277: Painting My Angst

I like goals. I like plans that have an end result.

Painting or any art, is VERY HARD for me to do.

This morning I had so much angst, and I needed to release it.

I took out this canvas and oil paints. And had at it. I don’t even have paint brush cleaner, yet. Oil paints do not dissolve in water, I learned.

I blasted music from August Rush. I squirted tubes of paint, used assorted brushes, and made quite a mess of red on my sleeve. It symbolized the blood of my tears, I figure.

The first hour of painting was all confusion, worry about end product, about not being good enough.

I started putting that frustration into the painting itself—layers upon layers of personal angst atop painting angst, along with many other emotions.

I slowly started to let myself be. It was liberating, though still very uncomfortable.

By the end of the second hour, I said what the heck, and let loose.

I am hoping to continue to paint some more pieces and release a new part of myself onto canvas.

Painting isn’t as comforting to me as words and writing are, and isn’t what I would consider my “gift” or “skill.”

But that is the entire point for me: to explore something without trying to perfect, prove, teach, show, or learn.

To do something without an end goal or audience in mind.

I like to step away from the painting and look at it from far away.

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12 thoughts on “277: Painting My Angst

  1. “All children are born artists, the problem is to remain an artist as we grow up.” – Pablo Picasso
    One of my favourite quotes and what I say out loud when facing a blank canvas.
    I am so proud of you my lovely friend. I know this was a different way for you to release but I love how you took on the challenge and put your whole heart into it.
    LOVE August Rush, such a wonderful film. 😉
    Smiling at you and all that you are.
    Love you so very much. Me, BB. xoxoxox HUGSsss

  2. Absolutely Alienhippie! I love it Sam! I have a special affinity with spheres. I love painting them.. Keep letting to of the angst as it is so healing, not only to you, but for those you encounter as well. Love you!!

  3. This time of the year, I see everything as christmas! Looks like a christmas tree as seen through a cut glass window, with the Northern lights just behind it to add a jewel tone theme throughout.

  4. For some reason it reminds me of like a glass full of light. The light is bubbling up from the bottom towards the top.

    I find words much easier as well than paint. But it’s such a great feeling to let myself go and make whatever comes up, even if it’s rubbish. It’s liberating (my inner Little Susie just loves it 🙂

  5. Sam, you are so very talented…and have good taste, too!
    That has been the problem with my stroke…my memory. I have been saying how this and that is my favorite movie and I forgot about “August Rush”. Except for the “Little Mermaid” and “Serenity” and “Bicentennial Man”, I have watched this the most of all my movies. It just runs me through all the emotions. I tear up, but laugh and smile shortly thereafter. And the end just fills me up. I guess that’s true for the newer “Pride and Prejudice” but I haven’t watched it near as much.
    Scott

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