Today I participated in being present.
I got in my van and drove where I felt drawn to go.
I found myself on the waterfront by the boat docks, and walked lightly along the pathway.
I felt grounded into the earth and protected, and very much loved.
I noticed the sky and all the sounds about me. I noticed many things that I hadn’t noticed before.
The sun paid a visit and peeked out from the clouds, and I was invited by this lovely block structure to lean and take in the sunlight on my face.
I closed my eyes and just let myself be.
I thanked the block art.
I have always admired people who could be still and with themselves and find a gentle resonating connection to the earth and with their inner being.
Today I was one of those connecters.
I walked past a building that invited me in. And there I greeted a flyer about a movement class. I kept the paper and will reflect on the opportunity.
As I traveled back to my van, I practiced letting go of thoughts and took in many sounds and sensations.
When I was on the road again, I drove past a small bakery.
I treated myself to lunch there, the most sensational lunch.
I savored every bite with awareness and pleasure. The fork tickled me. The sautéed mushroom, bread, and egg saluted me. I found myself giggling inside at the images in the food. I found myself giving repeated thanks and gratitude.
I soaked in the goodness, and as I had done before, I kept repeating the words “Love, love, love.”
I was continually brought back to the present. Every movement and ever feeling inside of my body felt magical.
The world looks different now.
Wherein sensory stimuli could sometimes overwhelm me, now I am intrigued by all of the motion of the world.
As I ate, I smiled at the homeless man outside the window. I watched him eat on the bench. He had much food. I imagined we were eating together. When he was finished, and approached where I sat, a glass pane separating us, we locked eyes and smiled together.
We’d eaten together in my heart.
I took over a half of an hour to eat one sandwich. I wondered why I always ate so fast before, when every bite was an opportunity for acceptance and gratitude.
I listened to the sound of people and watched them move. I took in the pitch of voices and the color of clothes. With every thought I released all judgment.
I felt tremendous joy of being alive, and gave thanks for the ability to appreciate the moment and my life.
When I moved from my chair, I did so with gentle intention. No anxiety was in my psyche or my physical being. Everything about me radiated serenity.
A bakery worker moved towards me to collect my plate. We shared a sentence and our eyes smiled. I felt such warmth and human connection.
When I drove again, if any sorrow arose, manifested by an ache in my heart and gut, I imagined the sorrow, the shape of the sorrow. To me, the sorrow appeared a twisted colorless ribbon. I let the sorrow rise and then I held the sorrow.
When I held the sorrow, sorrow evaporated.
Each time the sorrow rose, I let the deep ache come to me.
I felt the intensity of suffering. I felt the tears of my soul, and then, through awareness and acceptance, I held the pain once more, and once more again.
Today I was happy despite my sorrow. Today I was sorrow-filled despite my happiness. And neither was the winner.
Moment after moment I returned back to the present, leaving the sorrow and happiness to the space of emptiness.
I see neither sorrow or happiness as my partner or friend, and neither as my foe.
I accept where I am at and let the river of peace flow through me.
I do not stand in judgment of myself, and with this freedom I do not stand in judgment of my passing neighbor.
I do not stand in judgment of my passing neighbor, and with this freedom I do not stand in judgment of my self.
I planned nothing. I thought not of the future, nor did I linger long in the past. I just was. I just am.
If ever there was joy to be found immeasurably, it was in the simplicity of my being.
Now as I sit here, I feel embraced.
I know not why or how or from where this love comes; I release; I release the source and I release the cause.
Nothing matters, while everything matters.
Today I am thankful, not for anything or anyone, not for a singular experience or emotion; today I am thankful because I recognize that with the release of attachment, I am at last releasing self into the ocean of life. I am a bird swimming in the blue. I am a fish flying through the sky. All is a reflection, one upon the other.
And everywhere I look is beauty.
I am looking at you now. Beautiful one. Special one. Dear one. Lovely lovely light-filled soul.
I am looking at you, and you are all.
You are the sunshine in my face. You are the sensation of pleasure dripping off of my fork. You are the homeless man smiling with his eyes. You are the earth smiling with your heart.
You are everything to me, as I am to you.
And I accept your love and grace.
I accept you just as you are right now. Just right where you are.
You are divinely perfect.
You are the block.
You are the art in the park.
The place where one can rest and lean and soak in the goodness of the world.
6 thoughts on “338: You Are The Block”
While reading this I took many, many deep breaths and I am left with a feeling of peace. Thank you for sharing this look into the window of your day – what a delight.
I LOVE this Sam. These ‘good to be alive’ days, are spectacular. Your discription was perfection, and I think I’ve seen that particular Homeless man before..in Santa Barbara many many years ago-in His eyes I saw God- I was 16 years old.
Coming home from the far country is allways the profoundest, simplest bliss. This is our true nature, eternal, infinite, shining. All is not just connected, it is Connection itself.
I still felt your aloneless – this kind of joy needs to have somebody to share it with
I am 52 and diagnosed with ADD when I was 40 – the meds made a terrific difference in my life. I spent the last 12 months going through the loss of my father, my god mother / favorite aunt 2 months later – not expected and the other person who I saw as my other mother. My three touch stones died in 4 months and I fell apart. I put myself into therapy so that I could start to function and the therapist did some asperberger’s testing and we agreed that I am on the spectrum. It has been a revelation both god and bad. I have a great need to go out and conquer this, beat it, be normal. I have no idea what normal is but I really am sick and tired of being on the outside looking in. I want them to get my jokes, my enthusiasm for life, my intellect and specialness without it being so much damn hard work. To the rest of the world I look like a successful business woman owning and running a construction company sistered with and interior decorating business. To me it is just a farce of smoke and mirrors and one day the wind is going to blow in the right direction and mirrors are going to break and there will be nothing left. I am so tired of trying –
Peace. Love and Light shined through my computer screen.. 🙂 ❤