425: What if I don’t have Aspergers?

What if I DON’T have Aspergers

But what if I don’t have Aspergers? What if this is just me clinging onto a thread in hopes of not being alone in this world?
What if we are just aliens, light-workers, empaths, sensitives or advanced spiritual beings?
What if I am a reincarnated sage?
What if I am a Buddhist paying for previous karmic waves?
What if I am truly crazy, self-inventing my own condition to feel more normal in claiming I am unique?
What if Aspergers doesn’t exist and this is just a human condition?
What if this whole Aspergers is a trend and being over diagnosed?
What if I am making this up in my head to fit in with a collective?
What if I find out from an expert I have something else and not Aspergers?
Am I smart enough to have Aspergers?
Am I odd enough?
Am I enough of anything?
Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee stop!
Who cares?
Really?
Get rid of the name. Call it a chicken-foot fungus dance. Call it the mushroom’s puke master. Call it genius. Call it gifted. Call it looney. I don’t really care!
WE found each other. And WE have more in common than not after years of feeling isolated and alone.

I don’t care what man-invented name, based on a collective documented list of traits based on the observation of some male behavior years ago, was the reason we met. WE met. And that’s what Aspergers means to me: Union.

We are together. We are no longer alone.
Perhaps we ARE from another planet.
Perhaps we are the only humans really here and the rest are reptilians.
Perhaps we are light-workers.
Perhaps we are entirely lost and confused.
Perhaps we are crazy nuts.
Perhaps we are the change the world needs.
Perhaps we are a trend, a wake, or a breaking.
Perhaps we are the new normal.
Perhaps we are just like everyone else.
I don’t care.
Stop trying to analyze what we are and who we are and why we are, and accept WE ARE.
There is no you verses them. There is no us verses them. There is no separation.
It is all just manmade games.
We just managed to survive.
To keep our heads above water.
To see through the madness.
To understand there are things, definite things that need changing in this world.
And if we want to start focusing on self-awareness, self-love, and self-acceptance, then YAY US.
I don’t care how you get there….to that point where life starts to make sense and you start to realize you aren’t alone and aren’t imperfect and have so much to give the world.
I just want you to know YOU matter and YOU make a difference and YOU are never alone.
Stop tromping over our parade, all of you doubters, critics, and people who feel the need to give your two cents about something that isn’t your journey.
I don’t care.
I really don’t.
Beyond the need I feel to tell the rest, who have struggled in pain so very long, that you are right where you need to be. Whatever you need to hold onto to build yourself up after this world has attempted to break you down, is what you need and is YOUR choice.
Shine, shine, shine.
It doesn’t matter if you have Aspergers or don’t, or if this word never exists again.
Let go of the word and reasons.
Just let go.
Breathe.
And be.
I love you.
Whatever you choose to call yourself.

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62 thoughts on “425: What if I don’t have Aspergers?

  1. No one seems to really know about this ‘Aspergers’ that you speak of….at least to any level that would be considered authoritative on the subject. This I know, as I have obsessively researched and spoken to a great deal of individuals attempting to discover their path.

    What I am also absolutely sure of, without any hint or fear of doubt, is Sam, you my dear, are very much like I am. Our journeys to reach this point in our lives could not have been more different but the feeling of kinship is undeniable.

    I am mentoring other Aspies now and a few have the more classic presentation of Aspergers, textbook. I have been told that I understand them at a level they have never experienced. Their choices and behaviors, while certainly different from my own, are completely familiar to me. They make absolute sense.

    My most wonderful Sam, the woman who inspired me when I needed it the most, the lady that showed me who I am, please know that I truly believe that one day, the presentation of our Aspergers is going to be known, written about and explored.

    This is the curse of the special interest of people, education, psychology and the like. We can pass and thus question our standing in our tribe. We do belong.

    Hugs, light, and much positive energy to you!

  2. Nice comeback. I wondered what you would say next 🙂 Having been ‘aware’ now for a whole FOUR days I am coming to a better understanding of myself than I have known in 49 years. I agree, we could have Avocado Syndrome for all I care about the label. To simply have a clearer picture of myself and why I am the way I am is already helping me improve my interaction with the world. I am describing it to my friends as having stepped out of the Matrix – seeing myself and the world for the first time as the real me. I will never go back, but neither will I let a ‘label’ define me 🙂

    1. How did you find out? I have ADD and OCD (diagnosed in my mid 30s), but I have two boys on the spectrum, a niece on the spectrum, and maybe an aunt. One of my boys is “labeled” Asperger’s (in college studying nuclear engineering) and one high functioning autism (heading to his first year at community college working towards a zoology degree). Their diagnosis actually made things easier. Now I understand where they are coming from. There is nothing wrong with where they are coming from, it is just a different way of thinking. I like your attitude.

      1. I first found out from a mental health therapist, as I had a hunch and asked her opinion. Then I went to a psychiatrist for official diagnosis. 🙂 It is hard for females to get a diagnosis, that’s why I have the traits list on my blog. It has been published in a professional journal and some people print it out to take to a professional for evaluation. Best wishes. My middle son has ASD….he is brilliant. Much love.

      1. Do you have a link or do you know where I can access the professional journal which lists the female traits of Asperger’s? Thank you.

      2. annals of psychotherapy and integrative health. I do not know if you can find it online only in hard copy. It’s the same ones listed on the sidebar of this blog. you can print them out and site where it was published.

  3. Very well expressed, I can totally relate. I spend my day alternatively thinking I’m a genius and I’m an idiot. I have never fit the mold and now in my 50s I’m long past the point of caring. Spending long periods of time with people who are, in my mind, shallow and frivolous is a mind-numbing waste of time. And so I am even more selective about how, when and with whom I socialize. Labels, schmabels; I am what I am. Done.

  4. WOW – what a great blog!!! The world without labels will look and feel VERY different! And it takes courage to strip off the label and be you, so often people feel so naked in their natural attire. You rock!

      1. Hopefully you will start seeing more of me as I step out of my cave…. Still loving your blogs after all this time x

      1. Ha! One of my symptoms. whether or not related to the ‘self-diagnosed syndrome’ is a fear of vegetables… avocado isn’t a vegetable is it? In any case, guacamole lovers unite! Thank you so much for this place in space 🙂 My husband is hoping yours/or any man-friend you know will start one for him x

  5. My GP wants to refer me for an assessment to see if I have Aspergers. I’m not sure what’s worse: a diagnosis for my years of failure in the world or not, but reading this has made me feel so much better. All I know is that most people clearly don’t see the world like I do…

      1. look on the left side under popular posts today. You will see it. Day 62. There are other helpful blogs there too. Also we have a facebook support group online called Everyday Aspergers. I am no longer a part of it, but it’s a great group of people.

      2. Thank you. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to find sites like yours that contain perspectives and information that are so easy to relate to. It makes people like me feel far less alone and hopeful. If I receive the diagnosis that I think I’ll get, I will fully embrace the positive aspects of being someone who is Aspergeric, because I don’t think it’s needs to be something to be ashamed of.

  6. Thank you! I worry I don’t have Aspergers. My whole life I’ve always been the “odd duck”. Can’t keep friends, etc. With my son’s diagnosis and meeting other adults like me I finally feel like I have some sort of connection to people. There are people like me who understand how I see the world. I do worry “What if I don’t really have Asperger’s”. I worry what if I am just trying to cling to something. I guess in the scheme of things it really doesn’t matter. 🙂 its a label. Not an identity. The label has connected me to others who seem to be similar to me. A label isn’t going to change any of that. So thank you for reminding me of this.

  7. Wow. Exactly what I needed to hear! So freeing, liberating, inspirational, and brilliantly written responses to all these questions that have being going around and around in my head.
    Thank you!

  8. As long as labels can empower people and the lives that they touch and not disempower then I don’t have a problem. But maybe that’s what labels simply do is just disempower?? dunno

  9. Please, let me translate this into Spanish, I loved it, and I loved the way it represents my thoughts also. I would like all the people around me to read this, and truly understand.

  10. Hello, a link to your blog came up in my feed. I have been in touch with autism pages since I have a daughter of 22 with severe learning disabilities/autism/dyspraxia etc. I also have a daughter of 6 who is very intellectually gifted. I discussed with her dad that she may be a sensory seeker and somewhat Aspie. He disagreed and said that he more than my 6 year old ticked most of the boxes for Aspergers. He is an engineer, ridiculously intelligent, stores facts & data like a computer, keeps lists and still has every receipt, every bank statement and every box for every gadget he ever bought. He collects all sorts. He has been called arrogant but in certain social circumstances he can be almost rigid and unable to mix. I understand a little now about the way sensory processing disorders etc can be linked genetically. Both my daughters have different fathers. Having read your blog on Aspergers traits in women I have seen an awful lot of myself, and an awful lot of myself historically too; the way I thought when I was growing up, the way I was perceived etc. I have always suffered with anxiety and depression but I’d thought of that as a separate genetic connection to my father’s side. ‘What if I don’t have Aspergers’ is a bizzarre thought process I’ve used in relation to Bi-Polar disorder. I’m something, but I don’t know what. I cringe at the thought of going to my GP; I’m sure he’ll be thinking ‘what has she diagnosed herself with now’. What I do know is that I have recognised much of myself, and much of myself as a child, developing when I read your blog. Here’s me going out there to educate myself on how best to understand my loved ones and I see aspects of myself in your blog. I don’t know what I am, but I’ve ‘liked’ your page so I hope to see more articles in my feed. Best wishes, Ceri

  11. Spooky to read something I could have written.
    Or any post I’m reading right now (Ok, I did not read much as it is late on this side of the world, but that’s not the point. Or is it ?)
    It would explain a lot. But is it good that it is explaining a lot ? I know for years I’m a special edition, for the better or the worst.
    Remembering when I said to a shrink I was wondering If I was dyspraxic and her asking if it was important to get a definition/label/diagnosis (not sure of the words she used now). Is is important ? And why ? Will I be happier with my fellow AspergerGirlSBuddies ? Not that I felt particularly happy till now, so can it be really worse with that info ? Anyway, how can I make it sure ? Should I ?
    Will the (my) world be different now ?

    1. Welcome, and hello. I often get asked this question. It depends; it can bring a lot of closure for some. Others know for themselves, and that is enough. For me, it brought closure. Also, in seeking diagnosis there is some amount of work generally involved… in finding a practitioner that is open minded and knows something of aspergers and females. Best wishes. :))

  12. All I need is a remote control to press pause on any situation, to take time to present the hypothesis of my thoughts I’ve already explored extensively in a manner that would make sense to you considering your limited scope of the subject.

    Instead you receive weak and poorly formed sentences which to the uninitiated appears as a low intelligence quota or trying to hard on my part.

  13. I was diagnosed with asperger’s/ high functioning autism, ADHD, non verbal learning disorder, OCD, plus a few additional learning disorders when I was seven years old. I am twenty two now, so that was about fifteen years ago. I manifested more severe autism in earlier childhood, which included being non verbal until age four, and speaking almost only in recited movie lines until near age six, because I had difficulty learning to understand and use spoken language. I was originally predicted never to speak, read or write, or exceed the mental capacity of a ten to eleven year old, so I think I’ve come a long way. I embrace my asperger’s or what ever one wishes to call it as a part of who I am, but it’s not all of who I am. It accounts for the intensity of my interests, but doesn’t account for what those interests are. My experiences with it have taught me a lot in my faith, but it doesn’t account for my relationship with God itself. It doesn’t account for my sense of humour. Some of my personality is more genetic than asperger’s. I could go by a bunch of labels.
    Asperger’s
    Canadian
    Christian
    Mennonite
    Neufeld/ Buhr

  14. Or what if I was some fucked up kid. I had lot of ear infections and then I had hearing loss and I also had lot of fevers. It left me with a language delay and I do hear hearing loss in toddler years causes problems for them in the future. Asprger’s was the closest they could come to for a diagnoses and it has helped me through school but in other ways it tried to hold me back because teachers were looking at the label instead of me. But AS traits do seem to run in my family so it could be a coincidence.

  15. I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome close too my 18th birthday. From the day I turned 18 till I turned 19 I spent all my spare time on the internet researching Autism. I could probibly tell you if you have Aspergers Syndrome or not. I would just need to ask you a bunch of questions.

  16. You are an aspergirl. You defined it.
    Then you made a place for people like me to recognize a part of themselves that was never allowed to be expressed.

    I really do hope noone thinks I am joining in on something I don’t belong to because it’s apparently popular now and I don’t have a diagnosis. Perhaps I am merely an INTP-girl starved of similar company but I recognize many aspects of me on these pages and see them as gifts I couldn’t use or understand.
    Much of who i am has wasted away like an unused muscle from trying too hard to be ‘normal’ to avoid abuse, and having few people to really connect with, and I miss being me, I wish I’d understood it when I was younger and could have the bravery to be more of me instead of a mediocre version, but It’s stll nice to be around similar people and remember the other side of who I am.

    Thank you.

  17. I’m so very happy that I just stumbled upon this. My husband and I had a conversation about formal diagnosis and having Aspergers a few hours ago. It’s rather amusing how those questions are things I ask myself EVERY day and more often than not I come to a conclusion and a few days later I just end up right at the beginning of the analysis and questions.

  18. Wow, this is truly liberating and the rest of your blog is wondrous too. Thank goodness “we” exist…thank goodness its a “we” rather than an “I”. This meant so much to me today…thank you beyond words. Now I need to go and listen to a song I’ve been listening to non stop for 3 days. Much love xx 🙂

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