Day 74: Fitting In

No makeup. Hair needs to be brushed. Oh, crap, I haven't even brushed my teeth yet. This is like camping all over again! Thank you Grandma for my clear skin. Thank you Dad for my Italian nose. Thank you hands for pulling back all my wrinkles!
If you click on this photo, you will see a messy study. A sign of genius. I can't even stop rambling about a photo. May the Gods help me! Everyday Aspergers -- Samantha

“Life is a pair of skinny jeans and you are a big fat ass. That’s it. It’s uncomfortable being a human being.” ~ Tom Papa (comedian)

I wanted the title to be: Fitting In. You are Weird and a Big Fat Ass, but I thought people might take it the wrong way.

The more I’m sharing about myself, my quirks, my outlooks, my geek posse, my fears, my memories, my embarrassing moments, even my empathic experiences, I’m realizing I am not an alien after all! In fact, I’m thinking some of you might be aliens.

A dimmer switch for Sir Brain would be nice. Sometimes herbs and exhaustion help to dim the thoughts. Wine helps, and the ingredients in certain brownies that I will never try again. One word: Paranoia. I actually visited all the layers of hell—anyone smiling knows what I mean. I could digress on this subject and make you laugh hysterically. Major chocolate craving coming on…

Anyhows…(I meant to put an S there for effect. But now that I’ve explained this the effect is gone. But I didn’t want anyone to think I couldn’t spell anyhow and pass judgment. Because I live in constant fear of people finding flaws and errors in my ways and passing judgment.)

Anyhow…It’s sure nice to know I’m not alone. Sure nice to know everyone is messed up (I mean that in a good way). Nice to know, too, that most of you have all the same thoughts and weirdness I do, but you have the ability to keep most clammed up and shut away inside. Which, I guess, has its drawbacks, too. At least I’ll never explode because I held too much back. I’m not a slow ticking time bomb (despite what my mother-in-law once wrote about me).

I am like a garden hose set on slow drip—the perfect companion to a thirsty dog or playful child in the heat of the summer days.

Writing this off the top of my head. Let’s see what comes out. Drip, drip, drip…

We are All Weird

We are all weird

We are all trying to fit in

We aren’t happy all the time

We’ll never be happy all the time

That’s an illusion

We worry

We fear

We dream, sometimes big

We wish and wish and wish

We copy and imitate in hopes of being accepted

We try to figure others out

Try even harder to figure our own self out

We cry at sad movies

We laugh at dumb jokes

We light up a room

And can bring about feelings of gloom

We are powerful, magical, mysterious

And filled with a gentle charm

Our esteem is worthy

Even though we may not know

Our life has purpose

Even as we search

We are so remarkably fantastically beautiful

A reflection of beauty

One to the other

I’m so happy to know you

Each and everyone

So happy to stand in your light

Breathe in your energy

Breathe out your kindness

There is no better blessing

Than knowing you are not alone

That there is always a hand, a smile, a knowing wink

I giggle at our quirks

I celebrate our uniqueness

But I dwell and live fullest in our connection

The connection we share in seeing one in the other

Okay. This is a little beyond PG-rated, but as you’re my friend, and all, I just have to say, if you search online videos for “fitting in” there seems to be a lot of bike fitting, horse saddle fitting, golf club fitting, clothing fitting, fake male “private parts” fitting. Oops. I hope I didn’t just steer someone in the wrong direction! Don’t want you to obsess about the fit of your saddle.

Serious and Uplifting. He makes a lot of good videos.


28 thoughts on “Day 74: Fitting In

  1. Oh, Sam!

    I love your loopy, funny, serious mental strolls. It is so nice to drop in and walk for awhile.

    I also adore your photo. Yes, because you are in it but also because I want to come over and organize your stuff! 🙂


    1. I’m glad you like Sir Brain! He is flattered and now wanting to show you his various collections of facts and information.
      Oh, please, come organize my study! That comment about wanting to organize my stuff made me laugh aloud! 🙂

  2. Good post, Sam. I, especially, liked the monk talk on impermanence. I didn’t listen to the entire 40 min. yet, but I plan to. What he said made a lot of sense. Even post-stroke, I sometimes find myself looking too far down the road. I am much more present-based than I used to be. Dad comes home from the hospital Saturday and has first “leave from home” dialysis on Monday. I haven’t looked past that. That is enough to be important. That is enough to keep me busy along with all the other stuff I do and am planning on soon. I used to worry about the coming school year during January of the previous year. I used to worry a lot about retirement while teaching. Now, since I died and do truly understand that tomorrow may not come and we should work with being happy now, I find that I am happier more often and much, much calmer. My BP used to run about 165/97 even on 2 BP pills and with exercise. Yesterday, it was 115/83 and that was a bit high for now. I am enjoying life and it’s not just the not working; that has a stress all its own. I am just plain happier. So, be weird; I am, and I am proud of it. It makes my days less boring.

    1. I just found this monk’s video today. I think I will listen to some more of his series. I have studied Buddhism, but I benefit from hearing the monk’s words, and in reminding myself what is real and essential is happening now in this very moment. I love my life (usually) because I have learned to not sweat the small stuff. I only really worry much about death/illness and the unknown aspects of death—if I can move beyond the unknown, I wouldn’t have much to fret about at all. I understand all of what you are saying. Thanks for sharing. It is wonderful that you have turned your journey into an inspiration for others; there are other paths that would not have benefited others as much that you might have chosen. Peace be with you, Sam 😉

  3. Great uplifting narrative Sam! Thankfully I fit in here! I loved the Monk’s message. I think I’ll put it on my desktop. :))

    1. There the ones that don’t smile, complain a lot, criticize, and blame others because they are too darn afraid to look at their own self; they look outside of self and find “flaws” in others to feel better about themselves. If they could just realize they are weird and not perfect, and get on with life already.

      You were joking. I know. But just had to ramble because your comment was good.

      I can go to a crowded mall and find a lot who are trying super hard to be normal. 😉 Sam

  4. Tears, laughing at the Tom Papa video! So true about being human. Your poetry – beautiful, just like you were talking to me. So glad you are here. You do bring a smile to me every time I come to read. 🙂

  5. I really liked that comedy show. It was just what I needed. Glad it brought a smile to your face. Thank you for your kindness. I’m glad you are here, too. Your love for your son and journey are powerful. Hugs, Sam 🙂

  6. Bravo, Sam! 🙂 \m/…((applause)) LOL…What a brilliant piece! I absolutely love it! Hilarious and I love all the videos! Ha ha ha…sorry, Sam if (somehow) I have contributed to your paranoia 🙂 🙂 ‘guess my being a grammar and spelling “gestapo” has caused you to feel that way 🙂 🙂 But I really am soooo thankful that you’re my friend and being on the spectrum together…this connection…the support …and everything…I am now stronger and ready to face the world…don’t have to feel like an alien (anymore) dumped on earth from another planet…soooo ready to say to the world that…yes! I am weird, I am different, I’m a freak (who freakin’ rocks!), I’m a geek, I’m a nerd, I’m an Aspie and I’m loving it! Thanks for sharing…Hugssss 🙂 🙂
    My favorite line…I’m a fruitloop…i love fruits and i’m sometimes loopy…lol 🙂

    1. Glad you enjoyed! 🙂 Thank you for your words. You are kind. So glad to hear you are feeling stronger about being you! Bravo. You do rock! Geeks rule. Your fruitloop friend ~ Sam

    1. At first glance I thought your words were insults to me (I’ve had teenagers leaving silly statements) because I have a really bad short term memory! I kid you not. Then I got a good laugh at your statement, then at myself. Thanks for the laugh. Thanks for commenting, too. 🙂 Sam

      1. Cheers Sam, I am a 41 year old kid who was way under 200lbs most of my life and now I am not..and I don’t like it 🙂 My comment was indeed intended to be funny and I am glad you got it 🙂

  7. Anyhows….you made me laugh so hard. I love your picture, how do you get your eyebrows so perfect?? I must know! I need perfect eyebrows! 🙂

    “The connection we share in seeing one in the other” YES! YES! YES!

    Thank you for another wonderful post, and for always reminding me that I am ok being my oddity self.

    Paranoia…OMG! 😀 Should have never listened to that boyfriend who told me that I would “relax” NOT! Shh!

    1. You so get the parts other people don’t get about my writing. Not that there is anything wrong with the “others.” lol

      Eyebrows: lol… My get-up-and-go gal, who moved and left me 😦 used to take me to this pedicure place…which was freaky, as I always obsessed over toe fungas. Anyhow, the nice lady from Thailand told me I had to wax my bushy brows. So she did. And then I got tiny bumps and burn marks for two days and thought I was going to die of a strange brow waxing disease. I didn’t, of course. And I have nice brows now. lol

      You are welcome. Relax? Get real. Only people with small, little brains can relax. And my husband, because he is a man. lol 🙂 Sam (no offense to the men out there.)

  8. Loved this post, and especially your lines:

    We are so remarkably fantastically beautiful

    A reflection of beauty

    One to the other

    Also, the instructional video on how to fit into almost any church … pretty darn funny! Thanks.

Thank you for your comments :)

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