I took the ladies out today. Just the three of us. Me and my boobs.
Yep. Squishing-under-the-glass-time. Also know as Mammogram. A word which makes me think of screaming for my mamma and grandma, all in one heated breath! Yelp.
I like to smile thinking of a very special machine built for men, where they can go and get their balls squished under glass and be man-handled. Not that I don’t love and appreciate men. I only say this as I believe this idea might provide equal ground and assist bridging the barriers between the male and female gender. Plus, the image is really fun to picture in my mind.
For some reason I think this would be a good theme song for men when they go for their ball exam:
Don’t ask me to analyze. It’s the beat, I suppose. No pun intended.
The old me, unlike the new and vastly transitioned me, would FREAK out about lab tests of any type. The old me put off this particular boob-squishiness for a bit, all out of fear. It’s not so much the test itself. It doesn’t hurt at all; it’s quite fast; and the technician had warm hands.
I freak about the time in between: the waiting period. That’s what I freak out about in life in general, that unknown zone. I’m not good with unknowns. Or at least I used to be no good. Now I’m pretty dang functional, borderlining on fabulous.
Today I focused on the positive. I didn’t allow any thoughts inside that weren’t beneficial. I imagined that my boobs, my lady friends, we were going to a party. I listened to Dancing Queen by Abba all the way to the appointment. Oh, what the heck. Here is the song again.
I sang at the top of my lungs. And I didn’t care who was watching. I hoped I made them smile. Or think: What is that girl so happy about?
If they’d asked, I would have said, I’m putting my ladies on stage, out in the spotlight. I’m bringing them out to PARTY.
That was and is my attitude. I make it so. I made this a positive experience.
To keep my spirits lifted and to protect my bubble of love from outsiders who might unknowningly spiritually intrude upon my awesome zone of energetic space, I used all sorts of protective devices. I have my lovely nana’s rosary in one pocket, and in the other pocket a stone a special friend found for me on the beach. I sprayed myself with a protection spray made of various natural herbs. I even dabbed on my Tibetan Holy water, blessed by Buddhist monks. I put a drop of olive and garlic tincture on my tongue—energy vampires begone!!! I made my hair look lovely, and lips inviting. We were going out on the town, half-naked, after all.
I wore purple to represent my third-eye chakra. I grounded myself and got super comfy in my big tan poncho. And I donned my fabulous amber healing necklace. At the last minute I grabbed my lady’s out purse, the one with the glittery sequence.
I listened to my inner voice all morning. And she guided me. First suggestion: Limit the caffeine. So I ordered a decaf peppermint mocha coffee and water for hydration. I forgot my water, but two people, and older man and an employee, came running outside after me to give me my water. I felt special.
I drove to my destination, taking an exit I don’t usually take, and trusting my intuition, found a new short cut. I arrived super early, and had ample time to focus on the message on my bumper sticker
And I rubbed the thick moss off a stoic tree and talked to him about his beauty. And then this stud muffin tree beckoned me over. I couldn’t resist him. Big HUG!
I took lots of photos, but my phone wouldn’t work. That’s okay. I did manage to capture a little detail I added to my entrance paperwork. A little extra love, never hurts.
You are missing out on the photo of me in my gown and a great shot of the boob-crusher machine.
I talked the technicians ears off. Go figure? She had to remind me to keep my mouth still while she was clicking the device to capture the rare images of my glorious ladies. I asked her if it hurt woman with small boobs more. She kind of grinned, and said, “No, it’s just different.” I wondered for a bit, what that meant. Then wondered if she thought that I thought I had big boobs and was bragging. I almost explained, but was distracted by the way my flesh appeared all flattened and spread. I remarked about the overall comfort of the machine and the improvement in technology. And of course, I verified twice when my results would be available.
I did mention about my Aspergers and my son’s Aspergers. It’s kind of what I do.
Turns out someone she works with has a son that just got diagnosed with Aspergers. I offered out my phone number to give to her friend as a gesture of support–cause that’s kind of what I do, too.
But no! WAIT…..
My technician got a little bit happy, and instead of taking my number, she asked me to return to the dressing area and wait there. She specified, “Wait here. Get dressed, and I’ll be back.” I thought it was funny that she told me to get dressed. I wasn’t about to meet a stranger half-naked.
Minutes later, I hear two ladies outside my curtain whispering: “Do you think she is dressed, yet?” And I’m thinking, behind my curtain: This is the oddest way I’ve ever entered a room before to meet someone for the first time.
I open the curtain, swishhhh, all dressed, and feeling like I’m the wizard in the Wizard of Oz, popping out with my hand extended. We hit it off, the kind lady technician and me; and before we are too deep in conversation, another lady nearby pops out of her curtain, still in her gown, not yet finished dressing. She says: “Me. Me, too. Give me your number and name. My son has Aspergers.”
So there we are laughing and talking in the middle of the mammogram dressing room, so much so that we had to hush our giggles. I even took their photo, with the one still in her gown! It was for my blog, I said. My Aspergers itself pretty much giving me the liberty to do and say anything, so I said teasingly to myself.
I left just so very happy and pleased.
My only intention entering that radiology department today was to make connections, to brighten someone’s day, and to make a difference. That’s what me and my ladies set out to do. All dolled up and out on the town, we just wanted to touch someone with our love.
^the song my grandpa’s spirit sang for two days to the seer, until he met with me, and figured out the message was for me. See Yesterday’s post if you are confused. Or take a nap. Or just nod like you understand, like I frequently do when others are talking and I haven’t got a clue.^
Now I’m going to listen to this song over and over. Me and my ladies, we feel like a good cry:
….. To make you feel my love. Hopeless romantic at heart.
12 thoughts on “276: Taking the “Ladies” Out”
Great for you! I have been putting off going to the Squishery for a year now. Bad me.
Thank you. I put it off for a longgggg time. 🙂 Thanks for the cheers. Hugs, Sam
I was unaware, the first time I got a “Boob smashing” that you must consider the time of the month, and my boobs were not at a point they should be smashed and oh how it hurt, hurt for days. And I think I can blame those guys for my drooping (rather than nature!) LOL!
Oh, yes! That is very important!!! lol at your drooping. 🙂 hehe
Oh my gosh Sam, you just made my night. I already knew you are an inspiration to me and so many others, though now it’s like you really accentuate how much beauty and depth is on the spectrum. This is the reason why there should never be any boundaries with friendship, because with true friends, you can talk to each other about boobs and butts and all that stuff and feel more comfortable with each other. Oh blessed soul sister Sam, Big huge bear hugs, with so much love for you. 🙂
So happy to know. I love to bring a smile to someone’s day. Keep sharing your lovely heart, Maya. xo
you are very lucky that you have friends too go out with and ME AND MY BOOBS, as you clearly state my wife does not have one friend who would say meet me for tea//party around ours//around theirs WHY BECAUSE I AM A ADULT WITH ASPERGERS SYNDROME, criminals get treated a lot lot better
I am sorry for your pain. Yes, I am fortunate to have beautiful friends in my life. Wishing you the best.
Smashing Blog post Sam! I love what happens in your narratives, there’s always a message waiting to be stripped naked. It doesn’t get much better than that. Xx
Yep…they were smashed! hehehehe Oh, thanks so very much. I’m glad you see my posts that way…kind of like life…with the messages waiting to be stripped naked…And love all of your play on words. xo
i want asperger’s to connect me with people like this.
also, i’m so glad the technician had warm hands!!
hehehe Yes, warm hands paid off. If you wish it, you can make it so! Light and love 🙂 Sam