Day 166: Welcome Life

July 4, 2012March 30, 2013 | Aspergers Girls

I came across this list I wrote over a year ago, in 2011.

In This Way I Shall Live

Recognize power is not in money but in the perception and energy granted to the illusion of money.

Explore avenues and options, and discard thoughts that are built on foundations of hopelessness and failure.

Acknowledge the limitless of the universe within.

Welcome abundance into life.

Confront feelings of “being nice.” Discover what “being nice” has meant, what it has brought, and what it has cost. Replace “being nice” with “living authentically.”

Honor true feelings and opinions without judgment of self.

Release the need to be anything to anyone.

Understand and embrace inner potential.

Prioritize what is most vital, including health, clean environment, communication, fun, and gratitude.

Welcome order into life.

Partake in a health cleanse to detoxify the body, mind and spirit.

Continue cleanse day-by-day based on individual needs and desires, and not balanced against the outcomes of others.

Pay attention to what is put into the mouth, where food comes from, who provides the food and at what cost to society and the environment the food is made.

Welcome clean healthy food into life.

Be gentle with self.

Welcome accomplishment into life.

Release the need to contribute.

Pamper the self.

Give back to the giver.

Give by receiving thankfully and fully, without excuse or diminishment of the experience.

Allow others to love the beauty carried within.

Believe in the worth of the glorious embodied spirit of love that resides within.

Reach not for answers.

Relax in just being and knowing essentially all is enough.

Welcome nurturing into life.

Sacrifice for growth. To break through spiritual blockages make a sacrifice through spoken word, written word, or other form of creation.

Take a risk to honor the self.

Speak up.

Claim the right to be heard.

Speak for self and self alone, not dependent upon outcome or response.

Honor the self enough to give voice to passion and need.

Replace silence with truth.

Welcome growth into life.

Let go.

Release anyone, everything, anything, any thought, any memory, any worry, and any entity taking energy from spirit.

Release and know that in releasing in return there is increased compassion and love.

Replace anger, resentment, regret, bitterness, and blame with increased empathy, patience, love, and forgiveness.

Forgive and then forgive again. Make forgiveness an every moment process. Awake and forgive. And awake and forgive again.

Welcome freedom into life.

Let loose the pattern of looking for infractions, wrongs, and imperfection.

Notice the limitless beauty in imperfection.

Know if this was to be the last day of breath, the day will have been spent in thankfulness.

Welcome life.

Panorama 8 (800x600) — Forest in Great Northwest
Washington
Photos by Sam Craft

Day 143: The Raven Bride in White

June 14, 2012March 30, 2013 | Aspergers Girls

Take me to the green in you

The secret valley beneath the sun

Hidden behind the whispering ghosts

Of whom you pretend to be

Open up your mossy arms

So I may open mine

And wrap all limbs round your spirit wide

To exist as half no more

Bring me to your mossy floor

Beyond the shadows of your fear

A raven bride in white

A ladder to your soul

Fold down your branches

Peel open your chocolate bark

So I may pour

As liquid amber

Through your very veins

************************************

The Raven Bride in White

Take me to the green in you

The secret valley beneath the sun

Hidden behind the whispering ghosts

Of whom you pretend to be

Open up your mossy arms

So I may open mine

And wrap all limbs round your spirit wide

To exist as half no more

Bring me to your mossy floor

Beneath the shadows of your fear

A raven bride in white

A ladder to your soul

Fold down your branches

Peel open your chocolate bark

So I may pour

As liquid amber

Through your very veins

Words and Photographs by Samantha Craft June 2012

Day 127: Enter the River

May 31, 2012May 31, 2012 | Aspergers Girls

Photo on 2012-05-30 at 21.27 — YESTERDAY

I’ve started this post three times. First about the state of Washington, then about my dog Justice Black, then a poem about faith. But I think what I really need is someone to hold me and sing this song to me.

Having the spirit I do, I am constantly flooded with emotion. I do not know what to expect. Not that any humans do on this earth. But a part of me would like to think that I know what is ahead of me. When in truth, the only thing for certain is this very moment. This very moment that I am crying with such depth. All these feelings. All coming up from long ago; they feel so distant like they are from centuries ago—life times ago. So much grief and happiness, all mixed together.

I am crying so loudly, knowing I am born to be this being, but not always knowing how to comfort this spirit that I am. Knowing so much, so fast, and in such profound ways is overwhelming. Being who I am is overwhelming. Ever since I was a child I have dreamt of the future, I have known things before other people, I have had people visit me in their dreams and tell me of their joys and pain, I have seen angels, spirits, and the dark, I have had answers to prayers, I have seen miracles, I have seen so very much.

I have been called to leadership my entire life, when this gentle, fragile part of me, longs to only be sheltered and protected, to be swept up in a special one’s arms and told that I am safe, that I am found, that I am truth, that I am love. To be told that someone else is fighting for me, someone else not letting go. I am always the one holding on the tightest…..to everyone and everything. The passion in me is so intense at times that I do not know what to do with myself.

I feel the pain of those from thousands of miles away; I feel their joy, too. Energies attach to me, and I can’t distinguish mine from others. Thoughts of others reach me. And I have never been able to stop this, with all the teachers I have sought, I have found limited answers. And many times, longing to be student, I have in turn become teacher. I have looked for my teacher my entire life. Someone who sees more than me. Someone who knows more than I know innately. And I have yet to find him.

I have battled with the voice of demons daily, telling me why I am not of light, when I know I am. I have seen terrible visions in dreams, as if someone is trying to stop me. But I keep fighting.

I embrace light everyday. I am as honest and whole and authentic as I can be. But then, I am raw on the outside, made vulnerable to everything and everyone.

I can do nothing without feeling. I cannot eat without being directly affected by the food. Each food affects my physical body and mind differently. It is easier not to eat. I am affected by weather patterns, by the sun, by the lack of sun. I am affected by chemicals, by environmental toxins—a little bird in the coal mine. I am affected by every vibration of every word I read. I feel through words. I feel energy. I see images. I know others’ pain. I see other’s pain. I know without knowing how. And I cry for them, as much as me. I don’t understand why I was born with such extreme sensitivity. Why I understand concepts at great, great depth. Why I cannot stop thinking about certain people. Why they are like angels to me. I don’t understand why I still feel so isolated when I am surrounded in love.

I don’t understand the voices of guidance I hear. I don’t understand how I can hear such knowledge, and why, in some ways, I have been chosen to shine my light. I feel so unworthy to do so. I feel so inadequate and ill prepared, as if I will never be strong enough to stand upright when I carry the burdens of the world.

But then a gentle voice whispers.

He says I am loved immensely.

I am right where I am supposed to be.

That I have chosen to be a voice.

That I am so very strong and brave to have endured so very much.

And that he holds me.

That he loves me above all else.

And that he is so very sorry that I have to feel such depths of pain.

But that in return he has given me great depths of joy.

A joy so many cannot and will not ever know.

He reminds me of how good and pure I am.

How beneficial to the world I am.

That I am a gift.

He reminds me that all is okay.

That I am sheltered each and every second.

That I will not fall.

That I will not die.

That I will live on.

That my light and my substance, my innocence will live on.

Nothing and no one will snuff my light.

Nothing and no one will stop me from shining.

And I weep louder.

And I understand.

Like I have understood since I was a tiny little girl crying alone in the dark.

That he is there. That he is here.

That he is always holding me.

Enter the River

Enter the river, the spirit of me

And I will show you visions

Unseen

Unspoken

Enter the river, the heart of me

And I will embrace you with love

Everlasting

Ever growing

Enter the river, the mind of me

And I will enlighten

Truth

Knowing

Enter the river, the healer of me

And we will be as one

Embraced

United

Wounded Healer Writing

Day 121: Violet in the Morning

May 25, 2012May 25, 2012 | Aspergers Girls

(Teacher says: Music I posted in comment section is a must to play while reading.)

This is Violet in the Morning. My little Labradoodle. I also call her Spastic Colon, but I thought the title Spastic Colon in the Morning might give you the wrong idea. I am carrying her in my arms in this photo. That is my scarf. And, yes, those are her very sad eyes. This is my first time taking a camera on a walk since I moved to Washington. Violet was initially very excited to walk. She showed me this by jumping up and down about three feet off the ground and wrestling with her leash. But once we were outside the front door, she didn’t seem too happy. She was tugging, and pulling, and shivering. I thought she must be cold and said, “You’re a dog. Toughen up!” And I giggled. Because giggling in the morning is fun.

This is my tree. I call him Fred or Sheldon. I can’t decide. He doesn’t care, because trees will go by any name, as long as you hug them.

When I passed this tree Violet was still shaking. A few blocks later and she was pulling back on her leash. Being the logical gal I am, I thought to myself, “Hmmmm. Maybe she senses danger. Like a mountain lion or wild leash-free dog.” I was still a bit clueless and exaggerating events in my mind.

About the time I reached this stump, I leaned down and soothed Violet with gentle pats, and reassured her she had a fur coat to keep her warm and that there was no pending danger.

This crow was watching us outside the lama barn. We kept walking, Violet shivering and tugging, and me clicking away happily.

Flowers by my home

Early Morning Mist. Can’t beat this calming scene.

One of my favorite properties. They have outdoor weddings here sometimes.

About the time I captured these ducks flying overhead, and was thinking I wish I had an audio recorder to capture all the bird sounds, I realized poor Violet wasn’t cold or scared. In fact, she was having a doggy seizure! This wasn’t her first. So I scooped her up and held her. And I continued the walk with her in my arms.

I have a friend who I promised to carry in my thoughts today. So as I carried my doggy, I imagined I was carrying the person’s burdens. This worked for quite sometime.

This scene caught my eye. The two friends, the dog being held, but then I noticed the broken leg. Made me wonder a bit about things.

Me wondering about life.

Fake seagull in ivy

Neighbor’s yard

Fish atop a mailbox

Hidden School Bus

Old Bus Stop

Here comes the sun

I had to keep setting Violet down because my neck and back were aching something terrible. She was sweet. Just sat there and smiled up at me.

Interestingly, this was the least violent seizure she has had.

Here are photos of my favorite part of the walk. To me, this is one of the loveliest places in the whole world. I carried Violet most of the way. First down the hill and then back up, sometimes in a cradled position and sometimes like a baby slung over my shoulder. She shivered. But with every step I took with her, she calmed more down. I kept my friend in my mind. It was a very enlightening experience. Especially considering my sensory issues of having dog breath in my face and my physical issues of having difficulty lifting things. I was quite happy and pleased with the way the walk turned out. I reflected on the way life is—how we never know what to expect—and that sometimes it is best to just make the best of things. And so we walked on.