A caring friend sent me an affirmation yesterday, as I am facing some health challenges and uncertainties.
An interesting thing has happened during this process of unknown. After about three weeks of literally freaking out—panic attacks, high blood pressure, rushing to the ER—I have grown weary of worrying about my ailments and future. I have grown plain tired of trying to figure things out, solve, and fret. And in so reaching exhaustion, I have found inner peace.
My body is seemingly out of control, doing all kinds of spastic things. I have some inklings of what might be happening, but for the most part I am in the dark. I’ve had plenty of time to reflect and digest this process, as I have been unable to partake in little physical activity, do to lack of energy and physical limitations, including pain that is further induced when I stand or sit upright.
Through this I have gained further compassion for those of us suffering with chronic illness and conditions. I do say suffering, as ailments truly inflict the mind, body and spirit. There is definitely a suffering period. Though, the suffering doesn’t have to remain, at least not in the mind and spirit, and sometimes, with those two freed, the physical body can breathe easier, in turn.
I saw a poster yesterday about freedom being found in the moment we accept things as they are. I have found this to be true. It is far easier, and far less work, to let go and go with the flow of whatever is happening to me, then to be in constant battle of wanting something to be different than it is. In accepting I am where I am and things are as they are, I free up energy to ultimately heal and regenerate to a state of equilibrium.
I accept I am where I am. Where I am might not be what society dictates as ‘ideal.’ Where I am might not be representative of what my mind has latched onto as ‘ideal.’ Where I am might not be what others would claim as comfortable or easy. But that does not mean I cannot be where I am in total freedom and submission to the process. That does not mean that I cannot claim this experience as ideal; for in the act of choosing this process to be ideal, I am simultaneously recognizing that cause and circumstance do not hold the power to dictate my own inner peace.
I can be exactly where I am, experiencing exactly what I am experiencing, and find this comfort and ease. I proclaim it so.
I choose not to live in the past mourning the activities I was once able to do. Nor do I choose imaginings of what could be or what I could be losing. In actuality I am losing nothing. In embracing this change and transition, I am gaining everything. I am gaining opportunity, open-heart, and open-mind. I am surrendering to what will be. I am surrendering to being.
I just am. I am right here. I am reformed again and again, continually transformed from one ‘thing’ to another. I am the same water molecule in the stream, the ocean, the cloud, the air. No matter the manifestation of my physical form: I am the same. I am movement. I am existence. I am part of the collective ocean. There is no way to detect where a wave begins or ends. The wave is the ocean. I am a manifestation of the whole. And in being a part of the whole, I am already in completion.
I find solace in the fact that I have been through challenge after challenge and always chosen to shine brighter. I acknowledge my divine inner strength.
I have been reformed continually. This isn’t something I have chosen or sought after, but something that is my existence.
Nothing has ever been easy. Nothing has ever been simple, either. But who is to define easy and simple? It’s all, like the rest, a matter of perspective—sensory input, society, environment, biological make up, scaffolding off conclusions, energetic influences, and so on. Events are not good nor bad. What is happening to my body is nothing to be feared. And in truth, nothing is happening to my body. My physical form, as a collective whole, much like the pond, is working in unity to regain balance and function at optimal level.
My body is not my enemy. What is happening to me is not my enemy. The unknown is not my enemy, either. As life is a constant unknown. Any truth I think I have about the next moment is illusion. And any truths I have gathered from the past, illusion two-fold.
I have peace in the fact that I have truly lived. In reviewing feasible ‘future’ avenues of my life course, I can see that if per chance this is the so called ‘end’ of life or ‘end’ of full-mobility, that indeed I have already led a very authentic, love-filled life. I have no regrets. I have left nothing undone. I have been true to my calling, true to my self, and true to my soul. I have embraced life fully, and continue to do so.
I have been to doctors and healers. It seems when one mystery remains unsolved and turns dormant, another mystery appears. I seem to take on ailment after ailment, each wearing a different mask and speaking with a different voice. They are my teachers. I see this. Even as they are illusion, manifested purely by my body re-shifting and seeking equilibrium; I can see these manmade conditions as a force that reveals parts of self. I can choose to make this experience for the betterment of my soul. I can choose again and again to be a student.
I can choose to make every experience anything I wish.
There is true power here.
Wherein I might have very limited access to dictate how my body reacts at this singular moment, I have full opportunity to choose how my spirit reacts. I have true ability to decide to use any of my perceived suffering as a benefit for the all. I can embrace the rest that are suffering and hold them with me, and we together can move as the wave. We together can be the ocean. Much less afraid, and much more joined in hope. Encircled in union, here is where I find the deepest solace of soul.
As I break upon the shore, so you break, endless beauty, rising and falling, again and again.
In Peace ~
My Healing Mantra
I open my spirit fully in the understanding that all people associated with my healing process are able to assist me. I open my spirit fully in the understanding that I, in my being a part of the collective whole, am able to be at a state of equilibrium and balance of body, mind, and spirit. I recognize that I am experiencing life in fullness and that everything is unfolding as an integral part of the natural flow of nature. I acknowledge the wisdom of nature and the wisdom of my body. I recognize that all possibilities are ever present in this incredible universe. I accept that the spiritual laws of the universe support and love me unconditionally. I accept that all prayers are perfect in their expression and accept all beneficial energy, thoughts and prayers provided to me from loved ones. I am not distracted by the illusion so named fear. I claim my complete healing at this moment and extend this proclamation and understanding to all other beings in need of complete healing. I give thanks to this and to the ALL of us.
(Thank you Pat. F for inspiring me with your light.)
(A photo taken about a year ago, that I believe shows an element of vulnerability and uncertainty.)
13 thoughts on “446: Morning has Broken”
Dear Sam I have been through quite a dark time health-wise recently too and wish you all the best. I am seemingly getting over it a year later and feel stronger now though will not know for a long time if this is really over. I will pray you feel stronger too. Thanks so much for your inspiring website.
I am sorry to hear of your struggles, and know too well where this can bring us; yet am so happy to hear of the stronger outcome. You are most welcome. I thank you for sharing.
I know you’ve been struggling lately. You have shared a sprinkling of entries as of late that have struck me, and have communicated that you were having a hard time. What is evident in your writing is a sense of catharsis, and as I read, I too feel a release. Thanks, Sam.
intuitive you…yes, indeed the tone and intention beneath my words altered as my being was struggling to make sense of life….I feel more at peace now. Very much a release after 4 months of disruption and chaos. Thank you for noticing and for commenting. And glad to hear there is undertones of relief. 🙂 love and light.
You are very fine, Sam, and an inspiration to many:)
Oh thank you Sir Riley. :)))) that means a lot coming from you….or shall I say the contribution ‘you’ are delivering to ‘me’ from the whole? Hope all is well.
hey sam, I suffered for over twenty years with many symptoms. at the age of eighteen they were put down to stress and anxiety. further down the line, when I became so ill I couldn’t eat or drink, I was dx with a little known condtion called P.O.T.S. an autonomic dysfunction. then a genetic condition ehlers danlos. sure ive read you write about eds.
both conditions bring numerous symptoms, both are rare, or rather rarely diagnosed. both are common in aspies too. I thought I would mention just in case they ring any bells.
im an avid reader of your words, I often nod along and grin because some sentences jump out at me! take care, em. x
Yes on all accounts. I will look into POTS when I am in a zen state. I think for sure my hyperjoint mobility syndrome/eds attributes to this. Thank you for taking the time, em. I love visualizing you nodding and grinning along. 🙂 Hope the jumping sentences are soft and cuddly.
Fighting the battle, acceptance, it is all the same…from the beginning to the end, we are who we are, one “Big- fighting- accepting- ball of energy!” And you are so Loved Dearest Sam.
oh gosh. You are so spot on! so spot on…and like my mind reader indeed. hugs to you. Thank you for all of your support lovely lady ❤
you do not say/ exsplain about the health problems YOU HAVE. so people can understand.I HAVE A LOT LOT HEALTH PROBLEMS mark
Date: Fri, 13 Sep 2013 16:33:27 +0000 To: email@example.com
Yes, Mark. I have shared about my pain syndromes on previous posts. Thank you for your comment. 🙂