Day 161: Star-Filled Knight

source unknown
Elf Princess Samantha (giggles)

 

Star-Filled Knight

Tether me to your virtue, wrap fraying rope around my body whole, and tie substance to thy pole

The north the south, makes no difference, just tether me straight against your being

Tether me too, upon your heart, and wrap ribbon round my eyes, to close me to the dark

The light about, spin round and round, touch the hidden pieces buried in memories dim

Invade my thoughts and dreams with energy of late eve, the uninvited visitor at my door

Enter and entice with sunlit eyes and shoulders broad, kneel down and greet me as knight to fair lady

So I may lower myself to cold floor waiting, and be enveloped in tinseled warmth and beauty bold

To desire little between sunrise and sunset, beyond the visions of the land where lovers blend

To walk through corridors of long ago nights, and drink the potentiality of forgotten lifetimes

My silent prince, my wandering warrior, trapped in the torrential wind of imaginary dragons

Breathe not such misery, embrace eternity, the talisman crystal-bright upon beating chest

Reach through the broken glass of illusion, and touch, the scarlet drape shrouding secret treasure

A cavern so deep and luxurious that only the trickling of your interwoven branches can reach

Like root, like dagger, like cherry off tree, fall into me, into the depth below so we may rise as mystic rain

The two as one, untouched in circumstance and reality, only moving as source intended, winter to spring

Blossomed at last, beneath the melting snow, turning upward in pure delicate petals of morning

To arise, fledgling of desire, fragile wings spread in jasmine air, the hint of freedom engraved through form

A universal centipede of walking stick, a mountain top moved, a stallion through clouds, magic made

From the simplicity of blindness, to release the worldly ways, and believe in the eternal flowerbed of life

To reach in my tethering sweet, and release passion through desired imprisonment of cherished belief

That all is as intended, the preordained ebbing flow of star children, their wishes blown on amulet waves

To stand at shore and await what comes, arms open, rope at side, and eyes set to the open endless sky

~ By Samantha: Princess of Elf Land where all dreams come true

Day 160: Decreasing Photons

I have the hardest time writing when I am trying not to confront what is troubling my mind.

At those times, when angst is knocking on spirit’s door, I tend to write romantic and lust-filled poetry, or distract myself with stories from the past. I tend to grasp onto my muse, my anchor, a jolt that compels me into another state of reality.

Today I am insecure. I am insecure about my appearance, my personhood, my ability to shine, and my very spirit. I am looping in thought. And the taters are hitting the fan. I am worried that I am not enough, even though innately I know I am. I am worried that I am a facade, even though at my core I know I am authentic. I am worried about my health and a host of other items.

Insecurity is an emotion I’ve dealt with pretty much my entire life on earth, at least ever since my mother and father divorced. My insecurity quadrupled in size when my mother divorced my stepfather, and I was never able to see my step brothers and sisters again. My insecurity grew when my best friend was kidnapped, my pets died as I predicted, my homes constantly changed, and my mother became lost in her own world. The emotion mutated and divided when I mistook a teenager for the man I would marry someday and teenage girls for trusted confidants. And grownups as safety. The emotion enveloped the whole of me when I reached adulthood and realized I was very much still an infant.

I remember being so brave, so strong, and trying and trying to do the right thing. If I could only do the right thing, then life would be manageable. I remember with clarity the day my friends collected starfish on the ocean shore; I remember running up the sandy hill to the the truck, and hovering in the camper shell weeping, because no one would listen as I cried and shouted on the beach that the starfish were living creatures, and my friends were killing them. I remember lots of times crying in enclosed spaces…in tents, in closets, under covers, in bushes….anywhere I could escape the sadness surrounding me.

I figured if I tried hard enough, I could make a difference in my world and within myself. Take away the horrible pain. I thought if I tried enough, I too would get the promises, the opportunity, the good stuff.

I tried so hard that I succeeded in many ways, I gather. Only I don’t know what I succeeded in or for whom.

I like to pretend sometimes I have the answers.

I like to pretend I am carrying this grand light of wisdom and trust, of faith and hope, of all things precious and divine.

I like to pretend ego is in the backseat, Source at the wheel, and my present moment is the only one that matters.

I like to pretend.

I can’t tell imaginings from reality. I can’t find the line. I doubt the line even exists.

Sometimes I think I shine too much. Sometimes I think I lost the earthly cloak that stops the inner glow, that stops me from becoming depleted. I wonder what I’ve given up in order to shine. I wonder if the dark is perhaps a better place to go.

I thought writing would be my avenue, my escape, a way I could finally be me. But the pressure is building and the patterns are starting, and everything seems a repeat. Again I am soother,  lifter, giver, sweet Sam, adored,  gentle, kind…so kind. I’m still flawed. I get that. I’m not perfect. But I lean to the side of trying to be perfect, trying to be what I think others want to see. I make others my gods, my suitor, my love. I make people my exact reflection; their opinions my barometer. I see in my own mirror what I imagine others see. And then I tell myself not to. To stop. To trust. And then I wonder what and whom to trust, when my very existence seems a dream.

No matter how many times I tell myself I am enough, I still search. I think that if a certain person loves me then everything else will be erased. I dream of being rescued. I dream of escaping this life. A life that by most standards is wonderful. I have no idea where I would escape to. I have absolutely no idea. I just know I long to escape.

My mind is constant. Everything and everyone is questioned. Each comment I answer is weighted and analyzed. Each word I write a drop of blood, a hope that I spoke correctly, I answered honestly, I did my best. Each letter of the alphabet carries the weight of an elephant.

Typing is not typing. Typing is risking. Each word leads to thoughts. Each thought to more evaluation. Why do I care? Why can’t I let go? Why can I not accept me? Why does one person hold my world and my worth? Why can I not care only about the other and not about me? Why is my ego still here? Why do I have any motive at all except love? What is the right amount of drive? Am I too driven? Am I not driven enough? Am I too honest? Am I not honest enough? What is telling the whole truth, if not laying out my emotions? What is truth?

And yes, what of this light? This grand light? Is it anything beyond descending and decreasing photons………….

________

Day 155: Rose-Petal Bride

source unknown

I broke up with normal sometime back. And today I marry the misfit. I am a misfit. I am a person who is not suited or is unable to adjust to the circumstances of his or her particular situation, that situation being a world in which there is manipulation, intentional harm, lies, judgment, ridicule and actions that cause hurt, rejection, and despair.

I like the misfit I am. I like that I stand for justice. I appreciate that I stand for transformation. I have pain in my interior and exterior, a fragile structure so it seems. But I am strong. I am intense. With an intensity and power to affect the world.

Rose-Petal Bride

Today I am bride to all misfits

I marry them all

I embrace their radiating beauty

I say I do

I vow eternity at their side

I wed those who strive for betterment and love

Who question the existing state of affairs

The bravest souls of all

The ones shaking in their boots with fear

Shaking so hard that they long to retreat and hide

But they don’t

They force themselves to stand upfront, straight and center and show their true colors

Oh, how I admire these misfits

My better half

And my equals

With their humbled hearts and humbled souls, and all the wounds they carry

How I admire their drive, their visions, and their limitless ability to pick themselves back up and carry on

The greatest of men are those that have the hugest of hearts, feel the knife of rejection and judgment, know they are different, but embrace this difference, this grand uniqueness to make a transformation in the world

I hold the misfits in the grandest of light today

Embrace their collective existence

Embrace their endeavors, humanity, and spirit

And offer my hand in comfort

May the misfits rise and know we do not need to adjust to the unjust

Rise now all misfits

I give you my promise of loyalty and admiration

I make you my own

You are the miracle of today

The bride and groom of tomorrow

How I marvel your veil of brilliance, creativity, and ability to continue onward in a place so often filled with trickery

How I love your tuxedo of light and gown of wisdom’s pearls

You are the answer: you and your dreams and desires

Follow them

Walk on the ocean

And I will follow you across our rose-petal path

Day 146: Erotic Lentils

“Do not seek enlightenment unless you seek it as a man whose hair is on fire seeks a pond.” – Sri Ramakrishna

“I will not tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death’s door.” – author unknown

I have like 4 or 5 water signs in my astrological chart…hmmmm.

I am just beginning to be amazed by the many facets of Samantha Craft. One day deep philosopher writing words she doesn’t quite grasp, the next soulful author pouring out healing truths from the roads of childhood, later a poet easing an over-flowing heart, and then back to the unyielding sex goddess emerging from used up prude-nun from past life. The loins! The loins!

Wow! My husband is a patient man. Of course, he does get that sex goddess… Did I mention he is doing a lot more chores around the house without a whisper of remorse?

I keep thinking I am going to wake up and magically transform back into the person I was five months ago. Though I don’t think her vessel would fit this wild blossoming spirit. I’d surely burst out within minutes, leaving the old shell scattered and forever broken.

The world seems to be getting even more passionate, appealing, and ravenous by the day. If I have any challenge at all, in the spiritual sense, it’s the intensity of not wanting to run out of time on this glorious playground of planet earth. Just today, after walking in the sunshine, yes sunshine, while at the farmer’s market sipping lentil soup and listening to a flute player, I was just so gosh-dang giddy about living. And it’s not because things are going “well” in the humanistic sense. Really, if I got down to it, I could play you a sad song about my life to make you weep out yesterday’s coffee from your eyes. Seriously. I’ve got a laundry list of grievances I could lay down right now at your feet.

So my overwhelming sensation of joy isn’t because all is well. Not that type of sensation at all. Quite the opposite. I know all is not well; but I’m well in this knowing.

Sipping my lentils from a cup was purely divine erotica. The swirls of liquid brown, the small melted beans, the little onions—I took twenty minutes to sip my small cup of soup!!! I didn’t want the experience to end. It was so sexy and sensual.

Today was one of those days I would have danced in a water fountain, or pierced my bellybutton, or gotten a tongue stud, or kissed a stranger. It was one of those days that felt like Christmas morning.

You know what? I am very much amazed by how many people take walks and complain about life. I honestly don’t know what I would talk about, if I had a walking partner. I suppose I could say: “Look how that leaf is so very green. Look how it dances!” or “Look at that duck. Watch him dunk. See the ripples on the water. Oh the water!” And then stop myself from screaming in ecstasy…Oh, the water! Oh, the water! Not really…but close.

Perhaps I could talk to a walking mate like I talk to my little dog, that I now tie with her red leash to my pant loop so she can stride along my side and I can swing my hands high in the air. We are quite the pair. Her with her Groucho Marx eyebrows and me with my radiating smile. People don’t quite know what to make of us. I imagine they think we’re a bit too cheery to be real. But we are. We are real. And cheery.

I talk to her about things, my little dog. And she listens with a cock of her head, looking up like she knows she is special. And I look down, like I know I am special. And she moves her little legs super fast, and I move my bigger legs super slow, and we walk and walk in the beauty of the world.

I say things to her like: “Look at the water! Isn’t it lovely?” And I lift her so she can see. And then later I wait as she sniffs a butt or two. And I wonder why humans don’t run up to each other so happily, like pups. And then I think maybe that’s my next step. Maybe I’m going to be one of those ladies running up to random people and offering hugs!!!!  Not butt sniffs….not there, yet. But maybe next month.

I can’t wait to see how I will be tomorrow. I truly am a surprise a minute. So entertaining and full of life, and sometimes other stuff too, but nonetheless full and unpredictable. My husband seems to be falling in love with me, perhaps for the first time, as I am actually me for the first time, at least in my adult years. I think for him he’s woken up to a new partner all together. And I’ve woken up to a new me all together. Not improved or better or different, more so rebirthed. And in no way perfect, just entirely unpredictable in nature, mood, and words, and no longer willing to ever, ever tiptoe through life again.

If I am insane, I’m even cool with that. If I am awakened, I won’t say that, seems so silly to say such a thing. We’re all awake! Just some of us keep hitting the snooze button and falling back to sleep for a spell.

Erotic Lentils

I am entangled in your simmering sweetness

Diving into you speck by speck

The heat savored by tongue

Morsels licked up like lollipops

Pick me a flavor

More divinely set for my taste

Pick me a lover

More satisfying

Than the empty bowl from which I drank

The sprinkles left inside me now

A curried-sunset within ocean’s shimmer

To nibble fondly in every direction

Into the inner depths

Through which

You have so easily crept

Sam Craft

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“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” ~ Groucho Marx

Day 145: Three R’s of Self-Betterment

Wild for Wildlife and Nature


Perceiving myself as less than perfect and in need of much self-improvement, I questioned my ability as spiritual being. This is the response I received in prayer.  I offer this as yet another example of philosophical prose. Much Love, Sam.

The Three R’s of Self-Betterment

Some key points to remember: You are not expected to be perfect or take the path to perfection. You are not expected to do anything except to follow your higher self and your calling. There is no rule book or guidelines, or anyone standing on the sidelines hollering at you about what you shall, should, or should not do. This is the ego’s way of longing for perfection because “he” is blinded, this ego, in seeing you are already perfect in Source’s eyes.

There is not striving or driving toward perfection, only the careful awakening and harnessing of what is already whole and pure inside of you. There is not road to travel or path to take that leads in the “right” direction. Decisions are important to the extent you want the advancement of learning, in the relative limitations of time. Advancement is not necessary and not a “real” thing. You are already advanced in your thinking and doing. Only you have lost the key to recollection. Remembering and returning are thus much more vital and a necessity in comparison to advancement. However, even these two ideals, of remembering and returning are shadow existences, neither is necessary or required.

There are no rules, regulations, specifics or guidelines we can offer without blacking out the whole substance of who we are, how we exist, beyond these circumscribed restrictions. We can concede to reminders and memories, these we can do, but this is a fine line. There is not telling a soul how to be, when she or he is already shaped in perfection and wholeness. There is not telling a tree how to grow. We can nurture with sun, rain, love, weather, substance, and the like; these are beneficial. And thus, we nurture you in the same format. As bystanders providing from nature and space, from matter and substance, from the invisible life energy, what is needed for your growth.

Think of yourself as the oak tree. Do not question if your branches are thicker or mightier than that of a neighboring oak; do not question if you have what it takes within you to provide shade and shelter, to nurture the soil by digging your roots through the earth and dropping your leaves and twigs, by inviting natures’ creatures to bathe and strive beneath where you grow. Do not question when you will be tall enough to provide adequate shelter, adequate “goodness.” You are merely a tree set down to grow. Focus on nothing more than the growing, and in this you need not focus either. Because, as a tree grows with proper nourishment and adequate environment, as shall you grow.

And what about the trees that burn in the flames, the trees that are cut down in what is perceived as greed, or trees that no longer live in the same form but serve as structures? These survive in other form. There position and shape shifts, yet the essence remains. In this you have in common much. You shall shift shapes and positions, alter locations, thoughts, ideals, understandings, and yet the essence of you shall remain. And in this essence is pureness. You have little control of the way you will shift. Much less control than the ego would like to think. This disturbs some mentally, even emotionally, perhaps physically, but not spiritually in the true sense. Spiritually we each understand the shifting dynamics of the ever-changing universe surrounding us and within us. The stars transform. Once here, now gone. The universe expands, shapes remain in constant transformation. You are no less than the starts. You expand, shift, and remain in constant transformation.

Stagnation is only an illusion. Even in stagnant moments, these perceived times in the human life cycle where things appear to be stuck, not changing, not progressing at the speed required and insisted by the ego-centered mind, so much is changing. There is change in not moving, in not deciding, in simply being and processing the slowness of the change. You are like the bird in the egg during these times, receiving the nourishment needed in the concealment of an encasement of love. You are warmed by the universal spirit, never once left unattended. And in this encasement you are growing. To wish to crack the egg open, to come out fully grown and mature is a missed-understanding. Missed in the sense you have not yet seen the flash of enlightenment that explains this. Nothing is misunderstood, everything is miss-understood—simply missed as you stood under the essence and were not yet ready to grasp the concept. Nothing is explained or revealed or given to you before your soul is ready to receive. Everything is already answered and explained; the only barrier to understanding is your soul’s readiness. And in this way there is really no barrier at all, only a readiness.

So, at this, we will add to remembering and returning, the real existing ideal of readiness.

These are truly the 3 R’s: Remember, Return and Readiness. Erase from your jargon these words of perfection, improvement, role-model, and especially idealizing. You are no less perfect and equally no more greater than the man naked, dirty and crazed hiding beneath a bush. He is nurturing the world, this man, as much as the oak, only in ways society, that is most in society, have yet to see.

Lessons are certain, but we speak not of lessons now. We speak of this human need for perfection. Turn this to wholeness. Turn this to returning. To rediscovering. To remembering. To dancing in the light of your own being and essence. Beware those that dance in your light and lift you on high. Beware those equally that require you must dance in their light to feel loved. You require no such light. Not the self-serving light of blasphemy, neither the inward longing light of neediness. You require no such things. Only self, faith and love. The rest are non-existence. Whatever word you miss, be certain this a word for your self-betterment.

Here we linger on self-betterment. For what is betterment? Is this not another form of judgment and requirement, a hurdle and stride towards perfection? See, the words that remain close, that of self-betterment and self-improvement; (in the dictionary one leads to the other); though on close examination they are divided. To insist on improvement is to indicate imperfection. You improve a nose that is too big—indicating a flaw. You improve a house that is broken—indicating a weakness. You improve your aptitude, mental agility—indicating a need to move from ignorance to less ignorance. These all point back to a negative connotation, a false perception, that is then turned inward to false perception of self.

Better to use the word betterment. Not as the opposite of worse, but as the increasement of already solid, established, pure and “good.” Betterment is a powerful world. The sound is healing and sings to the soul. Compare this to the sound of “improvement,” the vibrations themselves digging into the being in search of unfounded flaws. Betterment is like a bell that rings out truth. You are working/learning towards a place of betterment. Where things are better; not improved—for there is nothing flawed, weak or ignorant about where you stand now—yet, there is a need for betterment, to feel better, to love better, to rejoice better. We need not improve these things of improvement that indicate a scale, in which you judge by number when this goal has been reached. When is it that I feel completely? When is it that I feel completely loved? When is it I rejoice effortlessly? At what number on the scale? There is no number to apply. My ten is different from your understanding of ten. Our minds perceive two entirely different understandings of numbers, and of the substance behind the number. How can I compare two experiences with numbers? This boggles the mind, no? Or perhaps not.

What is the ringing bells of betterment? Betterment is to take something that is already perfect and whole, but to open the eyes of this object this person to witness its own beauty. Betterment can be compared to the decorating of a Douglas Fir tree. The tree already perfected in nature is adorned in beauty. Betterment can be compared to adding one more blanket to a sleeping baby. The baby, perfected by nature, is now provided comfort by the mere adding of one more blanket. This is the process of betterment, to take what already exists and add to it, not to take something and fix it, destroy or break apart in order to rebuild and repair. There is not destruction in betterment. Only your word of improvement implies the need to break apart before rebuilding. This is why the word hurts you to hear.

(Here we examine the dictionary together.)

To make better is to excel or surpass. To grow better. It is synonyms to amend and compared to well. Make Better indicates superior of manner and a higher degree.

In comparison to improve is to make better a quality or condition. To increase in value. To become better. Though also synonyms with amend, involving the words to improve with amends indicates that the amends is required because of the quality or condition of the circumstance or person. Improvement requires something that is better than something that was previous. This previous is inherently thus so flawed or imperfect. Improvement indicates change and advancement—a hierarchy, a scale, a moving up beyond oneself or present condition to an advancement in position, emotional state, mentality, or physical aptitude. There is a living opposite to improvement, ever-present, for improvement cannot exist without something inferior that needs improvement.

There is no ever-present opposite to betterment. There is nothing that exists that requires betterment. Betterment implies things are already enough, though improvement of sorts (as they are so close in meaning) could bring growth, excellence, amends, and wellness. When we get better from a cold—we return to wellness. When we say things are for the better—this implies for the participants greater good. When we say he is better off—we imply because this event happened he escaped hindrances or hurts. Better implies a return, a return to balance and equilibrium. When betterment is spoken the mind does not immediately dissect what is a condition requiring improvement. When betterment is spoken the mind visualizes enhancement and improvement of what is already owned, true and of value. Get better soon implies a return to wholeness, to the equilibrium balanced state in which the individual began. Improve soon—serves not the same in intention. It is better to have loved…better exists in words of poetry.  You better not do that—this implies a warning to keep a person from circumstances that might cause some sort of harm.

The suffix –ment can be seen as a concrete result, the instrument or means, the process or action, the quality or condition.  Thus betterment is the concrete result, means or process of excelling and surpassing circumstances, in order grow better, make amends and view the being as well. Betterment includes superior of manner and a higher degree—this indicates the superior of manner and higher degree of ability one can view herself, her essence, her soul’s blueprint, the meaning of existence, the ways in which to bring your message to the world.

When the mind returns to evaluate life, what has processed, what has transpired, how one has grown and change, it is beneficial to view the journey as a betterment, for nothing about you was lesser before; only now you have gained a higher degree of understanding.

So when you ask me, Dear one, if you need to improve in order to assist others, I shout an adamant No! For you are already improved—you are already perfected. Continue your search to wholeness, to connecting the perfect part of yourself to the universe, to the collective, to your inner guidance and angels—betterment in the searching of what is already perfect, the connecting of pieces of perfection to make a union of wholeness. There is no improvement seen or understood. For it does not exist. Everything has come before; in what is past is neither perfection of imperfection, but simply the nurturing soil in which you are able to dig in your roots and in turn provide nurturing to the world. So go out thus and do not make yourself better—for you are better. But seek betterment, the enlightened state of reconnection, or remembering, return and readiness. When you reconnect, you shall remember. When you remember, you shall return. And in returning you shall be ready to reconnect, remember and return, again and again.  This is the cycle of life: nothing broken, nothing repaired, only the enlightenment of what exists but remains invisible for a flicker in time.

Sam Craft’s photos
Washington, USA

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