The Screaming World
The lady with the neckbrace, a result of some accident I’m guessing, stood at the corner of the sidewalk, screaming. Her partner, joined in, only more light-heartedly.
“Oh, good for you! Just drive through! Did you not see my brace? What the fu** is wrong with you?” the lady shouted. She looked like an Italian in the middle of a full-blown rage, the way her arms were tackling the sky and her body enveloped in emotion, only she was very white and freckle-covered, and likely not European at all.
Yes, I noticed a lot in a few seconds. I tend to—to take in a whole movie in a matter of no time at all. That’s me. And I guess that’s what made the occurrence that much more troubling.
I’ve been processing this scene of the outraged, neck-braced caucasian in my mind for three days now, and have come to the conclusion of why the situation bothered me so. It comes down to fear, and how, as a result of fear, humans often assume the worst about other people.
In terms of fearing others, most people with Aspergers are over-trusting, at least for the start of their life; until they are more than likely hurt by not one but a multitude of people; primarily because others exhibit actions and behaviors the person on the ASD spectrum did not count on, and perhaps wasn’t able to understand. However, for the most part, individuals with Aspergers start out very trusting; and even after continual “let downs” and hurts, they tend to remain trusting, despite their best efforts to emulate the anti-trust phenomenon all around them.
I used to think I lacked an ability to adjust and adapt to the surrounding societal roles and values of fearing others. Now I believe the attribute to over-trust is a spirit-born gift and an ability to transform our world.
Throughout my life, I’ve been warned by various people not to over trust, not to be naive, not to expect that another will be there for me. And especially not to expose myself. I was taught through experience, and from others, that if I was myself I would be rejected, shunned, compartmentalized and ostracized. I am still warned, that if I over-share, people will have more ammunition to use against me. In essence, I have been taught, through experience, example, and through others’ cautionary words, to not trust and to not be myself.
What a terrible way to live: to carry within my being a perpetual fear of being me because I might be hurt.
But that is my world at this instant.
Despite the warnings and potentially looming dangers, I have made the conscious decision to be me.
I know enough to understand that no matter the preparation and shielding, the pretending and hiding, that ultimately people cannot escape fear; and that the fear does not reside outside in the scary world, but inside in the choice to not be real, and the fallout of non-genuineness that causes people to lose touch with who they are.
In looking at fear-based living, what is troubling, beyond the potential loss of self-understanding and authenticity, is the way society perpetuates fear.
Today, I readily view the fear indoctrination through our media, big business, and government. Although, with the sharing of beds, big business, media, and government, are potentially all one ancestral family.
Presently fear is perpetuated through the bombardment of looming cancer. Even at the amusement park, I went to yesterday, there was a huge pink ribbon symbolising breast cancer awareness painted on the concrete. And the whole ride was painted pink. When I shop, I am asked to support cancer research. When I drive down the freeway, I see billboards about sickness and cancer. When I turn on the radio, television, or read a magazine, I view cancer, cancer, cancer.
My world is painted with the fear of cancer. It’s not that I am against awareness or finding a cure; it’s that I am against fear. Or not even against it, but tired of fear being put on a throne set upon a pedestal. Tired of fear being the foundation of my society.
Fear has been indoctrinated into my mind since I was born. American born and bred, I arrived fresh and innocent into a world that had for over a decade already been pushing fear into society to encourage others to buy, buy, buy, to stimulate the economic market. Then it was only television that reminded my generation and the ones before and after me to buy to subside fear. Now everything is media. I can’t go anywhere, beyond the beauty and grace of the forest, without the fear-factor.
And cancer research and awareness are not the answers, nor the solutions to our problems. The problem is literally the problems—the view and bombardment set upon us that everything is a problem.
And in considering these presented problems, we already have solutions, solutions echoed by the Native Americans long before us. Cancer is not the disease and enemy. Cancer is merely a result of our overly polluted environment: the toxins in our food, water, air, and prescription drugs. The disconnection and disrespect for our environment and nature. The disconnection from ourselves.
Food has become our poison. Much of what is added to our processed foods, in the form of corn syrup, in mutated form, is actually classified by the companies themselves as pesticide. It seems rather simple to me, a first step in fighting cancer and illness, would be to stop selling pesticides disguised as food.
Also, in America, it is fact that economically deprived neighborhoods don’t even have grocery stores. There are no opportunities to buy fruits and vegetables. Why? Because grocery store establishments have deemed the low-income areas non-profitable and have as a result pulled out of those neighborhoods. Cancer, diabetes, and obesity are on the rise everywhere, but particularly in the areas where the people are under-educated and living at poverty-level. In these neighborhoods, the giant fast food industries move in to make up for the lacking. So our young generation is being fast-food fed on mutated, poor grade meat and poultry, loaded with chemicals and over treated in fat and oils, and are without the money to travel to find a store with real food, and without the education or mind-energy fueled by nutrients to know better. Suddenly a corn-fed, antibiotic, disease-ridden, slaughtered mixture of multiple cows added with toxins, additives, overly processed oils, and fat, has become the staple meal of the poor. Suddenly an apple is deemed not as nutritious as poison. Or not so suddenly, in actuality, I suppose.
So what does this have to do with trusting my fellow human or the lady on the street screaming?
First off, the lady was yelling because there was a misinterpretation. I thought she wanted me to drive through the crosswalk, that she wasn’t ready to cross the street. She thought I was going to wait. And then she went further to think that my intention was to be inconsiderate and down right rude. She chose to see the worst in me, to believe I didn’t care about her, that I wasn’t willing to bother to stop. She chose not to trust me.
And that bothers me, because the more I think about it, the more I realize, as a collective we don’t trust. We have been raised a fear-based, paranoid society, made to fret over each moment of our day, to wonder what traumatic event will befall us, and to spend our last dime in creating a reality around us of distractions and comforts in hopes of diminishing our fear. We carry an emptiness around that we believe at moments can be filled with food or material goods. We believe solutions are found in a pill, not in nature. We believe the only way out of turmoil is through polluting our environment more through consumerism and over spending. We carry an urgency for a way out and not a way in.
We have been taught to live a life escaping death, escaping loneliness, and avoiding ugliness.
We have been taught that we are dying, we are unworthy, and that we are ugly.
We have been taught we are wrong and in need of fixing.
We have been taught to give of ourselves completely in the wealth of our minds, our bodies, our spirit, and currency, in order to be fixed.
We are trapped in a cycle of fear feeding fear, trying to fix that which was never broken with placebos that only injure at every level.
We are ready to return to the spirit, who knows awareness without fear.
We are ready to stop fighting and fearing and to become aware that we no longer need to build our world on a foundation of fear.
Because despite all of this indoctrinated fear, this misshapen world that has been painted onto our souls, some of us still carry hope. Some of us still trust. Some of us are not afraid to be our true selves, to shine and be authentic no matter the imaginary threat.
Despite the lies we have been told, the trickery, the sadness, and devastation, we can choose to not fear, to see the light in people. We can continue to carry hope wherever we travel. We have the spirit-given eyes to see through the illusions, to know that this reality is temporary, that we are in transition, and that together we can transform our reality into a place of soul awareness.
This fear can be leached out and drained away, the more we pour in love and truth.
We must see the lady on the street screaming as pure beauty in disguise. An instigator of change. A symbol of our screaming world. An obvious sign that the world is not happy and not trusting.
We can choose to look at the person screaming out as the innocent submerged in the sea of sadness perpetuated by the ongoing waves of fear and mistrust.
We can bring her out with a gentle hand to the shore and let her shine.
But first we must crawl out of submersion ourselves and stand in the light of authentic being.
Everyday Asperger's 
We fear different kinds of things here in the Third World. Right now, Jamaica is running out of money, literally. But I am always most afraid when I feel helpless and can’t control a situation. Once I have settled it in my mind, I am OK..
Yes. Fear is there no matter where we live. America is in trillion dollar debt….we long ago ran out of money…I suppose the government has done some dealings to keep us afloat. Survival is a different type of fear….the basic needs of food, shelter, and love. The other type of fears….the ones invented by government to imprison the citizens and then masked as help…..those are frightful in their own way. I am sorry to hear about Jamaica.
Yes, Jamaica is slipping and sliding. We are only small and it is easy for us to go under. There is a lack of leadership. But when I try to imagine living in a refugee camp, or a city in Syria…that kind of fear/insecurity is almost inconceivable.
Yes, I hear you. Though humans are amazing in their ability to adapt. Have you read any of Victor Frankl’s books? His book changed my life about fear. About the Jewish internment camps during the war. Man’s search for meaning.
Oh yes, I remember that book. I read it many years ago… Many of our books got destroyed in a hurricane – must try and get more of them back! 🙂
Hello my lovely friend, you know I love you and love what you write. You also know that with my combination of AS ADHD OCD ADD EFD and dyslexia I will sometimes wander off in my own tangents. I read a chunk of this post and got to this line……
“Now I believe the attribute to over-trust is a spirit-born gift and an ability to transform our world.”
Well….there you have it, off I float. I will be back to read more once I have processed my own loops of wonderfully wired awesomeness here. giggle.
Love you LOADS. Me. xxx 🙂 ❤
hehehehe LOVE IT….may you float in grand giddy-filled clouds, Banana Bread. ~ BASNA
A very open and enlightening post,making me to sit and look deep within my-own self. I do not have Aspergers (though it is one thing my younger,17 year old brother) deals with on a daily basis. I do have fear,however. This statement…
“We have been taught that we are dying, we are unworthy, and that we are ugly.
We have been taught we are wrong and in need of fixing”
…hits home to me as well,though it has not been so much society at large,as the people in my own life that have driven this nail deep into my own mind,especially the “wrong” and “in need of fixing” parts. I was no tborn into being weary of other people,of trust,I learned it the hard way,as each time I’ve allowed someone in,to trust,to love,it has stabbed em to my core,each time-whether their doing,or my own out of fear (self-sabatage). You are not alone,my friend…
The DC
I am so sorry for your pain. I hope that each day you learn to pull out those thorns and forgive yourself and others. We’re all here learning to love. Your eyes are open now; it’s scary, but can onlly get better from here. Promise. 🙂 Hang strong. And thank you for sharing from the heart. 🙂 Sam
No,thank YOU,Sam-you always seem to have words that help,and heal a bit as well 🙂
I’ve had a few good days with it all lately-mainly after having set everything aside to deal with later (not ‘buried inside”,just temporarily tooka break 😉 ). I have some unpleasant things to do coming ever closer…knowing me? I’ll procrastinate until the last possible moment these things being unpleasant,LOL<but if the right opportunity to get it done early presents,I may just jump on it too,LOL! 😛
lol Great to keep that humor about you! That will get you far. Thanks for the update. 🙂
Oh so much here Sam – Extremely well written and have thought so much about this topic too. It seems that generation after generation there is an imprint carried on, probably initiated by societal forces (government, education, religion etc), to continue to instill fear instincts in us all. Maybe there is a’ power & control’ mechanism at play — I ‘m sure it’s much more complex then we could ever truly know. It feels manipulative though… and sad. I’m one of those like you, who continues to trust and see the good despite all the programming to do otherwise. This line stood out for me:
“Because despite all of this indoctrinated fear, this misshapen world that has been painted onto our souls, some of us still carry hope. Some of us still trust. Some of us are not afraid to be our true selves, to shine and be authentic no matter the imaginary threat.”
YES! Some of us do — and hopefully more of us will ~ I do believe in the power of collective energies — and if the scales could tip a bit in our direction — just think what a wonderful world this would be!
It’s all where we focus our attention it seems … Thank you dear SS for this thought-provoiking discussion ~ much love xo Robyn
You have a gift for comments! What a joy. Everytime I read your words, I see myself in lovely light. Truly a gift. You are a beautiful mirror for others; truly. Love you sea sis! 🙂 Sam
Oh, how gorgeous.
It’s so true, and you really hit the nail on the world’s number one problem. I can remember many times in which people have called me naive, many times in which people have laughed at my kindness to others. It’s so sad.
“Whatever you do, don’t get in the van!” my ‘friends’ joke maliciously.
And all because I was giving some guy directions to a freaking funeral while on a field trip.
You are right, we need to learn to trust…
Or we need to learn how to let go of our inhibitions.
I guess I’m lucky, considering my age. I haven’t buried my ability to trust quite yet.
Thank you for restoring my hope!
Thank you Raven, again, for your kind words. I know you still carry a strong light for the world. Can’t wait to see all the lives you light up! 🙂
Thank you. ❤
I wanted to jump on here and tell you that you are on a rant, a good one, but a rant, nonetheless; however, after reading it all and thinking about it, not only are you right, but it is wonderful enough that I am going to add it to my selection of thought-provoking posts in the page on my blog. I hope that’s okay with you!
Scott – BB
awe….thanks Scott. It didn’t feel like a rant…it felt like passion to make a change and to open eyes. But I am so happy it inspired you. You are such a great soul. Keep up your wonderful works. 🙂
I will thanks to people like you.
“We have been taught we are wrong and in need of fixing”.. this has so much meaning to me… so much of our very being is our early education by parents siblings teachers and older children… inferiority instilled in so many years ago is merely the teachings of someone else…
Bullying at schools etc can and does change so many peoples personalities…
Like myself.. life has had some changing effects in that I had to teach myself to change my way of thinking… fear being one which I have now got myself to think that the only fear I have is fear itself… but to live in your world… must be something else and something I’m learning so much about through your magnificent and explicit writing…
What a mind and brain you have… I would love to sit and talk to you.. to ask so many questions that thrive in my mind…
Thank you bulldog….and I would like to trade brains….lol….I spend so much of my day saying to myself: Stop thinking. Relax. Stop analyzing. Just be. Just enjoy….but always these thoughts and ideas and recognitions….it is quite daunting..But at the same time, there are days I am very thankful. I can entertain myself for hours….lol…just kidding. You are a very kind person. Thank you for your continued support and encouraging and supportive comments. You are one of the reasons I continue to blog…you have the gift of making others feel safe and appreciated. Thank you. And I don’t know how you read every person who follows your blog…I tried that for awhile and it just about broke me. Admirable and kind act, though. 🙂 Sam
Preach it, sistah!!
Awe…thanks so much!!! 🙂
Fear is the coin of the realm these days. Strictly speaking, it has been so in America for 60 years.
Yep…you are correct. 🙂
This is all about perspective. Do we believe that the vast majority of the world’s population looks at life with a naivety? Or with cynicism? I don’t know the answer. For each of us that holds a candle to the darkness, it becomes lighter… xoxo
(Hope you are feeling better – chai tea is the way!)
Isn’t everything a matter of perspective? Everything we think, see, do, reason…all based on what has been before, what we’ve been exposed to, and how we have learned to communicate? We see such a limited part of the world through very narrow experience. I don’t think the population is one way or another. I think we have the power to decide at any moment that we are strong and worthy. I believe in the 100th monkey theory…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hundredth_Monkey_Effect
At least today I do. lol.
Yes….each of us holding a candle makes the world brighter and lighter. 🙂
Chai tea…YUM! Must get some soon.
Miss you. Look forward to another chat. xoxox Sam
Love and compassion can overcome ignorance, the father of fear. Once I accept this, I see fear is more of an illusion created by my past, my negative thoughts and an unwillingness to “let go” of a need to control almost everything I touch, see and hear.
I like being open and sharing with others, even if someone should take advantage of it. I don’t want to pull back and be afraid. Let me make mistakes on the side of kindness and caring. And help me not to forget what St. Francis once said: “. . . for it is in the giving that we receive . . .”
If it takes a person to have Aspergers in order to live this way, let me have some of it with my PTSD (post traumatic stress).
Thanks for your sharing.
michael j,
Conshohocken, PA USA
Just saw a great documentary called “Happy.” Gave me lots of food for thought. Service to others being one of them to be happy and overcome fear. Wonderful comment. Thank you for visiting and sharing your thoughts. 🙂 Sam *and I love St. Francis’ works.
hitting the nail straight on top …
on this subject, i agree 100% with you,
i will try to read more of your blog later this week.
thx for sharing this great post.
thank you for your time and comment 🙂