What I thought about while I drove eleven hours (700 miles) to California.

1. “God gives us dope! God gives us dope! God gives us dope!” (Remembering back to when my young boys screamed this through the house, after they misheard the song lyrics: “God gives us hope.” I never had the heart to correct them.)
2. Oh, I can pinch much less fat around my waist now.
3. I wonder if I should use the all-wheel drive option for hills. Oh, what the heck. Let’s see what happens.
4. Blue sky! I see blue sky! I wonder how tan I’ll get?
5. “You know what?  Bird shit could easily be considered abstract art. Just look at it. (points to sidewalk) Even a good artist would have a hard time duplicating that.” ~ My middle son’s comment a few weeks ago
6. The time when I was twelve, the seventh grade fieldtrip was to Ashland, Oregon, a seven hour school bus ride. On arrival I stepped on a nail and had to go the emergency room for a tetanus shot. On departure I threw up all over the backseat.
7. The time I was a teacher and went to science camp with my fifth grade class and ended up in the emergency room for severe breakout of poison oak.
8.  I’ve been in an ambulance at least six times.
9. The time when I was a student at middle school, and in science class a boa constrictor snake wrapped itself around my waist, went through my belt hoops, and got stuck. I had to give the boa constrictor’s owner my pants to take home. Why does weird stuff always happen to me?
10. There are a whole lot of songs about love and heartbreak on the radio, that pretty much cover every possible scenario, and that I’ve just about experienced every single scenario.
11. My muse. My darling muse. The enigma who makes me read, write, and digest erotica.
12. My youngest son is much like a wild hamster in the way he nests and clutters up the backseat of the van. Is there such a thing as wild hamsters?
13.  I never ever see tailgaters in Washington, but see them all over California.
14. Who thought it was a good idea to close California state parks? Who thought it was a good idea to elect the Terminator as a governor?
15. Country singers can make anything sound sad and sexy.
16. It was so kind of the restaurant waitress to subtract the price of the vegetarian omelet from my bill after I politely explained that they might want to be careful not to accidentally have chunks of ground beef in the veggie omelet.
17. How wonderful that you have to let someone pump your gas in Oregon. It’s the law.
18. How fortunate that out of all the gas stations in the upper portion of California that I happened to pick the only free full-service gas station. And that the man with the one arm and missing teeth who pumped my gas had the most beautiful energy and spirit. And that I could feasibly marry a man with one arm and missing teeth. And that looks do not matter to me nearly as much as the energy I share with a person. And that I need to stop worrying about my looks, because I radiate love and positive energy. And I am beautiful just like the man with one arm and missing teeth.
19. How great that so many people have the capacity to travel the manmade road, through manmade passage ways, passages that were exploded with dynamite.
20. Trucks are sexy. I would make a lousy truck driver.
21.  I think way too much about way too much, and could probably survive with my sanity intact in solitary confinement because of my vivid imagination and inquisitive thought processes.
22. For some reason the phrases “pump my gas” and “big rig” sound erotic.
23. I’m so happy. I wonder if I drank too much iced-tea.
24. I’m having a really good hair day.