Post 245: As One

 

I lived outside of my body

It was easier that way: not to feel

But all along I was feeling

Truly feeling

Only unable to know

To understand

To experience

I was numb

Or I was dumb

Dumbed-down to the sensation

Everything mixed together

Mingled into a dance

Where toes stepped on toes

And fingers were warped

I couldn’t reach the itch

I knew not what or where to scratch

All of me ached

Until I centered myself

And focused

And woke up

Arose and stopped the slumber

No longer closing my eyes to the nightmares

Submerged in truth

And happenings

In reality of present

And slowly

The parts of me

With whispered memory

Began to remember

Where I stood

My feet grounded to the earth

The heaviness pulling down

The weight of me acknowledged

My being represented

The light abiding

One by one my body spoke

I am here

I am present

I am sensation and form

I am awareness and openness

Day by day I whispered

The parts of me to self

Unclench me

Unnerve me

Unfasten me

Release

Let go

Relax

Let the pleasure unfold

The awakening begin

Of harboring pain

And fear

And trust’s foe

You are

You are

You are

And in everything

We move as one

 

Day 124: My Aching Loins!


Photo

My gnome is laughing at me because I just said a bad word over and over. OH, NO! But I don’t care!!! Because gone is the prude-dude residing inside of me. {I can use “dude” for me, even though I’m a girl; I looked it up.}

What is the definition of prude? A person concerned with decorum and propriety…someone who uses those words in ordinary conversation is probably a prude. Here’s the part of prude that was me: more uncomfortable than most with sexuality; unusual modesty; goody-goody.

Before Photo: PRUDE

Photo on 2012-03-18 at 12.32 #2

Miracles are erupting. I’m engorged with passion! Prude-dude is shrinking like a tornado has just smashed her into asphalt. Serpent power rise!

Proof of my serpent power rising and prude-dude vanishing: I actually like the music my grandma used to have on in her very slow moving car—because it is stirring me in an erotic way. More proof? I used the words loins and erotic, and enjoyed it!

Lately, I can connect to every single song that has a semblance of a romantic edge of hope. I’ve been delving into songs, living and breathing the lyrics, like some lovesick damsel in distress or a diving duck. Plunge, ruffle feathers, plunge, ruffle feathers. Every inch of me is longing for connection. Here is a song that suddenly I think is the bee’s knee, only because the prospect of romance dances within the words and ignites my entire being….like almost every damn song I listen to. (swear word, giggles)

Ignore the commercial…but the music really is a must for this post: Direct Link

Once a prude, NOT always a prude, I tell you! In high school, I kid you not, inside the bathroom walls, more than one girl inked, “I want to be like ‘Samantha Craft,’ the virgin.” Whether the wash-closet writing was fact or fiction remains a forever mystery. The point is, I looked like a prude, acted like a prude, and was assumed to be a prude. I couldn’t say the name of private parts aloud—hmmm, writing them still causes difficulty. Don’t worry, by next week I’ll be able to write that word used to describe hotdogs—I’m certain.

Passion was a no-no for long-long time.

But I’m done with the subdued prude-dude. I remember wearing my first jean skirt as a young adult and asking my father if the skirt was too revealing—the hem touched right above the ankle. There was a time period I wore short skirts, but this was primarily to appease some goof-head (for lack of more fitting words), I was hopelessly in lust with. For the most part, my hemline was long, my clothes loose, and my neckline high. Typical stereotypical grade school teacher…from the early 20th century!

Well, what’s happened? You might wonder. I know I was wondering. I’ve had crazy surging and purging emotional eruptions for the last few weeks. At first I thought it was the pig hormone I’m taking for my hypothyroid—Karmic payback, in a beneficial way, since I stopped eating pig when I was ten. But, no, the pig-powers-that-be might love me, but this is something that even out does the power of Wilburs and oinkers everywhere.

My ongoing symptoms include:

Overwhelming intense feelings surrounding everything

An extreme knowing that I have a right to feel what I want

Pleasure seeking

Pain avoidance

Extreme feelings of passion

Extremes of emotions

Sensuality

Reconnecting to and appreciating my body

Longing to walk barefoot

Feeling improved energy, vitality, and health

Youthful glow

Expanding personal relationships

Achieving excellence in creative endeavors

Indescribable enormous power

Vibrating sensations

Less sleep

Thinking and acting remarkably different

Detachment

Self-transcendence

Bliss

Ecstasy

Visions

Clairaudience

.

After Photo: Goddess of Love!

Photo 10.46 AM

If only I could bottle this! Oh, but to take any away from me, would be sinful.

What’s happening to me, as far as I can tell, is called Kundalini Awakening (sexual energy). I’m no expert. I am a life-student still enrolled in school. But something boot-kicked the prude-dude out and let the coiled serpent expand. This energy of consciousness, I take it, has been aroused through spiritual discipline (120 days of bleeding my soul onto the screen for all to see) and spontaneously (connection with another). The energy of the second chakra, located physically in the pelvic area, has transformed. My center of creativity freed and honored. This chakra, my gateway, the center of emotions, is spiraling in divine tune because I have ALLOWED myself to experience life through my feelings and sensations.  The prude-dude removed! This is my serpent power, the energy that lies like the serpent in the root chakra. Think of those trick cans opening to expose the explosive toy snake. That’s me. Snake in a can!

So this explains why I can’t get enough of music; why I can’t get enough of photography and poetry; why I can’t get enough of any source that evokes extreme emotions. And probably why guys keep opening doors for me!

“So, that music, Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin, meaning the beauty there of being the consummation of life, the end of this existence and of the passionate element in that consummation. But, it is the same language that we use for surrender to the beloved, so that the song — it’s not important that anybody knows the genesis of it, because if the language comes from that passionate resource, it will be able to embrace all passionate activity.” Leonard Cohen

(These photos were changed since the original post.)