Day 66: Fasten8

Everyday Aspergers
View from our deck today
Thank you for brightening my world readers!

This morning, on the way to the gym with my boys, a state trooper pulled me over. He gave me the star treatment: flashing swirling lights and siren. I felt rather important. Especially when I pulled away because I thought the trooper was signaling me to park in a safer place. That’s when the sirens got super loud and made a noise I don’t think I’ve ever heard before.

I felt like a fugitive. It was rather exhilarating and not nearly as scary as I’d imagined. I’m thinking I’d make a good villain or superhero, or someone who dodges the justice system.

I take all the flashing lights as a sign from God that I shouldn’t exercise anymore. I don’t care if you don’t agree. I’m feeling very powerful after my run in with the law.

The second to the last time, I almost got a ticket, I’d done one of my famous incomplete stops at a stop sign, and was pulled over by a young officer. I batted my eyes and smiled. Then I shyly giggled (on purpose) and said, “Oh. My husband is going to be so upset with me!” Then I intentionally stared at the officer’s eyebrows and sighed.

He asked, as if I’d scripted his part myself, “Why?”

And I quickly said in a gag-worthy, sweet voice, “Because my husband is a volunteer firefighter and he’ll be so upset that I got a ticket.”

The officer’s body language eased then. He leaned in with a smile, and suddenly started talking to me like I was his good buddy. The next thing I knew, he’s waving me off with a cheer, and saying, “Don’t forget to tell Bob, I said hello.”

I was pondering on this situation this morning, and wondering if this scenario qualifies as manipulation.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I was only using my survival skills that I’d developed over the years in order to ease my way out of uncomfortable social situations. And since I’ve been easing my way out of uncomfortable situations with exact strategies my entire life—it was only natural to pull out the big actress guns and key words at an opportunistic moment.

This morning, after my three sons were mostly finished with their scoffing, finger-pointing, laughing, and commentary that sounded something like this: Ha, ha. You’re gonna get a ticket. You’re gonna get a ticket. He’s going to read you your rights. Mom’s in trouble, and after the trooper had waved me the go ahead, I said very calmly: “See, the officer saw that Mom had such a good driving record that he let me go.”

My oldest son quickly retorted: “How many times have they let you go?”

“Three, maybe four times,” I said with a wide happy grin.

There were some chuckles.

“Would you rather have a mom who drove super slow?” I asked.

“You’d still get pulled over,” my youngest answered.

“I think he let you off because he saw your handicapped sign and felt sorry for you,” my oldest offered.

I realized, looking myself over, that my son was probably right. A middle-aged, frumpily dressed, un-showered and disheveled-haired woman, with three boys in the van, just doesn’t have that I’m-so-sexy-don’t-give-me-a-ticket charm.

I spent the last five minutes of the ride lecturing my boys on never drinking and driving.

In the past three decades, I’ve been in three car accidents, none of them my fault. Twice, old ladies hit me. Seriously old, the last one was. I had to do a triple-take of her driver’s license, after she sideswiped my van running a red light. 1913! I kept thinking I was reading the birthdate wrong.

Only I would get hit by a ninety-eight year old woman! Statistically how many people in their late nineties are still driving? Or even alive? The other time an old lady spun out on the freeway and hit me head on in the fast lane. But I think she was in her forties, then. I’m in my forties now. Back then, when I was nineteen, she seemed super old.

The time after that, I was rear ended at high-speed on the highway by a man who not only had no driver’s license but who was in the country illegally. He was very apologetic.

I’m certain there are angels up somewhere, like in the movie It’s a Wonderful Life, whom get a good kick out of watching my life play out.

Sometimes I think I am some pawn in the Matrix, or, at minimum, a major character in some crazy person’s dream.

Speaking of cars. I was a bit naïve a few years back, when I was still single.

I like words. I tend to obsess. And when I bought a red Mustang on a whim, only because I thought the Mustang was pretty, I obsessed about the license plate for three days straight. I wanted the plates to be personalized and charming, and creative. I came up with several ideas. I can still see the long list, and picture myself asking people’s advice. Oh, the old me was so embarrassingly innocent.

It came down to two choices: Red Apple (I was a teacher) or FASTEN8.

I chose FASTEN8 because I thought the word was so clever. To me, the fasten meant to fasten a seatbelt, and the 8 was one of my favorite numbers. And I thought my car was fascinating, and actually that my whole creation of FASTEN8 was fantastic!

My husband was the one who finally explained to me, some two years later, why men would slow down, nod their head and wink at me, when I was driving my Mustang. I thought the looks were because of the nifty spoiler I put on the end of my car or the new moonroof. Did I mention I was obsessed with my car?

My husband was kind when he explained: “When people read FASTEN8, Honey, they aren’t thinking about seatbelts and how clever you are.”

“They aren’t? What are they thinking of then?”

Insert what you think my husband said here: ___________________________

“Oh? Oh. OH!!!!”

I don’t personalize my license plates anymore.

Things LV wanted me to briefly mention about the trip to the gym today:

  1. Why aren’t spider veins in fashion? Almost all the naked ladies in the locker room have them on their legs.
  2. Why do all the naked people choose to not shut the shower curtain when they shower? It’s one quick pull of the curtain.
  3. Oh, this is what a steam room is like. I can’t see. I can’t breathe. Where is the door? I’m getting flashbacks of that bathroom scene in Charlie’s Angels where they tried to kill Jacqueline Smith with steam! At least I won’t see any naked people, if they come in here.
  4. Is this what swimmer’s ears feels like? Can I die of swimmer’s ear? Everything is echoing. “Helloooo.”
  5. As long as I keep my eyes closed, no naked people will come into the whirlpool.
  6. I’m sexy and I know it! I work out!

Sponge Bob I’m Sexy and I Know It!

31 Jokes for Nerds!


Double Rainbow!
Everyday Aspergers
Today's view from our window
Thank you readers for your kindness and support!
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32 thoughts on “Day 66: Fasten8

    1. lol Men see a young lady in a red sport’s car with a license plate that reads: fascinate, and the men are thinking I might fascinate people in certain ways. I guess???
      LOL 🙂

    1. Oh, good. I was beginning to distrust my husband’s judgement with all these aspie-folk (myself included) still clueless. LOL. Thanks, as always for your kind comments. 🙂 Sam

  1. 😆 Sam you are super genius
    how do you come up with such fun ideas…I am now thinking that ninety year old lady hitting your car has to do something with it..or maybe..that exercise thing..Hey whattdya know i follow it too….
    Hilarious Sam you are the cutest and funniest
    Love ya 🙂

    1. I always want to make sure I respond to your comments, and now can’t remember if I responded last night. It was easy to come up with this idea for the post, as I’d just been pulled over by the trooper that day. But I always have a pre-writing where a bunch of stuff comes out of my head that I delete. Yesterday’s stuff included double-chins, fishy-smelly hands, and the like. Thanks bunches for your continued cheery comments. Glad you posted your link to your blog here. 🙂 Chat soon. Hug to your lovely daugher. Sam

    1. Do you mean when they were pointing at me and saying I was going to get a ticket? LOL Thanks for coming by Tilly; always a pleasure to have you about. Keep up your fantastic blog. There is a place where you can promote your blog under “Awards and Blogs” atop this page in my pages. Feel free to do so. You bring such pleasure to so many. Hugs ~ Sam 🙂

  2. SUPER GENIUS LADY !!!!!!!!!!!
    THE SPONGEBOB
    THE WHOLE STORY …..
    WOW ……..
    AND YES – “I’m certain there are angels up somewhere,”
    I AM CERTAIN TOO

    I LOVE THAT YOU WRITE FROM YOUR VERY DIRECT MIND ———-
    SHARP – FUNNY – HUMBLE – + REAL …………..
    NO HOLDS BARRED 🙂

    AWESOMENESS SAMANTHA X
    CAT

    1. You are super sweet and kind. I don’t imagine I could write another way other than from my direct mind. It’s the way I’m wired. It’s interesting to think of what it would look like if I wrote another way. I guess bland and secretive, and perhaps full of mystery. The posts would be shorter, that is for sure. Thanks for all of your comments and support. Feel free to link one of your songs/piano pieces in the comment boxes, too. And if you go up to Awards and Blogs atop this page there is a place to put a direct link to your blog/website. I encourage you to do so. 🙂 Hugs ~ Sam

      1. 🙂 HI——-

        WELL I AM SOOOOO GLAD TO MEET YOU BECAUSE ……… GUESS WHAT – I AM THE VERY SAME …… DIRECT ,,,,,,,,,,,,
        TO THE POINT ………..
        SOMETIMES I CAN’T FIND THE WORDS
        SO I WRITE MUSIC
        SOMETIMES I CAN’T FIND THE MUSIC
        SO I MAKE AN IMAGE 🙂 LOL
        IT’S ALL THE SAME THING RIGHT ?

        IT’S EMOTION ON A PAGE …………
        AND THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT –
        TELLING IT LIKE WE SEE IT – AS UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS …:) AND WE ALL HAVE COMMON GROUND 🙂

        NO I WOULD NEVER LINK MY MUSIC HERE !!!!!!
        LOL

        THIS IS YOUR SITE ……
        YOUR HEART –
        THESE ARE JUST MY RESPONSES TO YOUR AMAZING WORDS ,……….

        I THINK RESPONDING IS SO IMPORTANT !

        I AM SO GLAD WE MET AND I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR POSTS WHEN THEY COME THROUGH 🙂
        THEY KEEP ME ON MY TOES 🙂
        🙂 SMILES ….
        AND THEY ENCOURAGE ME TO BE WHOM I AM ALL THE TIME .
        NO MATTER WHAT 🙂

        SO I SUPER DUPER CONGRATULATE YOU ON BEING WHOM YOU ARE ALL THE TIME ……..
        IT’S AMAZING ….. U ARE 🙂
        XX

  3. I still do not understand your license plate. I could guess but I don’t get it.

    Love the rainbow though although I do not miss Washington State!!! Too much gray.
    And, if it was a sign, why did you still go to the gym? You had the perfect “out”. 😉

    1. LOL. It’s a guy thing, I guess. I love Washington’s fresh air, wildlife, trails, trees, people, the gray is not always fun, though. I had to go to the gym because I was taking the boys to sports’ camp ;( But I didn’t go today! lol

  4. LOL…funny story, Sam…love it! 🙂 i reckoned that too…the word your husband said was FASCINATE…but i don’t have any idea what men have in their minds about the word…:) talking about something fascinating…my favorite number is 8, too…i’m always drawn to that number and i don’t know why! 🙂 the thought of being pulled over once and trying to charm the cop who pulled me over came to mind while reading your story…lol…i was in a rush to get to work 1 morning when a cop pulled me over…i remembered a hint that one of my coworkers said about pulling your skirt up a little bit higher when you get pulled over by a male cop…i did just that and then batted my eyelashes while he was telling me about my speed limit violation…well, i guess it worked because he let me go without a ticket…lol…he lectured me about the violation but i didn’t care…lol…i told the ladies at work about the whole incident and there was a round of applause…Mitzi, my coworker, said…”welcome to America, elsie…you are now ‘Americanized’…” that was my first time to be pulled over by a cop since i came over to this country…my first car…my first ‘when-you-get-pulled-over tip’ from my first American friend at my first job…lol 🙂 🙂

    Thanks for sharing another funny story, Sam 🙂 hugs!

  5. I panic at the thought of getting pulled over, I have no idea why. I get on everyone’s nerves for constantly following the speed limit. “Go with the flow of traffic, Angel!” Hee hee

    “a major character in some crazy person’s dream.” I keep trying to wake up, but I can’t!! You are stuck in my dreams!! Aaaaaaaa!!

    No naked people! No, no no! No! I know that I would not be able to keep my mouth shut in the showers. I would be all “OMG! Cover yourselves already nobody wants to see your steamy wet bod around here!”

    Um…I don’t know what your husband said and I am slightly confused by FASTEN8…oh, oh, is it fascinate? If so I just got it by typing it out. No mockery please!! 🙂 I can be a slow monkey sometimes. Lol!

    1. Stop cracking me up! You’ll bring Crazy Frog out! You got it: Fascinate. That’s it! So many of us women were clueless on that one. lol
      No naked people! I still don’t get why they don’t shut the darn curtain. People! I used to panic with getting pulled over—not so much anymore—got that whole “exposure” thing going for me, with being pulled over enough. 😉 You’re so awesome. Bubbles of joy sent to you. ~ Sam

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