Day 120: Long Time Sun

I don’t know how to fake being happy. I am an open book. Even if someone taught me how to fake happiness, I couldn’t do it.

My eyes can’t lie, and neither can my soul. This inability to fake my emotions can bring about challenges. Perhaps cause others discomfort. Even my love can be over zealous, and maybe a bit smothering, depending on interpretation. And, thusly, so can my sadness.

But my gift of truth in emotions is greatly beneficial. I see things in me quite clearly, and have an expansive self-awareness. I am able to make beneficial change for myself. I can also see emotions in others. Everyone is like a water pool to me—sometimes crystal clear, other times murky. I feel the waters. Some are cold, some warm, and others entirely refreshing.

I carry much feeling within—both others and mine. This can be an overwhelming experience. Sometimes my emotions cannot be separated from others. This is challenging when people I love are going through hard times. I often wake up feeling upset and not knowing why, until I find out a close friend is suffering. Today, several people I know are going through life challenges.  I feel a pull of despair. Other days I feel pulls of elation.

Today I also am experiencing my own transition, as I went from the tropical climate of Maui, Hawaii to the cloudy, rainy skies of Washington. My body’s physical pain is retriggered by the climate. My mind, too, is affected by the darkness of outdoors. I have bid goodbye to great friends on the island of Maui, and the healing salty sea. I have a houseful of people adjusting to time change and some sickness, too.

Today, I reflect on ways to raise my energy, despite the events circling within me and about me.  Today I reflect on my long time sun.

 

Long Time Sun

Sometimes I forget my long time sun.

I forget that I hold the key to my own joy, peace, and serenity.

I forget because I hold deep desires to be seen.

I forget that I am already connected and understood.

I forget because I long to be accepted.

I forget to love myself unconditionally.

I forget because I cling to external ideals, ideas, goals, and plans.

I forget to let go.

I forget because I fall into familiar patterns.

I forget I hold the light to freedom.

I forget because I want to be noticed, loved, and adored.

I forget I am enough.

I forget because of life’s unexpected twists and turns.

I forget life is an endless transitioning cycle.

I forget because I ache from others’ words and actions.

I forget to comfort my own heart.

I forget because I see truths I don’t wish to see.

I forget I can choose how to see my world.

I forget because I turn inward and focus on myself.

I forget I am not the only one hurting.

I forget because I think I am in the shadows of dark.

I forget that I am a long time sun.

 

The Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace

Where there is hatred, let me sow love

Where there is injury, pardon

Where there is doubt, faith

Where there is despair, hope

Where there is darkness, light

Where there is sadness, joy

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console

To be understood as to understand

To be loved as to love

For it is in giving that we receive

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life

Maui 2012