Day 90: To Watch the Buffalo

Taken by Samantha Craft
Everyday Aspergers

The dreams I had last night! Slumbering images that stretched into the night. Dreams in which I floated weightlessly in delight. Dreams in which some entity telepathically painted living pictures containing the secrets of the universe before my mind’s eye.

Before you second-guess my experience, note that I did inhale a half-bar of chocolate with espresso chunks yesterday, and I am on this new pig hormone for my hypothyroid, so I can only conjecture what is occurring at a cellular-level.

Crazed by caffeine or hormone overdose, or not, the dreams were mighty spectacular. Beings of light revealed that the world as we know it is a grand illusion! We are creating our reality. They explained that through my thoughts and where I choose to travel in my thoughts, I create my experience in this world.

In my last dream I was a passenger on a large windowless tour bus at a wildlife park. I was struggling to take photos of the upcoming buffalo and my camera battery was missing. A man sat across the aisle examining my actions. I quickly pulled out a notebook and began sketching the buffalo, until the man across the way said gently, “Just be. Enough. Just be.”

by Samantha Craft

I awoke with a greater understanding that my current sense of reality is based on my perceptions and established names and labels. My mind accepts a proclaimed and/or majority-recognized truth as a fact and a reality, and continually partakes in a constant quest to organize, categorize, and understand. Having a brain with “Asperger’s” traits, I imagine my brain is working double-time to sort out fact from fiction, all the while knowing everything factual is dependent upon the observer and the collective history of the observer.

I am awakened to a new truth, whether a passing, a fleeting, or a permanent truth, I do not attempt to know. My truth lies in freedom, in an understanding that freedom is created when I allow self to be. Or more specifically, not even allow, but just be.

To obtain peace, the baffling-cycle of trying to understand my life and my self must be released.  The more I attempt to process and solve, the more confused and agitated I become. For every step forward in thought, I move backwards two steps in agitation.

At the moment, I am pondering this notion of nonexistence, the nonexistence of time and the nonexistence of months, and the nonexistence of anything and everything. I am examining the manifestation of reality: how words and symbols, and sounds, create. I’m thinking on my middle son’s recent inquiry: What if an animal exists that is a different color or form than we know, and we don’t yet have the capacity to see those specific colors or forms?  Is the animal then invisible to us because we don’t recognize those aspects? And in truth, does the animal even truly exist, if we cannot conceptualize it?

I’m wondering about society. Wondering if the act of plastering more and more warnings about illness, war, and fear in our mailings, in our media, on our shirts, on our billboards, in our books and documentaries—is by default creating a reality filled with more suffering. If words, symbols, and sounds create, then what is our society creating? Perpetuating? Bringing to life?

I’m wondering if we were saturated with positive messages, symbols of love, uplifting affirmations, and confirmation of our safety everyday of our lives, if we could create a world blossoming in calmness and peace.

I’m thinking society has had some things backwards for a very long time, now.

A corner of Buddhist philosophy explains how we can never quite see the whole of ourselves, and postulates, if we cannot see the whole of our being, then we cannot with validity claim we (as a singular being) actually exist in whole. The whole of me is impossible to capture on camera, in the mirror, or even from the viewpoint of an observer. There is always an aspect of me missing, perhaps the sole of my feet or my backside. I am never in completion. And nothing I set eyes upon is in its entirety either. As hard as I try, I cannot see the whole of you. I cannot see the whole of nature—the whole of a tree or a flower. However I search, there is always an element of the wholeness missing.

My mind, too, will always find the element of the wholeness of reality missing. Because the wholeness is not there to find. My mind attempts to construct and complete the picture of wholeness. My reality is constructed to completion only inside my mind, not outside my mind.

In reflection:

(1) I have been trying to figure me and life out like some gigantic puzzle. Only all the puzzle pieces aren’t available.

(2) I have been so seriously attached to finding solutions to life and following manmade rules that I have built a lifetime of memories of no fun.

(3) Since I have collected hardly any happy-go-lucky memories, my mind has no place to retreat to except to the wicked, sad, dismal past or the fears of the wicked, sad, dismal future.

(4) In order to find retreat in the present moment, I would benefit by establishing happy moments and releasing the analytical, fight-or-flight based existence.

(5) I honor my journey, where I have been, where I am going, and where I now stand.

(6) Everything is unfolding at the absolute beneficial time.

(7) I set myself free to be a passenger of life and not a solver of life.

(8) I don’t have old baggage; I have an overstuffed, overused backpack of notes and observations.

(9) I give myself permission to leave the backpack behind.

(10) I give myself permission to do nothing more than to watch the buffalo.

 

 

 

I love how the universe works. I found this quote while reading a blog I follow (Life Just Is). 

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

–Albert Einstein

by Samantha Craft

One of the best movies of the 1970’s. Bless the Beasts and the Children

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12 thoughts on “Day 90: To Watch the Buffalo

  1. Brilliant! You have such a way with words. It’s a gift. I cannot believe you strained this poetic post from a dream about buffalo.

    Here’s my favorite part: “I’m wondering if we were saturated with positive messages, symbols of love, uplifting affirmations, and confirmation of our safety everyday of our lives, if we could create a world blossoming in calmness and peace.

    I’m thinking society has had some things backwards for a very long time, now.”

    Truly, I think you’ve got it! There is a lot of deeply profound meaning in those simple words. Too bad not many others will get it. Someday, long past the time of our Earthly existence, perhaps such a world will come to be.

    1. Oh, thank goodness this made sense to someone beyond me!
      Thank you for commenting. This was a hard prose to get out, as so much was going on in my mind. Which is probably evident.
      I hold on to the dream that such a world can be sooner than we realize.
      Much love to you, and thank you for journeying with me and the buffalo. hugs ~ Sam

  2. OMG! Sam! In many ways I find this the best post you have made so far! It so much coincides with my beliefs. See your number 6:
    “(6) Everything is unfolding at the absolute beneficial time.”
    This is restructuring of “Everything works together for Good in the end; if it hasn’t worked out, it isn’t the end.”
    And your dream talking about creating your own existence and reality by what you see and perceive!
    Perhaps, you should read “Conversations with God – Book 1” Just make certain you finish it once you start. Great ideas, but different to most.
    Anyway, congrats on your journey!
    Scott

    1. You connect and understand because you have a BIG BRAIN like me! I have read Conversations with God, years ago. I have read about 150 + spiritual texts/books—they all have much in common. I see your point.

      For me “Good in the end,” doesn’t fit, because I try not to think in terms of good and bad…the word “beneficial” works for me. (Though good and bad come out in my vocab. from habit.) And the word “end” is a hard one, as I don’t understand “end.” If that makes sense. So “beneficial” and “time” works more easily for me; even though time is manmade as well. Image us chatting over a cup of tea! lol 🙂 Bet we could talk up a storm. I am super glad this resonated with you. I wasn’t sure if anyone would understand me. Glad to know I made some sense. Hugs 🙂 Sam

  3. Sam(tastic) Honestly this makes so much sense from an organizational level…By giving yourself permission, you can safely make choices that would have been taboo before…so please…watch buffalo…eat choco, and build those good memories that insure you a true stable foundation…this is just such an amazing post…

    1. Another Samtastic? Cool! Thanks.
      I think you are right; on an organizational level it makes perfect sense to me. I’m glad you understood what I was trying to say. Thanks for the support. 🙂 Sam

  4. Excellent! I love what I just read, Sam 🙂 🙂 I felt a connection…a sense of belonging…and knowing that I’m not alone in this particular “journey” of life is a wonderful feeling. Thanks for sharing your thoughts…you have a very special gift of putting your brilliant thoughts into words. You inspire me, Sam 🙂 🙂 I like that thought…to “just be” and what you reflected on…number (5) “I honor my journey, where I have been, where I am going, and where I now stand.” Keep doing what you’re doing, Sam…it spells A-W-S-O-M-E-N-E-S-S 🙂 🙂 Thanks for sharing {{{{hugssss}}}}

    …love the song, by the way…

    1. Thanks. I always appreciate your input. Writing helped much to sort this out in my mind. Today was a harder day…fatigue…but I am going to get back out there tomorrow and be passionate about life. And tonight I have Indian Food and movies, and blogging friends like you… so life remains wonderful. Much love to you, friend. 🙂 Sam

  5. Great post and really nice pure thoughts. 🙂 I loved it. Thank you very much for mentioning up my blog here. 🙂

Thank you for your comments :)

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