Day 120: Long Time Sun

I don’t know how to fake being happy. I am an open book. Even if someone taught me how to fake happiness, I couldn’t do it.

My eyes can’t lie, and neither can my soul. This inability to fake my emotions can bring about challenges. Perhaps cause others discomfort. Even my love can be over zealous, and maybe a bit smothering, depending on interpretation. And, thusly, so can my sadness.

But my gift of truth in emotions is greatly beneficial. I see things in me quite clearly, and have an expansive self-awareness. I am able to make beneficial change for myself. I can also see emotions in others. Everyone is like a water pool to me—sometimes crystal clear, other times murky. I feel the waters. Some are cold, some warm, and others entirely refreshing.

I carry much feeling within—both others and mine. This can be an overwhelming experience. Sometimes my emotions cannot be separated from others. This is challenging when people I love are going through hard times. I often wake up feeling upset and not knowing why, until I find out a close friend is suffering. Today, several people I know are going through life challenges.  I feel a pull of despair. Other days I feel pulls of elation.

Today I also am experiencing my own transition, as I went from the tropical climate of Maui, Hawaii to the cloudy, rainy skies of Washington. My body’s physical pain is retriggered by the climate. My mind, too, is affected by the darkness of outdoors. I have bid goodbye to great friends on the island of Maui, and the healing salty sea. I have a houseful of people adjusting to time change and some sickness, too.

Today, I reflect on ways to raise my energy, despite the events circling within me and about me.  Today I reflect on my long time sun.

 

Long Time Sun

Sometimes I forget my long time sun.

I forget that I hold the key to my own joy, peace, and serenity.

I forget because I hold deep desires to be seen.

I forget that I am already connected and understood.

I forget because I long to be accepted.

I forget to love myself unconditionally.

I forget because I cling to external ideals, ideas, goals, and plans.

I forget to let go.

I forget because I fall into familiar patterns.

I forget I hold the light to freedom.

I forget because I want to be noticed, loved, and adored.

I forget I am enough.

I forget because of life’s unexpected twists and turns.

I forget life is an endless transitioning cycle.

I forget because I ache from others’ words and actions.

I forget to comfort my own heart.

I forget because I see truths I don’t wish to see.

I forget I can choose how to see my world.

I forget because I turn inward and focus on myself.

I forget I am not the only one hurting.

I forget because I think I am in the shadows of dark.

I forget that I am a long time sun.

 

The Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace

Where there is hatred, let me sow love

Where there is injury, pardon

Where there is doubt, faith

Where there is despair, hope

Where there is darkness, light

Where there is sadness, joy

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console

To be understood as to understand

To be loved as to love

For it is in giving that we receive

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life

Maui 2012

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33 thoughts on “Day 120: Long Time Sun

  1. “My eyes can’t lie, and neither can my soul. This inability to fake my emotions can bring about challenges. Perhaps cause others discomfort. Even my love can be over zealous, and maybe a bit smothering, depending on interpretation. And, thusly, so can my sadness.”

    We are so alike, I feel sad for you today my lovely friend. I know you are hurting and having to adapt to the change again. I also know how you carry those you love in your heart and feel the pain they feel. You are missing your lovely friends from your holiday paradise, and that’s hard.
    You had such a wonderful time and grew so much, you look radiant, you’re positively glowing.

    One of my favourite quotes is…
    “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
    I already know that you dance in the rain. 🙂
    I love how you always share your heart, you are so brave, open and honest.

    We share a favoured prayer, I love to sing the prayer of St. Francis.
    Another prayer that I love and speak out to myself often is the prayer of serenity.
    I find it really helps me! To me your poem is like a call to that prayer.
    Like I said, we are so alike. Almost book ends me thinks.
    Love you my lovely friend. Lees. xxx 🙂 ❤

    1. Giggles. WE are so much a like. Little cute NA bookends. lol. You would like the last song on this post; it is the St. Francis prayer sung. It’s lovely. Thank you for caring about me; I will be okay. Just another transition in life, is all. You are very accurate in missing my paradise and friends. You are so good at pinpointing the exact feelings. Wonderful quote. That’s what I’m trying to do through blogging and our friendship: Dance in the Rain. Thank your for all of your UPlifting words and praise—you have a gift of healing through support. Love, love, love to you fine friend ~ Sam

  2. My eyes can’t lie, and neither can my soul. This inability to fake my emotions can bring about challenges. Perhaps cause others discomfort. Even my love can be over zealous, and maybe a bit smothering, depending on interpretation. And, thusly, so can my sadness.

    You are my kindred soul….this is sooooo true of me too! Hoping your vacation pics can help brighten your day!

  3. That was very insightful. I forget all of those things, too. For some, it is easy to lie. It is the one sin that I cannot conceal. I despise lying, but sometimes, unfortunately, I should, because honest can hurt others, and I do not want to hurt anyone. But trying to save their feelings is like killing myself. Thank you for expressing that in such a beautiful way.

  4. Hey Beautiful you got a lovely Tan..
    am so happy you dont not belive in faking emotions,but i did know that about you..you are a true heart and soul, a beautiful open book..something which makes you vulnerable and strong both
    that is what i love about you 🙂
    Maui has opened up new gates and these are good ones i am glad
    you came back enriched
    and have been weaving beautiful ethereal poetry
    loved it, the mantra for one self
    Hugs babe 🙂

    1. Thank you, Soma. This former California gal had never been so vampire white in her life before. giggles
      Thank you for saying that about not faking emotions. I honestly don’t know how some people do that. Do you know how they do? 🙂 You are too kind, as usual.
      Yes, much transition, all beneficial, but difficult, too. Yes, enriched. Feel like a different person—well enhanced at least. Love to you Angel Soma. 🙂 Sam

    1. Oh, blushing. Thanks so much. You are so sweet to think of me. If you haven’t already, please put a link to your blog atop my blog under “Awards and Blogs.” Hugs to you. Did you see all the photos I took for post 121? I thought of you and your lovely photos of nature and such. Sam

  5. Sam,
    I found you through Arindam’s post. There are so many beautiful things in your poem, that I can’t even begin to say how beautifully you captured so many of the quandries inside all of us.

    Stay well.

  6. Beautifully written and expressed…it is so true that we so often forget these very important aspects of life and living…thank you for this genle reminder…

    God bless…

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