“Do not seek enlightenment unless you seek it as a man whose hair is on fire seeks a pond.” – Sri Ramakrishna

“I will not tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death’s door.” – author unknown

I am just beginning to be amazed by the many facets of Samantha Craft. One day deep philosopher writing words she doesn’t quite grasp, the next soulful author pouring out healing truths from the roads of childhood, later a poet easing an over-flowing heart, and then back to the unyielding sex goddess emerging from used up prude-nun from past life. The loins! The loins!

Wow! My husband is a patient man. Of course, he does get that sex goddess… Did I mention he is doing a lot more chores around the house without a whisper of remorse?

I keep thinking I am going to wake up and magically transform back into the person I was five months ago. Though I don’t think her vessel would fit this wild blossoming spirit. I’d surely burst out within minutes, leaving the old shell scattered and forever broken.

The world seems to be getting even more passionate, appealing, and ravenous by the day. If I have any challenge at all, in the spiritual sense, it’s the intensity of not wanting to run out of time on this glorious playground of planet earth. Just today, after walking in the sunshine, yes sunshine, while at the farmer’s market sipping lentil soup and listening to a flute player, I was just so gosh-dang giddy about living. And it’s not because things are going “well” in the humanistic sense. Really, if I got down to it, I could play you a sad song about my life to make you weep out yesterday’s coffee from your eyes. Seriously. I’ve got a laundry list of grievances I could lay down right now at your feet.

So my overwhelming sensation of joy isn’t because all is well. Not that type of sensation at all. Quite the opposite. I know all is not well; but I’m well in this knowing.

Sipping my lentils from a cup was purely divine erotica. The swirls of liquid brown, the small melted beans, the little onions—I took twenty minutes to sip my small cup of soup!!! I didn’t want the experience to end. It was so sexy and sensual.

Today was one of those days I would have danced in a water fountain, or pierced my bellybutton, or gotten a tongue stud, or kissed a stranger. It was one of those days that felt like Christmas morning.

You know what? I am very much amazed by how many people take walks and complain about life. I honestly don’t know what I would talk about, if I had a walking partner. I suppose I could say: “Look how that leaf is so very green. Look how it dances!” or “Look at that duck. Watch him dunk. See the ripples on the water. Oh the water!” And then stop myself from screaming in ecstasy…Oh, the water! Oh, the water! Not really…but close.

Perhaps I could talk to a walking mate like I talk to my little dog, that I now tie with her red leash to my pant loop so she can stride along my side and I can swing my hands high in the air. We are quite the pair. Her with her Groucho Marx eyebrows and me with my radiating smile. People don’t quite know what to make of us. I imagine they think we’re a bit too cheery to be real. But we are. We are real. And cheery.

I talk to her about things, my little dog. And she listens with a cock of her head, looking up like she knows she is special. And I look down, like I know I am special. And she moves her little legs super fast, and I move my bigger legs super slow, and we walk and walk in the beauty of the world.

I say things to her like: “Look at the water! Isn’t it lovely?” And I lift her so she can see. And then later I wait as she sniffs a butt or two. And I wonder why humans don’t run up to each other so happily, like pups. And then I think maybe that’s my next step. Maybe I’m going to be one of those ladies running up to random people and offering hugs!!!!  Not butt sniffs….not there, yet. But maybe next month.

I can’t wait to see how I will be tomorrow. I truly am a surprise a minute. So entertaining and full of life, and sometimes other stuff too, but nonetheless full and unpredictable. My husband seems to be falling in love with me, perhaps for the first time, as I am actually me for the first time, at least in my adult years. I think for him he’s woken up to a new partner all together. And I’ve woken up to a new me all together. Not improved or better or different, more so rebirthed. And in no way perfect, just entirely unpredictable in nature, mood, and words, and no longer willing to ever, ever tiptoe through life again.

If I am insane, I’m even cool with that. If I am awakened, I won’t say that, seems so silly to say such a thing. We’re all awake! Just some of us keep hitting the snooze button and falling back to sleep for a spell.

Erotic Lentils

I am entangled in your simmering sweetness

Diving into you speck by speck

The heat savored by tongue

Morsels licked up like lollipops

Pick me a flavor

More divinely set for my taste

Pick me a lover

More satisfying

Than the empty bowl from which I drank

The sprinkles left inside me now

A curried-sunset within ocean’s shimmer

To nibble fondly in every direction

Into the inner depths

Through which

You have so easily crept

Sam Craft

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“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” ~ Groucho Marx