502: Dear You: To my Aspie Sisters and Brothers

Dear You,

If you are reading this, please know you are not alone.

I know at times it feels that way—really feels that way; so much so, that even your keen logic cannot convince you otherwise. The voices will tell you are unloving, unworthy, undesirable. But the voices are lies. You are love. You are worthy. You are desire.

I have been in the dark place more times than I can count; it comes, the bleakness, spontaneously in huge volcanic ruptures. The pain itself tears at my heart and my soul and leaves me breathless and weak. It is then in the black that I cannot find solutions. When I believe I have no one. And that all about the world is my enemy.

But that is not truth, even as it seems very much truth. It isn’t. I know it isn’t. I know because I have witnessed our beauty in the countless people I have encountered on the autistic spectrum. Their truth and love are evident, their souls transparent.

Please know that by being here, you are making a difference. You are making a difference to me. Your pain is my pain. Your story my story, and we share a lifetime of similarities. I understand you; I truly do, just as you understand me. If we were to sit alone in a quiet place and talk, you would know me and I, you. We are sisters and brothers. We are one in our quest for truth, justice, and love.

I know how you suffer in your silence, and how you too suffer in your immeasurable thoughts. I know how you have to always balance what is inside with what you display on the outside. I know this extreme burden, the heaviness, the endless weary mind. How exhausting that task remains, day in and day out, night after night, in what seems a thousand lifetimes wrapped into one.

I understand how you see beyond the illusion of what is indoctrination, and beyond the falsehoods of societal norms. I know. And I know what isolation comes from our being. I know what it is to be ostracized, questioned, blamed, persecuted, attacked, and made victim. I know. And I stand tall still, more so for you than for my own self. For I will not stop. I will not shut out my light to please an enemy that moves against me. I will remain here. I will remain strong. I will remain whole in my determination to rise above the chaos that is this world. I will continue to seek out kindred souls, who not only understand me but understand the necessity for the demolishment of mediocrity. I will be here, waiting, always. Welcoming through my threshold truth seekers and the like.

I honor you, and our family, each individual who remains afraid but nonetheless holds steadfast to the value of authenticity. No. You are not alone. Not anymore. There are thousands of us here, much more alike than different. And even as we suffer at times in our isolation, in the end we are surrounded by circles and circles of friends on the same path.

Please understand that I think of you daily. Please know that I count my blessings with you included as a star in my night sky. Without you, I wouldn’t know where to stand or how to be. With you I remember my light. I remember me.

Much, much love.
Stay strong.
Stay true.
Your friend,
Sam

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20 thoughts on “502: Dear You: To my Aspie Sisters and Brothers

  1. You are also a star in the sky for me. Your blog was one of the first ones to ever make me feel less alien and I will forever hold your star as a light in my soul…thank you for being part of my journey too. This was beautiful…

  2. I am 65 and just beginning my journey of understanding why my life has been as it has. What you have written resonates within my soul…it is beautiful, evocative. Thank you for the gift of your words!!!!

  3. I read your post three times today and every time it warmed my heart.

    Briefly why: After being treated for many years for severe depression because my coping strategies eventually wore out, a year ago at age 59 I undertook a thorough self-diagnosis. By now I consider myself a proud Aspie. Finally a member of a tribe I may identify with, feeling definitely better, not alone anymore.

    So your words resonate deeply and will continue to bring comfort, for days to come.

  4. Now that I have self-diagnosed at age 60, I finally understand myself and each day becomes a little easier to understand why I do what I do and think the way I think. Your writings have been a God-send to me. You have been a light for me in a very dark place. You are on my list of gratitude’s. Thank You

  5. I cried when I read your post today. I am far older than you but going back over some of your posts from high school takes me back to memories that are painful. I just recently was made aware that I had Asperger’s, my husband and son also have it. My whole life fell in place when this happened ~ all the years of questioning and my inability to not be anything but true and authentic to my own self even when I could see that it would be my downfall. I am still crying as I write this but I am so thankful for your post today. At least I know I am not alone.

  6. This was beautifully written, and I really enjoyed it. I admire that even through your trials you are able to think of uplifting others through theirs. You are an angel in the lives of others, and you are not alone. I read this article the other day that I think will help and offer some further guidance. It is the story of a boy who was born with no muscle movement and was able to cope with it.

  7. I really enjoyed reading this. It’s strange how much more comfortable I’ve felt since my diagnosis. It’s given me a framework to understand myself clearly and since starting to read blogs about other’s struggles with ASD has made me feel a lot happier in myself seeing people who are not only in the same boat, but when I read their writing, I feel like I totally get that person.

    I started my own blog as a way to avoid attending therapy but still having a way to express my thoughts in a safe place. I hope you’d read it too!

    http://www.mycartesiantheatre.com/

  8. Thank you so much for your blog. I am a 71 year-old woman, a mother and an Anglican priest (retired stipendiary); and I’m just wondering if there are any more women priests out there like me. I have struggled all my life with being very ‘different’ indeed. But now, having read your blog, and other web sites, I know I am a real Aspiegirl. At last I can be proud of who and what I am.

    You write so beautifully and it was such a relief to find you at this point on my life’s butterfly path. Thank you.

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