Once a month my boys have late start—a time where they go to school an hour late because the teachers have a staff meeting. This bit of schedule variation sets me up for an anxiety-ridden morning. Everything—the alarm clock, breakfast time, traffic—is a little bit off. And the morning is always a little less predictable.
For instance, my youngest is currently undergoing an eye therapy program, and because we had extra time before school began, he played his favorite eye therapy game with one of his older brothers at 8:00 am. Eye therapy first thing in the morning, instead of the traditional afternoon time, brought about changes. Changes that included Robert, my youngest, standing on the basement-level floor at the bottom of our staircase, knocking wooden blocks off an ironing board by smacking an orange soft ball with a big stick. A ball held by a string hung over the stair banister at the top-level, a string that I balanced, while playing referee and keeping score.
Late start meant that there was time for my youngest, age ten, when finished knocking over the blocks and shouting gleefully, to make himself some scrambled eggs (without asking); so that when I returned from a cold shower, (because all three boys had enough extra time to all shower in a row, which left Mom no hot water), I found the kitchen, I had painstakingly cleaned, covered in eggs, shredded cheese, and what-have-you.
This while my Spastic-Colon (my dog; not my intestines) decided to do that move that all dogs do when there is a clump stuck to their rear. I watched, my hands covered in wet egg, as Spastic-C balanced on her butt, used her front legs like ski poles, hiked up the back legs, and slid across the kitchen linoleum, leaving a line of crap. My oldest, by then groaning and moaning from the disgustingness of the situation, was made (by me) to balance Spastic-C between his legs and hike up her tail, to ensure I had the best vantage point and stability for scissoring off the poop lump.
It’s about 9:00 am and I’m so ready to crawl back in bed. Only my husband’s big 5-O is arriving shortly, and I haven’t the faintest idea what to buy him. That, and LV is shouting: “Oh my gosh! You’re going to be married to a fifty-year-old! Gross.” (Yes…I know…it’s right around the corner for me, too.)
I thought about making a sweet list, using an acrostic of the alphabet, where I match one item/person/event that I’m thankful for to each letter. For instance, A is for apples, B is for boys, C is for custard. But then I thought (because let’s face it, thinking is what I do best) that I wasn’t in the mood to be some chipper, happy-go-lucky, nothing-gets-me-down, poop head! I’m not a Pollyanna; never will be; never could be. Though that used to be Spastic-C’s name when we adopted her, which in retrospect explains a whole lot.
By the way, my real name means from Mars.
Right now my eyes hurt, my shoulders hurt, and I’m freaking out knowing I’m only about 10% done with this blog. Since I’ve already written about 60 pages. Logically, I hypothesize I will be typing some 600 pages by the time this blog hits the magic 365 Days. Don’t you even think about erasing me from your blog email list!
There is no doubt I have enough thoughts inside of me to share 600-pages of content. That’s not the troubling factor. What I fret over is the absurdity that could potentially leak out in roughly 300 days.
There is only so much editing Crazy Frog can do (my lingo button); and there is a limited amount of brute strength I possess to keep LV and Sir Brain from running the show. Then there is Elephant, who likes to clomp over the pages, and Prophet in my Pocket’s extremely profound, lost-in-my-mind prose. Then I have Phantom, who hasn’t even showed herself fully. I can only imagine what she’s got hidden under her cape.
Oh Crap! (I hope that’s not offensive in countries outside of the USA; because where I live, crap is actually quite mild comparatively speaking. I’m stopping myself from using the thesaurus in combination with crap. But feel free.)
I typed Oh Crap because I forgot I had to still take my youngest to school. Don’t worry. He ran barefoot to the van and got his socks and shoes on during the ride, just in time, before he had to sprint to the classroom. Although, he couldn’t wear his new tie-shoes because there was no time for shoe tying. That’s why he said to me as he was bolting out the van’s side door, “Don’t worry Mom. I’ll call you if my shoes fall apart!”
I’m such a good mom.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I’m in an exhausted, wish-I-had-stayed-in-bed mood, I don’t like to read about how grateful people are and how life always has a bright side.
In all honesty, what cheers me up is hearing about other people’s crap and their struggles, and how they’re still doing okay despite it all, and that we’re all just free-styling in some giant pool of life, because know one really knows how to swim the right way.
Here’s a list that would make me happy, if you wrote it. I invite you to make one and post your list in comments. Just right (write) the first thing that pops into your mind. That’s what I did. But you probably figured that out.
Things That Make Me Go EWW! (or bother me)
A: Ants when they crawl out in masses out of cracks in the house
B: Beef on a plate
C: Curds on milk
D: Dentist chairs
E: Egg shells dripping with raw egg
F: Fat around my waist and on my upper arms
G: Goats’ stench at petting zoos
H: Hamburger cooking smell
I: Insides of the toilet bowl rim
J: Jellybeans that are throw up flavor
K: Kids picking their nose
L: Lights that are fluorescent
M: Money; it’s a love-hate relationship
N: Nuts in frozen carrot cake that scratch my throat
O: Octopus on a plate
P: Pigeon poop
Q: Questions that aren’t really questions but disguised insinuations or insults
R: Red coming out of a nose
S: Sunshine factor in the state of Washington
T: Teeth that are chipped
U: Underneath firewood where there are bugs and spiders
V: Vampire HBO series endings, because I want more
X: X-rays of any type, especially teeth x-rays
Y: Yellow in the toilet bowl
Z: Zoos, especially petting zoos
I thought that list would take a long time. It didn’t. So therapeutic! I think my next list will be people that make me go EWW! No. Just kidding.
Here’s a great alphabet list from another blogger that made me laugh! Prawn and Quartered Blog
22 thoughts on “Day Thirty-Eight: Things That Make Me Go EWW!”
Cracks on the surface of a very dry desert or a bowl of pudding – makes me cringe just thinking about it!
My husband was home this morning, which threw us all off schedule. I had to take my son a couple of minutes early so I could get to an appointment and when we got to school he had forgotten his backpack and lunch bag so I had to drive home and get them, making me 10 minutes late. Reading about yours, I don’t feel so bad anymore, so thank you for sharing. 🙂
Funny that Pudding makes you go EWW. My friend can’t stand bananas and another, the feel of velvet. My son used to forget his back back — and a 1/2 hour round trip to school turned into an hour. I was just mentioning that to my husband last night. Hope your day goes smoother. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
I once took a few tests and I was borderline ASD. I’m very loyal to the word “routine” so my appreciation for disruption comes from that perspective…
Ants and toilet bowls! I’m with you on that! And dogs scraping their rear ends across surfaces…yeah. At least the dog has lovable qualities! 😉
Borderline ASD. I wonder if you took a test that wasn’t geared towards males what your results would be. I like how you say “loyal to the word ‘routine’.” Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Always nice hearing from you. 🙂
When you get older, they won’t make you go Ewwww anymore. You become jaded, especially if you have four dogs. Dianne
You crack me up. Thanks Dianne. 🙂
Ants. Yes. Anywhere, any situation. Also silverfish.
Leftovers, even if I liked them the first time.
Just found your blog, and enjoying it very much.
Yep, silverfish and pincher-bugs. Thanks for sharing and stopping by. Much appreciated ~ Sam 🙂
Awesome list, and thanks for the shout out! 🙂 (I’m with you on the curds thing. I can’t even look at cottage cheese without wanting to yarp.)
🙂 And mold on cheese.
If I was to make an alphabetical list (I love lists by the way) I bet I could have 26 different ways of saying I dislike when something unexpected happens.
I’m enjoying your blog. I have 2 ASD kids. I have not been diagnosed with ASD, or even assessed, or ever really thought of myself as “on the spectrum”. Interestingly I identified very strongly with a lot of what you said in your ten things post. Hmmmm. Loved this post too. My husband is a shift worker. When he is home in the mornings I prefer it if he just sleeps in so he doesn’t do anything that changes my routine. 😉
Hi Michelle ~ That’s funny. I like the idea of making the list one theme like unexpected happenings. I’m glad you are enjoying the blog. It is interesting that so many moms with children with ASD have Asperger’s traits. Makes me wonder, for certain. Weekends are much harder for me with the change in routine. Thanks for reading and commenting. Nice to touch base. ~ Sam 🙂
This was just what I needed to read! You cheered me up immensely!
I will NEVER again think that my mornings are over-hectic!
Your alphabet of Ew is hilarious! I am impressed with your inventiveness and imagery! 🙂
I always miss you when you don’t pop over for a visit. If we lived close, I imagine we’d have teas and muffins together. You are always such a positive light when you comment. So glad to start my weekend reading all your lovely words. Thanks for reading my posts and taking the time to express the effect the words have on your life. Melancholic Me was in need of that today. You’re cheerfulness was just the ticket! I’d like to see your alphabet list. Hugs ~ Sam
Yay! Thank you! 🙂
I come and go on the internet. With all three of us on the spectrum, I get weary, especially during flu season. I’ll always be back…
The part of my brain that remembered your region is asleep. I’m a native New Mexican married to a native Russian and we live in New Hampshire. I am glad to be a long distance buddy! 🙂
I am a tea and muffin sort of gal. Especially tea. I don’t even remember what water tastes like!
Cool to know about your places of origin. I’m glad we can be long distance buddies. I don’t know anyone from New Hampshire. I like all teas. Happy Day to you. 🙂
Eww! Now I have all of these images playing in my head. Ants freak me out when they come out of cracks like that! Aaa!! Kids their picking nose. Eeek! Toilets and curds! Oh, the agony of thoughts. I don’t even want to use the toilet now. Ok, I never do, but that is a whole other topic. 🙂 Teeth — Egad!
Love Mars Pics!
Hope you are feeling better.
Song is great! I used to dance to it all the time. 🙂
I had to cut my comment short because I would have made it into 800 words. AND I have to get going with breakfast and getting the kids ready to go build something at Lowes. I would much rather stay here reading and commenting on your blog post though. I am dreading all of the little nose pickers that will be standing next to me. Oh, that sounded bad. It actually happened the last time we were there so I am dreading that and the coughing. I need a no coughing on me zone.
I better go now. Love Dr. Seuss pic on the side too we spent our week on Dr. Seuss with school.
Seriously, I am out of here now before I ramble on and on again. I really do not want to make breakfast though…just sayin’. I think today is one of my wanting to stay in bed days. 🙂
Actually Cat in the Hat pic, but it was the Dr. Seuss quote. Goodness! Why can’t I not loop about those things. 8-p
Oh, I understood you, without question. 🙂 Sam
LOL. I love rambling. Bring it on. It’s like finding fellow sisters in the thick forest. Thoroughly enjoyed all the comments you made. Now wondering where you go to the bathroom, and why it seems aspies have so many bathroom issues. lol. Thought you’d like those Mars photos—your post about Mars reminded me of my name. My husband was all freaked out, and I had to do a name search, to make sure there was more than one name that meant Mars. He is reading way too many suspense novels. lol. Hugs. Sorry to see you go. ~ Sam 🙂
Loved it! Funny! I understand perfectly about late-starts throwing things off!
🙂 Thanks. Lovely late-starts. 🙂