people from various cultures and backgrounds
I was a school teacher, advocate, and counselor
I have great intuitiveness in understanding social behavior, as it was and is my special interest
I have no daughter, but a son with Aspergers
You can learn more beyond the ‘superficial’ list by reading some of the other 1,000 pages
I try my best not to make rash judgments or conclusions about things
Greetings from London, UK. Whilst it is important to have constructive criticism when a model questionnaire is made for wider use, I can’t help but also be annoyed when someone writes or even says in a cavalier manner; “This only applies to a white middle class woman, not others.” Because you are speaking for people like me, a British born African woman whose life was explained by a woman who merely took the time to ensure that no one goes through the pain and uncertainty of diagnosing certain traits that only a person who has it would understand. The problem with places like Bangladesh and where I come from is precisely that there are many women who possess ASD traits who are at best, misunderstood and at worst murdered for not behaving in manner deemed typical of a conventional woman. Living on the spectrum is anything but middle class or privileged. How many of us struggle to remain employed? How many of us struggle to maintain crucial networks which make finding or keeping jobs easier? Or in good, productive romantic relationships? Cope with OCD or able to consistently maintain a clean and tidy home which affects your chances of social mobility?
By all means, if you have respectful and constructive critique, please share. Otherwise look at all the people in your life objectively and ask yourself, “Do I really understand what it takes for this person to truly be themselves?”
thank you
Thank you for this list – and for the blog too. It was after the diagnosis of two of my children that I began to see the possibility that I myself might have some traits of ASD – cleverly hidden by many difficult years of chameleon behaviour. I am going next week for a diagnostic assessment – I’m not sure really why at this stage in my life (mid 40s) I feel I need this, but I hope that in further understanding myself I will be able to live more easily as myself.
https://hannahkenwayblog.wordpress.com
Thank you so much for compiling this list. I relate to so many of these traits, most of them. In fact I am feeling like I need to cry after reading this, but can’t quite let it out.
You are most welcome ❤
While taking this test I had to stop many times to wipe the tears from my eyes… and this is coming from a girl that rarely emotionally connects to anything. As I moved on from one section to the next for the first time in my life I felt “understood”. As if words on a screen could actually relate to me and I to them. It sounds crazy I know… but I’m used to sounding crazy 🙂 I just wanted to reach out and say thank you! I am 32 years old… don’t have a friend in this world aside from my wonderful husband… and I have found a friend in this “test”. Something to tell me that me, my ways of thinking, my ways of being, my perspectives, and my never ending struggles in the social and overwhelming world are not mine alone to try to cope with and understand. Thank you again and again!
fantastic ❤ much love to you x
Approx 90% or more going by the video, I’m now even more convinced than before, I have ADHD, bipolar, anxiety, depression and OCD, but aspergers relates to every behaviour, emotion and thought process I have.
Thank you.
thank you for sharing
I’m 61 and just went through this list with my 20-year old NT daughter. We laughed so much, as almost every trait documents my whole life. Every time I read something like this, I’m more and more proud to be an Aspie, marching to my own drum and not caring about approval of others, they can take it or leave it (or shove it!). We loved the bit about wanting to be from another planet- that is SO me, with a lifelong obsession with space and sci-fi (I’m also a UFO investigator). BTW, I had a Lego party for my 60th. birthday- who wants to grow up anyway. For me, it would have happened by now. We have a great support group where i live, The Treehouse Geelong, with events for all ages and variations. Feel free to visit our Facebook page.
hehe Great message 🙂
Very interesting post. I am pretty sure that most traits apply to my friend. (I have just written a blog about her: https://aspergergenius.wordpress.com/) I am going to show her the list too and ask her to tell me how many traits she thinks she has in each section, then I will get back to you. I think it is good for her to know she is not alone.
🙂 there are a lot of us at the Facebook community if she wants to ask questions or learn more 🙂
What is the FB page? Actually she just joined FB the other day in order to post in another Asperger group to feel more connected for Autism Awareness Month, but doesn’t have a “personal” account.
Edit: Oh, I think I’ve found it. https://www.facebook.com/Everyday-Aspergers-387026824645012/
Her results:
Section A: 10/10
Section B: 9/10
Section C: 15/20
Section D: 16/16
Section E: 25/25
Section F: 12/14
Section G: 19/20
Section H: 11/14
Section I: 13/15 (Re No.3, she actually remembers all dates and times without needing to write them down)
Section J: 8/10
Optional Section: 11/12
Just a reminder this is a checklist I made and I am not a professional. But it’s a good starting point for seeking more information. I wish you the best! The FB link is also on my blog to the right 🙂
Thanks. Oh, she was diagnosed a long time ago and has also read a few books. Recently though she seems to have developed the wish to be in contact with more aspies, read their stories etc.
She liked your page yesterday, so she will be able to get updates in her news feed. 🙂
super 🙂
My friend temporarily disabled her FB account because she is very sick. I hope she will be able to get back in touch with her friends soon. And yes, I think males can relate to some of the points in the questionnaire too. (As you know, I have mild Asperger’s too.) I guess we all sit in the same boat. Maybe you can give the questionnaire to some males you know and see how they go and then draw your own conclusions.
To be quite honest I really think male aspies should be given more attention. We have most of the problems women have. Maybe we tend to talk less about our problems? And gifted aspies probably tend to suffer much more than average aspies (I could explain the reasons here, but it is probably more appropriate I do so in my own blog when I find the time) because their “everyday” and their marginalization are even worse. Just in the last few years I have heard of 4 gifted people who committed suicide because of how they thought they don’t fit in and others who tried to commit suicide, including my friend. This is something worth considering. Even normal gifted people tend to be more depressed than average people, and this is even worse in gifted aspies.
completely agree!
Just curious… What do you do for gifted aspies who might be facing particular challenges? Do you also help people who have the so-called “superpowers” if they need help (I absolutely HATE that expression, but it seems to be going around)? PS: I am supposed to be gifted too, but I don’t really care much any more as I have been bullied too.
Not sure what you mean by this question. Feel free to friend me on facebook if you want to discuss further. Aspies with a lot of brain power benefit from having projects, goals, and being able to immerse themselves in a special interest, that’s for sure.
Anyway, one does not only help others to be popular. Real help happens behind the scenes and everybody should be included, also those who seem to have some special skills we don’t have. It is about *relieving suffering* and trying to understand more about the suffering person’s needs, not about feeling great about oneself. Real help is VERY rare, I know. Even charities don’t quite offer selfless help.
yes, it is 🙂 But there are some of us who do truly help for no other reason than to help. Best wishes to you
By the way, feel free to delete *all* my posts… They were “general” remarks and I am just a bit blunt (which, as you know, is a trait of Asperger’s). I just meant that gifted people can have many problems too, but I didn’t mean to criticize anybody in particular. I just get carried away sometimes. That’s probably why many people don’t like me, as I said in my own blog. I just wish I could help my friend (and myself) more.
Still a very simple draft I will expand in the near future, but I just had this urge to write it today: https://wordpress.com/post/aspergergenius.wordpress.com/98
the link doesn’t take me anywhere 🙂
Ooops, sorry, that only worked for me. This should work for everybody: https://aspergergenius.wordpress.com/2016/06/04/giftedness-and-isolationmarginalization/ 🙂
I came here hoping you had sources for nearly everything you listed. Or is this mostly your personal experience that you think relates to many other females with asperger’s. Anyway, I related a lot. Sad that I can’t bring this to a doctor who’s going to “rediagnose” me even though I was diagnosed 14-freaking years ago!
it’s my experience. I am publishing a book as well. You can send your dr. the link to blog or print out the list if you would like. Best wishes
I’m male, but I still relate more with this list than many other about aspergers. Anyway, I’ll just like to say that 1st, I wouldn’t consider the executive function area to be any more optional than most the other areas, and 2nd, 70-80% of the questions in all areas in a bit much, as there is a LOT of areas listed here, and many people manifest significantly differently.
yes, you are right, many men identify with this list. It was originally written when little was known and a lot of stereotypes were out there. And yes, it manifests differently in many people. Thank you
Just wondering how NTs would relate to this list. I think most people can see themselves in this list, especially shy, bullied people, or people of certain ethnicities. Like all the 300+ above commenters, I can really relate to this list. 80-90% of the list describes me. But I’m not Aspie – I’m a just shy, awkward, bullied, lonely, loving, sensitive non-white person.
I think the sensory aspects of over stimulation through environment, such as sound, textures, etc. Rigid ways of viewing the world and thinking, extreme logic, etc. aspects that are disabling would lean more toward ASD but certainly INFJ folks, Idealists, Introverts, etc. have a lot in common with Aspie traits.
INFPs have a lot in common with Aspies, too. I’m INFP, and I know plenty of people online who are as well. Like many Aspie girls, INFPs can be very sensitive, love words/writing, trusting, innocent, etc.
yes, INFP and INFJ 🙂 and another combo too.
How do you know you’re NT?
I’ve been through a complete battery of psychological testing, and the psychologist didn’t say I was on the autism spectrum. I’ve taken Aspergers test multiple times online, and I score low enough to be non-Aspie. What I have is depression, anxiety, and social anxiety. I do quiet, introverted activities like reading, journaling, listening to music, going to museums/libraries, etc. I grew up non-white in the US, so I don’t fit that well into the mainstream culture. And I’m INFP. All these reasons make Aspie girl lists very relatable to me. But I do not relate to the stimming, overstimulution of sounds and texture, rigidity, or extreme logic of most people on the autism spectrum.
makes sense. 🙂
This list is great! It’s as if you have studied me for 31 years and written a report- at least 95% of that is accurate. I have always felt add odds with my own head, I have always felt like I am screaming inside me own body to be understood. Every single one of those friends I could not keep as a kid now makes a bit more sense- it has been like a mystery to me; thinking I have been a horrible person for most of my life. I’ve been thinking about this as a potential diagnosis for a little while now- reading this is going to force me to see me doctor for a referral. Thank you! 🙂
you are most welcome 🙂
Wow! I’m in my seventies! I’ve always known something was amiss! I’ve always been awkward physically and emotionally. I’ve gotten by, by pretending I knew what I was doing. I wouldn’t feel the feeling, but would try to look the look….and I got by!
I spent the whole afternoon going through you list of traits. I found maybe six or seven that did not apply to me! Instead of feeling down about this, I’m celebrating! Finally, it is all beginning to make sense—like finding all of the missing pieces of a puzzle! I’ve done a lot of reading and researching, but nothing has ever “fit!” All of the medical sites, DSM, etc. are written for trained medical minds. That’s not me! My doctor may not agree, but I think I am finally beginning to see the real me! Maybe unraveled, but certainly going back together a lot better! 😉 I just bought your book!
Thank you! ….for sharing who you are, how you think….for baring your soul!
Thank you for this list!!
It is spot on.
I hadn’t even realized how many of these applied to me, ive made so many excuses for some of them I hadn’t even realized that they were symptoms. Hopefully i’m going to get diagnosed soon.
best wishes
Aspergers/autism is often co-morbid with a connective tissue disorder called “Ehlers Danlos Syndrome” (EDS). One of he primary “tells” of EDS is being double-jointed (in addition to having issues of chronic pain, fibromyalgia-like symptoms, GI symptoms, and other issues).
My point: IF YOU ARE AUTISTIC AND ALSO DOUBLE-JOINTED — RESEARCH EDS. It is extremely rarely diagnosed due to doctors being undereducated about it (and it primarily impacting women), but earlier diagnosis can radically improve over all life quality.
Yep, many on the spectrum I know have EDS I have joint hypermobility syndrome
I’m not a girl and all of the *official autism symptoms* lists I’ve seen on web MD and whatnot don’t apply to me for the most part, but more than half of this list did. idk
I am 49 and I just came across this list today. My overall score was 83%. I have been in therapy for depression and anxiety, read all the “Sensitive Person” books, and still always wondered why I was so different. I never before considered that I could have Asperger’s. I think my brother had it as well. Neither of us ever diagnosed. Wow.
Good evening,
I just read your checklist and I cried. I has been diagnost gifted 4 years ago but I always though that there were something else. When I read your checklist I check every items, maybe except 5. THANK YOU ! I am 34 and this help me to have new perspectives, to understand myself better. Emmanuelle
best to you
I am amazed after 66 years to find this list. Started thinking about maybe Asperger’s for who I am and this list confirmed it. All most every single point fits. Basically knocked me ass over tea kettle. Such a strong AHA moment then tremendous regret. Still struggling to figure this out as to how do I function from this point on. For some reason I feel frozen by this confirmation. Why isn’t this well known? Why don’t more medical professionals address this possibility? I’ve been in counseling since I was 20. No one ever remotely explored this with me.
I’ve just started counseling with a provider who specializes in Asperger’s. I am praying knowing this and how it fits into my depression I can move forward feeling like I am not just crazy like I thought I was. Enormous stone has dropped from my shoulders.
Carol
feel free to friend me on Facebook and to check out resources on myspectrumsuite.com You certainly aren’t alone
and of course I have no idea how to find you on facebook?
https://www.facebook.com/samantha.craft.5
Thank you for this site: Has helped in my understanding of myself immensely
wonderful to hear 🙂
I connect with almost all of this. My dad has Asperger’s and he didn’t know until midway through growing up. I have been hurt by many people who I trusted. I’d like to learn how to make more friends, as I’ve moved a couple of years ago and don’t have any. Is it possible for me to find out who I am and what I want to do? I know what everyone else expects of me but I don’t know what I want for myself. Is there hope for me to have a fulfilled and happy life?
Please see resources at myspectrumsuite.com