Day 124: My Aching Loins!


Photo

My gnome is laughing at me because I just said a bad word over and over. OH, NO! But I don’t care!!! Because gone is the prude-dude residing inside of me. {I can use “dude” for me, even though I’m a girl; I looked it up.}

What is the definition of prude? A person concerned with decorum and propriety…someone who uses those words in ordinary conversation is probably a prude. Here’s the part of prude that was me: more uncomfortable than most with sexuality; unusual modesty; goody-goody.

Before Photo: PRUDE

Photo on 2012-03-18 at 12.32 #2

Miracles are erupting. I’m engorged with passion! Prude-dude is shrinking like a tornado has just smashed her into asphalt. Serpent power rise!

Proof of my serpent power rising and prude-dude vanishing: I actually like the music my grandma used to have on in her very slow moving car—because it is stirring me in an erotic way. More proof? I used the words loins and erotic, and enjoyed it!

Lately, I can connect to every single song that has a semblance of a romantic edge of hope. I’ve been delving into songs, living and breathing the lyrics, like some lovesick damsel in distress or a diving duck. Plunge, ruffle feathers, plunge, ruffle feathers. Every inch of me is longing for connection. Here is a song that suddenly I think is the bee’s knee, only because the prospect of romance dances within the words and ignites my entire being….like almost every damn song I listen to. (swear word, giggles)

Ignore the commercial…but the music really is a must for this post: Direct Link

Once a prude, NOT always a prude, I tell you! In high school, I kid you not, inside the bathroom walls, more than one girl inked, “I want to be like ‘Samantha Craft,’ the virgin.” Whether the wash-closet writing was fact or fiction remains a forever mystery. The point is, I looked like a prude, acted like a prude, and was assumed to be a prude. I couldn’t say the name of private parts aloud—hmmm, writing them still causes difficulty. Don’t worry, by next week I’ll be able to write that word used to describe hotdogs—I’m certain.

Passion was a no-no for long-long time.

But I’m done with the subdued prude-dude. I remember wearing my first jean skirt as a young adult and asking my father if the skirt was too revealing—the hem touched right above the ankle. There was a time period I wore short skirts, but this was primarily to appease some goof-head (for lack of more fitting words), I was hopelessly in lust with. For the most part, my hemline was long, my clothes loose, and my neckline high. Typical stereotypical grade school teacher…from the early 20th century!

Well, what’s happened? You might wonder. I know I was wondering. I’ve had crazy surging and purging emotional eruptions for the last few weeks. At first I thought it was the pig hormone I’m taking for my hypothyroid—Karmic payback, in a beneficial way, since I stopped eating pig when I was ten. But, no, the pig-powers-that-be might love me, but this is something that even out does the power of Wilburs and oinkers everywhere.

My ongoing symptoms include:

Overwhelming intense feelings surrounding everything

An extreme knowing that I have a right to feel what I want

Pleasure seeking

Pain avoidance

Extreme feelings of passion

Extremes of emotions

Sensuality

Reconnecting to and appreciating my body

Longing to walk barefoot

Feeling improved energy, vitality, and health

Youthful glow

Expanding personal relationships

Achieving excellence in creative endeavors

Indescribable enormous power

Vibrating sensations

Less sleep

Thinking and acting remarkably different

Detachment

Self-transcendence

Bliss

Ecstasy

Visions

Clairaudience

.

After Photo: Goddess of Love!

Photo 10.46 AM

If only I could bottle this! Oh, but to take any away from me, would be sinful.

What’s happening to me, as far as I can tell, is called Kundalini Awakening (sexual energy). I’m no expert. I am a life-student still enrolled in school. But something boot-kicked the prude-dude out and let the coiled serpent expand. This energy of consciousness, I take it, has been aroused through spiritual discipline (120 days of bleeding my soul onto the screen for all to see) and spontaneously (connection with another). The energy of the second chakra, located physically in the pelvic area, has transformed. My center of creativity freed and honored. This chakra, my gateway, the center of emotions, is spiraling in divine tune because I have ALLOWED myself to experience life through my feelings and sensations.  The prude-dude removed! This is my serpent power, the energy that lies like the serpent in the root chakra. Think of those trick cans opening to expose the explosive toy snake. That’s me. Snake in a can!

So this explains why I can’t get enough of music; why I can’t get enough of photography and poetry; why I can’t get enough of any source that evokes extreme emotions. And probably why guys keep opening doors for me!

“So, that music, Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin, meaning the beauty there of being the consummation of life, the end of this existence and of the passionate element in that consummation. But, it is the same language that we use for surrender to the beloved, so that the song — it’s not important that anybody knows the genesis of it, because if the language comes from that passionate resource, it will be able to embrace all passionate activity.” Leonard Cohen

(These photos were changed since the original post.)

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40 thoughts on “Day 124: My Aching Loins!

  1. OMG is this how good girls behave
    look at the serene prude you
    and look at you the Tan Diva after you killed and dumped the poor prude dude
    man what is this, someone ban this blog 😯
    and you talk about awakening of sexual energy..what have i read 😯
    thousand dips in Ganges to purify my thoughts 😯

    But before the dip lemme tell you,you rock girl
    loved the list of things you are feeling and going through
    Girl you have started living 🙂
    hugs 🙂

    1. Yay, you! Call the Blog police….this girl is out of control!!! giggles
      You are too, too funny. Thanks for the “I rock”…..I sooo like that.
      Yes, indeed, alive at last. Huge hugs!!!! Don’t get to close though, I’m contagious and desperate. hee hee. Have a great day, Sweet Soma. ~ Sam on fire

  2. Woah, get back in your prude box you rude girl!! No frikin way – you just found yourself. Where have you been hiding? Why have you been hiding? Who were you hiding from? You sound like the kinda girl I’d enjoy spending time with – no, not in the obvious way! I mean you sound 1000 times more fun, more engaging, more creative, more…just more! Grab hold of this new yo and don’t let her go. 🙂

    1. LOL. The box has been smashed and torn into pieces and recycled. No boxes left on earth! That’s a fricken good question….where have I been hiding. I don’t know! But it wasn’t fun. From? hmmmm….that’s complicated, and still processing that, but have some ideas. Well, thank you. I am a fun gal. Even when I was a PRUDE, but now I’m more fun….and once I get the tattoo and take up guitar, and then kayaking…watch out!!! lol
      I’m grabbing on.
      Thanks so much for your fun comment. Really enjoyed.
      Sam 🙂

    1. Yay Goddess Sam. Boooo Prude. Well, I ought to embrace prude and give her a nice place to live in a distant castle in a faraway land that is impossible to leave, but where she is happy. 🙂 You are welcome. Thank you for reading. 😉 Sam the goddess (hee, hee)

  3. this is nice…soooo romantic and “venusy” lol…i for one will like not being called that…prude-dude 🙂 🙂 proud of you, Sam, for liking your sensual self…very nice post…love it!!!!

    1. A Samtastic Samsformation of the Delicious Green Fruit. Munch, Munch! giggles
      I like that Maui photo of me, too. 😉 It shows ME……finally!
      Yep, I’m a cracker crackling away. Glad to know a fellow cracker like you, friend. 😉 Sam the godess of loveeeeeeeeeee

  4. First thing I must say… You know I had a snake in my house yesterday and I am the only one around here who is not afraid of them I helped coax him back outside to safety. A snake in my house and you write this post? How funny.

    I know exactly what you are talking about you can see my explosions erupting through my poetry. When I started my poetry blog I was quite the prude I have transitioned into more deep rooted emotions and intense feelings that I were encountered once – caused to be hidden away because of pain – to be rediscovered in a wild volcanic way! Hee hee

    OMG! I was made fun of because of my prudeness in school. My friends had already been with several guys and would constantly say that I had to be “popped” how horrible! I never wanted to kiss, I was confused by advances, even after sex ed I didn’t understand how things happened and what I did understand I did not want any part of. I have a whole story with all of this stuff, but bottom line “In tune with myself, sensuality, sexuality, etc…” yeah, a foreign concept that I am starting to get.

    Your steamy hot post has helped because I was starting to stifle myself again, but I think I just might go and post a poem that was my recent “Step out” of these feelings. I panicked and got freaked out after I posted it and the prude took over.

    One of my absolute favorite songs by Lenard Cohen he stirs something out of me. I wrote a short poem like story about a scarf triggered by this song. Clearly the scarf is a metaphor – I thought you may like it. http://tidbits8.wordpress.com/2012/03/10/gray-ish-bits-with-jolly-prose/

    Thank you for a wonderful, encouraging, breath of fresh air post! I love what is happening for you and in you and I am excited to see more of you come out beautiful creature. (I like creature more than human. Lol!) You are giving me inspiration to come out again I am thriving on your glowing energy. 🙂

    Much love and bubbles of light to you! 🙂

    1. I’m going to come back to your comment later today, as preparing to leave the house and want to spend some time and follow your link. So lots of love until I write again. 🙂 Sam

    2. Okay, back. That is so cool you have the same song. I’d never heard of him or that song, until this post. And I feel in love with him. He was a sad man. Depressed, went into Zen studies for escape/answers, and then died. Something magical about him.
      A snake in your house!!! Love how the universe works, really do.
      Explosion through poetry….Yep…I’m a ripe volcano
      Prude….hee, hee…you, too 😉
      Yay, to stepping out in your sexuality!!! Go girl.
      Thanks for sharing the scarf story….very nice. 🙂
      Have you come out! Come out, Angel!!!! We’ll dance to the end of love together. Power to Us!!!
      Light to you, friend. 🙂 Sam

  5. This post is bold. There really is no better way to describe it to me. I know the strength of these feelings of which you speak and how powerful they can be. Even within your expression of them, there is a purity and innocence about your awakening. Much happiness to you – love the photos of how different you look. 🙂

    1. I love how you said you could still see the purity and innocence. That means much to me. I still feel pure and innocent in many ways, and part of this reckoning is realizing, I can have sexual energy, and still be pure and innocent….and me. Thank you so much for that. Can’t wait to meet you, cutie pie! Hugs and happy day. 😉 Sam

  6. LOL…I was eating and nearly spit laughed the food in my mouth onto my laptop.lol…this was hillarious..ah us women. We start so gentile in life…if only we could tell our younger selves to embrace our sensual side. Freedom!

    1. Love the thought of you spit-laughing. Huge SMILE across my face. That’s awesome. Yes, us women….lol…what to do…what to do…. Embrace it, Baby. Yes, I will be time traveling back in time to remind my younger self over and over to LIVE. Only took me 1/2 my life…at least I have 1/2 to go! You are great. Hugs, Sam 🙂

      1. lol…it was a funny thing to have seen…I’m still laughing. Well out of her box…(hehe) prude…play safe!

    1. Oh, Yay me! Thanks soooo much! Love the “blistering hot” words…those match how I feel!!!
      Glad you enjoyed. It was VERY fun to write. Though I still need a fire hose to blast me with water. Thanks again. ~ Sam 🙂

  7. I agree with Soma (No big surprise), Sam, you have begun to live. But, you mean to tell me that I could have ladies asking me what my secret is? Flaunting themselves at me? Reserve me a table! I am there!
    Scott

  8. Awww, look at you girl, getting your shine on. I love this post and how much you have transformed through each blog post. You are a wonderful woman and a person i can call a friend. *Bear hugs* 😀

      1. YOU WERE SAD 😦
        AHHH THAT SUCKS ….
        HEY YOU HAVE AN INCREDIBLY BIG MIND…… SOMETIMES IT GETS IN THE WAY …..
        NOPE NOT ON FB NOR TWITTER ……

        THAT WAS A GREAT POST SAMMY ………
        YOU ARE BIG ON MUSIC THESE DAYS – I AM READING HEY ?
        WANT ANOTHER SONG ?
        🙂

  9. “LONGING TO WALK BAREFOOT ”
    IF I WASN’T IN A CITY ……..
    I WOULD BE ALL DAY ……:)
    MAYBE BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT BACK FROM A HOLIDAY BY THE SEA ….
    THE SEA DOES THAT TO ME ……
    BRINGS ME CLOSER TO MYSELF ……….
    HUGE HUGS SAMMY
    YOU CAN ALWAYS EMAIL ME XOXOXO
    LOVE
    XX
    CAT

      1. YOUR WELCOME …..XX
        WHO WOULDN’T MISS MAUI – 🙂 RIGHT ..:)
        I HAVE LIKE 12 JACKHAMMER DUDES DOWNSTAIRS OUTSIDE – THAT SOUND – DRIVES BE BONKERS ……….
        I THINK I AM GONNA GO ON YOUTUBE AND LISTEN TO OCEAN SOUNDS AND SEE IF I CAN OUT JACKHAMMER THAT ……..:) LOL
        HAVE A GOOD DAY HONEY ………..XX
        HUGGS XX

  10. (Don’t know what happened to my earlier comment. 😦 ) You must have been born again in the waters of Maui! I am so happy you and your authentic self have been reunited in such bliss! One day I’ll make it there.. OMG what a blast that would be! But is the world ready for TWO of us? Love you and sharing your daily journey. Although I don’t always comment, I do try to get to all your posts. xoxo

    1. 😦 Sometimes that happens. I hadn’t seen it. But now I do. 🙂 Yay, good to see your words here. Yes, imagine the two of us in Maui. Yep, BLISS….other stuff, too….but BLISS. Thank you for letting me know that you are lingering in the light reading and supporting….nice to have family around. 🙂 HUGE HUGS xoxoxo Sam the Clam

  11. Oh, Sam, thanks for bringing me here from reading my “Moonlight Waltz!” First of all, you and I must have been on the same “musical” page with our dancing and romancing! And I am so happy to read the prude-dude “has left the building!” Confidence and self esteem are winning the race and that’s awesome! I just love your honesty and you had me laughing, smiling, and wishing my hubby was home! Hee,hee! 🙂 Love and hugs to you, my dear~

    1. hehe…I almost wrote “no need to read the post, just want to share the song”……but I am glad you read the post; it is one of the ones I had a good time writing. Your comment made me laugh. Hope hubby has arrived home!!! 😉 Hugs

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