Day 98: The Day I Lost My Butt

This is a true story.

My husband took this photo and the other. He is gifted that way.

I was with a crowd of people the day I lost my butt. I searched everywhere for my butt. In desperate need of a butt, I clasped my two hands over a stranger’s butt, imitated pulling off her butt, and then I tried to fit her butt onto my butt. But her butt wouldn’t stay on me. When the stranger asked, “How does my butt fit?” I responded, “Too small.” And with a frown, I sighed, shrugged my shoulders, hung my head low, and gave her back her butt.

As I walked in embarrassment without at butt, I covered the place my butt had been with my hands. Sometimes I slid across the floor to hide my missing butt or I squatted down and walked low to the ground. When I sat, I placed my hands beneath me on the chair to protect the skin where my butt had been. Other times I sat on my knees.

Off and on for an hour, I searched for my butt. One time I asked the crowd, “Have you seen my butt?”

I looked under my chair for my butt. I looked in corners and underneath people’s legs for my butt. Later, in desperation, I found a microphone, and again asked, “Has anyone seen my butt?”

No one had seen my butt.

After we left the crowd, and returned home, for weeks my three sons, and sometimes my husband, would peer from around the corner, at random intervals, and ask, “Where’s your butt?”  One day my family gathered together on the couch to view the recording of the day I lost my butt.

It didn’t matter where I went in our home. I could be sitting on the toilet, climbing the stairs, or cooking dinner, and someone in our house would ask, “Where’s your butt?”

I will always remember the day I lost my butt.

My butt is back now. My butt actually never disappeared. I only thought my butt had vanished. In reality I’d been hypnotized on stage to believe my butt was stolen.

I believe at times we all think we’ve lost our butts, or at least we believe we’ve lost a portion of ourselves. Many of us think an essential part of us is missing or lacking. We believe we aren’t worthy, aren’t enough, aren’t special, and aren’t lovable; when in actuality we came into the world fully equipped with everything we need. Our butts are firmly attached.

Nothing is missing and nothing has been taken away. We are worthy, we are enough, we are special, we are lovable, but we forget. When we think we are lacking that is like our mind tricking us into think we have no butt. When we think we are lacking, we walk the world like our butts are missing. We hang our heads low, we hide, we search, we ask, we fear and worry.

We trick ourselves. We hypnotize ourselves into thinking we are lacking when everything is right there where it is supposed to be. All we have to do is to reach down and grab our gifts. They are right there waiting.

So the next time you find yourself lacking, remember the story of the lady who lost her butt. Think of her standing on stage, speaking into a microphone and asking, “Has anyone seen my butt?” That is exactly what you are doing when you are searching for your worthiness.

Don’t ever think you’ve lost your butt.

Your worthiness is firmly attached to you.

Now get out there and shake your booty!

The answer for yesterday’s post was number 9. Number 9 was the fiction.

Number 9 was a little bit true. The object was a tampon that flew across the cafeteria and hit someone in the head, but I ducked, covered, and ran before anyone knew I was the culprit. No one picked it up and handed it to me.

Don’t feel bad, my husband guessed the wrong one.

For those that guessed number  7, you were close. I could have worded that fact more clearly. I did review 100 men, but I reviewed the recordings they left, then I called a couple dozen back. So, if you guessed that number, you get a free pass.

Everything else was true. Including Patty Hearst and the swimsuit model. Thanks for participating. I had a great time reading your lists.

Day 97: Fact or Fiction Double Challenge: Guess and Press

Fact or Fiction Double Challenge: Guess and Press

Fellow Bloggers: Your mission, if you so choose, is to (1) Read this list; (2) Figure out what number below is fiction; (3) Write in the comment area the number you think is fiction;  (4) Copy and paste this introduction onto your blog; (5) Compose your own Fact of Fiction list on your blog; (6) Return here and in the comment section put a link to your list.

Fellow Non-Bloggers: Your mission, if you so choose, is to (1) Read this list; (2) Figure out what number below is fiction; (3) Write in the comment area the number you think is fiction;  (4) Compose your own Fact of Fiction list of three or more things in the comment section below.

My answer will be in tomorrow’s post. If you don’t partake the aliens will get you!

 1.  I had three sets of braces. Three! I had to have them all yanked off when we moved to the east coast; only to have those new braces yanked off and replaced when we moved back west, eight months later. As if that wasn’t enough, I also had this torture device called a Frankle—a double retainer gadget that made it impossible to eat or talk.

2. Stardom: I once went to a movie theater in Carmel, California and John Travolta and his wife were in the far back row. He is as sexy in person. I once was in a bar with Clint Eastwood. My uncle dated Patty Hearst. I lived around the block from Shirley Temple Black.

3. My husband and I won the newlywed game on the cruise ship. My husband’s was the winning answer because he guessed his annoying habit that I had spilled to the entire audience. I was disappointed because our prize was a couple of wine glasses. Show me the money!

4. I was a swimsuit model for a travel catalog for a Malta hotel. The photographer complained about my double-jointed arms and how they looked awkward during the photo shoot. “What’s wrong with your arms?” he groaned.

5. I was a perfume model for Macy’s. One of those dressed up gals that annoys people by spraying them with chemicals and asking how they like it. I made big bucks but only could handle one day of spraying strangers. Much like a male cat, I felt.

6. One of my front teeth is mostly gone and has a fake tooth over it. Underneath the fake tooth is a little toothpick shaped stub. Originally, before the expensive repair, I had a root canal without any pain-killer. During the procedure the dentist asked if I wanted to see the root, and I said, “Are you crazy?”

7. I met my husband by writing a personal ad in the newspaper. Interesting men listened to a recorded message in which I outlined FIFTY specific traits I was looking for in a mate. I rated each man on a scale of one to ten, based on his response. This was before internet and speed dating. I screened about 100 guys over the phone, met fifteen, and chose my husband. It was between him and a lawyer with a limp. I rated my husband an Eight.     (No offense to people with a limp; I limp often.)

8. Throughout my childhood I had detailed dreams about how my pets would die. I would wake up in the night and go running to my mom’s bedroom. About seven days later following my dream, the pets would die exactly as I had described. I had a pet cemetery in my backyard.

9. One of my most embarrassing moments in high school happened when I reached into my purse to grab some change and accidentally flung out a sanitary napkin across the crowded school cafeteria. Three of the most popular boys were standing nearby, and one bent down to retrieve the pad for me.

10. The one time we went to Maui, we experienced the worst storm they’d had in years. The sewers overflowed and the beaches were all closed. We spent the first few days inside the condo watching television. At night I worried about the water rising and taking my life. Later in the week, I threw up on the whale watching boat. The instructions were to throw up over the side of the deck. No one told me this didn’t mean from the top deck. My son screamed, so the whole boatload could here: “Stop Mom, you’re killing the fish!” But he didn’t have to worry, as I threw up all over the bottom level of the boat.

To Ponder 

My son with Aspergers, as I tucked him into bed last night, completely serious tone, said:

“I can’t wait to live in a retirement home. So everyone will take care of me.” ~ Joe, age 13



To Motivate

Kindred Spirit Posted a Great Series of YouTubes Wayne Dyer on appreciation.

Kindred Spirit this reminds me of you: “No Limit People are human beings that take what they are and accept it. And don’t tell themselves that somehow they are deficient because of anything about themselves.” ~ Wayne Dyer



To Remember

I love you just the way you are.

This is dedicated to my new friend Alien Hippy.

Strum for Me 

Strum for me

Sweet gentle man

As guitar as to harp

Muses fuse

And harp beats still

by Samantha Craft, May 2012



You are so Beautiful to Me. This means you.