Day 111: Slumbered Dreams


Slumbered Dreams

I cling

I squeeze

I overwhelm

I terrify

Then I release

Then I crawl back in careful steps: hand, foot, hand, foot, touching ground

My knees scrape against the asphalt, searing

Stings like porcupine sticks

I hadn’t meant to, had only longed to

Play and dance, and play and dance, and be in the light of newness and good

But I danced alone in shadowed mixed with nothing more than me and me

I reached out to my own hands, my own heart, spotted illusion intermingled with desperation

Seeking partnership in the unlikely and unaware

Garden delights in speckled weeds, and yet I pluck the roots as if to save

When naught remains to harvest

Little sand crab burrowed deep, bubbles of breath in ocean remnants

Blobs of sand on shore of wet

I’d not meant to travel far in child’s land

But venture called, his hands clapping my return

Couldn’t help my legs from skipping, my beating soles against threads of bones

Forgotten long ago in graveyard gone

To find again the voice that whispered

When as youth I touched the stream of wishing tales

To immerse again in droplets of riverbed’s babes

To sink beneath surface and seek not once, but forevermore the serenity of connection

Traveler, yes, wearied, no

For I shall leap until the sun sleeps, the morrow bursts, and justice slips between the seams

For nothing remains untouchable in slumbered dreams

By Sam Craft May 16, 2012

 

“The worst feeling isn’t being lonely. It’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget.” ~ author unknown  

Day 108: Swim Deep

I’ve been reflecting a lot as of late. Of my choices and my personhood. I am slowly transforming and transitioning. I long for Crazy Frog to come out and lighten Melancholic Me. But I recognize this as a growth process. A replanting of sorts. And so I turn to words. My forever comfort through the ever-changing life.

Swim Deep

I don’t know how to pretend.

I don’t know how to fake emotions.

I don’t understand shallow.

I don’t understand fickle or lies.

I love with depth.

I live with depth.

But the depths frighten me.

I swim in the deep waters.

While others sit on the edge.

I know not why.

I watch the watchers watch me.

I question my truth.

I doubt.

I ache.

I weep.

I worry.

I turn inward in fear.

I long.

I long again.

But I still swim deep.

I will for always swim deep.

For there are no better waters.

 

 

 

Day 104: Fire Ball and My BIG BRAIN

This is to give you a glimpse of what goes on in my mind. Not all the time, but enough of the time. I start thinking, and thinking, and thinking. All these thoughts below ran through my mind in the first twenty-minutes of our plane ride. I have to laugh at myself. Thanks for letting me ooze this out of my brain onto these pages. And I DO NOT expect you to read this all. Like I said, this is a sampling of MY BIG BRAIN.

Maui update: Wonderful, wonderful day. The sand feels so good on my feet. Watched the boys play in the waves. We got upgraded to a 2,000 square foot, ocean view penthouse for the first night. They had a raffle in the courtyard. About 125 people, 125 raffle tickets, and they drew five tickets. Out of the first four, three were each of my son’s tickets. What are the odds??? The force is with us.

Okay, here is my brain in high gear….don’t ask me to explain this.

The Fire Ball/Fire Mass

In the circumstance of two coming together in company, feelings arise. These feeling are both beneficial and non-beneficial. Because we choose our feelings based on illusion and limited perception, in turn, the element of choosing is either beneficial or non-beneficial.

There is no in between middle point or meeting point in considering variants of choosing. Choosing is not on a line. Choosing is neither good nor bad. Choosing is like the air. One does not look into the air and wonder what is between the air, or where air meets. Choosing is expansive, beyond human reasoning. This choosing is one of the gifts of humans. This choosing is powerful. As we choose as a collective, we generate energy into perceived reality. When the masses are choosing the same then the masses receive the same.

If choosing is not on a flat timeline and not based on evaluation or degree, and one cannot finger-point choosing, then where does choosing exist? Choosing cannot be applied a degree or numerical value, because choosing firstly carries no value, and secondly, choosing is a vast collective that cannot be pinned down at any moment. With the illusion of time, choosing does not exist. Remove the illusion of time, and choosing exists. Choosing is always, with no ending and no beginning. The masses choose continually. This choosing in time terms occurs every second, every half of a second, every hundredth of a second, and so on, into infinity. Thusly, choosing cannot be placed within the concept of time, only within the concept of infinite.

It is the collectives choosing that creates choosing. This collective choosing can be visualized as a fire ball. This fire ball moves continuously with heat and gases. The choosing moves within this ball, continually altering form and position. Our thoughts are our choosing. Thoughts move in the ball of circular continuous motion. There is no end, no beginning, no start, no completion. This fire ball fuels the reality that the collective sees. Ultimately, everything perceived through the recognized senses at this moment are fueled by the fire mass, and in turn everything perceived fuels the mass.

This fire mass is neither good nor bad, for no such named vibrations exists. The fire mass moves with what could be called beneficial and non-beneficial vibration. Non-beneficial does not imply bad, nor does beneficial imply good. Beneficial and non-beneficial are part of the fire mass; and as these two are within the mass, they are also within our choosing. Ultimately, beneficial and non-beneficial do not exist. If we were to apply bad to non-beneficial and good to beneficial then there is an instant separation, with one above the other, or one on the side of the other. These directions, of up or down, or negative or positive in degree, imply separation. Where there is separation of any form—be it word or thought—then there is an absence of unity. Unity has no opposite. Singular does not exist. Thus degrees of beneficial cannot exist.

What is beneficial and what is non-beneficial. Beneficial is vibration that expands and creates vibration that inspires growth. Thusly all things, all actions, all thought, all being is beneficial. For everything within this planet of existence inspires growth. Therefor non-beneficial grows within beneficial, just as beneficial stagnates (or ceases to create) inside non-beneficial. There is no separation of the two beneficials. Non-beneficial vibration implodes and creates vibration that inspires stagnation. Stagnation can be beneficial. Thusly, non-beneficial can be equated to beneficial. There is no opposite. They are as one, like all unity. They are part of the fire mass. We choose the words of beneficial or non-beneficial to communicate a variation in vibration, not a distinction in right or wrong.

One vibrating non-beneficial energy, which implodes and will be received as stagnant, with the inability to expand and grow, is beneficial to the one, to another one, and to the collective (fire mass). This is how: A person who is exhibiting non-beneficial energy will directly affect the fire mass. A person who is exhibiting non-beneficial energy will directly affect another person within the energy frequency. The person(s) affected will then have a choosing. The person will choose to vibrate with the non-beneficial stagnant energy or to vibrate with beneficial growth energy. There is no right or wrong. Whatever the choosing, the person(s) are learning and growing through the acceptance or transformation of non-beneficial energy. Persons who vibrate with non-beneficial energy are teachers, the same as persons who vibrate with beneficial energy. Each is a variant of the unity of love. Each is part of the fire mass.

There are lessons in every reflection viewed through the recognized senses. These lessons are a reflection within a reflection. It is vital to remember there is no bad or good. There is not good or bad energy. No good or bad reflection. Everything is a one and breathes as one. A non-beneficial reflection is a teacher, as is a beneficial reflection. Think of the one looking upon the one in the mirror. This one may choose to vibrate with beneficial energy upon viewing the reflection, or the one may choose to vibrate with non-beneficial energy upon viewing the reflection. This is the same for one looking upon another one. This one is reflection of the other one. What one sees is what the one chooses to see.

All at once we are either expanding in light or imploding away from light. This occurs outside our concept of time. Every glance into the reflection of illusion is fed back to the fire mass and then returned to the collective masses instantaneously. There is no time. Only union. This is not as a shooting star or rocket ship, where one energy is fueled down, and then another energy fueled back up. There is no up or down. Source and fire mass are within. Light is within. Thusly, the one is continually expanding and imploding. The fire mass is held by all light bearers. The unity is light bearers. All are light bearers. All are unity.

When one evaluates, judges, or analyzes another one, the one is choosing to send these thoughts directly to the one, to the other one, and to the fire mass. As in thought there exists no one.

When one believes the reality of, You make me feel, there is an instant separation. When one is able to step outside of self and practice as observer, then unity remains. With the absence and removal of the thought, You make me feel, there is a flow of transitioning from non-beneficial (stagnant) to beneficial (growing) vibration. The beneficial vibration expands the fire mass; the more one expands the illusion of reality, recognizes thought, and practices as observer, the more one expands beyond the senses, and the more the collective fire mass expands beyond the senses.

The flow of transition of thought into vibration into the fire ball (fire mass) may be observed in the following manner:

I am angry at you.

I am choosing to be angry at you.

I am choosing to be angry.

I am choosing to be.

I am choosing.

We are choosing.

We are.

In the first string of words (or string of vibrations), I am angry at you, one is choosing to be angry at another one.

In the second string of words, I am choosing to be angry at you, the one is releasing the belief of direct effect. The one is recognizing choice.

In the third string of words, I am choosing to be angry, the one is recognizing there is no distinction between one and the other one, and that all feelings stem from the fire mass. All feelings are a direct response from the vibration of the fire mass. The fire mass is held within one and held within the other, and held by the union of whole. Thusly, one feeling is not attached to only one.

In the fourth string of words, I am choosing to be, the one is recognizing the choosing and the absence of another one. The one is recognizing the absence of separation. In the absence of separation the illusion of blame does not exist.

In the fifth string of words, I am choosing, the one is releasing the sense of having to be in order to exist. In essence the one is detaching from the element of being and existing and viewing the one as choice.

In the sixth string of words, We are choosing, the one is recognizing the fire mass: that all choice Is collective. That all is a reflection.

In the seventh string of words, We are, the one (WE) has transitioned the illusion of reality, stepped beyond individuality, and is able to view the collective.

All strings of words can transition into the seventh level. Vibration at the seventh level is optimal. Those vibrating at the seventh level omit a vibration of growth, nurturing, and serenity. There is a calmness and a glow. The glow is spirit: the light of the fire ball. Thusly, the glow the one carries is the glow the unity or whole carries. Thusly, as the reflection glows as does the whole.

The seventh transition is seen in other form likewise.

I am ugly.

I am choosing ugly.

I am choosing.

I am choosing beauty.

I am beauty.

We are beauty.

We are.

Another:

That man is bothering me.

I am choosing for that man to bother me.

I am choosing bothered.

I am choosing serenity.

I am serenity.

We are serenity.

We are

Another:

I hope he likes me.

I am choosing to hope he likes me.

I am choosing likable.

I am choosing I am likeable

I am choosing we are likable.

We are likable.

We are.

Another:

What if she doesn’t think I am special?

I am choosing to fear she doesn’t think I am special.

I am choosing fear that I am not special.

I am choosing special.

I am choosing we are special.

We are special.

We are.

With practice, one can vibrate at the fourth and fifth level. The fifth and sixth level occur when one is able to accept the illusion of reality and experience the fire ball within, recognizing one is in truth WE.

There is no right or wrong in the transition of seven. One will experience the vibration of the transition as beneficial or non-beneficial. In beneficial transition, there will be a releasing of separateness and a growth of collective. In non-beneficial transition, the separateness will stagnate. Separateness cannot grow; there exists nothing beyond the wall of separateness. Once separate, in all ways separate. Once whole, in all ways whole.

The transition of non-seven will create non-beneficial vibration for the fire mass. In example, the string of words below demonstrates the stream of vibration feeding non-beneficial vibration. Again, this is not bad or good. This is stagnation which serves a purpose, as all vibrations serve a purpose.

It is vital to remember what one holds as truth for one holds for truth as all. The one who sees his one as ugly, likewise sees the other one as ugly. There is only unity, no one. The one who sees his one as ugly vibrates this into the collective fire ball, the fire ball each carries. Thusly, all ones carrying fire balls will see ugly, and the collective whole will be ugly. Ugly is an illusion. One can choose to create whatever one chooses. Choosing is the key and the power.

In reference, the following string of words reflects the non-beneficial string of non-seven transition:

I have an ugly face.

I am ugly.

You are ugly.

We are ugly.

We are.

Here the vibration vibrates as stagnant. This is non-beneficial but not bad. The one has not recognized the effect one has on the collective. This is stagnation that feeds back into the fire mass (ball). When one believes in the illusion of ugly, all are ugly. One cannot proclaim one is ugly without proclaiming that he is equally ugly.

All ugly is an illusion. All beauty is an illusion. Words are vibration. Vibration creates form and reality. The vibration of ugly is determined by the illusion of ugly. If one chooses ugly as bad, then the vibration of ugly is bad. This bad is an illusion as well, creating its own ripple of vibration.

All words carry power—but the true power is in the choice of vibration behind the illusion of the word. This choice vibrates into the collective and feeds the fire mass. This fire mass is within one and within the other. Ugly feeds the one, and so ugly feeds the other. Stagnation, or non-beneficial vibration occurs when this ugly, this word, this vibration meets the fire mass. The vibration of non-beneficial energy will feed to implode the fire mass instead of expand, decreasing the light. Again, the word is not bad, neither is the vibration. The word is an illusion, the vibration behind the word is created by choosing illusion. We are in a constant state of choosing illusion.

Day 102: Woven


Artist Unknown

Woven

Come chase away my dreams

Butterflies to net

Life through filtered screams

Personified as rest

Dancing as a clown

When clearly feet are broke

Dancing without frown

When emptiness evokes

Thoughts of when and where

Weep buried in lost cave

Marked with bleeding tears

The gold dust left to save

Longings tucked in pockets

Lightning struck sun down

Shook the empty sockets

Where eyes could once be found

Breathing will not cease

When desire rises still

To nest between the trees

To taste the daffodil

Nectar dripping tongue

Twin flame arouses life

And butterfly is strung

As sprinkled wedding rice

Colors boldly clear

Set free from woven net

Of wingless quiet years

Which soul herself did set

Samantha Craft May 9, 2012

 

Been playing this song all week

 

“Bring me to your threshold

And lead me down inside

So I may breathe your memories

And know where truth resides.” ~ Sam

Day 99: Like a Tree

Love–Peace–Joy

I have been cleansing my body through beneficial nutrients. I have been cleansing my mind through beneficial thoughts. Today, like a tree, I spread my roots into the universe and offer you these gifts of thought. May you be blessed with serenity and a gentle lullaby of peace. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. You are good enough. You are enough. 

* When I start to feel pressured, I realize I am the one putting expectations on myself by focusing my energy on the future, reflecting on the past, or judging a person or event. Today I release the feeling of pressure, and gently fall back into the bliss of serenity.

* Trust your gut feeling. Believe you are the barometer of truth. In regards to advice, direction, and strategy, listen twice to your inner being before listening once to another.

* In the entire world there is but one you. You are as unique as the water crystals, each line on your skin an intricate and delicate marker of the beauty you are.

* I once again understand these words I write are only words, only my temporary truth. Ever changing, these words are no less permanent than the tide of the ocean. I sweep forth treasures of shells and seaweed, and the occasional sneaker escaped from the sea. However, nothing is a truth, only a finger pointing to a possible avenue for a possible someone to find his or her own truth.

* Do not question when you will be tall enough to provide adequate shelter, adequate goodness. You are merely a tree set down to grow. Focus on nothing more than the growing, and in this you need not focus either. Because, as a tree grows, with proper nourishment and adequate environment, as shall you grow.

* Nothing is misunderstood, everything is miss-understood—simply missed as you stood under the essence and were not yet ready to grasp the concept.

* I remember today and always that words have a soul, and that we beings are each connected in our thoughts, words and actions.

* I am remembering to evaluate my choices when I feel off balance. I ask myself what is an area I can increase, what is an area I can decrease? I visualize the choices in my life on two scales. If one side is too heavy, I remove part of it. If one is too light, I add a portion. In this way I return to a state of equilibrium.

* I cycle through great grief, anger, forgiveness and acceptance. Through these four seasons I rediscover the unique messages of my soul.

* My mistakes on this journey are equally as worthy as my perceived triumphs. For in my falling, I am made to rise higher in a new found empathy and self-knowledge. Today I embrace my mistakes as much as I embrace my successes.

* Some mornings before I awake I hear a gentle whisper. Once I was told that the path to healing is the opposite of a short cut. The opposite of a short cut is a long mend. Life is a long mending of our emotional, physical, spiritual and mental wounds—the needle and thread is unconditional love, unbounded truth, dedicated service and unyielding compassion.

* When we give without expecting anything but love and healing in return, the universe gives back.

* I pray for a time when we each shine in our own uniqueness and authenticity. When the idleness of conforming has transformed to an active celebration of the masses’ manifestation of love, peace and service.

* In learning to greet the morning alarm with positive affirmations, I am training myself to think positive thoughts upon awakening. “Good morning Beautiful day. Today will be filled with splendor, awe and healing,” is more beneficial than “Stupid alarm!”

* In knowing our essence, we see clearly our true purpose. In renewed clarity of our authentic self, we are freed from victimhood. In this release from fear of injury or loss from circumstance, agency or condition, we are able to focus attention on healing service and the creation of harmony.

* As a human being it is my birthright to flounder, to question, to have moments of sadness and anger, to be fragile, to be vulnerable. In examining the facets of my being, I perceive no weakness, only the limitless ability to connect to others in my authenticity.

* To live fully, I fully forgive everything and everyone. I view each new day as an opportunity to forgive, to forgive self, others and circumstances. By participating in a continual process of forgiving, freedom manifests. No longer hidden behind a barricade of judgment, in forgiveness, I arise a beautiful songbird surrounded in a crystal sky of compassion and love.

* To see through the eyes of a child if only for a moment, to dwell in wonderment and awe, to realize this world is a gift, this I wish for today.

* Today I recognize infinite happiness resides within me. I embrace this sacred space and joyous light within and gently release the responsibility I have placed on objects, people and circumstance to bring inner contentment. I stand in compassion of all that passes before me, allowing the joy found in the concrete to linger momentarily, before blowing the essence softly forward like the seeds of a dandelion.

* Each day is another opportunity to choose to partake in the process of discernment. In using discernment, instead of judgment, I stay on equal ground with all. In judging I automatically give up energy and view myself as lesser or greater. In observing, while gently releasing judgment, I remain energized, at peace and available to serve.

* The message I have been told since childhood is to serve and to love. The message I have been told since my young adulthood is to give without need of recognition or monetary gain. Only in giving unconditionally can I honor my true intention of love and service. Only in giving unconditionally without expectation can I be the most effective teacher and student.

* Tomorrow as I wake up, before I recognize where I am, who I am, and whom I am with, I shall recognize the awakening of a glorious and love-filled day.

* I Imagine a book of instructions for the globe, where each day has a deed: one day I help an elderly person, one day I offer a stranger an envelope with money, another I clean a neighbor’s home, and then on some days, together across the globe, at the exact same moment as other lights, I focus on the thought of love and peace…..I Imagine.

* I was reminded this morning that we are each like the flowers, in that we grow to our greatest potential when we are planted in fertile soil, have pure water, and are surrounded in the clean air and sunshine. Today so many are searching. In nature we can find the answers.

* In accepting my mind’s limitations, I choose to stand equal, unchanged in perceived controversy and chaos, for I know not what I see, not what I judge, except through the shattered scope of my narrow viewing.

* There are but two ways to walk in this world, as a blind man in search of safety or as a wise man in search of truth.

* To many honoring the soul’s quest require guidelines, e.g., authenticity, discernment, giving, and loving; though, in honoring our true intentions, there is an innate ever-changing removal of requirements. Thus there are no rules, guidelines, or examples, except what each individual person creates. Above all be true to thyself, thy own beliefs, thy own calling—there are no answers except within.

* In relationships where members strive to be authentic, accept the inevitable differences between them, and express thoughts, feelings and needs, a light of truth shines the way to self-growth, inner wisdom, and confidence.

* I have an infinite capacity to serve others. Whether through a positive thought, helpful word or silent prayer, I serve. And as I give, I grow in clarity of mind and energy of spirit. In this way of mindfully serving, I refuel my entire being. So exists an endless cycle of giving and receiving that need only be powered by the intention of goodwill.

Quotes collected from the roots of Samantha Craft’s thoughts. Spread your roots.

More and more divine images found here:
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I love you. Thank you for partaking in my journey and helping me to heal and blossom. “I’ll stop the world and melt with you. You’ve seen the difference, and it’s getting better all the time. There’s nothing you and I won’t do. I’ll stop the world and melt with you…the future is open wide.” ~ Modern English