Day 111: Slumbered Dreams

| Aspergers Girls


Slumbered Dreams

I cling

I squeeze

I overwhelm

I terrify

Then I release

Then I crawl back in careful steps: hand, foot, hand, foot, touching ground

My knees scrape against the asphalt, searing

Stings like porcupine sticks

I hadn’t meant to, had only longed to

Play and dance, and play and dance, and be in the light of newness and good

But I danced alone in shadowed mixed with nothing more than me and me

I reached out to my own hands, my own heart, spotted illusion intermingled with desperation

Seeking partnership in the unlikely and unaware

Garden delights in speckled weeds, and yet I pluck the roots as if to save

When naught remains to harvest

Little sand crab burrowed deep, bubbles of breath in ocean remnants

Blobs of sand on shore of wet

I’d not meant to travel far in child’s land

But venture called, his hands clapping my return

Couldn’t help my legs from skipping, my beating soles against threads of bones

Forgotten long ago in graveyard gone

To find again the voice that whispered

When as youth I touched the stream of wishing tales

To immerse again in droplets of riverbed’s babes

To sink beneath surface and seek not once, but forevermore the serenity of connection

Traveler, yes, wearied, no

For I shall leap until the sun sleeps, the morrow bursts, and justice slips between the seams

For nothing remains untouchable in slumbered dreams

By Sam Craft May 16, 2012

 

“The worst feeling isn’t being lonely. It’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget.” ~ author unknown  

22 thoughts on “Day 111: Slumbered Dreams”

  1. That quote is a doozie.

    I feel so sad that friendship feels so painful for you and so hard to sort out.

    My partner is the same.

    If people only understood … if they only understood, they would (sometimes) not be so mean.

    Reply

    1. Isn’t that quote powerful? Thank you for your kindness; friendship brings me a wide range of emotions; for everytime I fear and hurt, in equal balance I feel great hope and joy. Your words are very much appreciated. Yes, if people only understood. Take care. Hugs to your partner and the pain your partner experiences. Sam

      Reply

  2. I know you, did you write this from listening to my LV?
    That first video is so my life, is it yours too? Did you walk through the trees searching for the imaginary friends that this world had taken from you? Did you call out their names and think they would return, that they had gone to safety in the woods? Did you sit alone on a swing and pray for a friend who accepted who you were, one you never had to hide from? Did you stare at the moon and ask if your friend would come soon? Then smile as you heard a whisper inside saying, “Yes my precious child, be patient they are looking at the moon and waiting just like you are!”

    “The worst feeling isn’t being lonely. It’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget.”

    How true this is for those whose brains are wired like ours. Those we love and give our hearts to become part of us. We have no other way, we can’t switch people off. We can choose to love or not. But how amazing it is when who we are is accepted and loved, and what we give from our hearts in received and not rejected. Those gifts of friendship from God, they make all those prayers so worthwhile. Little glimpses of heaven inside those special friends that God handpicked for each of us.

    Your words are so familiar, like I have spoken them inside but never been able to express.
    Beautiful sad song, so calming such a sweet voice.
    Thank you for sharing who you are.
    Love you my lovely friend.
    Lees. xxx 🙂 ❤

    Reply

    2. This message erased twice….I’ll try again. 🙂
      Yes, the gift is so worth the prayers and searching. The glimpse into heaven….you say this well. Glad you were handpicked for me. You get me, and I get you, and that makes for a safe happy place. Hugzzzzzzzzzz to you angel friend. Sam 🙂

      Reply

  3. This is a good portrait Sam…and there’s confidence and doubt mixed together into a unique soup that’s you….I think you can be confident in who you are, because anyone who knows you is obviously very lucky…

    Reply

    1. David, you are so correct….I am soup…..alphabet soup with animal crackers…with swirls of confidence and doubt…that is such an accurate visual. Thank you. Now I’ve got soup on the brain. Thank you. I feel fortunate to know you and am thankful for your support and wisdom. 🙂 Sam the Green Soup

      Reply

  4. Wonderful words! I feel them, know them, ached similar ones myself.

    Post 111 !! 111 Yea! I love 111, triple numbers and they are ones! Well actually I love doubles, but I am fan of triple numbers too especially 222 and 888. I have a whole number thing.

    Sadness in friendships have just been gulped up into the folds of three one’s – they are rolling into a three – wrapping into light filled bubbles releasing past pains and sealing those who love you for who you are.

    You know the sting of relationship pains is a big one for me. I have been mauling them over the past year, digging deep, pulling out the ickiness that held me back from being me – and ever so slowly I have allowed tidbits to come take a peek into other people’s world. What I have discovered is that the past pain is scarring, but the healing manifests great creativity. AND I also discovered there are those out there who are accepting and loving. It is worth it to feel so deeply – even if there are those who forget me.

    They never truly forgot though because they did not get to know the real person… Had anyone stepped out to seal a friendship they would never forget. If any one takes the time to get to know you they will not forget, and yes, they are lucky and blessed to have met you. 🙂 You are not rejected if the person never really knew you – they rejected their perception of you. Strange you have triggered a dream I had last night…sorry I am trailing off.

    I feel like your heart is singing a specific pain, hold onto it for a little while, squeeze out what you need, then let it fly away into your soaring words. The pain always brings back the sunlight and it shines a glowing new smile. Maybe you did already by writing this post so I am sure your lovely smile will be bouncing the wave vibrations into the air reaching us all. 🙂

    “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

    I thought you may get a kick out of these two poems. My playful side.

    http://mindretrofit7.wordpress.com/2011/08/22/11/

    http://mindretrofit7.wordpress.com/2011/08/25/stumbled/

    Reply

    1. Loved your words above and your lovely poems. 3, 11, 13 and 113 are my favorite numbers. Later I added 8. Love 33, too. hee hee. I loved your number 11 poem. 11 is a cutie to me. I thought about 111 as equaling 3. I enjoy reading your comments because I get you and you get me, which makes for a bubble of light connection. I agree with what you have said above, to the exact. I hold on to the pain and squeeze it out and what is left is creativity. Thank you for Maya Angelou’s quote. I saw her once reading live on stage. Love your playful side, and all your sides, as they are YOU, lovely Angel. virtual hugzzzzzz ~ Sam

      Reply

  5. Poetry is so subject to ones own experience – the individualness. Yet if in that single, uniqueness, if the poet can convey the imagery, the rhythm, the emotion with gliding, flowing ease, and bring it all instantly to life for others, then she has a precious gift. You have that gift. 🙂

    Reply

    1. Oh…..your comment is poetic and so very sweet. You are a good friend….always so uplifting, honest, understanding, and supportive. I could just give you all the chocolate in the world. Will have to treat you to some chocolate in some form (cheescake? truffle?) when in CA next month. Your boy is so blessed to have such a kind mommy! Your words mean a lot to me. 🙂 Sam

      Reply

  7. beautiful!!!! simply beautiful!!!! i soooo love your poems…i find solace in reading poetry… you choose the most endearing words, Sam…thanks for sharing such wonderful thoughts…
    i can see how that maui vacation has given you soooo much inspiration…it’s revitalizing…or revivication of your creativity???? lol…thanks for being an inspiration to me and many others, Sam…enjoy the rest of your vacation, my friend!!!! love and hugssss!!!! 🙂 🙂

    Reply

  8. Oh this is so beautiful Sam..felt happy and contented reading such a beauty and a little heavy heart the relationships….
    but what a lovely read this has been 🙂

    and she weaves poems like the waves of ocean
    every wave same and yet so different
    and she weaves poems like leafs of a tree
    each green and yet so different

    just love your poetry 🙂

    Reply

    1. Thank youuuuuuu beauty and heavy is how I was feeling upon writing this. Loved your words…..so sweet and poetic you are. Just LOVE you!!! Sam I love your new photo. 🙂

      Reply

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