265: The Panty Thing


So, when the sales lady told me: “You can’t wear panties with this dress because of panty lines,” (photo above), I ought to have recognized I NEVER would be able to go to my husband’s work party without wearing underwear.

Still, I bought the gorgeous dress that fit me like a glove and also showed off all my lady parts, hoping I’d get gutsy. (I was going to write ‘grow a pair’ or ‘grow balls,’ but that just seemed plain ridiculous to write, when talking about a panty-free dress.)

My husband was with me when I tried the dress on at the boutique. He loved the dress. When I asked him about the shopping experience later, he chuckled and said, “Do you really think I could comprehend anything AT ALL  after I found out you would have to wear no underwear!”

So, as you can see, he was little to no help.

When I talked to my friend in England (after I bought the dress), she said: “I don’t think that’s such a good idea wearing no knickers to your husband’s work party.”

You think?

When I thought about creating an underwear-free zone under my dress, I was taken back in time to the months I had to share a small bed with my wrinkly snoring grandmother. She never wore underwear to bed.

Regardless of my panty-issues, with high hopes, I brought the body-hugging dress home.

The night before last, I spent an hour searching in the intimate undergarment department for stockings. I figured stockings would at least give me a layer. I found some nylons that made me gasp out loud. I really said: “EWWWW!” I didn’t know they made stockings that went all the way to the bottom of the bra line as to not show stocking lines. The photo of the woman was outrageously odd, like some bi-ped mermaid in a stretchy black see-through suit.

First no panty lines? Now no stocking lines? I was beginning to wonder whom I was hiding all these lines from and for what purpose.

As I looked around the department store, I found all types of signs that tried to remind me of my inadequacy.

I couldn’t believe all the weird contraptions: body suits that sucked in my fat, bras that pushed up my stuff, and other thing-a-ma-jigs I wasn’t sure what I’d do with, other than take photos to send to my friend, so we could bust up laughing together.

My favorite was the attire that read: “Gets rid of muffin top.” I didn’t even know clothes manufactures used that term. Oh, and one item promised: “Gives you instant confidence.” I thought, wow, I didn’t have to write this blog, I could have just spent $19.95, slipped on this nude-colored leotard thingy, and presto had instant esteem.

After all the “line” hiding I was supposed to do, I was surprised I was “allowed” to wear a bra. Until I saw these things called breast petals—tiny flower shaped Bandaids made to stick to boobs, or at least the tips of boobs. I just about lost my composure then. Why would I want Bandaids for my boobs? And, man, the peel-off factor, when all was said and done….Ouch!

I ended up buying three pairs of different style stockings to try on with the deemed “panty-free” dress.

At home I tried to wear stockings with the pretty dress. I tried really hard. And then I cried inside, as I couldn’t pull it off.

I felt as if I lost a part of me then: The panty-free, pin-up girl who never was. Sigh….

Luckily, I had the black little nun-like dress I first fell in love with a week prior to finding the pin-up dress! And as soon as I put the black dress on, I twirled inside with glee. For this dress I could wear panties with!


The Party

When we pulled out of the drive, to head out-of-town for the party, I screeched: “Stop the car! I forgot my blankie! I can’t sleep without my blankie!”

My fifteen year old was kind enough to say: “What are you like five years old, Mom?”

I jumped out of the van, did a twirl, and shouted back sweetly, “No. I’m twelve!!!”

When we first arrived at the party, only the owner of the company, my husband and I were touring a section of the building (museum) together, as the rest of the party, some hundred people, had moved on into the other rooms. The whole time (some fifteen minutes with the owner) I kept thinking to myself: I’m so glad I wore underwear!

Thank goodness, I didn’t say my thoughts aloud to the company owner.

Imagine the scene: “My smile? Well, to tell you the truth, I’m just so happy to have panties!”

As it was, I kept saying to my husband all night: “I’m soooo glad I didn’t wear that other dress!”

He just nodded. But I could see in his eyes what he was really thinking: “You have Aspergers. You are processing. Thus the repetition of the same statement. However, I kind of wish you didn’t have panties on.”

As I was leaving the party for the night, a party that turned out to be very pleasant, a kind lady complimented my outfit, and said, “And look at those cute red shoes, like Dorothy’s shoes from the Wizard of Oz. Who wears red shoes anymore? So cute.”

I giggled, and replied, “You know these shoes are a funny story. You see, I bought them to go with this clingy pin-up-girl dress, but I was too embarrassed to wear it and had to return the dress, but I kept the shoes.”

She smiled.

I was careful not to bring up the panty thing.

I felt so very twelve, so very pleased, and so very happy for my panties.


42 thoughts on “265: The Panty Thing

  1. Haha so funny…I so get you though. I never feel safe without my “keep it all safely gathered in” knickers!!

  2. I have the opposite problem: I can’t stand to wear underwear, so that dress wouldn’t have been a problem for me.

    Today, I went to meet up with my maternal unit (three hours there, three hours back). The most I could bear was to wear a tank under my shirt and socks with my sneakers. No, I didn’t wear panties, and, at my age, I can’t feel guilty about it anymore. I’ve been going bra- and pantie-less around my mother for, oh, 35 years now!

  3. Laughing, as I remember the time someone told me I couldn’t wear panties with a suit I bought (for work). Going commando at work just did not ,”work” for me. And it was quickly back to my panties and thick cotton pants.

  4. I am SO glad that you wore panties! I would have been anxious for you all night. I am not kidding. The thought… UGH!

    I am happy that it all went well too. Good for you being yourself and wearing what made you feel good. AND as for red shoes, well of course I have a pair! Have a look-see, http://www.mindretrofit.com/2012/03/07/in-all-seriousness-not/

    I am wearing them with my butterfly pants and socks, but they are AWESOME!! Much love and light to you splashing jolly joyful rainbows all over the place. 🙂

    1. Love your shoes! I thought about my shoes and your shoes today, and that made me smile brightly. Here’s to red shoes and big gushy, loving hearts who wait to be seen as the star we are…..until we see we are already stars!!! xoxoxo (the bubble kind)

  5. Completely charmed by your story Sam!! ~ Would have done the exact same thing!! Cannot even understand this thing called a “thong” for under ware ~ bikini panties are the bomb!! You looked great ~~xxoo

  6. This is hilariously funny Sam! Your husband’s reactions, too… I can just imagine! This business has got very complicated hasn’t it! I never heard of some of those contraptions like petals etc! But have often wondered how women wear these dresses… When I was growing up in England, I remember my mother used to wear a “girdle” which was so heavy and constricting it looked like an instrument of torture. I so enjoyed reading this, and it sounds like you had fun, too!

      1. I’m sorry… I tend to make things more complicated. Having Aspergers myself and raising an autistic daughter, we tend to not match in general. If our socks are nearly the same color we’re having a good day 🙂

      2. I remember being told as a kid that my socks had to match each other. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized it was important that they match or go with my pants or shoes. Until you mentioned it, I hadn’t thought about what matching means in ages. Most of my socks are black, so I guess I have a good day most days because they are pretty closed most of the time.

      3. Yea, my parents were just happy I was dressed. I make sure my kids are dressed appropriately for the weather or occasion, but to me, if both socks have hearts on them, I don’t care if the hearts are different colors or sizes, as long as their feet are covered. My daughter, in particular, takes great pride in dressing herself and I tend to give her a lot of freedom with her outfits (for a six year old), as long as it’s appropriate and she’s happy, I rarely try to talk her out of it.

        My husband buys all white socks… I think it’s a guy thing, takes the guess work out of matching 😉

    1. My socks match….but they don’t match my attire. I wear green with purple, blue with black…..etc…. Just as long as my feet are comfy, toasty, and warm. Warm cuddly sock wishes coming your way. 🙂

  7. I’ve got without panties before… Sometimes on purpose… Sometimes because I simple forgot to put them on that day (yes, this does happen). But I’ve never gone without in a dress! I’m sure my husband, like yours, would have enjoyed it, but if we aren’t dressing for ourselves it can really hurt our esteem. I don’t believe there are “no panty” dresses. I think it’s a matter of choice, if you want to show your lines, go for it, who’s gonna come up to you and say something like “Oh my, gurl, yo lines be showin”? But if you really wanted to be brave, Google “c-string”… It’s a “line-less” panty and has me completely baffled.

  8. Oh such an sweet story of real life! I loved it….and I loved the response that supposed that your husband was thinking….your writing is always enlightening….You are awesome!

  9. Such a fun post, I really enjoyed reading it– and I have to join your husband in lamenting not being able to wear that dress, you did look gorgeous in it!

    1. Ah, thanks so much. It was hard to part with….but now I get “credit” towards the store….and can’t wait to return and see what other magical dresses/clothes await…. Thanks for the comment

  10. Really funny. Did you know you can get seamless undies? (as to not show undies under clothes). But if you knew that bit of info it wouldnt have been a funny story! Great to know you are 12. Me too!

    1. It was the waist band part….no wasit band as it pinched at the sides. And you are right…..better to have not found something…I would have been over-dressed anyhow! Thanks bubbles for the comment. Nice to know you are 12, too. Slumber Party Time!!!

  11. I like the dress that you have on in the picture. Very pretty:-) I can’t blame you for not mentioning the panty thing even though I know how difficult it is to filter ones self at times.

  12. Hilarious…… there is no way I could ever in my life have gone panty-less…. I would have been too self-conscious to enjoy the party (I don’t like parties anyway, and I would likely have caused for myself to have a meltdown by adding the stress of no panties!).
    I love the older lady’s comment about the red shoes. My youngest daughter would have worn red shoes with a black dress (she is 21), but I could never have even pulled that off!

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