Would it be entirely inappropriate to modify the title of this post to: ‘Another One Bites the Dust! Bite Me!’?
Most people wouldn’t get the vampire pun.
This week I’ve lost a couple of blog followers. Pausing for sniffles.
Even though Little Me repeatedly reminds the Geek Posse that we’ve gained cool new followers, the Posse remains in perpetual mourning. Crazy Frog is convinced it is my husband who unfollowed us.
Along with all of the commotion—the dressing in black attire, the donning of veils, the depressing funeral music—the Geek Posse put anonymous slips of papers in an empty fish bowl. Papers that explain why we lost followers. If you are a regular reader, you might be able to tell which ones Crazy Frog wrote.
Reasons People Stop Following the Geek Posse
(Words found on slips of paper)
1. They came to find out what a brain of a female with Asperger’s syndrome is like. They found out. They left.
2. It’s tax season in America—your posts are far too long.
3. You didn’t visit their blog enough.
4. People who knew you in high school when you were a homecoming princess and cheerleader (gag!) are entirely disillusioned.
5. That non-stealth creature that keeps stealing your articles, snuck out after seeing the dorky sign you wrote and posted about her.
6. You used far too much “churchiness” in that post about Angel and Mary.
7. They think you are a false prophet.
8. You published twice in one day!
9. Their name starts with the letter D.
10. Your music selection is way old school.
11. You post corny old songs.
12. You repeat yourself.
13. Some people’s IQ-levels are too low to catch your humor.
14. They think you are a real vampire, alien, or a frog.
15. Your mental health therapist unfollowed you.
16. Someone over identified with the Reactive Reaper people-type.
17. Someone realized you meant him when you listed number 10 in Why People Follow Blogs.
18. This picture of the dog in large size scared them:
19. You write too little about Aspergers.
20. You write too much about Aspergers.
21. Your blog is better than theirs!
22. Grandma is confused.
23. They left with the intention of rejoining your blog under a fake identity.
24. They finished their thesis research paper on frontal lobe syndromes.
25. They fear you will track them down and try to be their real friend.
26. A traumatized man fled in fear, after discovering you are premenopausal.
27. The word is out that you are Italian and can’t cook.
28. They were drunk when they pressed the follow icon.
29. They are tired of lists.
30. You removed the distinguished profile picture of Crazy Frog that was posted in the My Lingo section.
31. They pressed My Lingo Button.
32. They are pissed off that they might have Aspergers after reading your list of traits.
33. They don’t like the words boob, dumbass, or pissed off.
34. They think Aspergers sounds like a butt-burger; and they are a conservative vegetarian.
35. You deleted them from your Facebook group page.
36. You told your husband one too many times: “Fine! Stop following my blog, then!”