Day 178: Sometimes When I Blog…on Caffeine

Sometimes when I blog…

1. I get concerned about what I write, how I come across, and if I am expressing myself accurately. I mean do people really truly understand how quirky I am? Or do I need to prove it more?

I cleaned my study for 3 hours. Frequent readers will notice the neatly organized shelf. You can clap now. I had caffeine. Can you tell? This is not my normal expression.

2. I worry that I am exposing my inner most secrets to an unknown alien race or zombie civilization…or worse…my mother-in-law.

Yes…I call my dog Spastic Colon…but you should hear the name I called her the other night…She smelled really bad….

3. I stress that I will reach day 366 (leap year) two weeks early, on account that I posted a few times too many in one week; and that in actuality I will be ending my year of blogging short, and thusly lying, and making my whole blog, Everyday Aspergers, one giant scam!!!

Totally off subject….but because of a dear, dear friend…they upgraded our first night stay in Maui from standard room to the 2,000 square foot Penthouse with ocean views…..Yes….this was AWESOME

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View from the PENTHOUSE. When in line for free veggie burgers, I was giggling and saying loudly in line: “Boys, should we go back to our PENTHOUSE after this.” And “Wow, I can’t wait to gather at the PENTHOUSE later.”

4. I laugh when my sons inquire when I am going to add advertisements to my posts to start rolling in the cash.

My youngest asks everyday when he can get a high paying job and who employs ten year olds. Today he said that he has everything he wants in life and is so happy he can cry. Amazing what an I-Pod Touch and a Slip-N-Slide can do for a kid! Of course I said, “The test is to be this happy when things aren’t going perfectly well.” He said, “I know.” And then I started thinking I still have a lot of practicing to do until I fully understand that concept myself. Like when it’s the tenth day of no fricken sun in Washington come fall.

5. I miss commenters, wonder what they are like in person, and wish I could visit each and every single person who visits my blog. I think about how long this would take, how much money, and which places in the world have the very best chocolate.

Maui has a secret place in the mountains where you can find fresh baked banana bread (from banana trees on property) with bread dipped in chocolate and ice-cream in the middle. If you send me a ticket to Maui, I’ll take you there!!!

6. I make super good friends that I talk to every single day (AlienHippy) and share intimate details of my life with, and get to act like I’m twelve, and giggle, and joke, and talk about my wood elf fantasy life, and count the months (36) until I can fly to England and meet her!!!

A magical elf land photo just for you AlienHippy. I can’t wait for you to take me to the magical forests in England and introduce me to the Elf People!!! Yay!! he he (Photo on yesterday’s walk)

7. I get obsessed about photography. Every moment is an opportunity to share my world with people! A hailstorm. A party. A stream. A tree. Heck, even a sock nailed to a post. Everything is more exciting and worthy of sharing!!!

Hail on my birthday!!! The Gods were celebrating!

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Freak storm with lightening and thunder and hail! Happy Birthday to me!

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Coming down in buckets. Neighbor said she hadn’t seen the likes of a storm like this in years! July 2012 Yep…..SUMMER

8. I wake up in the middle of the night with the best poem in all the universes, and scribe the words in detail, only to awake in the morning thinking who wrote this poop? Then I spend two hours re-crafting my words, and feel like a genius, when my sea sister , blog brother , Sweet Angel, or long time supporter, George, compliment me. If they only could see the original draft…we’d all get a good laugh then.

I love this photo….maybe a poem….Sail on mice and wheat grass of ebony mountains with Robin Hood.

9. I wait nervously staring at the computer, waiting for that first comment to validate that I actually communicated and sent my thoughts out into cyberspace to be tracked and received by a real person.

Sending out an S.O.S.

10. I want to stop! I want to quit! I want to say enough. Until I get a message from a female with Aspergers saying how much my words mean to her. Then I tear up, and my heart swells big, and I know I am on the right path, or I am the Grinch…or something like the Grinch, with an over-sized heart who wants to join hands and sing around a tree.

Boardwalk Path through state park yesterday. 🙂

11. I get obsessed with stat numbers that catch my attention. Like today 66,600 visits was the total around mid-afternoon, and I just couldn’t settle my mind until the three sixes disappeared all together. Or the 513 subscriber. I love 13, and was so giddy at the 13; that subscriber 514 was a wee bit of a letdown. And at one point today, my post 116 Reasons I Know I Have Aspergers had exactly 116 views! Now that was coolness to the max. Did I mention the quirky aspect?

Lucky me!!! Three deer. Count them. Three, stopped in front of my van in Pacific Grove, California when I was about to make a right turn. 🙂 “Oh, I have to take these photos for my blog!” Boys: Rolling eyes.

12. I meet another blogger in real life!!! Someone I didn’t know at all 4.5 months ago, that now is a part of my waking, walking, breathing, flesh world! We live 11 hours away from each other. And turns out our parents live about one mile from one another, and we both lived in WA and CA at different parts of our lives. And we both have a great “drunk” look, without a drop of alcohol. By the way K, my husband said he thinks you’re hot. (My biggest worry in meeting K was that she would finally discover how my I-Mac computer is god-like in its ability to hide my wrinkles and shrink my nose in up close photo shots.)

Cutie K, laughing!

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Our “How sweet our we?” Pose

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Our drunken pose….seen late at night in local dive bars….lol My nose is not that big….it’s the angle….my husband reassured me..several times

13. Oh….and I sometimes forget what I was going to do. Here’s the sock photo.

A sock photo taken entirely for your enjoyment.

14. I spend up to three hours looking for the perfect song to match my mood.

15. I say WHAT THE HECK!!! LIVE a LITTLE, GIRLFRIEND! No one, absolutely no one, will care if you publish at 11:53 pm, instead of midnight, and count the post as the next day’s post. It’s okay. Really. It’s all going to be Okay!

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I was having a really good hair day in this photo. Don’t you think?

July 2012 With a kind friend in California

Day 177: A Stream of Echo


Washington State Park

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A Stream of Echo

Thine every word awakens me, a scented melody sweet parading down tickled spine

Transparent rum drops trickling through bittersweet fantasy

A sunlit swan, I expand wings and bask midst the ripe ringing joy that is thou

Intemperance cometh, unbridled trembling thoughts from fledgling child

A wanting mistress bows emancipated to mountain erupting

Cometh twin volcano with esoteric eyes of yearning, enter painted dream’s rippled lake

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A stream of echo, and I am made ruby lipstick to thine mouth

Touched and lined thin along treasured opening

Nomad mighty, suitcase imprinted, whither thou travels, I follow

A friendship bracelet wrapped round cherished throat, grasping the vibration of soul

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Feed me with sound, one upon the other, carry me to the bones that move

The jaws that clutch, the tongue emerged, dripping moisture, a taste of substance formed

Whisper one syllable, enough to turn woman into starving ghost

Speak uninhibited to the open air that stirs, to the course of calling

Speak now as timber of folly cascades through tumbled heart

And find this sinking sun harbored softly beneath thine wanting woes

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by Samantha Craft

July 2012


My front yard

Day 176: Speak Not of Angels

Washington July 2012

Speak Not of Angels

Speak not of angels
Or saints
Or masters or teachers
Speak not of mind
Or matter
Or virtue, or sin
Speak only of heart
And opening
Of divine power
Gracing your presence
From within
As the world is seeded
By thoughts and perception
Thusly are you rooted
To this world
Take caution in what is drawn up
Into you
From the soils made
Neither of whole, nor truth
Instead choose sky
In its emptiness
And vastness
As the embers of the all-embracing
Transform your vision
Be gone all doubt, destitute, and destruction
In place, welcome warmth
Healing rays of gratitude
Know what is
What was
And what will be are naught
For all is
And nothing more
To look beyond
Is to be the sailor searching
For willows and porcupines
Whilst at open sea
To be searching for no-otters
No creatures of sea
While immersed in water
This is how you seek
For the existence of not
When All is about you

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by Samantha Craft

Washington July 2012

My brain is so quirky….This is the song I can’t get out of my head tonight. lol

Day 168: A Time of Zero

Washington 2012
Nature Trail
“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking”

Friedrich Nietzsche

“Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.”~ Rachel Carson

“There is new life in the soil. There is healing in the trees for tired minds and for our overburdened spirits, there is great strength in the hills, if only we will lift up our eyes. Remember that nature is your great restorer.” ~ Calvin Coolidge

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the wind longs to play with your hair.” – Kahil Gibran

“Rivers and rocks and trees have always been talking to us, but we’ve forgotten how to listen.” – Michael Roads

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.” ~Anne Frank

Time of Zero

Nocturnal spirit

 Split

Blanketed in thankfulness

Rests beside self

One to the other

Connected

Time erased

Young child weeping

Tear catcher

Smiling

Living in thought’s forest

A time

Of zero

When all was

When silence whispered secrets

And babe of the evergreen

Opened to discovery

Beneath the giggling trees

Illusion vanished

The puzzle box picture

The patterned pieces

Scattered

Until invisible

And the corridors of phantom’s dreams

Released fully

With angelic breath

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Sam Craft June 2012

Day 167: The Arms of Fear

Washington, USA
Sam Craft Photos

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“Man has in inexplicable light and beauty

Do not compare this to the moon

Which shines only from the outside.”

(What I heard as I awoke this morning. A gentle whisper in my ear)

The Arms of Fear

This automatic writing is a direct way I pray and listen. It is in many ways my meditation, the technique I use to find answers to the deepest questions of my soul. This is the original response, heard in words of my own voice and seen in symbols inside my mind. Nothing has been altered or edited. I typed the words as quickly as I “heard” them. I believe the Spirit resides in each and everyone of us. You are precious and dear, and very much loved.

You will never die.

You will never be alone.

Release this fear of dying alone without love, without notice.

You are noticed every breathing moment of your life, inside the seconds, inside the flashes of moments too small to calculate or for one to take note.

You are beauty in all its truth. There is only one truth, and none can erase this truth.

There is a reason all spiritual truths speak of US as a unity and a coming together in love and peace. There is a reason for all that Is and all you see, think and feel.

Too much time is spent in idle fear: reasons and circumstances blown out of proportion, in that the degree in which energy need be spent (if spent at all) on a perceived problem is gigantic in degree to said problem.

Seek not outside yourself for solutions; instead seek within where we stand waiting, arms outstretched in gentle acceptance. So much suffering is over done, and over due to stop. Like the book that is borrowed and late in being returned, thus is your worry and apprehension. You have borrowed this so called “fear” and instead of returning what was once borrowed, you hold onto it as if this fear is of value, and your possession. Go back and return this fear to wince it came. If the fear came from before, go back and revisit, only in returning leave the fear behind.

There is no use of fear after the lesson and growth has occurred. The only use for fear is in what you choose to use fear for.

We see you using fear to control you; you have come to think this fear is the entity that has borrowed you, and has kept you long over the time you were due to return to wholeness. The question to ask yourself, when fear is perceived as “borrowing” you, is from whom did fear take you from. Whom does fear need to return you to? The answer is quite clear. Is it not? Fear took you from us, from the light, from love.

He is a dancer without a partner, who finds what he can to occupy the empty space between his arms. Choose not to climb inside his shaded and disguised embrace. For what fear offers is like the lion who offers the lamb a chase, the bird who offers the worm a tug, the carrion that offers the rotten to life. What good is this gift from fear, this empty space that folds its spiny arms around you and offers nothing but pricks of thorns? Why do you thusly run towards his arms time and time again, as if something will change? As if an alteration will transpire equivalent to a miracle. Why do you seek miracles from the face of fear? While here We stand awake, outside the shadows, clear and untarnished, available and ready to embrace you in Truth, Power, and Kindness beyond limits; so why do you turn your back on this eternal love and instead run to the shadows of an empty promise?

We know the answer, but we ask you still the same, for your own betterment and trusting of self and truth. Trust in the Truth. This is simple enough. When faced with fear or US, choose us. Every time choose us, and watch how we are always here, watch how we treat your wounds as whole and perfect, your journey as necessary and triumphant, your experience through perception as interesting and heroic. We shall not judge, or steer you in the wrong direction.

Yet, this fear, this shadow in need will feed on you, spinning and dipping you too fast and too deep. You shall see no light with fear, only shadows of what could have been had you not slipped into his spindly grip.

Search not this fear. We will be your everlasting partners, never ceasing to support you, never vanishing for one second (or less), and never once questioning your deeds, intention or purpose. For we have seen you before us. We have seen you behind and above. We have seen every side of you like a holographic image, and in so doing we know YOU. We embrace you. We know you even greater than you know yourself.

So when these thoughts of fear start a circular dance within your mind, call on our name, the name that rings true to your soul, and we shall be there, like it is said with bells on our toes and circular, everlasting love in our hearts.

There is no need to fear My Precious Child, for we are with you and have always been. This dance you lead is for your benefit. Lead for US, and release this need  you carry for Fear to lead. He is no greater leader than the ant that has deserted his line and hoarded the bread crumb for himself alone. He is none greater than the chariot without a driver, an ox without a rein, a beaver without teeth. Fear is useless, selfish, and above all goal-less. He has no goal. He has no plan. He only runs wild and feeds without knowing why.

Pay him no attention and watch how the echoes grow louder—the echoes of truth and justice. Release this fear, this bed partner you no longer need to rest beside. Come find true rest with us, and with intention only we shall vanquish this fear and banish not your trust but your distrust. You are so deserving of our love. You need only release.

“Arms of Fear”
Sam Craft 2012